An extra day off school means I can do this. Enjoy!

Master Hand floated into the studio and waited impatiently for Crazy Hand to arrive, drumming his massive fingers on the desk. Crazy Hand came in soon after, quite bruised.

"What happened to you?" asked Master Hand.

"Well," said Crazy Hand, "We were trying out mushrooms on the Waddle Dees in honour of our guest today…"

"And?"

"Just… never give a Waddle Dee a Mega Mushroom. They go mad with power,"

"Oh,"

•••

"Five… four… three… two… one… and rolling!" called a Toad and the two hands began the show.

"Welcome back to the fourth Super Smash Bros Tournament!" bellowed Master Hand, "And today we begin introducing you to the Smashers!"

"Yep," agreed Crazy Hand, "And today we are starting with Mr Video-Game himself; Mario!"

The screen behind them showed the red-clad plumber, along with his name.

"Mario first began work back in 1981 as part of the arcade game 'Donkey Kong'," continued Crazy Hand, "And has since become the most famous videogame character since the dawn of time,"

"And he's been in Smash Bros since the very beginning," added Master Hand, "And is back again this time,"

"Mario has had rather mixed results in previous tournaments," admitted Crazy Hand, "Coming fifth in the first, fourteenth in the second and thirty-first in the most recent, which was admittedly terrible,"

"Anyway," said Master Hand, "Mario's standard attacks are basic punches and kicks, all of standard damage, but today we are talking mainly about his special attacks,"

"And believe me, they aren't as powerful as they sound!" butted in Crazy Hand, "Take for instance his standard special 'Fireball'. It may sound to you like he summons a huge ball of burning inferno… but it's really not, watch,"

The camera focused on the screen behind them. Mario pulled back his hand and thrust it forwards, a short 'blip' sounded and a small ball of red fire shot out and bounced across the floor.

"See what I mean?" asked Crazy Hand.

"Well, actually," responded Master Hand, "'Fireball' is a fairly reliable projectile that deals 4-5% damage. It has decent range and bounces down any slopes, meaning it can hit fairly consistently,"

"Well," argued Crazy Hand, "His side special is called 'Cape'. I don't know about you, but I first thought he would fly through the air like Superman! But no, this happens!"

The screen showed Mario quickly whipping out his yellow cape.

"See?" asked Crazy Hand, "That's it!"

"Well, it's far from useless," pointed out Master Hand, "It can turn other Smashers around, leaving them attacking the air or trying to recover in the wrong direction. It can also reflect any projectiles sent at him,"

"Huh, I guess it actually decent…" mused Crazy Hand, "Anyway, his up special is 'Super Jump Punch'; a leap upwards, fist ready to punch anyone in the way. It also makes some very satisfying 'ting' noises when the attack connects!"

"But it's mainly used for vertical recovery," added Master Hand, "But is fairly useless in the horizontal recovery department… Then his down special is 'F.L.U.D.D.' which is-"

"The most useless move ever!" interrupted Crazy Hand, "He charges up his fancy backpack and then… he shoots put a harmless squirt of water that does no damage! Useless!"

"Well, it does actually have some use," insisted Master Hand, "The water pushes other Smashers back whilst dealing no damage, s-"

"Still useless!"

"So it can push someone trying to recover away from a ledge and since it doesn't do damage, they can't use their recovery move again!"

"That is still only one use for it…" pointed out Crazy Hand, "I still think it's useless!"

"Anyway, moving on," sighed Master Hand, "It's time to discussed Mario's most powerful move; his Final Smash!"

"Now this is what I'm talking about!" exclaimed Crazy Hand excitedly, "'Mario Finale' summons two huge spiralling plumes of flame that swirl forwards, burning his opponents to cinders!"

He watched the clip excitedly on the screen behind him, laughing in a way that would have put a mad scientist to shame at the detruction.

"Uh, you ok there?" asked Master Hand.

"Fine," replied Crazy Hand, as if nothing had occurred.

"Well, anyway…" continued Master Hand, "Mario continues to be a good all-round character, with fairly good KO-ing power,"

"But his lack of horizontal recovery and sub-standard aerial attacks keep him from being perfect," added Crazy Hand.

"But we like to give you more than just a profile," said Master Hand to the camera, "Today we have the plumber in the studio with us! So please welcome MARIO!"

The Toad on the SFX desk pressed a button, and the sound of an audience cheering played as Mario walked, waving at the cameras. He sat down on a chair inbetween the two hands.

"First off, Mario," began Master Hand, "I need to ask this - what is it like being the most famous videogame character of all time?"

"Well-a, you see," started Mario after a moment of thought, "It was-a quite a shock at-a first. Before the business with-a Bowser, I had only saved-a Pauline from-a Donkey Kong. I was-a just going about-a my job as a plumber, when-a I heard that the princess was-a captured! It turns out that-a I'm pretty good at-a being a hero!"

"You can say that again!" chuckled Crazy Hand, "But now I want to ask… about your relationship with Princess Peach!"

Mario gave a slight chuckle. "Oh, this again!" he smiled, "Well-a, I'm not too sure of-a our relationship myself… but-a she bakes the best-a cakes!"

"Tell me about it!" laughed the left hand.

"Now," said Master Hand, trying to get back on topic, "Your results in the last tournament were… pretty poor, unfortunately. How do you think you'll cope this time?"

"Well, I have-a been training very hard," admitted Mario, "And-a I think I'm-a more ready for it now!"

"Good to here!" laughed Crazy Hand, "So… can I have your autograph? Please?"

"Ah… no," said Mario, "I-a gave you fourteen last-a tournament!"

"But they sell for loads of cash! C'mon, just one more? Please please pleeeeaase?" begged the appendage, leaning in uncomfortably close to the plumber, forcing him to lean back.

"Uh, I think-a here Luigi calling-a me!" lied Mario, "I have to-a go!"

And the plumber raced off.

"Jerk!" muttered Crazy Hand, who then began grumbling to himself.

"Well, anyway," sighed Master Hand, "Join us next time for the next analysis. Goodbye!"

•••

"And we are off air!"

"At last!" mumbled Master Hand, floating out of the studio and heading towards his dressing room. He opened the door to the sight of a Waddle Dee trying on some of his make-up and looking at itself in the mirror. It noticed Master Hand in the reflection and fell of its chair in fright.

"I don't even want to know…" sighed Master Hand, "But go and make me a coffee!"

The Waddle Dee saluted and rushed out.

"And don't forget the biscuits this time!" called Master Hand after him.

Well, this is all going nicely! And, in case I run out of questions for the hands to ask the Smashers. If you want to give me a suggestion via PM, I may consider it… but this isn't turning into an interactive fic! And only one fan question per Smasher, max!