Mario raised the shotgun to firing position. Red, BLAM! Red. Black, BLAM! Red. Green, BLAM! Red. Yellow, BLAM! Red. All four of the Koopa Bros. lay on the ground, spinning in agony as blood gushed from multiple bullet wounds. "AAACK! OH GOD! OH SWEET GOD! AAAAAGH! AAAAGH!", the Black Koopa continued screaming in extreme pain, pints of blood gushing from his beaklike mouth. Mario probably thought "Shut up!" and stomped the black Koopa's face. There was a crunch and a splat, and it stopped moving. Mario was now nearly ankle deep in hot Koopa blood, but he really didn't give a damn. He waded through the pixelated corpses and headed toward the warp pipe. He jumped on top of it with his superior jumping skill, and tucked the shotgun away. He then pressed the down button...er...I mean...he um...well he disappeared down the warp pipe somehow, and began making the curving slidelike journey to Bowser's castle. What, you thought they literally just warped you there? No, it's like, a ten minute ride from Toad Town to Bowser's castle. And really, the Warp Pipes aren't so sanitary...everyone vomits in them. That's why I take a car.

After a long series of loops, inclines and declines, and corkscrews (I have no idea how you slide up and incline), Mario popped out the other end, feeling rather dizzy and sick. He took off his hat and fanned himself with it. He might have been thinking to himself that he wasn't throw up but um...yeah you know. In a daze he rested against a stone wall, and sat down. His face steadily started to turn green. He fell back, knocking his head against the wall, and was knocked out cold, a streak of blood left on the stone. I am rather surprised, I figured Mario didn't have blood. And who knew Toads had steamy pus in their mushrooms? I didn't.

Back in Toad Town, Tayce T. was being rushed to the emergency room, followed by three little Toads, crying their eyes out. "No! Tayce T.! Are you going to make it?" They stood beside the ambulance as it left, tears in their eyes, not knowing what was to become of the grandmother figure of Toad Town. Oh, how she had baked them cookies and fixed them lemonade, her hoppitality always comforting. Another little Toad walked up beside them and stood there in silence. He coughed. "I hope Tayce T. is dead. I really hate her."

Back at Boswer's castle...okay...Mario was still asleep.

Toad Town had been thrown into a state of chaos. Several Toads were dead, young ones were poking the Koopa Bros. bodies with sticks, and there were pigs everywhere! About the pigs; it's a long story. Let's check on Mario.

Oh! Okay. Mario awoke, and rubbed his eyes with his blood stained gloves. He looked at his watch, which he quickly realized didn't exist. A little blue bird landed on his shoulder. All the grass and flowers looked so peaceful, even here at Bowser's castle. Another little bird landed on Mario's outstretched glove. It was so delicate and small, just a perfect example of peaceful life. The nicest thing you could ever CRUNCH! Mario crushed the bird in his fist, and the crazy homicidal look came over his face again. He rubbed the smushed bird off of his glove, and it landed with a sickening thud on the ground. The other bird was hovering next to him. Mario briskly unbuttoned his lowermost overalls pocket, withdrew an apparently very used knife and flicked it, with amazing skill, right into the bird's midsection. The knife went through the bird, and jabbed into the nearest stone wall. The bird let out its last pathetic chirps as Mario withdrew the knife. Even I find that rather gruesome.

Mario buttoned back his pocket, pulled his twin pistols from out of nowhere, as is so commonplace in video games, and walked toward Bowser's castle. If this was a flash cartoon, I would probably show seperate close-ups of his feet stomping along the way to Bowser's castle, and maybe play some generic anger music, but eh, it's not.

Inside the castle, Kammy Koopa stared out the window with binoculars, watching the Pirhana Plants snap at each other. There was something sexy about Pirhana Plants that she couldn't put her finger on. (I bet it will take several hours and bottles of draft beer to forget about that.) As she continued to gaze at them dreamily, she spotted Mario approaching them, pistols withdrawn, and shooting, bits of Pirhana Plant flying through the air, dark greenish blood showered in every direction. Just then Bowser entered the room, his usual slightly angry expression present. "Whaaaat? Do I here gunfire? Because we only agreed to allow guns in flash files, and I don't want another lawsuit like from that Paper Mario uncut you know where Peach..." "No, it's a story. On fan fiction. We're safe!", replied Kammy Koopa. "Oh good..." said Bowser in a troubled tone. There was a moment of silence. "Mario is destroying my precious,...I mean, Mario is invading the castle, and he has firearms!", Kammy Koopa cried out loudly, which startled Bowser wuite a bit. He thought he was entitled to at least thirteen more seconds of awkward silence. But now wasn't the time for that. "Well as you know," began Bowser, as the awful noise of the Pirhana Plant massacre got even louder, (Mario had only a few to go, but he did have some trouble wading through the mass of Pirhana Plant...stuff) Um...Bowser continues speaking now. "Well as you know, I can't just confront Mario now and kill him while he has no chance of leveling up, I have to send wave after wave of gradually stronger enemies to attack him, so that he has a fairly good chance of defeating me when he finally reaches me on the roof of my castle! Bwahahahaha!"

By this time, every one of the viscious Pirhana plants were dead, and it now looked like some sick, twisted garden. Mario, now entirely soaked in blood and whatever that green stuff that comes out of Toads and Pirhana plants is, was out of ammunition for his trusty pistols. He wanted to throw them at something. He spotted another little bird pecking at the ground a few yards away.

There had been a silence in the left tower of Bowser's castle after he had made that evil laugh, or whatever Bowser's laugh qualifies as. Kammy Koopa began to speak, but Boswer hushed her. "Ssh! Four more seconds of awkward silence., Okay?" Kammy Koopa left the room.

TOAD TOWN TIMES OBITUARIES, CASE 17

Tayce T.

(There's a picture of her face here)

Our beloved Tayce T. Died on this fateful day

by several bullet wounds to her head and body,

the murderer being none other than Mario, you

know, that Italian plumber who's saved our lives around

ten thousand times. We will always remember you.

Ironically enough, everyone forgot about her two days later. They hired a much more attractive and young Toad to do most of the cooking.