Just to let people know, in case anyone else is confused as one reviewer Jessie was thought to be a man because she bound her chest and kept her hair in a low ponytail. This would have made her look like a younger guy, closer to 15 instead of 17, and therefore no one noticed she wasn't a male. Until Johnny saw her in normal female clothing he didn't even have a clue.

Present Day, Zin Empire Ship

Jessie was startled by the sound of the doors sliding open, her body turning to face who ever was walking into the cockpit. Kinzie, laptop under her arm as always, stared at Jessie with wide eyes that were just barely hidden by the glint of light on the lenses. Stepping forward she seemed to be studying Jessie in a way that made her very uncomfortable. The bright smile that had been born of her memories faded, leaving behind the typically exasperated expression she had when around Kinzie. Her eyebrow raised as she lifted her her hand and made a motion for Kinzie to speak. "What is it Kinzie? And stop fucking staring. It's rude and really creepy when you do it."

Kinzie blinked then nodded, her red bangs bobbing up and down a bit. "Yes I ….. Why were you smiling? I don't think I have ever seen you smile like that in all the time I have known you. You have like three smiles. Deranged, cocky, and the little half smile you do when you want people to think you are happy. Real happy smiles don't show up and yet I just saw one on your face. It …. it was really weird honestly. It's why I had to study you for a moment."

Jessie let out a genuine laugh, still surprised at how candid Kinzie could be. After spending so much time alone with computers, Kinzie wasn't exactly the best person to use an example of people person. She was just as brash as the rest of the crew but had worse people skills than Shaundi did. Jessie went back to her position of staring out into space, the real smile blooming across her lips. "I was remembering. Sometimes you gotta remember why you fight. Usually I remember meeting Oleg and Zimos... or my brother... But this time... I focused on Johnny. Once you guys give the word I will be putting my ass in a simulation that will go into the mind of my best friend. He was the third person to discover I was a woman and his reaction to this day still makes me smile. Fucking dumbass followed me to my brother's house, did ya know that?"

Kinzie shook her head as she settled on the ground, sitting indian style as she looked up to Jessie with a curious look. "Why did he follow you? You might wanna explain a bit about that."

"Julius recruited me thinking I was a guy. I figured it was best not to point out I was a chic. After I saved Johnny from Tony and Tanya I thought I had made sure he trusted me but he still thought something was off about me. He followed me to my house, thinking that I was like Lin. Infiltrating a gang for my gang. Didn't help my brother lived on Misty Lane and that was Rollerz territory. Anyways he banged on the door once my brother left and I answered the door wearing a sports bra, jogging pants, and my hair down. His face was priceless."

A laugh sounded from the doorway as Shaundi, Pierce, Asha, Matt, and Ben King walked in the room, the sound coming from Shaundi as she moved to a chair. "Seriously? I thought he made that story up when he told me it. Makes me wonder if any of his other stories were true."

Pierce moved to sit in a chair as well, his feet kicking up to rest on a slat of Shaundi's seat. He was chuckling too, his hand raising to push his hat from his eyes before pointing at Jessie. "I gotta question Boss. Is it true Johnny managed to get you to admit you had a crush on his ass? He didn't say much about what happened just said it happened."

Jessie's smile grew melancholy, her eyes looking to the floor as she remembered that moment. She had saved Johnny twice in a matter of weeks and had become extremely paranoid about losing him or anyone else in the crew. She had even stopped grabbing some random crew members when she went out because she always seemed to lose someone. It had gotten so bad at the point a room in her brother's house had be redefined as the shrine room, pictures of the lost on the walls and candles she lit religiously below them.

Johnny, being a bit tactless yet always observant, had noticed of course. And, per his typical 'bash through things with a hammer' method, managed to get her aside and confront her.

Purgatory, Stilwater, USA 2006

"I was wondering where your bitch ass was. I saw you come in then Shaundi kicked that fucking hacky sack at my head." Johnny said, startling 19 year old Jessie from her guitar playing. A small smirk crossed her lips as she watched Johnny closing the door behind him, more of a respect to her need for privacy than any need for privacy for what he was saying. Her head lowered again as she went back to strumming the instrument in her hands, the smirk still hovering on her lips. "Not my fault I seem to be the only fucking person who isn't a goddamned diva around here."

