A/N: Thanks to everyone that followed and commented on the first chapter. This is a very different version of Katniss and Peeta than I normally write and they are not the most likable people at the start of this chapter but they will start to see the error of their ways and try to become better people. It's just going to take them a long time to get there.
Chapter 2
Peeta
The small round circle on my ipad screen spins around as I wait for it to connect with my boys. The screen stays black for a moment before the picture flickers onto the screen and I am greeted with the sight of my 3 eldest sons. I catch a glimpse of Madge as she props her ipad up so that they are in the centre of the frame and she tells them they have some time to talk with Daddy. She disappears from shot soon after and I am left alone with my 3 smiling boys.
They sit in age order on the plush red sofa that sits in what was my living room. The youngest at 3 years old, Charlie, sits to the right chewing on a chocolate bar with chocolate smeared all over his face. 5 year old Harry sits excitedly in the middle and leans in closer to peer at me through the screen. He gives me an enthusiastic wave once he sees me. I smile back at him broadly and wave back at him as he bounces up and down on the sofa. My eldest, Jamie who is 7, sits stoically to the left. He doesn't smile at me like his 2 younger brothers and sits quietly while he lets his 2 brothers talk. The youngest, Max, isn't on screen at all but at 10 weeks old it is impractical for him to be sitting with his older brothers.
All the boys look so alike. All with blonde hair and blue eyes. Jamie resembles me the most. He is the only one to have inherited my unruly curls and square jaw. Both Harry and Charlie have the more delicate features of their mother but all 4 have the same brilliant shade of blue eyes that I have. The same shade that I am certain their sister is going to have too.
"I had a play date with Oscar today. Mummy took us to the park and we went on the swings. And not the baby ones that Charlie and Max go on. The big ones! I went as high as space!" Harry declares.
I smile as I listen to him jabber on about his adventures in the park. It's the middle of the school holidays and the warm weather has meant that all 3 boys have spent a lot of time outdoors. Harry is definitely the most talkative of the lot and won't be satisfied until he has told me about every minute of his day with his friend Oscar.
Charlie still sits sucking on his chocolate bar and I can see that he is getting bored. His eyes roam around the room as he struggles to sit still while his brother dominates the conversation. Jamie just sits silently next to them.
"And I found a caterpillar and told Oscar that they turn into butterflies but he said I was lying. So I told him he was stupid and we got into a fight and Mummy said if we didn't play nicely then Oscar would have to go home," Harry says. "But they do, don't they Daddy? Caterpillars turn into butterflies. That's what The Hungry Caterpillar book says."
"That's right Bud. But you can't call your friends stupid. How would you like it?" I reply.
Harry frowns and bows his head.
"I suppose," he grumbles.
I smile at the dramas of a 5 year old. I then turn my head towards Jamie.
I have always had a special relationship with Jamie. Maybe it is to do with the fact he is was my first child or that I see so much of myself in him but when I was living at home he and I would have lots of adventures running round the house. We would pretend to be spies and make mud pies in the garden as he told me everything that came across his mind. It is strange to hear him so quiet.
"How's mini rugby camp? I heard the England captain came to talk to you," I say.
Jamie just looks at me and shrugs his shoulders.
"It's okay," he replies.
My heart clenches at his limited response. He used to tell me everything but since Madge threw me out he's be distant with me. I suppose with him being the eldest he understands what is happening the most. I hate that I am the reason for making him so sad.
I don't get a chance to ask a follow up question because Harry has cut in to ask another question. Charlie by this point has finished his chocolate bar and begun crawling up the back of the sofa in an effort to amuse himself. It seems a conversation with his dad is not interesting enough.
"When are you coming home Daddy? Jamie and I have built a fort in the garden and we want to show you. Charlie wants to play too but we don't let him because he's too little," Harry says.
"He's not coming home. He doesn't love Mummy anymore. He has another baby and lives in a hotel now," Jamie replies.
I am shocked by the straightforwardness of his reply. He sounds about 10 years older as he says it. He is perfectly aware of what is going on and I can sense he hates me for it.
Harry's eyes fall as he burrows back into the cushions after Jamie's remark. My heart aches as I see the sadness and disappointment in his eyes.
Telling the boys that I was leaving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Madge was insistent that I was the one to explain why I wouldn't be living with them anymore. I had to explain to them that I had done things to hurt their mum which meant I couldn't live with her anymore.
