The moment the meeting was over I got up and hurried out of the conference room and straight to the new ladies room. I stood there leaning against the counter and splashed cold water on my face for a while doing my level best to keep from crying. Things were seldom as they seemed. I should know that by now.
I went back to my office when I had it a little more together and grabbed my ringing phone as I went in, "Stephanie Plum."
"Hey white girl, whatcha doing?"
"Just finished the morning briefing," I said absently.
"Thank God," she groaned. "I couldn't keep the secret much longer."
"Man Lula…you did a great job. I didn't have a clue."
"Thank you," she giggled. "So…how about tomorrow we go look at Bridesmaid's dresses. Connie and I can get away at about ten. I think Natalie can manage it. Can you get to the Bridal Shop?"
"I'll check with Tank. But I'm sure he'll say it's okay if he knows what's good for him," I grinned.
"You got that," she laughed. "Did you have a good Christmas Stephanie?"
"I had a good Christmas," I said softly remembering the feel of my parent's arms around me. "It was a really good Christmas."
"I'm glad. I'll…I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Sure thing," I said and hung up the phone.
I stuffed the bonus envelope in the top of my purse and clicked back into my email. I hadn't finished reading it when I realized that Ranger was back. I skimmed the list and deleted all the spam. I was almost through reading it when he was there again, sitting in the chair across from me quietly waiting for me to acknowledge him. I didn't want to acknowledge him. He knew it too. I felt betrayed. Somewhere inside of me I wondered if he had a clue how I felt at that moment.
Tank stuck his head in the door. "Steph, did you find out if Brian would be back for the ball?"
"Yea, he's got to stay in Boston. He didn't give me the details, but something's going on there."
"Sucks to be you then," he shook his head. "You have no date for the ball again this year."
"Thanks for rubbing it in pal," I sighed.
"Stephanie and I can go together. I don't have a date. She doesn't have a date. We're just friends. It should be fine."
It wouldn't be fine. It would never be fine.
The two men waited for me to respond. It took me a few moments to realize they wanted an answer now. "Oh…sure," I swallowed back the bile. "That would be fine."
"Good," Tank said in relief. "Lula really needs you to be there. You know how she feels about cops."
"I feel the same way," I said softly.
He nodded and started out the door.
"Hey Tank," I said with a smile.
"Yea?"
"Congratulations," I said and I meant it.
"Thanks Steph," he said with a grin and left us alone closing the door behind him.
"And congratulations to you as well," I said to Ranger avoiding his eyes. "I know how much you hated working for someone else. This has to be a relief."
"It is," he agreed. "Is Brian going to be okay with you attending the ball with me?"
"I'm sure he'll be fine with it. He's very secure."
He nodded. "Are you okay with it?"
"Sure," I agreed.
"Babe, are you upset with me about something?"
"I…you know, I was," I said taking a deep breath, "but I'm not anymore. It is what it is and it's all that it is."
"What," he frowned.
"Life," I shrugged. "I have to stop trying to second guess the world. Life will go on. Life will change. I have to accept that and change with it. It is what it is."
He sat quietly for a few more moments before saying anything, "okay. We have a meeting with the banker today at three. Tank and I would like you to be there. You're going to be playing a big part in our future and we'd like to include you in as much as possible."
"I'll do whatever I can to help Rangeman be successful," I agreed.
"Good," he nodded. "And I understand that tomorrow morning you're seeing Dr. Addison and then shopping for bridesmaids dresses."
I winced, "yea. I may need to see Dr. Addison again after we look for dresses."
He grinned, "You'll survive it. Tank said Lula found a dress for herself?"
"Yea," I said softly remembering how she looked in the dress. "She looked beautiful."
"I'll take your word for it," he said with a smile. "I'll get with you later on when I'll pick you up for the party?"
"Sure," I nodded.
"Great," he said and got to his feet. "Keep up the good work."
"Thanks," I said softly.
He walked out the door and my forehead hit my desktop. I banged it there a few times before leaning back in my chair with a sigh. What was I thinking in agreeing to go to the dance with Ranger? We'd have to dance. It was a friggin dance. We'd be close. We'd touch each other. This could be a bad thing. This could be a very bad thing.
At the bank they had me sign some papers after the lawyer explained what they were. I was, at their request, the person who would run the company if something happened to them. I signed the papers with a great deal of discomfort. I didn't want to think of either of them dying. I didn't want to think of it at all. But I forced my hand to do what needed to be done and I didn't think once about the fact that I might be in DC in a year or so and what would they do then. I didn't think about that till much later.
The next morning I drove to Dr. Addison's office with a heavy heart. He had caramel drizzle as his coffee flavor of the day. I wanted to be happy about it, but there was too much in my head that needed resolution for that to happen.
For the first time since I'd been coming to see him…I paced. I paced and I talked. He of course listened. He didn't make notes. He never made notes. I thought he probably taped everything and had it transcribed by someone who now knew all my woes. I hoped it wasn't someone I'd ever taken in for a FTA. Finally, spent, I collapsed in the chair across from him and wiped at my wet face tiredly.
