A new chapter's out and I dare to ask you for your opinion!
"You're the Doctor", Green took a few steps until she stood right in front of the Doctor. He nodded, giving her a scrutinizing look, pulled the sonic screwdriver out of his vest and pointed in her direction. Her blank look seemed as blank as a blank paper that had been lying in the rain for two weeks and had recently been dried out. "And this is your Tardis", Green continued, while the Doctor placed both hands on her cheeks and stared her deeply in the eye. "You seem a bit slow" he mumbled and carefully kept her eyelids open.
"Is this supposed to hurt?" she asked after she had tried getting comfortable with a… well, a strange man in front of her who was most likely curious about how long it would take for her eyes to dry out and fall out of their eye sockets.
The Doctor released his grip and sighed unsatisfied. He didn't get the hint that she expected an answer from him and studied her silently. Green was getting nervous.
"Is something wrong with me?" she asked quietly, "Please, answer me." "I don't know" he replied slowly "I'm not that kind of Doctor, you know."
Green was completely lost. "But you're… then, what did you touch me for?"
"Look, girl, I was just worried, that's all. I didn't mean to disturb you, or scare you or hurt you or anything." "What kind of a Doctor are you, Doctor?" Green didn't give in. She hadn't understood anything so far. She didn't know where she was, who he was, what had happened, why he had rescued her and WHO HE WAS!
"I'm… I'm just the Doctor, that's all. Just nothing more –the Doctor, isn't that enough?" She nodded and seemed to agree with him.
Finally, the Doctor thought. Still, he wasn't sure what he should do with her now. He probably should have told her not to ask any stupid question, or question him at all, but he swore he'd do it the next time he picked somebody up.
"So, Green" he started whilst revealing the sonic screwdriver again, "that's a pretty name. Where do you come from?"
Green froze, her eyes wandered around to find something to stare at. "I… I don't... know…" "But you're human, aren't you?" the Doctor held the screwdriver up to her head and turned it on. She backed away, shaking her head irritated. "Of course I'm human, what kind of a question is that?" she gave the sonic screwdriver a suspicious look. "What is that thing?" she asked skeptical, "What does it do and what is it supposed to do with me?"
"It's a… a screwdriver. A screwdriver, see?" the Doctor turned it on and pointed in her direction, the distance between them became bigger as Green stepped backwards. "Why does it glow? And what caused those strange sounds?" she went on. "It's a sonic screwdriver. Alright, it may not be that sort of screwdriver you're tightening screws with. Actually, you can do a lot more with it…" "Have you ever tightened a screw with it?" she snapped. The Doctor gave her a blank stare.
Green sighed and closed her eyes. "Sorry", she mumbled, "It's… I don't know… I'm just…" She took a deep breath and had a look around. She didn't know where she was. And for some reason she didn't even feel uncomfortable, which was actually something to feel uncomfortable about. Alright, she felt uncomfortable but she could imagine that this was a place where you were able to feel good...at home, where it was cosy… a snug place on the whole.
She asked herself if this could be a place where someone actually lived. Something like a home.
"I'm sorry", the Doctor said eventually. "I didn't want to disturb you. It's alright; you don't have to explain anything."
He riveted on the Tardis again and pulled some levers. "It's strange, though", he went on while he seemed to look for something in particular around the center of the Tardis "The first thing people always want is to be brought back. Well, 'til now." "I have nowhere to go", she cut him off sharply, as if her voice was nothing more than a blade and her words had long pointy teeth. "And besides, I don't want to go back where you found me. I didn't like it there very much." "That's not what I meant" he tried to explain. "Who am I to ask something of you?" she went on. "I might as well be grateful if you don't hurt me."
"I supposed someone has hurt you before" he continued, picking up the hammer, "someone who was not from your world. Someone strange…someone…" "Please stop it!" she interrupted with a low voice. "I don't want you to talk about it."
The Doctor turned around. Green had her mouth covered by her forearm and turned her head aside. She didn't want him to see her cry, although she wasn't crying right now. But on the road of life she was driving towards crying-fit-city at high speed and had already ignored two stop signs.