Madge stood in the corner with her arms crossed as she watched me tell them. She wouldn't let me go until I had told them about Katniss and Ivy. Harry and Charlie didn't really understand and asked why Ivy didn't come home like Max did. Everything at that age is so black and white for them and I was at a loss of how to explain to them that I had cheated on their mother.
Jamie understood though. He went very quiet when I told him and wouldn't look me in the eye. It was him in the end that made his brothers understand what was happening.
I had tried to keep my tears at bay as I got up to leave, placing a kiss on each of their heads. Charlie started crying as I got ready to leave and Harry clung on to my leg begging me to stay. It took all my strength and will power to pry myself away from them.
I had never wanted this.
It may sound stupid but I never thought about them when I was with Katniss. They were 2 completely separate parts of my life. My relationship with her didn't affect the time I spent with them. I still went to every school concert and rugby practise. I still chased them round the house and read them bedtime stories at night. They always came first and Katniss knew that.
Being away from them is torture. Since Madge threw me out I have been staying at the Savoy hotel and I hate how quiet is. I miss the sounds of my sons' laughter and the mess they make with their bubble baths. I miss their smell of baby shampoo and tucking them in goodnight. And I hate that I know I have caused them pain because of my actions.
I let out a heavy sigh as I lean in closer to the camera.
"I wish I could be with you guys. I miss you all so much. It's too quiet here without you. But I'm taking you out this weekend. We're going to the zoo. We'll have lots of fun," I say.
Harry nods his head despondently and the pain in my heart gets tighter. The chatter dies after that and Madge comes back through holding baby Max and tells the boys to say goodbye and go upstairs to wait for their bath.
They mumble their goodbyes before they hop of the sofa and I am left alone with my wife. She takes a deep breath before speaking.
"Are you picking the boys up at half nine on Saturday?" she asks briskly.
"Yes. I'll have them home by 5," I reply.
Madge nods her head as she rocks Max to sleep. We have nothing to say to each other that won't hurt the other.
"I've booked an appointment with my lawyer this week. We might as well get the whole divorce process started," she says after a moment.
I nod my head in agreement.
Being away from Madge has been the easiest thing through this whole ordeal. I have not been in love with her for a long time. After we got married she became this whole other person. She became determined to become the perfect housewife and gone went our afternoons spent cycling to different pubs in Kent and lazy Sundays where we didn't get out of bed. She was constantly dragging me to boutique furniture stores and spending hours in the kitchen all to make me the perfect steak. She is no longer the fun and carefree girl I fell in love with.
I love her for giving me my sons but I feel no longing or desire when I look at her. We just drifted apart. And as much as I know a divorce will hurt the boys I can't say that I am sad to separate from her.
"Okay. I'll let my lawyer know. I want this to be as painless as possible," I reply.
Madge gives me a pained look.
"No divorce is painless," she replies before saying goodbye and ending the call.
I cringe a little when I see the pain in her eyes. I may no longer love her but part of her still loved me. And I betrayed her in the worst possible away. I am not heartless enough to feel no guilt over the pain I have caused her.
I am left alone in my silent hotel room wondering how I managed to make such a big mess of my life.
The next day I sit in my office looking over the set of accounts for a potential new client and trying to decipher if they are a viable enough cooperation. Things at the office aren't any better than they are at the hotel. But I suppose that is what you get for sleeping with one of your students.
Things at the office have been tense since it all came out about me and Katniss and that I was the father of her baby.
The affair started a few months after she started working for us 3 years ago. She was one of the students working in my team and I was instantly taken by her smoky eyes and smooth curves. I normally avoided affairs with people in the office but I couldn't stop myself from being drawn to her.
At first it was the perfect arrangement. She didn't want a relationship and all the commitments that came with it. I just wanted a good shag every now and again. But then a year down the line she had to blurt out she loved me while we were having sex and everything changed.
I tried to distance myself from her after that. I normally ended things before things got to that point and I cursed myself for getting attached. As much as I craved female attention I didn't want to leave my wife and sons.
But I couldn't stay away from her. I realised I had done the unthinkable and fallen in love with her too. I needed her in my life and went crawling back to her. The affair has lasted ever since.
I was shocked when she told me she was pregnant and the timing of conception was a little suspicious but I couldn't suppress the thrill at knowing we had created something together.
