In terms of overall writing skill and being more in character (as much as I can do that from 3rd person) I think this chapter is so much better than the first one. I know there's not a ton of Hiccstrid fluff yet, but I promise, it's coming SUPER soon!
Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE constructive feedback and I'd love to hear some suggestions on what you want to see!
[sidenote: I do switch focus between characters, even though i stay in 3rd person. Those switches are marked by a space and ellipses ... ]
A massive lump immediately formed in Hiccups throat as he lunged towards her.
"Astrid!" he yelled at her as loudly as he was able to, shaking her shoulders in a desperate attempt to wake her up. She was ice cold. Hiccup's heart dropped and tears quickly began to form in his eyes as he gently slid his arms under her body, cradling her head in the crook of his arm, and pulled her as close to his body as he could. She needed all the warmth she could get.
"Astrid..." Hiccup said again, but this time her name only came out as a choked whisper. He should've known something was wrong, he should've asked her what was going on earlier before she stormed out of the clubhouse when the twins got o be too much to deal with again, he should've found her sooner and now that he didn't she might be dead and it would be all his fault. Okay, it technically wouldn't be, and in the back of his mind, Hiccup knew all these things weren't true, but he couldn't help finding a way to blame himself for it.
The tears forming in his eyes slowly began to roll down his cheeks, nearly burning into icicles on his skin as they went, but he didn't care. He would endure all the pain in the world if it meant he could have Astrid back - dear gods, he prayed, please let her still be alive. He lowered his head next to her mouth and looked at her chest, expecting it to rise and fall like it always has, but he felt and saw no signs of breathing. Oh gods, he thought, no no no no no no, this can't be happening, she's... dear Odin, please let her live, let her be alive, let her... his panicked thoughts trailed off as more tears began to fall down his face, this time burning even more than they did before.
He couldn't believe it. She couldn't be dead, she couldn't be! She was a fighter, a warrior, and the strongest and most inspiring person he knew, a little cold couldn't kill her. He knew it wouldn't. Gods, if he had just chased after her a little bit earlier, none of this would've happened! His muffled tears grew into a quiet sob. He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't. She didn't deserve to die, of all people, why her? He didn't know what he would do without her. Without her constant support; her inspiring ferocity and perseverance; without her astonishingly intelligent advice and arguments that always kept him grounded and saved lives so many times he lost count; without her beautiful smile and gentle touch; without her always by his side, through thick and thin, no matter what life threw their way; without... her... he was lost.
All of this suddenly overwhelmed him as he broke and began to sob into her, his head pressed against her chest, willing her to stay with him with all he had, knowing he has already lost. He allowed his entire being to wracked by sobs of grief and despair while he sat there, collapsed on the ground of this abandoned cabin, listening to the soft beating of her hear-
Oh. my. gods. Hiccup sprung up from where he was sitting with a nearly unfathomable joy, crying out to the gods with a different prayer this time. A prayer of adoration and thankfulness.
She was alive.
And, another cliffhanger - sort of - what else? :)
I'll be posting the next chapter within the next week
