Okay, I decided to pick this story back up and add another chapter. I do not know if this is funny or not, but it's supposed to be. This also may offend some people, as this is making fun of fanfiction. And my school. And everything.
Note: I do not own FMA
Ed talking
Suzanne thinking to Ed
Day three. Day freaking three of Edward Elric in her brain. At first, Suzanne thought it wouldn't be all that bad, but she hadn't realized her problem.
Edward Elric was male.
Suzanne was female.
And it was especially awkward seeing as Ed could see, hear, feel, smell, and taste everything Suzanne could. Ed now knew how uncomfortable bras were, why girls took so long in the shower, and especially how bad it hurt when hit in the breast. (A/N: For the males who do not know this pain, imagine being kicked in the balls with a show made of knives.)
What's wrong with you? Suzanne had grumbled in her head yesterday after hearing Ed crying.
That hurt so bad, Ed sobbed.
Please, Suzanne scoffed. Us girls going to public school know this pain.
Wow, Ed said.
Suzanne jumped up at her alarm.
You should probably turn that off, Ed said sarcastically. Suzanne ignored him and turned off her alarm. Today was Friday. The orchestra concert was here. Orchestra concert? You haven't been practicing. You, young lady, are screwed.
Shut up. I'll be fine. Suzanne grumbled as she tugged on her pants with her eyes closed, so Ed wouldn't see.
Hour one:
Suzanne read the assignment. 'Write a story in which you meet your favorite fictional character'. Suzanne grinned. This. This should be good.
Second hour:
WAKE UP. YOUR DREAMS ARE WEIRD.
Royed and unicorns aha...
Third hour:
Everyone screamed. They were terrible. The SIXTH GRADE orchestra was better than them!
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Miss Mundhenke bellowed. "Now," she said once the room had quieted. "Remember the dress code: Wear all black, you may wear something Christmas-y as long as it has NO BELLS, if you wear a skirt or a dress wear something under, and men, don't wear skirts and dresses or I will send you home." No one laughed. Everyone knew quite well that last year a boy wore a frilly red dress to a concert. He was sent home, got an F in orchestra, and was suspended from band and orchestra. Eventually bows were tightened and instruments were tuned, so they stared out with playing Dreidel.
She... Actually plays quite beautifully, Ed thought to himself. Apparently he didn't notice that her violin was out of tune and she was playing every note wrong, plus she wasn't keeping up with the class. Suzanne heard this, but ignored it, focusing on playing terribly.
They finished class early, and everyone started talking.
"Orchestra is like one big, weird, happy family," Allisa said.
"YES!" boomed Helena. "WE ARE THE ORCHESTRA NERDS!" (A/N: I am Helena... This is an actual conversation me and my friends had after class today. US ORC-DORKS ARE SO UNORIGINAL YAY!)
"We're the Orc-dorks," remarked Mary.
"OH MY GOD THAT IS A THING," Helena yelled. Then, Miss Mundhenke, who was sitting next to Suzanne, took out a duck call and blew it as loud as she could to quiet the class. (A/N: (Oh hey another A/N) My teacher does this all the time... And it's always when I'm walking by her...) Suzanne, startled by the noise, covered her ears and fell on the ground.
"CALM YOURSELF," Miss Mundhenke bellowed.
Hour four:
"Sadly," Miss Andreasen announced, "This is our last day together for this quarter." Everyone moaned.
Aw, she was kind of cool.
"So," the best teacher in the world who is tied with Miss M continued, "We will be playing Zip Zap Zop during this hour.
All students now stood in the middle of the class in a circle.
"ZIP!" Miss Andreasen yelled, pointing at Suzanne.
"ZAP!" Suzanne yelled, pointing at Elly.
"ZOP!" Elly yelled, pointing at Traveon.
This continued for the rest of the hour until Suzanne won and got a Ring Pop. Then, the bell rang. Suddenly, Helena appeared and glomped Miss Andreasen.
"NOOOEEESSS I WANT TO STAY IN YOUR CLASS FOREVER!"
Stupid self-insert. Why the heck is the author in this story?!Ed grumbled.
Hour five:
The author is too lazy to write hour five as she finds Civics very boring. And Suzanne fell asleep. Also that.