"I'm sorry I brought this up", the Doctor explained appalled, "I didn't mean to let you recall the bad things that happened." He moved a bit closer and offered her the hammer. "If you want to, you know, you can just…" Green opened her eyes wide and gave him a confused look. Then she sniffed twice but she was unable to stifle a laugh. "What? What is it?" the Doctor asked "I simply wanted you to feel better." She nodded and calmed down. "You're just so… nice…in a curious way." She accepted the hammer and bowed.
"Oh stop it, you don't have to do that", the Doctor patted her on the back. She nodded.
"Can I be any help?" Green asked, "I mean I've seen you before how you swung it around, looking for the right spot." She took a closer look at the hammer she was holding. "Do you actually need it to fly this thing?" she wondered. "I don't know" was the Doctor's reply "But it wouldn't feel half as good without it. Come, I'll help you." He moved closer and touched her hands, tightening her grip around the hammer. Together they lifted it and smashed it against some kind of metal hemisphere once or twice – it produced a gentle clinking sound.
Green laughed out of joy - somehow she felt unburdened, even though she felt pretty dumb. But somehow it was different for her to feel dumb with somebody and not in front of somebody.
"See, I told ya" the Doctor sighed, "makes you feel better every time." Green looked for a safe spot where she could sit for a while without being twirled around all the time, but she wasn't sure if there was such a space. Getting tossed and turned seemed to be a fixed component of the Tardis. Whatever it was.
" So, where are we going?" the Doctor asked Green expectant. She looked puzzled. "You ask… you're asking me?" He nodded grinning like a Cheshire cat that got hit on the head by the mad hatter too many times and Green wouldn't have been surprised if he had disappeared a moment later.
"You're not human, are you?" she asked puzzled. The grin didn't vanish and neither did the Doctor, which was a bit of a relief to Green.
"Well, no, not really, no, not human at all, except you're referring to human as in "humanity", then I'd say about…mh… yeah, right, could be." Green nodded hopelessly. It wasn't like she was hopeless or that there was less hope for her, but it seemed as if the Doctor was such a hopeless case she felt hopelessly hopeless. (Or maybe it was just the author this once. He gets himself confused and mixed up with different characters all the time. But don't let him disturb you – carry on!)
Green looked at the grinning Doctor. "Still haven't answered my question, did you?" he tried to assist her memory and repeated, "Where do you want to go?" "I don't understand what you mean", she sighed a bit on the edge, "What are you talking about?" "You came with me. Well, not that you had much of a choice, it was just like kinda the strange man or the Slibnears…" "Slibnears?" Green interrupted him. "Yeah, you know, tall creatures, big hooves, more legs than necessary, pushed you around like a toy and wrecked your… hang on, wait a minute…" The Doctor grabber her hand and stroked his fingers lightly across her wrist. She hushed a muffled "Ouch" and clenched her teeth. "Sorry about that", he mumbled while bandaging her wrist with something that looked somehow like an old fabric strip that had been lost for centuries – and it even smelled like that.
"Just wanted to make sure it is the right hand. I mean, of course it is the right hand, because it's you're right hand on your right arm, but I wasn't sure if the right one was the right one."
He gave her a big smile but Green had nothing to reply but a scared look. The Doctor cleared his throat and changed the subject quickly.
"Slibnears", he explained, "are creatures of enormous height. They live to be up to 300 feet tall each of them has eight giant legs. The name Slibnear originates from "Sleipnir", the eight legged horse of the god Odin in the Norse mythology, due to their similar appearance. Although it isn't in fact very wise to stand too near to a Slibnear because there's a strong possibility that it might mistake you for a toy…" he looked Green deeply into the eye "…which was, in your case, indeed the case. They meant no harm. They were only… curious." "Curious about what?" she asked puzzled. "Curious about how long you would last and whether or not your body would stay in one piece" the Doctor explained and added a small "Sorry" as well. Green nodded but closed her eyes in disgust. "Then why did you say that they meant no harm?" she asked. The Doctor raised his eyebrows: "Well, you know, it's not like they want to hurt anybody or anything…" "So they don't do it on purpose" Green added, "And then it's okay? I mean…Why does that even make a difference?" The Doctor remained silent. He held his peace, staring into space (figuratively, not literally, he thought it to be too dangerous to open the Tardis right now) and got lost in his own thoughts, in his own memories. Well, what difference did it make indeed?
