P-A-P-E-R S-L-A-S-H

-By ZB3000

Author's note & Disclaimer: This is my first fic, but I've had experience in writing, so this should be a good one. Take note that I don't own Paper Mario: TTYD, Nintendo does. And anything else I may have stolen belongs to their respective owners. So in short: PLEASE DON'T SUE! Anyway, sorry for not updating, life's been in the way. I'd like to thank PeachRocks and BritishShyguy for supporting my fic. I'll review one or two of your fics when I get the chance. Anyway, this chapter is where the Mario stuff begins, hope you enjoy it.

Warning: Contains language, some violence, and usage of alcohol. This story is intended for readers 13 or older.

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Chapter 2: Where the Hell are we?

Zach woke up with a terrible hangover. His head was throbbing and hurting like crazy. It was like someone stabbed his head in three different directions with a knife. The others were still asleep because they had a little more alcohol than Zach. As he tried to regain himself, Zach looked around to see that they weren't in the woods behind Gar and Hunter's house, but they were on a boat about 30 ft. long and 18 ft. wide, with a white exterior and a red cabin with a blue roof and yellow pipe to release steam.

"This looks familiar…" Zach thought to himself quietly.

Zach walked into the cabin where he found a short person in a sailor suit and a white mushroom-like hat with navy blue spots on it driving the ship. Zach observed the person closely to find that it's a Toad. The Toad looked behind to see the teenager.

"Oh, you're up!" The sailor Toad exclaimed. "And just in time, a few more minuets and we'll reach our destination."

"Excuse me," Zach inquired. "But where are we going?"

"Why, to Rougeport of course!" The Toad smiled. Zach's eyes were wide open.

"Rougeport!" Zach exclaimed. "Just a sec, how on Earth did we get on here, anyway?"

"What do you mean?" The Toad asked with a confused expression. "You were here the whole time and fell asleep after drinking that strange substance." Zach was almost speechless at that moment.

"I…...see." Zach left the cabin to find the others half awake and trying to get over their hangovers.

"Where the hell are we…?" Keith mumbled between groans of pain. "How did we get on this ship?"

"Hey Zach," Gar inquired to the teen. "You know what happened?"

"Well…" Zach began nervously. "You'd never believe me, but……we're in the world of Paper Mario 2."

"WHAT!" The three exclaimed in unison.

"I know, it sounds farfetched, but we are, indeed, in a video game world, and at the very beginning of it too."

"Where's that beer!" Hunter asked, searching for it. "Maybe we can go back to reality if we drink enough!"

"Hunter, beer doesn't exist in these kiddy games." Gar said.

"Shit!" Hunter cursed. "Now what?"

"I talked with the guy driving this," Zach said. "He said that in a short time, we'll be heading for Rougeport. You know, that beginning town."

"One minuet," Keith said. "If we're gonna be in a video game world, left to defend ourselves from various enemies, we're gonna need some weapons!"

"Well, I got my knife…" Zach said.

"We all know martial arts, except Keith, we just taught him the useful moves, but I think we can take care of anything right now." Hunter reassured.

"Yeah," Gar agreed. "But maybe with some proper steel, we can forge ourselves some new weapons!" Everyone nodded.

The boat stopped at the docks in Rougeport after a few minuets and the boys got off of it while the sailor sped off the other direction. They looked around to see that everything is completely 3-D, instead of paper flat like in the game.

"This is rather different." Zach said. "It's not quite 'Paper' Mario anymore."

"Well now that we're here, what do we do?" Keith asked.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" A scream was heard from behind them. A brown mushroom-like creature wearing a tan suit & helmet, a red tie, and a blonde ponytail was trying to get away from some human-like creatures in red and white uniforms, wearing goggles Zach identified the brown creature as a Goomba and the uniformed creatures as X-Nauts.

"Come here you squirt!" The first one said and tried to tackle the Goomba to the ground, but she jumped away. Zach observed the event for a moment and decided what to do.

"Ok, here's what to do." Zach began. "I'll fend off those ruffians, you guys go and get some info around here."

"Your funeral. Ha, ha, ha, ha." Hunter did a fake evil laugh.

Zach ran over the Goomba's aid. She was already being held by both of them. Zach got their attention and one of the X-Nauts let go of her and charged him. Zach grabbed the human-like creature and threw him in the air, ran to the predicted location where he would land, and did a Dora Antari (reverse jumping spin kick) on the X-Naut before he landed which knocked him 6 ft. back and on his face.

"Oww…" The injured X-Naut groaned. He got up and stared at Zach angrily. "You little twit! I'll kill you for that!" He drew what seemed to be a futuristic beam knife and charged Zach. The other one finished tying up the Goomba and followed as suit. Zach smirked and drew his own knife.

BATTLE

Zach: 15/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#1: 4/4 HP

X-Naut#2: 4/4 HP

Zach stabs X-Naut#1 for 2 damage!

X-Naut#1 stabs Zach for 2 damage!

X-Naut#2 also stabs Zach for 2 damage!