Johnny let out a laugh, the sound cut off by a groan that had Jessie's head snapping up to look at him with wide eyes. Johnny made a face at her, rubbing the spot where the sword Jyunichi had stabbed him unconsciously. He sat beside her and elbowed her side gently, his head shaking some. "Fucking A Jess. I'm fine. Stop freaking out every time I say ow. Gun shot wounds aren't as sore as swords wounds is all. I am alive and I'm not gonna die from laughing."

Jessie rolled her eyes at him, not wanting to get in this conversation with him. She could still remember hearing the sound of Aisha's voice being cut short, the tense moments as she fought off Ronin as one of the crew drove her and Johnny to the hospital. The thought had invaded her dreams as of late, causing her to wake up in a cold sweat and panting as if she had just went through it all over again. That on top of losing Carlos and so many of the crew that would follow her into strongholds was starting to get to her. Their faces mocked her in her sleep, reminding her how she failed them. She licked her lips and tried to go back to playing her guitar, wanting to forget the recent sleepless nights. "Fuck off Johnny. You know damned well it ain't that fucking easy to forget a day like that. Anyways I'm a chic. I get to worry and you can't say shit."

Johnny reached over and pulled the instrument from her hands, forcing her to look at him. The glare she started with faded as her eyes got to his face and she saw anger crossing his features. Johnny rarely showed anger towards her or any of her actions and the look caused her to lean away some. Johnny set the guitar on the floor carefully before raising an eyebrow at her, looking as though he was trying to formulate words around his anger. "Don't fucking give me that shit Jess. Especially not any of that 'I'm a chic' lying bullshit. You ain't some prissy diva or like Shaundi where you are smart but usually too fucked up to use those smarts. Using that excuse is fucking stupid. I don't know why you have felt like you need to avoid me and lie lately but I am fucking tired of it. You used to be a silent motherfucker with everyone but me. Now I have to basically stay here and wait near this fucking room just to fucking talk to you for five fucking minutes. What the fuck is your issue?"

Jessie hopped off the bed and started pacing the floor as Johnny talked, chewing on her lip as he went on. If she was gonna be honest with herself, and she usually was, part of her fear of losing Johnny was because she had crush on him from the time he risked his ass and made her run while he was injured by Big Tony. The crush had become true caring over the time she had worked along side him after defeating the Vice Kings up until her boat ride. When she came back she had known she cared but she would never get between two of her best friends so she never spoke about it and didn't show any outward signs. Until Aisha's death. Now she was at a loss for words, not sure how to tell him things without giving away her secret so soon after Aisha's funeral. "Look... I dunno ok. I dunno what to tell you. I... I just don't wanna lose anyone else ok? I think...I think I have lost enough people... and I don't need..."

Johnny was off the bed and in front of her quicker than she could react, his right hand gripping her chin as his left rose to pull his sunglasses off his face. His light brown eyes met her hazel ones, his hand making her look into his eyes and dared her to continue what he seemed to know was lies. "Don't fucking lie to me Jess. I have known you too fucking long to be getting lies from you. Don't fucking disrespect me like that."

Her eyes narrowed, her mind desperately grasping at the anger that had been fueling her since Carlos and Aisha died. Slowly it bled away, leaving her with tears running down her cheeks as she swung at Johnny, her blows weakened by the sadness and guilt in her mind. "Fuck you Gat! The fuck do you know about how I felt seeing Aisha laying there and you fucking bleeding out on me? The fuck do you know about how long I stayed by your side in the goddamned hospital, praying your dumbass would make it?... I fucking care enough n...not to go through that again... I can't go through that again Johnny..."

As her voice trailed off, the fire that fueled the start gone and replaced with silent sobbing, Johnny pulled her against his chest and placed his glasses back on his face. Silently he comforted her, his hand smoothing over her hair softly as he held her. As her sobs slowly became sniffles she pulled away and moved to a mirror she had put in the room, attempting to both calm down and fix her makeup. Jess prayed that for once Johnny would be dumb enough to think she had meant she cared about him as a friend, knowing her luck was never that good. In the corner of her eye she watched him stand there staring at her, the dark glasses blocking her from seeing his eyes once more.

"Jess... I... fuck man... I fucking care about you too ok? But I just lost Eesh... I … Fuck, you know what I am trying to say Jess. Look no matter what I am by your side ok? Death ain't gonna claim me that fucking easily. So …. Just stop hiding from me Jess. That's all I ask ok?" With that Johnny turned and left, not giving her any time to think out a response, honest or not. As soon as the door closed behind Johnny's body Jessie slammed her fist into the wall beside the mirror, needing rage just to handle everything.