Found
"Lying in the dark, I know you are awake. I will not give in, I will not give in."
I knocked on the door for the fourth time in two minutes.
Still no answer.
I tried the handle, and it was unlocked. Slowly, I stepped into Rose's clean apartment. It almost looked too clean, I mean, Rose was a tidy person, but the flat was sterile.
I had come over to Rose's after our short encounter in the street. She really didn't look well, I had decided, and I cared about her too much to let her make no big deal about her feeling unwell. So, to make her feel better, I had bought her coffee from her favourite café in London, and had come to see her, which I hadn't done in a while, sadly.
I checked every room in her house, before finally making my way to her bedroom.
And that's when I spotted her.
She was splayed on the floor, pale as a ghost and not appearing to be breathing.
"Shit," I yelled, as I let the coffee cup fall through my fingers and crash to the floor.
I ran over to Rose's body, and started to shake her, noting that her body was still warm. She couldn't have collapsed long ago. However, she wasn't waking up.
"Rose! God dammit Rose, wake up!" I screamed, shaking her.
Realising how idiotic I was being, I decided to feel for a pulse. Pressing my fingers up against her neck until I found the right place, I pressed down slightly.
There was no pulse.
I jumped to my feet and dialled for an ambulance. Speaking frantically into the phone, while keeping a hand on Rose's neck, I told them about everything.
"Are there any indications as to why she may be unconscious, sir?" the calm voice on the other end asked.
That's when I saw the empty bottle of pills laying close to her head. And I nearly choked.
"I think she overdosed," I said in a choked voice.
xxx
"You're so selfish Rose, so fucking selfish. And stupid too," I muttered to her lifeless body.
I was sitting in the ambulance, which was swerving around the streets of London. She was laying there on the stretcher, just looking dead already. And every time I did look at her, this strange had shot through me. Though at the same time I was this close to breaking down. Breaking down and surrendering myself to the woman I loved more than those cold nights in watching movies and drinking cocoa. More than feeling the sand between your toes on you first seaside trip in the summer holidays. More than I could ever love the woman I was engaged to right now. But still, I hated Rose for doing this to me, to herself.
"I swear to Godric as soon as you wake up I'll kill you myself," I said angrily to her, "I can't believe you did this Rose! How could you do this when you know, you know you're my best friend and that I love you and that I can't be without you!"
She knew that didn't she?
"I just can't believe you did something so stupid as to overdose on drugs! I honestly thought you were smarter than that Rose! I mean, you have enough common sense not to overdose by accident don't you? Of course you do. I can't believe you did this on purpose! I mean, were you trying to kill yourself? Why didn't you talk to me about it? We could have worked it out, how could you forget that! Now I'm going to have to wait until you wake up to talk to you Rose. However, I'm going to kill you when you do wake up," I said, still angry and not caring that she probably couldn't hear me and that I was talking shit.
"You are going to wake up, right Rose?" I chuckled, somewhat hysterically, the hatred leaving me, and the panic and craziness settling in.
"You are going to wake up, aren't you? I mean you have to wake up Rose, because you can't leave me. You're going to regain consciousness, right?" I said, choking on my words, "Y-you can't die, you can't! What am I going to do if you die? No, you can't leave me, I can't do this without you, you're going to wake up Rose, okay?"
I squeezed her hand tightly, trying to get a response out of her. The terror was ripping through me, leaving me trembling in my seat as I looked at her.
"You're going to stay strong, for me, okay? You're going to wake up," I told her firmly and the ambulance doors opened and she was wheeled out hastily.
xxx
"Mr Malfoy," I heard a voice of authority say quietly.
My head snapped up at the sound of my own name and I was looking at one of the nurses from the hospital.
I straightened my back out, stretching. I had been slumped over in a waiting room chair for who knows how long now.
"Yes?" I asked, my voice cracking stupidly.
"You can go see her now. It-it's a goodbye though," she stuttered, looking sombre, "She's barely alive, got minutes left."
I nodded, getting up and following her down the corridor to a room. Outside crowded many members of the Weasley-Potter family, who all looked at me gravely. I tried so hard to smile back, but I couldn't bring myself to.
I stepped inside, hearing the steady heart monitor. I knew she was going to die, but I couldn't bring myself to face it yet. And as I looked at her, as I looked at her pale features, her shadowy eyelids, I felt the hatred again, however it was more watered down this time, as if I was too weak to feel proper emotion anymore.
"Albus told me," I whispered to her, grasping her hand as I leaned over her body, "And I think I always knew, that you were in love with me. And I am so sorry I didn't act on it, I'm going to kick myself every day for not acting on it, because then maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I could have saved your life."
"But then he said that you had always thought that I didn't return the feelings," I choked, my voice getting louder and the sadness starting to overwhelm me, "He told me that you thought I didn't love you back!"
"You don't make my choices for my Rose," I said harshly, "You don't bloody decide my feelings! How dare you assume my feelings towards you! You know what, how fucking dare you do this to everyone! To me! Y-y-y-you're so god damn stupid, how is this going to make anything better? When you die, h-how is that better for anyone?"
I was starting to break now. I couldn't be mad for much longer.
"I-I need you to know that I love you, I do. With all my heart, I love you. And I always have. You're not going to be alone in this, because if you don't wake up, I'm following you straight up there, I promise. I love you."
And then I heard the sound I had been dreading.
The sound I had been dreading, and knew I had to hear at some point. However, some part of my subconscious still held onto the shred of hope that maybe I wouldn't hear it, maybe everything would be okay and I wouldn't have to suffer, you wouldn't have to suffer, no one would have to suffer. I held on because no matter what, there's always hope. Somewhere, buried deep, you're going to keep on hoping, until the last minute.
Inevitably, the sound came. As I knew it would. That didn't stop my heart breaking though, when I heard it.
Beep.
"No," I whispered, clutching onto her body and shaking it as the droning beep continued to ring through the absolute silence of the room.
"No!" I shouted, as it continued, "You're not actually going to die Rose! You can't actually leave me! Wake up!"
It all happened very quickly, then.
People came flooding into the room, shouting out commands and grabbing things off the walls. Arms wrapped around my torso, pulling me from Rose.
I didn't want to leave her though, I couldn't leave her now.
But they dragged me away from her, away from my dying first love. Seems harsh, doesn't it?
And then, a few minutes later, someone emerged, and looked at us all gravely. He locked eyes with me, positioned right in front of the doorway, and uttered those words.
"She's gone."
I fell to the floor, convulsing as the silent sobs ripped through me.
Rose was dead.
xxx
Someone got me home safely, I can't remember who it was though, and I didn't care.
All I cared about was following Rose, being just as selfish as she was.
So, when I found that right bottle of pills, the bottle I knew would end it all, I didn't hesitate.
"I'm coming for you, Rose love."
I swallowed the whole jar in one shot.
"Close the door, throw the key. Don't wanna be reminded, don't wanna be seen. Don't wanna be without you, my judgment's clouded, like tonight's sky. Hands are silent, voice is numb, trying to scream out my lungs, it makes this harder. And the tears stream down my face. If we could only have this life for one more day, if we could only turn back time. You know I'll be your life, your voice, your reason to be. My love, my heart is breathing for this, moment in time. I'll find the words to say, before you leave me today."
Wow. This was super emotional to write! I feel like this dragged a bit in parts but overall I'm actually really happy with it. Quotes are the songs Dancing In The Storm and Moments. Thanks for your feedback on the first part, and more would be greatly appreciated!