Zach: 11/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#1: 2/4 HP

X-Naut#2: 4/4 HP

Zach stabs X-Naut#1 again for 2 damage, killing him!

X-Naut#2 drinks a red potion and grows twice his size!

Zach: 11/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#2: 4/4 HP

Zach stabs the enlarged X-Naut for 2 damage!

X-Naut#2 turns his knife downward and drives it through Zach's head and into the ground for 6 damage!

Zach: 5/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#2: 2/4 HP

"It's over!" Zach shouts as he stabs the X-Naut one last time, killing him as well.

Zach wins the battle!

Zach stared at the X-Nauts' dead bodies for a moment until the bodies disappear in flames.

"Hmm, must be a video game effect." Zach thought to himself. He walked over to the Goomba and undid her ropes.

"Thanks!" The Goomba said. "I thought I was done for."

"No big deal." Zach replied. "I just do these things." As he finished, another person came up to them. He looked like an X-Naut, but was bigger, about 8 ft. tall, and kinda resembled Wario dressing up like the Red Baron.

"Buh huh huh huh!" The creature laughed his dumb laugh. "I saw what you did, I'm not very happy about the fact you killed my troops." The large fellow spoke in a rather rough southern accent (think Botos from MegaMan X: Command Mission).

"I take it you wanna join them?" Zach said with a smirk.

"You little smart-ass!" The creature snarled. "I'll teach to fear the name of Lord Crump!" He took a metal rod from his belt and activated the blade, revealing as a 'beam axe'. Zach took out his knife again and gestured the Goomba to stand back.

BATTLE

Zach: 5/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

Crump: 6/6 HP

Zach stabs Crump, hitting him for 2 damage!

Crump swings his axe at Zach for 4 damage!

"Ugh!" Zach grunted. "One more hit from that thing and I'm finished…" Just then, an all too familiar Italian plumber in red came into the battle with a hammer.

"Here-a!" The plumber threw a Mushroom at Zach, Zach ate it and some of his wounds healed.

"Thanks." Zach said to the Italian.

"Grrrr….that's it, time to teach you jokers some respect!" Crump growled.

Zach: 6/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Mario: 10/10 HP, 5/5 FP

----------VS----------

Crump: 4/6 HP

Zach stabs Crump again for another 2 damage!

Mario lifts his hammer over his head and smashes Crump's in for 2 damage, taking him out!

Zach & Mario win!

"'Teach us jokers some respect' my ass!" Zach scoffed.

"Ohh…" Crump slowly gets up from the beating he received. "Well, you're pretty good, but how about THIS!" Crump pulls out a whistle, and blows on it loudly. In seconds Zach, Mario, and the Goomba are surrounded by over one hundred X-Nauts.

"Mama-mia!" Mario exclaimed.

"Well you certainly play fair." Zach sarcastically said.

"I guess a flamethrower still isn't out of the question?" Hunter called out from behind holding something that looks like a lead pipe with a hand & trigger inserted in it and on the back is some sort of gas tank. If you look closely, you can see that near the back of the pipe is a bunch of holes on it with matches inside, most likely lit.

Zach instantly gets the idea and has Mario & the Goomba hit the ground with him. Hunter then pulls the trigger on his little device and flames burst out of it, burning anything in its path. Hunter sweeps it left and right as he walks through the crowd of X-Nauts.

"AAAHHHHHH! IT BURNS! WHY, GOD, WHY?" The X-Nauts scream as they jump into the water to put out their burns.

"Hey, fat-ass!" Hunter yells at Crump. "It's your turn!"

"Err…" Crump started to back away. "I'll get you kids some other time!" With that, Crump throws a smoke bomb on the ground, blinding everyone, and when the smoke cleared out, he was gone.

"Hunter, where did you get THAT?" Zach exclaimed.

"Simple, we just got a pipe, inserted a mini-fan in it, drilled some holes in the pipe, put some lit matches in the holes, and stuck a gas tank in the end." Hunter explained. "Then we connected a handle & trigger on the pipe that activates the mini-fan which sucks some gas out of the tank and through the fan, though the lit matches, and there! You get a custom-made flamethrower!"

"Wow, that's smart..." The Goomba said in amazement.

Everyone decided to get themselves introduced. Mario explained that he was here because Princess Peach gave him a letter and a map to a treasure located somewhere in this general area. The Goomba, who identified herself as Goombella, explained that those X-Naut wanted info on the treasure from her and were willing to get it by any means necessary. The teenagers just stood quiet until Mario got curious about them.

"Say," Mario began. "Where are-a youse guys-a from?"

"Well, umm……" Gar mumbled.

"We are… Uhh… we are……" Keith tried to think.

"Secret agents!" Zach piped up. Everyone looked at him strangely.

"Zach!" Keith whispered into Zach's ear. "Why did you say THAT!"

"We can't tell them we're from another dimension, they'll never believe us!" Zach whispered back.

"You could've at least said we were gods." Hunter whispered.

"They'd probably ask for proof and we'd be screwed." Gar whispered in response.

"Ok, we'll go with it." Keith decided and they turned to face Mario.

"Yeah, we're secret agents." Hunter lied.