We had been pretty successful at keeping the affair quiet at work and the majority of people at Heavensbee and Coin accountancy were surprised by the revelation. Only the senior partner, Haymitch Abernathy, knew about the affair.
People don't know how to talk to me now. I walk past them and immediately their whispering stops as they watch me walk by. I know they have been talking about me. Most of the women in the office look at me with contempt. Many, like Annie, are friends with Madge and hate what I have done to her. The men just look at me with a pitying look. I'm not the only one to have an affair but they pity me for getting caught. I hate them for it.
At least Katniss is on maternity leave so I don't have to put up with people watching and gossiping about our interactions. It is bad enough as it is.
The phone on my desk rings and I reach over to pick it up.
"Mr Mellark, your mother is here to see you," my secretary tells me.
I let out a weary sigh as I run a hand through my hair. This is the last thing I need.
"Tell her to come in," I reply and my secretary tells she'll let her im.
I put away the accounts I was looking at and prepare myself for my mum's arrival.
She enters my office 5 minutes later with her giant Mulberry handbag slung over her arm and Channel sunglasses perched on top of her head. For a woman pushing 70 she is remarkably well put together. Her dyed blonde haired is tied together in a fancy knot and she wears an expensive looking pair of cream trousers with baby pink blouse. A strand of pearls hang around her neck and her and her leathery face is caked in make-up.
She scrunches her nose a little as she scrutinises the room. Her eyes settle on the desk in front of me.
"I see you didn't take my advice about the mahogany desk. Dark wood conveys more authority than this oak desk you have got," she says.
Not even a hello. Just another criticism. I take a deep breath through my nose to try and compose myself.
"Hello Mum. The colour of my desk is the least of my problems," I reply.
Mum raises her eyebrows as she continues to stand staring me down.
"Indeed. You can't believe how angry I was to discover 2 weeks into my holiday that you seem to have lost all your senses and slept with some little office whore. My holiday was ruined after that," she says.
I clench my fists. Of course she is upset about the fact I ruined her holiday. She doesn't actually care for all the hurt people involved.
Mum and Dad had just started a 2 month tour around Italy when Madge threw me out. But all that was forgotten when it all came out about Katniss. It is safe to say Mum was not impressed. She has given me a few angry phone calls and text messages but I have been able to avoid a face to face meeting with her up until this point. Her and Dad only got back yesterday from Rome but it seems Mum couldn't wait any longer to let me know how much of a failure I am.
"And the worse thing is that I find out you have fathered a little bastard. Do you know the shame you have brought upon this family?" she says.
"Don't ever call Ivy that. It's not her fault. She is my daughter and your granddaughter. I will have you treat her with some respect," I say coolly.
I am used to having her talk shit about me but I won't let her talk about Ivy like that.
Mum lets out a cruel laugh.
"I will never acknowledge that thing as my grandchild. My granddaughters are your nieces that your brothers had the good sense to have with their wives. You have always been the most disappointing of my sons. I suppose her whore of a mother is demanding a ridiculous high amount of child support. Only you could be stupid enough to fall for that," Mum says.
"It's not like that," I reply.
Mum smiles cruelly.
"They are all like that. You are weak for succumbing to it. Madge was everything you needed in a wife. She came from a place of status. Had the proper breeding. She gave you 4 sons. You are pathetic for throwing that away," she says.
It is no secret that Mum has always loved Madge more than me. Madge was everything she wanted in a daughter-in-law. While I can't remember the last nice thing Mum said about me she was always showering Madge in compliments. They would go on away on spa trips and gossip over brunch together. I married Madge partly in an effort to please Mum and get her to like me.
"Do you know how embarrassing it is to admit to my friends what you have done? It seems you are intent on humiliating me. You have just proven that you are completely worthless," Mum says bitterly.
Every insult that falls from her mouth feels like a lash to my back. She is the guard that keeps on whipping until my skin is raw and bloody.
Her words sting. I have never been good enough for her. She's not very fond of children and by the time I came along, the last of 3 boys, she had given up any interest of being a mother. She ignored me for most of my childhood and I remember asking the nanny if I could call her Mummy instead. When I was 5 I even tried once to give Mum a picture of a rainbow I drew to show her I loved her. She just looked at the picture in disgust and asked why would I ever want to give her such a thing. I don't think I have ever heard her say she loves me.
