Team: Pride of Portree
Position: Chaser one
Task: Write about a witch or wizard trying to explain to a magical child how (one or more) Muggle technology works.
Prompts: Broken torch
Motor
Microwave
Word count without A/N: 2085
Thanks so much to my team mates for beta reading for me.
Potion Masters Do It in the Dungeon
Hermione woke up full of first-day-of-the-summer-holidays joy. She stretched lazily; arching her spine and encroaching onto the far side of the bed. Surprised when her groping fingers encountered only empty space; she cranked open an eyelid. Her husband was gone; a head-shaped depression on his pillow the only indication that he had ever lain beside her. She starfished across the vacant sheets and caught sight of a cup of tea on her bedside table. A wisp of steam curled up from the mug, frozen in place by a stasis charm.
She propped herself up against the pillows, wincing slightly at the slight headache which lingered behind her eyes. It had been such a good party the night before. All her friends had gathered together at the The Burrow to celebrate the end of the school term and she hadn't been able to resist that final glass of champagne. She reached for the cup of tea, smiling at the words on the mug: potion masters do it in the dungeon.
She had only taken a few restorative sips when she heard the creak of footsteps on the stairs. She fully expected the bedroom door to burst open and her husband or daughter or, quite possibly, both to spill into the room but, to her surprise, the bedroom door remained shut. Instead the footsteps moved towards the spare room.
"Don't you think we should wait for Mum?"
"I've told you, I am perfectly capable of explaining a simple piece of Muggle technology while your mother enjoys her rest." Severus Snape's distinctive baritone floated through the closed bedroom door.
"Really Dad, remember what happened with the microwave?"
"I believe that appliance may have been cursed."
Their voices faded as the door to the spare room was closed behind them. Hermione sat up a little straighter and reached for her wand. She cast a modified Sonorous charm; immediately the voices of her husband and daughter were as clear as if they stood in the room with her.
"It even looks a bit like a microwave."
"Will you stop going on about that?"
"I'm not going on, I'm just saying -"
"It would be in your best interests to cease with this particular line of observation if you wish to master this device today."
"Of course I wish to master it." Her imitation of her father was eerily accurate. " I need to get my holiday homework done, pronto."
"And why this sudden eagerness to complete your homework on the first day of the holidays?"
Hermione winced, it never bode well when her husband's voice took on that deceptively silky tone. Ellie clearly did not share her mother's insight into the mood of her father, or, if she did, she was not in the least troubled by his ire.
"Because Uncle Harry has just installed a full-size Quidditch pitch in his back garden," she squealed.
"You are aware, are you not, that that reprobate is not really your uncle?"
"Yes Daaaad-" Hermione sometimes wondered how their daughter had reached the age of fourteen with all her limbs intact given her incessant baiting of her father "-but that doesn't change the fact that James says I can come over and play every single day. I'll be Ravenclaw's youngest captain at this rate. "
"Indeed."
Despite the two closed doors that separated them, Hermione could clearly see Severus pinching the bridge of his nose.
"You do realise there will be no Quidditch until your holiday homework has been completed and checked by me?"
"Of course," Ellie's tone was positively gleeful. "So you see, the sooner I learn to use the computer the better. Then I can hang out with James and Lily all summer and you and Mum can mooch around in the basement doing whatever it is you do down there."
There were several beats of silence. Hermione wondered if Severus was throttling their only child, and if she ought to intervene. She was on the verge of getting out of bed when she heard his voice again.
"This is the monitor… and this is the central processing unit." He had adopted his lecturing tone, one which sent shivers down Hermione's spine. It was hardly bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses, but still, that voice…
"Give it a rest, Dad. I need to learn how to surf the web, not become an electrical engineer." Clearly Ellie was less enamoured with her father's voice.
Severus gave an audible sigh. "Fine," he sounded resigned. "This large button initiates the start-up procedure."
"You mean it turns it on?"
"Yes."
There was a brief silence.
"It doesn't appear to be functioning. I wonder if your mother hexed it when it malfunctioned last weekend."
"Erm… I don't think it's plugged in."
"What?"
"You have to plug it in, Dad, so it gets electricity."
There was some muffled scraping then the sound of the motor which powered the fan whirring into life.
"Now we have to wait for the desktop interface to load."
"OK."
"What do you wish to use the computer for anyway?"
"Oh, I'm going to start with my Herbology homework. I'm doing a comparison of Muggle and Wizarding healing plants; Professor Longbottom says it sounds like a fascinating project." There was a dreamy note to her voice at the mention of Neville.
"Eileen Snape!"
"What?"
"That is not an appropriate manner in which to discuss your teacher. Professor Longbottom is old enough to be your father."
"You're old enough to be Mum's father, and you were her teacher."
"That's beside the point! Your mother was well out of the schoolroom before I started courting her."
"Aunt Minnie says it was shocking how young Mum was when you got married."
"Might I remind you that that doddering old fool is not actually your aunt?"
"She was a witness at your wedding."
"Only because all my other friends were in Azkaban."
"She's my godmother."
"Your mother insisted. I can't stand the woman."
"She says it was obvious that Mum had a soft spot for you even when you were considered the greasy-haired bat of the dungeon."
"She can be remarkably observant at times. Ah, here we have the desktop interface. Now, we use this rodent to navigate our way around the screen."