"We were sent here by HQ to scan for any strange disturbances." Keith explained.

"As if this isn't considered strange…" Gar murmured to himself.

"Wow, I never met-a any-a secret-a agents before!" Mario sounded excited. The teens for relieved that Mario believed them. Goombella seemed to have bought it too.

"Good thing they forgot to ask for our 'cards'" Gar whispered among them. The teenagers laughed.

Soon after, Toadsworth, Peach's steward, came up to Mario and told him that Peach was missing again. Mario said some cuss words in Italian and followed the elderly Toad into the Inn. Everyone else followed until they entered it. Hunter spotted a tavern to the right and his face was shinning like the sun when he set eyes on it.

"Alright!" Hunter jumped for joy. "Let's go get drunk and see if we can go back into reality!"

"Uhh, excuse me?" Goombella had a really weird look on her face.

"He means 'Let's get drunk and see who falls asleep first'." Keith lied.

"Oh, well go ahead then, I guess…" Goombella went upstairs to where Mario was with an unsure look on her face.

The teens went over to the bar and had the barkeep give them some alcohol. When the barkeep was about to say something, Zach told him they were secret agents and that they would have the place brought down if they didn't get their drinks. The barkeep, forgetting to ask if they had cards, supplied them with what they wanted and after 6-7 drinks things started to get really out of hand. I won't go into detail, but about 15 minuets later, Mario & Goombella went back downstairs to get the group of boys.

"I can't-a believe-a that-a Peach is-a gone again…" Mario sighed in frustration. "Can't-a she take-a care of herself-a for once!"

"It's ok," Goombella tried to cheer up Mario. "I'll help you find her if you want! Now let's go get those guys and go see the profe— WHAT THE HELL!" Goombella stared in surprise as a huge bar fight was starting with Zach, Gar, Hunter, and Keith in the middle of it. Mario & Goombella quickly dragged the drunken men out of there and to the plaza.

"What in the Mushroom Kingdom is your problem!" Goombella yelled at the still drunk teens.

"Waaat?" Keith slurred. "Diisshh guy herrrsh wassshh laughinsh at my glasshhhesshhh…" Keith passed out after finishing his sentence.

"Uh, now I say, I say….." Gar spoke in a southern accent. "Can't a feller drink and kick some booty without some lassie yakking 'bout it?" Gar passed out as well. Hunter was already down for the count since he had about nine drinks.

"Uhhhhhhhh……" Zach instantly passed out too.

"Uh, right." Goombella said. "Anyway, Mario, the professor is east of here, let's go see him!" Goombella led Mario to the professor's house while Mario dragged the unconscious teenagers. They woke up soon after at the door. Goombella then proceeded to kick the door.

"PROFESSOR FRANKLY!" Goombella shouted while kicking the door. "IT'S ME, GOOMBELLA, OPEN UP!"

The door opened, and an old Goomba that looked like some sort of mad scientist. He just looked on with a rather irritated expression, until after a few seconds of looking around, he finally spoke.

"Goombella?" The professor asked. "Can I ask you something?" Goombella came closer to the professor and he yelled, "DON'T MAKE SUCH BIG DAMN COMMOTION NEXT TIME! I mean, it's only one room I'm always in!"

"Oww, sorry." Goombella said. "But I was just so excited to show you this map!" Mario showed it to Prof. Frankly.

"Hmm! This is most intriguing." Frankly thought out loud. "Come inside, we'll talk more about this."

Frankly examined the map more inside until he came to the conclusion that the map was the secret behind the mysterious Thousand Year Door and that a great treasure was hidden inside. Everyone also talked for awhile to explain why they're here and the such. Everyone still seemed to have bought the secret agent story cooked up by Zach, Gar, Hunter and Keith. When everyone left, Frankly called Zach and the boys back inside because he said he wanted to talk to them for a moment. They went inside and they all sat down in the room.

"So," Frankly inquired. "You say that you're secret agents?"

"Yes, we are." Zach answered.

"Hmm…..and they actually bought it, huh?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" Zach stammered.

"You can't fool me; you're not secret agents at all. You're not even of this world aren't you?"

"One minuet," Keith interjected. "How exactly do you know this?"

"Well it's obvious that you're all from a different world." Frankly explained. "You look different, you dress different, there's no other explanation. You are all, indeed, from what you call 'the real world'."

"Well, you got us." Gar said. "But how do you know these things?"

"Trust me, studying various different subjects for 64 years can do a great deal to a Goomba." Frankly said. "I'll tell you what; I won't tell anyone that you're not really agents. And since you seem to have quite a few questions, I can tell, I'll answer anything you ask and hopefully, everything will be cleared up about what's going on here. Now go ahead, ask away!"

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That's game! Or more like that's fic! Anyway, here's the chance to clear things out for everyone here that's reading. Post a question in your review that Zach, Gar, Hunter, and Keith will ask, and Frankly will answer it. Note that it has to be something to do with the story in order to clear up any confusion about it. Note that only one reviewer can ask only one question, and I'll accept up to four questions, no more than four. Now please, R&R and no flames!