Sensations
Rated: M (Mature themes)
Pairing: Will be Dasey eventually
Genre: Romance/Drama
Summary: At first I wasn't really sure what was happening, what I had done, and I sort of sat staring at my blood pouring from my body. I watched it drop and puddle on the floor with some sort of sick fascination until the searing pain set it. (WARNING: Deals with self-injury)
Disclaimer: Not mine, which is oh so sad because I would bring them all back to Newfoundland!!!
AN: Sorry this took so very long and that this chapter is so short... I actually had some more but I'm not sure where that's going to go yet so I figure instead of letting this rot on my computer I would just post it...
Chapter 2 - Of Shrinks and Rubber Bands
"Tell me Derek, in your own words, why do think you tried to kill yourself?" Derek was already beginning to dislike this woman. She was smug looking, had a permanently upturned nose and generally did not look like a happy person. Certainly not someone who should be counselling others on the values of life.
Derek lounged on the couch in her office. It was a nice space, there was no way she decorated it. Her with her gray suit and brown hair pulled back in a severe bun. She could have been pretty, in fact any other guy besides Derek probably would have been dying at this point to unravel the bun and dive his fingers into chocolate brown hair but Derek was too busy disliking her to think such thoughts. That and too in love with someone he shouldn't be in love with.
"I didn't." he stated.
"Derek, your sister found you lying bleeding to death on the bathroom floor. With a razor blade next to you and obvious evidence that you've been cutting for sometime..." She trailed, waiting for him to interject.
"Step sister." He corrected quickly, so quickly that the shrink made a note to pursue that topic a little later on. "It was accident. I had no idea how much sharper that blade was and I was in a rush."
"Why?"
Derek did not want to go down this road, he wasn't really ready to hear the words out loud, admitting them in his head was bad enough but saying them, well that made them real.
He took a deep breathe and then sighed as he let it out. He knew this wasn't going to be easy but he promised his Dad he would do this. If only his Dad knew. "I'm in love with my step sister."
The doctor didn't even bat an eyelash, she seemed totally unaffected by his revelation and certainly not showing any disgust. "You don't seemed shocked or anything..."
"Derek, I deal with stranger things than this. You're a 17 year old boy with a girl living in your house that you are in no way related to by blood. It's natural that you might have some attraction to her." The doctor, her name is actually Mia and had insisted Derek call her so, jotted something else down on her pad, "Why don't you tell me why your feelings for her had you cutting that day? What happened? You said you were in a rush?"
"I had opened her door to find her changing, she didn't hear the door and she had her back to me... I... watched her for a minute and then left..."
"Why not masturbate to relief your tension, why cut?"
The words came from her mouth so casually that Derek faltered. "I did... uh... do that... it wasn't enough, cutting was the only way the feelings went away." He kept his eyes down, on his hands, which were playing with the strings of his hoodie.
"Derek, you need to find another way to deal with your feelings, you have to face them, not hide from them. Have you thought about telling her how you feel?"
Derek paused, sure he had thought about it and the stress thinking about it caused had him cutting again. "She hates me, I drive her insane. It was kinda what I lived for her. Bugging her gave me a reason to stop before... She became my vent, I lived for the next time I could hear her scream my name the way she does when she gets angry." He hadn't meant to say that much but it was easy to talk to this woman, easy to let someone know.
"Derek, someone can drive you totally up the wall and you can still love them, It's sort of something you can't control. And I realize that that must frighten you but it is something you need to think about."
"Our parents would never be okay with it even if she was." Yet another reason for a few of the scars on Derek's arm.
"Why not run it by them, see how they would take it. Present it as a hypothetical." Mia made a note and looked up at the clock. "That's it for today Derek, I'll see you next week. There's some homework I'd like you to do for me. Firstly, any time you feel overwhelmed and feel like cutting during the day I want you to snap this." She took hold of his still bandaged wrist and place a rubber band on it. "Second, I want you to write down in this journal what made you feel that way. Every week we'll take a moment to run through it, we may see some patterns emerge that might help you deal with the urge to cut." She handed Derek a notebook and he turned to leave. "And Derek, it's not part of the homework but I would like you to apologize to your family, this can be a stain on them as well. It doesn't have to be today or even this year but it would be good for both you and them. Now, see you next week."
TBC