Her complete lack of motherly love didn't stop me trying to please her though. I was desperate as a child to get her to notice me but as I reached my teens I realised it was of no use. It didn't matter that I was captain of the first XV rugby team at school or the youngest partner Heavensbee and Coin have ever had, I have always had some failing. A failure because I didn't pursue a professional rugby career or if I had been really ambitious I could have made partner at 30 instead of 34. There is always something I have done wrong.
This time I know that I have fucked up. I live in a hotel and see my kids once a week if I am lucky. Both mothers of my children barely speak to me and I am the centre of all work place gossip at the moment. But the way Mum speaks to me about it harsh. Her tone is cruel and she says these words not to give me a reality check but to hurt me.
Like every time I speak with her I feel like a little boy again. Scolded for taking biscuits out the biscuit jar. An inconvenience that she would rather not have.
"Madge told me that she is filing for divorce. I will be able to add the name divorcee to the list of pathetic words I use to describe you," she adds.
I don't know how to defend myself. I know if I try she will just use it as ammunition to insult me further. I don't think I can take anymore.
"I didn't think you could disappoint me more than you have already. But well done. At least you succeeded there. I will get in touch with you once I have overcome my humiliation. Goodbye," she says sharply before sweeping out the room.
I sit at my desk staring into nothing after she is gone. The sting from her words sharp against my skin.
I am in a depressed mood when I go round to Katniss's house later that evening. The conversation with my mother and the emotional strain of being away from my children has taken its toll and I feel hollow and empty inside. I know the only thing that has a chance of cheering me up is some time with my daughter.
Katniss and I have barely spoken since the day she told Madge about our affair. I am pretty angry at her for what she did and she is pissed at me for shouting at her. But I still want to see Ivy. The only time Katniss and I have communicated is when we talk about our daughter and arrange times for me to come and visit. The situation may be messed up but I don't want my daughter to be affected by it.
It has been strange not being there every day for Ivy. With my three oldest boys I was there for every cry, every night feed and every small milestone. They grow so much and change in these first few months and I feel like I am looking at a different child every time I go round and see her. It kills me to know I am missing things in her life.
Johanna opens the door when I arrive and gives me a curt nod of the head as she lets me in. She is in her work scrubs and I assume that she must start her night shift soon.
"Blondie," she says as she steps aside. "Katniss is in the kitchen. The little bug is sleeping upstairs."
"Thanks for letting me know. I'll just go and check in with Katniss," I reply.
Johanna nods her head and begins gathering up her things.
She is a loyal friend to Katniss. I got the third degree from her when I first started sleeping with her but she didn't judge us for what we were doing and was very good at making herself scarce the times I came round to see Katniss. I know she would do anything to protect Katniss and Ivy and for that I am grateful.
Katniss is making a cup of tea when I enter the kitchen. She turns to me with a small nod as she holds the tea cup and dips the tea bag in and out of it.
"Hi," I say with a small wave. "Johanna said Ivy is asleep. I won't wake her but will sit with her until she wakes. I would still like to spend some time with her."
Katniss nods her head.
"Okay. You know where her room is," she replies.
We stand a little awkwardly in the kitchen for a moment longer unsure if either of us should say anything more. Part of me hates that it has come to this between us. I never had a problem with speaking to her before. In fact we opened up to each other pretty quickly. Our hot love making in the office or at her flat were often followed by moments where we'd talk about everything and anything until it was time for me to leave. Even after everything, I miss that connection we had.
Eventually I give her a nod of the head before turning and going up to Ivy.
There is a soft nightlight on beside the cot and a colourful mobile hangs above Ivy's head. She sleeps soundly on her back, her arms tucked up around her head and a stuffed yellow bunny rabbit sitting in the corner.
I lean forwards into the cot and place a kiss on her dark curls. It amazes me how much hair she has. All the boys were bald until they were about 6 months old. I hope her hair comes out as thick and silky as her mother's.
I take a seat on the rocking chair beside the cot and reach a hand through the bars as I lean closer to stroke her head.
I have always wanted a little girl. A daddy's girl that I can spoil rotten and chase away all the boys. That was part of the reason Madge was so determined to get pregnant again. She wanted to give me that girl. I had to listen to her cry herself to sleep the day we found out we were getting our fourth boy.
Don't get me wrong. I love my sons and wouldn't trade them for the world but I am glad that I got Ivy. That I got the little girl I craved.