"I think it's called a mouse, Dad."
"What?"
"I think it's called a mouse, not a rodent."
"If you say so. As I was saying, we use this arrowhead to navigate around the screen. We select different runes, such as these, in order to engage the computer's various functions. What would you like to do first?"
"Can we go online? I told Fiona I'd e-mail her once I was home."
"You mean you wish to use the electronic mailing system?"
"Yes."
"Very well, just click twice on the envelope rune." There was a brief pause. "Sometimes if the device does not respond quickly I find it useful to click several more times."
"Er..I don't think you're supposed to do that Dad, it just opens the application multiple times and slows down the whole process."
There was a long silence during which Hermione sipped her tea and wished she had some biscuits.
"This is our mailbox. Ah, we have some unread messages." There were a few clicks, then the sound of a chair hitting the floor. "That is completely inappropriate! How dare they imply that I suffer from such problems-"
"Relax, Dad, it's just spam. Look, delete it and I'll reset your filter so you don't get junk like that anymore." There were some more clicks. "OK, so can you show me how to send an e-mail now?"
"Of course...once the message is open you use this device to transmit your message to the parchment on the screen. The cursive blocks are called keys, I have no idea why."
There was the sound of rapid tapping.
"You are remarkably swift at typing."
Ellie cleared her throat."Ah yes, I have very quick reflexes from all my Quidditch practice. Now, can you show me how to get on to Amazon, I want to buy a couple of books."
"Of course, the online shopping facilities are very impressive. So, you click here to engage the world wide spiderweb."
"I think it's just called the web, Dad."
"Please don't interrupt, Ellie, this is a complex procedure."
"Sorry."
"Now, we type in the address as so." There came the sound of laborious typing. "Then press the enter key." A button was hit with some vigour.
"Dad? What are all these things in your shopping basket?"
"These are items I have purchased. I must say, I have been waiting for quite some time for them to be delivered. The owls used by this service must be of an inferior variety."
"Dad, you haven't checked out yet. They're all just sitting in your basket."
"But I have selected them."
"Yes but you haven't paid for them. Have you even put in your credit card details?"
"My what?"
"Nevermind, Mum left her handbag in the hall-wait a moment."
Hermione heard the sound of Ellie running up and down the stairs. The rapid typing came again.
"Right, I've registered mum's card and switched on one-click ordering. That's you checked out. Shall we have a look at the plant section?"
"I suppose so, as long as you are truly driven by a love of your subject matter and not of your teacher."
"You're hardly one to talk. Marjorie Goyle is always turning in extra-long potions essays in the hope of stealing you away from Mum."
"That is utter nonsense, young lady. I do nothing to encourage such an infatuation, and even if my head were so easily turned, your mother's essays were often feet longer than requested, no woman could possibly usurp her."
Hermione felt a warm glow somewhere in the vicinity of her heart, she knew he'd secretly admired the additional effort she put into her schoolwork.
There were more clicking sounds and Severus made several indelicate squawks over the cost of books.
"Ok, thanks Dad. That should keep me going for a while. Can you show me how to write an essay now?"
There were more clicks accompanied by Severus's lecturing tone and Ellie's soft voice. Hermione gave a deep yawn and cancelled the Sonorus charm. She might as well catch up on some extra sleep since the two of them seemed so happily engaged.
Several hours later, feeling rather guilty over her slovenliness, she made her way down to the kitchen. Ellie was hunched over the table fiddling with a screwdriver and a broken torch.
"Morning Mum." She glanced up at Hermione, before returning to her task. "Uncle Arthur managed to smash the bulb, I think I can repair it if I just-" she broke off to tap the torch with her wand, it flickered briefly and then went out again.
"You do know that that Muggle-loving fool isn't really your uncle?" Hermione's impression of Severus was not nearly as good as her daughter's.
Ellie sniggered anyway. "So-" she got up and planted a kiss on Hermione's cheek "-I believe you owe me five Galleons."
"What?" Hermione filled the kettle.
"Don't you pretend, Mother." Ellie fixed her with Severus' patented scowl. "I spent two hours playing dumb this morning, it was painful."
Hermione looked around covertly. "Where's your father?" she hissed.
"He's in the basement, probably brewing up some sort of boyfriend repellent potion. Honestly Mum, I don't know how you put up with him. He's so old fashioned." She pushed her curly black hair out of her eyes.
"Because he doesn't approve of your crush on a teacher? Really Ellie, what do you expect?"
"How did you know about that?" Ellie blushed.
Hermione tapped her nose. "Mother's intuition, and I happen to agree with your father; having a crush on your teacher is not appropriate. At least try to be less obvious about it!"
"Yes Mum." Ellie lounged against the counter. "Anyway, about those five galleons-"
"Did you show him the e-mail?"
"Yes."
"Amazon?"
"Yes."
"Word?"
"Yes and Excel; cough up!"
"What about eBay?"
"Seriously Mum, I'm in Ravenclaw, not Slytherin. Even I can't teach him to use eBay and make him think it was his idea all along. I'm good but I'm not that good."
Hermione dug in her purse and pulled out a small pile of gold. "Here's five galleons. If you get him playing The Sims by the end of the summer I'll make it fifty."
"You're on." Ellie extended her hand and they gravely shook on it.
