Queen Heloise sat impatiently on her throne, foot tapping, and sighing. She hated having to hold court, listening to all of the whining and complaining that seemed to always swirl around amongst the uber-privileged. Though she was raised with similar privilege, she never counted herself as typical member of the Royal Court. She never felt the need to complain about the mundane and inconsequential. In fact, she had always considered herself blessed by Aule himself to have access to such advantage.
"But Queen Heloise, do you not think that the flowers in the royal dining room ought to be changed more than twice a week? I, for one, think it's the servants being too lazy to go out and cut fresh ones, so we are stuck here having to look at the same boring flowers for days on end," Hervé, a particularly whiny lower lord complained.
"You can't possibly be serious!" Heloise climbed onto the seat of her throne and exclaimed in her most sarcastic tone, "Everyone, listen…Hervé has just brought to my attention the shocking report that you have all been subject to looking at the same bountiful, fresh bouquets of flowers in our dining halls for more than three days at a time! How long has this horror been vexing you? Why was I not told of this abomination earlier? How can we all be expected to survive with this kind of indignity?"
The room fell utterly silent. She stood still and sure above the royal rabble, looking each one of them in the eye with disdain. "Not in my 60 years as Queen have I been so disgusted, nor can I say that in my 195 years under this mountain have I ever been so disappointed in my bloodline." She gracefully jumped down off of her throne. "I believe I have had my fill of the Royal Court for this year. If anyone has any other pressing issues, you know where to find me…working." Shaking her head, she walked out past the stunned crowd.
"My Queen," giggled Leana, her handmaiden, "and that is why your reputation precedes you!"
"Leana, I have had enough stupidity for one day..for one lifetime, really. I'll be in my chambers. Would you please bring me some headache tea?"
"Of course, my Lady. I'll be right there with it. Oh, I almost forgot, a courier from Erebor came today with this letter for you."
"Erebor? " And she looked at the seal, "Oh, great, Thorin…another stubborn dwarf to add to my pile of nuisances. You'd better bring me a double pot of that tea, Leana."
Heloise hastened to her chambers as to avoid anyone else who might "need" her attention. She looked at the letter in her hand and sighed. "What could he possibly want?" She wondered if he'd written to complain about the size of the mithril coin she sent as a goodwill gesture. "Probably not big enough for his tastes, greedy bastard." She'd heard more than enough about King Thorin of Erebor: He was selfish, stubborn, pig-headed, no sense of humor, and kept his beard short. "That is the oddest feature of all," she thought, "Well, I hope my gesture of goodwill isn't about to be thrown back in my face." She opened the note and stared blankly at its contents.
Naturally cynical, she wondered what in the world would possess Thorin to write such a letter to her. "Must've been drunk on his birthday when he wrote this," she thought and chuckled. "Well, who am I to deny a King a birthday request? Plus, it will be fun to mess with him a little, and give me a much-needed distraction from this insane asylum."
"Dearest Thorin, King Under The Mountain,
I would be delighted to be your female confidant. What my years of experience have dealt me, I am more than willing to share with you. Are you interested in courting Dwarrows of Apprentice age, or are we talking something younger? Honestly, I am sure a Dwarf of your high ranking should have no trouble finding more than a few tarts for his dessert table. Just trust in the usual candy and liquor and intimidation, and I'm sure you won't be lonely for much longer.
Most Sincerely,
Queen Heloise
PS – I will be in touch with your advisers regarding the reopening of the Great Trade Road. I'm sure you are busy with other matters. I will handle it."