Hour six:
As Suzanne read Catching Fire on her kindle, the battle between Twilight fangirls and Harry Potter fangirls raged on behind her.
"EDWARD CULLEN IS HOT." Finally, not being able to put up with more of this, Suzanne stood up and screamed at them.
"EDWARD CULLEN IS A SPARKLY FAIRY PRINCESS WHO LIES AROUND AND MOPES ALL DAY IN SELF PITY. EDWARD ELRIC IS FRIGGIN' HOT AND SMEXY. HE FOUGHT THE HOMUNCULI AND SAVED THE WORLD AND DID SOMETHING USEFUL. EVEN AFTER HIS BROTHER WAS IN ARMOR AND HE HAD METAL LIMBS HE STILL FOUGHT AND MOVED FORWARD. SO DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT ABOUT EDWARD CULLEN BEING HOT," Suzanne screamed before plopping back down in her seat. All of the otakus clapped. Suddenly, Suzanne blushed all kawaii-like when she remembered that Edward was in her mind.
You... Really think that about me...?
Yeah, I do... You... Are really... Brave... And then Ed realized that Suzanne was the girl for him, not Winry. It was also then that ten people abandoned this fic.
Hour seven:
"What is one type of fault, yes, Helena?"
"One type of fault is a reverse fault," Helena said in a Hermione-like tone.
"DAMMIT HELENA STOP INSERTING YOURSELF INTO THIS FIC," Suzanne screamed.
After school:
Suzanne had to leave soon for her concert, so instead of practicing like she should, she sat down and logged onto . As she scrolled through the Fullmetal Alchemist archive, Ed asked, What's Parental Roy!Ed? Suzanne shook her head in disgust at that question and explained.
That's better than RoyEd, I suppose... Then, they heard Suzanne's father call, "Suzanne! It's time to go to the concert!"
Suzanne was bored.
Very bored.
It was an hour until the concert started, and apparently talking to freaking Edward Elric isn't entertaining enough.
Well, Ed suggested, Why don't you practice?
Because I... Don't want to? Suzanne thought to Ed, not willing to admit that she was stupid for not thinking of that. Suzanne opened up her case, took out her violin, adjusted her shoulder rest onto the bottom of it, tightened her bow hair, and started playing.
Many of the students looked at her in disgust of how awful she was, but Suzanne kept her head held high and continued playing.
She's so brave, thought Ed, And she plays beautifully.
After practicing for a while, the time finally came and the concert started.
First up were the sixth graders. Then the seventh graders, and after that the eighth.
As the seventh graders played, the eighth graders stood in the back room, anxious and fidgety. As they heard the crowd applaud after the seventh graders finished, Suzanne took a deep breath and walked forward.
The stage was decorated in Christmas lights and decorations. Suzanne was the second violin, and Helena was the first violin.
Geez, Ed muttered, She keeps inserting herself into this story. She's even first violin!
Suzanne, who wasn't paying attention to Ed, watched as Miss Mundhenke talked to the audience about coming a long way and blah blah blah. When she finished, she raised her hands, and everyone started playing.
They played through Drieidel and Jingle Bells. But then they got to Ode to Joy.
Suddenly, Suzanne played so beautifully that everyone's jaw dropped. And by the power of true soulmates and mary-sues, Ed was suddenly out of her head, and standing there, in front of Suzanne, on the stage.
"E-Edward!" Suzanne gasped as many otakus fangirled.
"You play beautifully," Ed said.
"Th-Thank you," Suzanne stuttered. And that is how Suzanne went from yaoi fics to OC fics. Then, Helena stood up, turned to the audience, and said,
Okay. That's the last chapter for you! I also typed this up on my phone, so there might be typoes. And I actually do have an orchestra concert today. And I actually am first violin. And we actually are playing those songs that I listed... AND I'M SOOOO SCARED! THIS IS MY FIRST TIME BEING FIRST VIOLIN AND I- AND WE'RE- NOT READY TTOTT
So, wish me luck!
"STOP INSERTING YOURSELF INTO THIS FIC!" Suzanne screamed, and kicked me all the way from Fanfiction to Deviantart.
"Th-Thanks... For reading..." I coughed.