"Hey. Daddy's here now. I've missed you. But it's okay if you want to sleep. I'll never hold your decisions against you. You can do whatever you want and I will still love you. I don't want you to ever think that I don't love you. Because I do. With all my being," I whisper to her.
"You saw your mother today," Katniss says standing from the doorway.
I get a little fright at her words. I didn't hear her come up. But she has always been stealthily quiet.
I twist round to look at her. It wasn't a question. She knows I must have seen my mother today.
"What makes you say that?" I ask.
Katniss places her cup of tea down on the chest of drawers by the door and makes her way into the room. She stops to stand and place a hand on the edge of the cot.
"You've got that look in your eye. The one that looks like someone has sucked out your soul. You only get that look after talking to her," she replies.
I let out a small laugh as I turn back to look at Ivy. She knows me so well. Through all the sex she was still able to learn things about me. Still able to understand my triggers.
"They got back from Italy yesterday. It was just the usual how stupid and pathetic I was. How I let the whole family down. You think I would be used to it by now," I say solemnly.
Katniss gives me a sad smile and drops to her knees so she is kneeling in front of me. She reaches out to take my hand and begins to rub soothing circles with her thumb.
It is ridiculous how much energy jolts through my body at her touch. I haven't touched her in 6 weeks. The longest since the time I tried to step away from her. No woman has ever made me feel quite as much as she does.
"You shouldn't have to be used to it. It is a mother's duty to love her son," she says.
I smile at her gratefully and give her hand a gentle squeeze. Katniss hates to see me in pain. It is one of her weaknesses. She would never deny me if she saw me upset and miserable.
"It is pathetic really. A 37 year old man shouldn't need his mother's approval. It's pathetic how much I seek it," I reply.
"We all want our parents to be proud of us but I don't think mine would be particularly proud of me either at the moment," she says still rubbing soothing circles over my knuckles.
I'm staring at her intently now. Her grey eyes shine in the soft orange light in Ivy's bedroom. Her touch is still making my body buzz with energy. All my desire for her comes rushing back all at once. It's been so long since I have had her. I know what I want to make myself feel better. What I always need after I have spoken with my mother.
She is staring back at me with an equal intensity and I know she won't be able to deny me. I feel the spark of electricity between us that hasn't been subdued even 3 years later. With one purposeful movement I reach forward to grab her head and tug her towards me to engage her in a heated kiss.
She gasps into my mouth as I tug her close and weave my hands through her hair. Soon her hands are wrapped around my neck and she returns my kiss with a fervour.
My feelings of inadequacy melt away as she consumes me and I only focus on the way her skin feels beneath my finger tips and the sounds she is making from our kisses. I focus on the feeling of being wanted. Of being needed.
She pulls her mouth away and I instantly drop my lips to plant soft kisses on the exposed bit of collar bone.
"Not here," she pants as she leans her head to the side to grant me access to her neck. Her hands thread themselves through my curls to guide me to the spot she wants me most.
"Not in front of Ivy," she says again her chest rising and falling rapidly.
I growl as I pull my lips away from her neck and lean in to give her a bruising kiss.
"I need you so badly," I say.
Katniss lets out a contented sigh before she picks herself off me and drags me out of the room. Her bedroom is just across the hall and we crash through the doorway as I push her against the wall. She gasps as I press my hips into her and she feels my erection hard against her stomach.
I need to have her now. I need to forget all about my mother and Madge and how I don't get to see my sons.
I may have been pissed at her for telling Madge but it is still her I need. Her tight pussy wrapped around me. Her nails dragging down my back.
I miss her in a way I don't miss Madge. Whatever I had with Madge faded long ago but the fire I feel for Katniss is still there and roaring bright. I can forgive her for what she did because she is the one I love. The one I want.
I don't even bother getting us both completely naked. I need to feel her now. I reach forward to pop the button on her jeans and push them and her underwear down her legs. We are still kissing furiously as I undo my belt with one hand while the other grips her head in a possessive embrace.
My own trousers and boxers hit the floor and I take a step closer to her. She gasps as she feels my erection press against her wet folds.
"We shouldn't be doing this," she pants as I place kisses along her neck.
"It's been six weeks. You're fine. Are you back on birth control?" I ask as I kiss my way up her neck to suckle on her ear lobe.
Katniss lets out a strangled cry as my hands find her clit and gives it a firm rub.
"I need you," I plead placing a soft kiss on her lips.
