I was outside on the front porch for some time. I was surprised that no one has come out to see what was going on. I was desperately trying to regain my cool as fast as possible before anyone could come out here out of concern. I needed to pretend that everything was okay, like nothing at all happened. I just needed to make them believe that I was sick of course. But we all know I am not physically sick, I'm mentally sick and it's almost crippling; they didn't need to know this type of information. I didn't need to spread worry to the others; especially Amy. She didn't deserve to go through such heartache knowing that I wasn't okay. That's all she ever wanted for me. But why couldn't I give that to her? I feel like a total failure, but I shouldn't be too quick. I might be able to work through this before any of them needed to step in. I love Amy, I only want her to be happy, even if it meant for me to meet my downfall. I'd go through it a thousand times for her because I know she would do the same for me. She and Toya have the perfect relationship. He is so kind, so gentle. He is like a king, and she was the princess; but she was far too beautiful to be a princess. Her beauty runs deeper than her outside skin. They were meant for each other that was for sure. They were like a couple you found in a fantasy story; it was so unreal, they were too perfect. I hope it stays like this forever for her. I used to love reading these fantasies, but I have come to believe that they have spoiled my life. They made my expectations far too high. I was bound to suffer and fail in this life. But what if..there was something out there better for me? This life couldn't be right for me. Maybe things will start to change soon.
My heart stopped racing after a while, I started to feel alright enough to face my friends. With a deep breath I grabbed the door handle and slid the door open simultaneously coming up with an excuse why I abruptly ran from the room like a maniac. I quickly put on the 'I'm good now, I'm okay' façade.
"Hey guys, I'm sorry about that" I said entering the room, " I just felt a little sick, I just needed some fresh air." I put on a fake smile, I tried to not sound frantic.
"Good you're back" Said Amy, " you can help me cook since I lost to Rinku while you were out."
"You mean to tell me you made a bet on who was going to cook when you can't even cook?" I questioned. "I don't know who's more foolish, the person making the bet, or the person agreeing to follow through with the bet knowing that they are risking their lives by possibly eating your gourmet food."
"Shut it Iris." She couldn't help but laugh as the others chimed in.
"Don't worry guys, I won't allow you to eat her toxic waste."
"You know, you're a jerk Iris."
"I know and I love you too Amy." I said with a smile.