"I mean, I don't care about why they do it. After all, it's all a matter of perspective concerning what you know, what you see fit, what you're intentions are… it's a question of attitude. It's a question of your own personality."
An old ember started glowing in the dark depths of his eyes. At first it was nothing more than a glimmer in the endless gloominess of a Time Lord's mind but soon the fire illuminated. Fire…
The Fire, the heat, the smell of black powder, the stench of burnt hair and flesh, the flashing lights in the eternal night of the war, in every time in every form, in every word and every thought, the war that dragged on and on and on, that war without an end, that would never end…
…until…
Someone saved them all. Or left them for dead.
Either way, the Doctor thought, she was right. It's all a question of your own personality.
"Doctor?" Green asked doubtfully. "Doctor, is everything alright? Doctor?"
The Doctor opened his eyes again, fast and yet… his eyelids seemed to move slower, tired from all the years of knowing, all the years of mindless hope and assignments of guilt, justified or not. And all of that, the silent hope, the endless fear, the oppressive soleness –
All gone in a blink.
Green took a closer look.
Well, not all of it.
The Doctor opened his eyes wide again, looking as disordered as before. "Oh… Oh! I'm sorry; I didn't mean to listen… No, I did mean to listen but there was suddenly this…" He gave in. "I'm sorry, dear" he sighed, "I'm very sorry. It's been a long day for both of us. Well, two days actually."
"Two days?" Green repeated doubtfully. "What do you mean, two days?" "You were kind of unconscious while I dragged you in" the Doctor explained, "and you probably remember holding on to that handrail over there. Point is you didn't leave that spot for nearly a day. You were too weak to move so you just knelt there holding on to a rail." Green gave him a suspicious look. "And I thought it best not to disturb you" the Doctor concluded.
Green started muttering: "But it was like… I didn't even feel it. The time passing, a day going by… where did it go by?" "It must be still on the way, we must have left it behind and I guess it just didn't move fast enough to keep up with us" the Doctor explained humorously. Green sat down on the floor again. Although she had spotted some kind of seating-accommodations by now, she had to admit that she felt pretty comfortable on the floor.
"Time's a strange thing, you know" the Doctor knelt down, pulled on his shirt and adjusted it until it seem to feel comfortable and sat down beside her "and it's possible that it's even worse here, in the Tardis." Green gave him a doubtful look. Not, that anything would have shocked her today. Or yesterday, because, like he had explained, it wasn't the same day it was yesterday. Green took a deep breath. She was going mad and she knew it.
The Doctor suspected that it had something to do with his statement so he finished: "Well, it's a time machine." Although he doubted that she would accept this as an explanation.
Green nodded silently, her eyes fixed on the non existing door she saw before her in her mind. If it was just that easy, if only she could find a way to escape this… dream? Was it a dream? What was this place?
The whole THING was too strange for a dream, to dumb for a nightmare and too unrealistic even for a daydream.
She sighed. "I am dead, aren't I?" she asked no one in particular.
"Well, you know, I'm afraid I have to disagree with you" the Doctor suspired "You see, I've been unable to die for, mh, quite a long time now and it would be too good to be true to find myself deceased and yet accompanied by a young and gorgeous girl like you." Green looked at his expressionless face and gave him a startled stare. "Sorry, I didn't mean to insult you", the Doctor added, "Thought you wanted a good explanation to prove that you're still alive." Green nodded. Still she had to wonder what the bad explanation would have sounded like.
Quietness filled the room except for the monotonous sounds of the flying Tardis.
"We're in a time machine" Green broke the silence. The Doctor looked her over unemotional and nodded. "And you can't die", she added. "Failed quite a lot of times" he corrected.