Katniss looks at me with hazy eyes. She nods as I feel her body relax and she reaches forward to kiss me hard.
I don't waste another minute getting inside her as I thrust into her. We both cry out as we join together and I begin undulating my hips, wary to not go too hard so soon after her giving birth.
She feels so good. She's not as tight as she was before she had Ivy but she still squeezes me in a way that gets me moaning and she is still as wet as ever.
We soon set a pace that is comfortable for us both and my name starts to tumble from her lips.
I love watching her while we have sex. Her cheeks develop this lovely flush and her pupils grow so big her eyes are almost black. She leans her head back against the wall as I pound into her again and again and she moans in approval. Her chest rises and falls rapidly as the sweat begins to drip down her neck. I lean forward to lick away the trail of sweat and I am rewarded with another sultry moan.
My own orgasm is rapidly approaching so I reach down between us and rub her clit in quick hard circles. Her moans grow louder as she picks her head off the wall and grabs my head for a heated kiss. I feel her walls clench around me moments later and I swallow her cry with a kiss.
Soon after I cry out as I find my own release.
We both slump against the wall as we try to catch our breath. I smile at her sweetly and lean forward to place a kiss on her forehead.
"I've missed you," I say.
Katniss freezes and looks up at me with wide eyes. She pulls up her underwear and jeans as she steps away from me and runs a hand through her hair.
"We shouldn't have done it. It was all wrong," she says.
I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. Where is this coming from? We have both just had amazing orgasms and I have a new sense of clarity. I am ready to forgive her for telling Madge. I am ready to have a real relationship with her.
"What are you talking about? I'm forgiving you about Madge. A warning would have been nice but I understand why you told her. You did it for Ivy. I can't be mad at you for that. I love you. I want to be with you," I say earnestly reaching out for her hands.
Katniss lets out a sad laugh and pulls her hands away. Her rejection hits me right in the heart.
"We can't be in a real relationship!" she says. "Don't you see how fucked up this is? We have barely talked in 6 weeks but we are already fucking against the wall. We have big problems and they can't be solved with sex."
"But I love you. Not Madge. It's you I choose," I say.
"I love you too but our relationship is fucked up. We do things to hurt each other…" she says.
"That's not true," I cut in. "We don't mean to hurt each other."
"Yes we do. I fell pregnant with Ivy on purpose after you told me Madge was pregnant. I knew it would hurt you the most to have to choose between your children. I was so angry at you that I flushed all my birth control pills away. I wanted to make you feel pain," she says.
I am stunned by the revelation. I was always a bit suspicious about the timing of Ivy's conception but never dreamed Katniss would do it on purpose. I had no idea she wanted to hurt me that bad.
"You've done things to hurt me too. Things you know would hurt me," she adds.
She's right. I paraded Madge around on purpose after Katniss told me she loved me for the first time. We weren't supposed to fall in love so I wanted to punish her a little.
"I can't believe you did that. You told me it was an accident," I reply.
"That's my point. We lie to each other. We hurt each other and try to fuck away our problems. It's not healthy. Our relationship is toxic. And it's not just about us anymore. We have Ivy to think about and I don't want her to be in a house were her parents hurt each other all the time. I can't do that to her," Katniss says.
"So you're saying we can't be together?" I ask.
My heart is clenching again. I can't stand the thought of losing Katniss on top of everything else. I thought she loved me.
"Not right now," Katniss replies.
My heart breaks. Her rejection hits me right in the gut and makes me feel nauseous.
"You don't love me?" I ask like a little boy.
I can see the pain in Katniss's eyes. She hates seeing me in pain. She hates that she is causing it.
"I do love you. But we both need to change if this is ever going to work. You need trust and respect and compromise to make a relationship work and we have none of those things. Maybe if we work really hard we'll get to that place and be the parents Ivy deserves," she says.
I am lost for words. I can see the tears threatening to fall at the corners of her eyes. But she won't let them. She needs to stay strong in front of me.
The pain in my chest burns. I am famed for my charm and getting people to do whatever I want but I know I can't make Katniss change her mind. She is determined and stubborn.
We stand staring at each other for a long moment. I don't want to leave because leaving means the conversation has ended and that she has won. I'm not ready to let her go yet.
But then Ivy cries and I remember why I came here in the first place. No matter what my children come first. I take one last look at Katniss before turning and walking through to Ivy's room, a huge hole in my heart.