"Well Stephanie, it seems you're looking back. I thought you weren't going to look back."
"How do I avoid looking back," I groaned. "He's there every day. Well, he's there almost every day. How do I avoid it?"
"You could move on from Rangeman."
I sighed.
"Stephanie, if you don't want to move on from Rangeman you need to ask yourself what's really keeping you there. Is it your job? Is it your friends? Is it your family? Or…is it him? Is it your love for Ranger that's keeping you there? If it is your feelings for Ranger," he shook his head slightly, "we're going to up our sessions and you're going to be very conflicted for a while. Think about that and let me know what we need to do."
"Sure," I sighed and got up to leave his office. The truth was I could have answered the question at that precise moment. I'd need more sessions. But I wanted to reduce how pathetic I looked just a little bit.
I drove to the Bridal Shop and found the other girls there waiting for me sipping coffee and eating donuts from Tasty Pastry. I was hugged tightly.
"Okay…I'm not sure donuts are a good idea when you're shopping for dresses," I said accepting a cup of coffee from Natalie with a smile.
"It probably isn't," Natalie grinned. "But I wanted Lula doped up."
I laughed.
"I've been thinking about it and I want you to wear blue dresses," Lula said nodded her head vehemently. "It's a wedding at sea. It's only fitting that you wear dresses that are somewhat nautical."
"You want us to wear sailor dresses," Connie shook her head.
"Well…not exactly," she grimaced. "But they did have a few dresses that I thought would fit the bill and I thought you'd help me decide which one to go with."
The first dress was hideous. It was a prom dress gone horribly wrong. Connie kind of liked it, but Natalie and I just shook our heads in horror.
The second dress was okay. Natalie and I liked it, but Connie thought it would show her curves off a little too much. I thought it was more that she had too much curve for the dress.
The last dress was gorgeous. It was navy blue with thin straps over the shoulders. The bodice was fitted and had a geometric stitching in it. It was gorgeous. We all loved it. Score! It was decided and fairly painlessly.
I stood there while the girl stuck pins in the dress I was wearing. I was patient.
Natalie was waiting for me. Lula and Connie were gone already.
"Are you okay Steph?"
"What," I blinked.
"You seem a bit distracted," she said seriously.
"It's…it's…," I sighed. "Ranger's back."
"Ah," she nodded. "And your feelings haven't diminished?"
"No," I sighed. "It sucks Natalie. I want to be in love with Brian. I do. My life would be a lot easier if I would fall in love with him."
"Honey," she sighed, "life doesn't work that way."
"I know," I said tiredly.
"But give it time. You've only been dating a couple of weeks. Maybe it's just that you've got residual stuff that you have to work out with Ranger. Once that stuff's done, I'm sure it will be fine and you can finish moving on."
"Even if that means leaving Rangeman, Trenton and my family and moving to DC," I asked with a raised brow.
"Oh shit," she groaned. "I want you to be happy Steph. If it means you move, then you move. But you better keep in touch!"
"I will," I promised. "But that's far in the future."
"Yea," she sighed. "Cal will be very unhappy to find that out. He adores you. They all adore you."
"I love them too," I said softly.
"You can change now. Be careful of the pins," the seamstress said.
"Thank you," I nodded and slid the dress off.
"You have time to figure it out Steph," Natalie said with a smile. "I better get back to the office. I'll talk to you later," she hugged me.
"Yea," I smiled watching her go.
"I'll go and put this with the others," the seamstress said.
I slid out of the silk slip that went with the dress and folded it. I was reaching for my blouse when I looked up to see Ranger watching me.
"Er…are you lost?"
"Sorry…I…you found a dress?"
"Yea," I nodded and quickly buttoned the blouse and hoped he didn't notice the bracelet. But he was Ranger and he noticed everything. I grabbed my half slip and put it on. "Did you need something Ranger?"
"Ummm…yea, I have to head to DC in a couple of hours and I wanted to confirm with you what time to pick you up tomorrow for the ball before I left. I won't be back till just before it."
"Oh," I nodded and slid into my skirt, "the ball starts at seven, but only losers get there that early." I grinned at him, "of course since you're a major contributor…"
"I'll pick you up at seven-thirty," he growled. "We'll make our appearance at about eight."
"Sounds good," I agreed tucking my shirt into the skirt.
"What are you wearing?"
"I have a royal blue long sleeved jersey I thought I'd wear," I shrugged.
"That will look great with your eyes," he said absently. "I'll see you tomorrow night then."
"Yea," I nodded reaching for my jacket.
"Babe," he paused as he turned to go.
"Yea," I raised my brow.
"Stay safe while I'm gone," he said softly.
"I'll do my best," I nodded.
He just stared at me for another minute and then he left.
Maybe he only wanted me when I was with someone else. Maybe poaching was his thing. But he hadn't crossed the line since he'd been back…unless you count watching me dress. I guess only time would tell.