"I guess I have to believe you anything you tell me" she concluded and sighed crestfallen. "No, you don't have to" the Doctor shook his head "Nobody listens to what I say. But you'd be well advised to follow my instructions." She sighed again. "Naw, but don't worry about that. Nobody ever does that. And in the end it could be worse" he conceded. Green sighed and nodded again.
"So" the Doctor took the floor again, and even took the floor literally under his feet again as he stood up and started stretching "What are we doing now?" He turned around to the silent girl. "Where do you want to go?"
Green seemed as absentminded as the day before, where she had had her arms wrapped around the handrail and kept mumbling something about not enjoying the rising sun enough and the sunset and the storms and the weather on the whole, except for the rain and that she hated rain because there had been too many meteorological disturbances round the city she had lived in, and that there had always been floods and that the neighbor's cat drowned once, and that it was a lovely-fluffy little kitten.
The Doctor had to admit that he wasn't quite sure that moment if she wasn't already brain-dead. Nobody would care that much about a drowning cat.
Though, it was strange. Now she seemed alive but didn't say a word.
The Doctor sighed and knelt down again. "Don't you have anywhere to go to?" he asked. Green shook her head, her eyes fixed on the door of the Tardis.
"Is there a place you've always wanted to see? Any travel destination?" The Doctor was on his wit's end. There had been people who had begged him to retrieve them. And there had been those who wanted to travel with him. But she…?
"Don't YOU have anywhere to go to?" she asked, still with her eyes focused on nothing in particular. "Not really. Not until my help is needed." "I didn't mean to call you" Green added hoarsely "and therefore I'm sorry." "Well, I don't care" he snapped "You don't have to be sorry for that. I was there, received your call and could help you, that's enough. You don't have to stay here with me, I don't need you. Or anybody. I can drop you off everywhere you like."
Green nodded, her eyes were swelling up with tears. The Doctor sighed. "And I didn't mean to say it like this."
"Oh, I don't care", she whispered. "I don't care about that. I just don't… You can't give me…" She took a deep breath and suppressed her tears. "I don't have anywhere to go. There is nothing for me." The Doctor moved closer, carefully and yet caressing. Empathetically he brushed her hair out of her face and looked her deep into the eye. Green remained ineloquent.
Quickly the Doctor pulled out his glasses and put them on, without taking his eyes off her. He was serious, probably the first time in her presence. He treated this subject very sympathetically.
"Tell me about it, Green" he asked in a low voice, "What's happened?" "I'm alone" she repeated grim and watery-eyed, hanging her head in endless sorrow. Caring the Doctor touched her cheeks and whipped away the first tears that had escaped her overflowing eyes. "Why are you alone, Green?"
"Because there's nobody left. Nobody else but me. They're gone. They're all gone. And they didn't take me with them…" her whisper was broken by a deep and heart wrenching sound, an unbearable and inhuman screak. She couldn't control her emotions anymore, neither her voice. The Doctor held her head against his shoulder and stroked her neck. Green sobbed ad infinitum, rubbing her head against his jacket and spilling her tears on his hand while he tried to touch her cheeks softly. "I was the only one. They left me for... They wouldn't take me with them…" a few sustained sighs interrupted her unreckoned, she felt ashamed for herself. "I'm the last. The last who survived."
The Doctor grasped her in his arms. Green tried holding her breath to stop her from sniveling all the time. "It's alright, dear", he mumbled, "I understand."
"I'm so sorry" Green whispered whipping her tears away, "I didn't want to…" "No, dear, it's fine", the Doctor interrupted her "I have full understanding for everything." Green sat up again and the Doctor just now realized that he was holding Green's injured hand tightly, but she hadn't even noticed. "I'm so sorry for your sports jacket" she spoke under her breath. "Naw, it will come off", the Doctor assured her and touched her hand carefully. "But don't feel embarrassed" he added, "do never ever do that. It's alright having a good cry on a stranger's shoulder, nothing wrong with that." She snuffled. "No, really, I mean it. It's alright. We all need that, from time to time." And with a much darker undertone he added:
"And I know how you feel."
