A/N: Due to popular consent here's an espada chapter for y'all!
(Sorry if its not up to par...)
Laxatives part 2
Since the little prank (forever known as the Big Dump) was so successful, I decided to try my luck with the espada. Luckily, we had a mad scientist on this end, by the name of Szayel (I forgot his full name), otherwise better known as "Pinky". Unlike Mayuri, Pinky was extremely easy to bribe (offer him concert tickets and he'd do ten favors for the price of one), so I didn't really have to worry about obtaining laxatives. Of course, I could have always done it the old fashion way and just snuck into his lab, but I decided that since I was going to pull of a prank, I might as well bribe instead of steal.
Not because I was running out of ideas and couldn't be original, I decided to hold a huge party (I admit, I was in a phase at the time. And what was the phase? Human behavior. And yeeeeesssss, I know that Espada aren't human).
Of course, I couldn't announce that I was the one holding the party (the espada have already expressed great distrust with me. I blame Kaname), so yes, I forged it so it seemed that it was Aizen's idea.
Ok. Fine. I'll be honest with ya. He had the idea of hosting a party….
FLASHBACK
"Ya want to host a party?" I asked, trying to keep the incredulousness out of my voice. I mean, this was Aizen we were talking about.
He just smiled at me with that sick smile. Aaahhhh, how I wanted to run him through with my sword, "Yes. In order to build trust between us and our espada allies, I have decided that this was the best course of action."
Already, I was running through all the possible pranks I could do with an opportunity like this.
"Oh, and Gin?"
I quickly snapped out of my daydreaming, "Yes, Aizen?"
"Don't pull anything funny."
I resisted the urge to laugh. Who does he think I am?
END FLASHBACK
I decided to stroll to the kitchens and, yes, my goal was to infect the food with laxatives. I really wish this was around the time period we had that human, Inoue Orihime, under our wing. Her cooking was delectable. Anyway, since the espada had just become espada, their choice in food was…..extremely questionable (I will now let your little imaginations run wild), I decided to hire a few well-known chefs from the human world to introduce them all to real food.
Of course, that led to a whole new issue. Example: Making sure they wouldn't die because of the whole spiritual pressure dilemma, making them believe that they were actually in a reality cooking show…All that good stuff.
Thanks to the stuff that I jacked from Mayuri, it really wasn't much of an issue in the long run. I love mad scientists (only because they help advance my pranks).
Well. Take that back. I had to make sure that the espada didn't KILL the poor humans. In other words, I had to play security guard the entire time…At least I got to play the part. I chose to be one of those UK policemen with their little sticks (Darn. I forgot what those are called).
Anyways, the food was already all done when I got there, so I just mixed the laxatives in (Of course, after eating a bit from each dish so it wasn't all a complete loss).
My eye twitched. Ok, the espada were eating the food….but it was like I was teleported back in time to the European Medieval era. And maybe I shouldn't have thrown in the bar. They were getting too much of a kick outta the Corona beer and tequila sunrises. Ole.
Thus, half of them were too drunk to even get up when the laxatives started kicking in. (Yes, I was using the concoction that made me lose all feeling in my nose.) And apparently, laxatives did the exact opposite on some of the arancars. It made them constipated. Yah. Don't get it either.
I didn't have any of their names memorized yet, well, except for Pinky, so I just called them all by nicknames. The one with blue hair, I called Kitty-kun, cuz, quite frankly, he was a lot like a cat. Give him some catnip and he goes crazy. He was giggling about how some weird brown stuff was coming out of his butt (he was drunk); then he started cussing after he realized how much it stank.
Sleepy, the tall lanky one, just slept there and let his run.
Spoon-head, the one with the eye patch, was just cussing like crazy and made a wild dash to the bathroom. (And yes, he will find that they don't work.)
The green-haired young lady with the big boobs was smart and didn't touch anything. Darn.
The big dumb one was the rowdy drunk. Actually, he was more of the angry drunk. He was yelling at everything he didn't understand. Which was a lot.
Emo, was, as you might have expected, the depressed drunk. He actually started sobbing when his tummy started churning.
I don't even wanna talk about Pinky….
As for Mr. Ancient, he was one of the ones who got more constipated with the laxatives. He kinda ruined everything by spoiling the party. (Get it?)
And did I get in trouble for all of this?
I don't even wanna talk about it…
