Note the fantastically witty Star Wars knockoff title!
CHAPTER II
First of all, Joei and Shujinkou were making out.
That was some great lip action. Fire and destruction were such a turn-on! Joei was leading; Shujinkou leaned back, making those amusing little noises that people who are being kissed are prone to make.
Joei's agile tongue probed deeper, and Shujinkou broke the embrace. "Dammit, Joei, why do you always do that "probe" thing when we kiss? It reminds me of anal probing!"
"Isn't that what yaoi is all about?"
"Oh, right." They resumed their romantic interlude.
After a while they stopped again. This time it was Joei's fault.
"Hey, shouldn't we go get Pilika before those Fire Spears go off?"
"Screw Pilika."
"I did."
"Oh, right."
Joei grabbed Shujinkou's arm. "Come on. We can kiss when this fiasco's over."
Shujinkou followed him reluctantly, muttering something delightfully obscene about Joei and his Fire Spear.
It's all Pilika's fault! That's the second time she's thwarted my romantic intentions. I'm never gonna get any!
They sped off toward the mercenary fort, a small stormcloud hovering moodily over Shujinkou's tousled head.
* * * * * * * *
Luca Blight grunted, further exploring the depths of the tiny entity known as Pilika. He let loose with a wild cackle. Damn! She was a better lay than Jillia...
"You feel nice," chirped Pilika, nattily attired in her birthday suit. "Even better than Joei-niichan!"
Luca was pleased and annoyed (not to mention aroused) at the same time. "Who gasp is this pant 'Joei'?" (Surely he couldn't be that brat from Kyaro!) He added an extra thrust for emphasis.
"Joei-niichan is a really nice boy who came to visit me when the soldiers made my house fall down!"
Luca tensed, causing his lilliputian lover to squirm. "And where ... would ... your house ... be?"
Pilika screwed up her face uncomfortably. "Toto Village."
"NGGHHH!" ngghhhed Luca, breaking their tryst abruptly. "SHIT! I've missed one!" He stood, gathering his trousers around him, and drew his sword on the shocked, helpless Pilika, who was frantically trying to scramble back into her dress. "PIGS! You're ALL going to DIE!"
At this fateful moment, two somewhat interesting things happened.
Pohl the servant boy, who heretofore had been busy blubbering like a jilted schoolgirl in the corner, leapt in front of Luca to bear the brunt of his aggression towards Pilika and was rewarded with a handy new orifice across his gut.
And, coincidentally or not, Joei and Shujinkou burst onto the scene.
They noticed Pilika standing there like the proverbial deer in the headlights, and sprang into action.
Sort of.
Everyone seemed to somehow freeze for a few seconds. Perhaps they were overwhelmed by the aura of dangerous manliness that exuded from Luca's every pore. Perhaps the authoress was pausing for a moment of dramatic intensity. Perhaps the lazy-ass player had neglected to push the X button fast enough.
Perhaps, in Pohl's case, they were just dead.
Whatever the situation, Joei was the first one to shatter the reverie. He uttered a pitiful war-cry and launched himself at Luca, star staff at the ready.
The cache of fire spears chose that convenient moment to explode, and our heroes had barely a few seconds to enjoy the sudden conflagration before Flik and Viktor spirited them off to the adjoining forest for an exhausting run and a slightly more exhausting FMV.
* * * * * * * *
The calamity's aftermath found Joei, Shujinkou, Pilika and friends catching their breath at a quiet spot along the forest trail. Flik, Viktor and the support staff of the fort were nowhere in sight.
Shujinkou wiped soot from his forehead, exhaled sharply, and surveyed their remaining party members with a scowl. "Man, we got stuck with Mukumuku! This sucks!"
"Quiet, Shujinkou. There's something wrong with Pilika."
"When isn't there?"
"Shut up. Listen to me for a moment. She won't talk."
"Won't talk? Why?" Shujinkou knelt down by Pilika. "Pilika-chan, what's wrong? Are you okay? Did Luca do anything to you in there?"
".................." said Pilika.
He tried again. "Pilika-chan, it's okay to tell us what's bothering you."
".................." said Pilika.
"Can you at least say your name?" he said, nearing exasperation.
".................." said Pilika.
"Damn," said Joei bitterly. "She's all 'emotionally scarred' now. I should have known this would happen." He sighed. "Well, there's nothing we can do now but soldier on as best we can...It's not such a long way to Muse if we pace ourselves right."
"That's the spirit!" piped Nanami.
The brave young band of warriors marched on through the cloudy evening - heads held high, boots stamping the beaten ground, Joei's arm discreetly up Pilika's skirt.
Nanami, unfortunately, noticed. She gave Joei's shoulder a good hard slap.
"Chikan wa hanzai da," she hissed.
Joei obliged, and the party continued on in silence toward Muse.
