Author's Note: I'd like to thank those who took the time to read/review/favorite the prologue. Your support and encouragement is greatly appreciated. If you have the time, please leave a review for this chapter. I am quite new to the Twilight fandom and I would love to hear what you think.
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Stephanie Meyer's work.
Chapter One
The following has been taken from the personal journal of Isabella Swan. Although the entry is not dated, the events detailed are generally believed to have taken place between Monday March 20th, 2006 and April 1st.
I used to have this dream when I was young. It was one of those strange dreams, not quite a nightmare, not fully a fantasy. I remember only bits and pieces of it now, but it remains as a stain on my subconscious. A thought that I can't quite reach.
In quiet moments, I remember standing on a terrace, being threatened by a wind fierce enough to dash me on the rocks below.
I remember a decaying palace, with red walls eroded by sand and too many tears.
I remember a great room, musty with the smell of time. And an impenetrable darkness that presses my last breath from me.
I never told you about that dream, Edward. Maybe I should have. Or maybe I should have whispered it to Alice while we were on our way to Volterra. It seems important now.
But maybe its not. Maybe it means nothing.
You always wanted to know what I was thinking that day when I ran after you in the Palazzo dei Priori. Well, there you go. Are you surprised? Disappointed? Do you even care?
Probably not.
I can recall pushing you back into the shadows, away from the reaching sunlight and thinking, this is it, the impenetrable darkness and it will soon swallow me whole.
But none of us knew what was to come.
Not even Alice. She told me Volterra was dangerous. She told me we might not make it out alive.
I didn't believe her.
I have to admit, I wasn't entirely impressed with the Volturi Guard when I first met them. Felix reminded me too much of Emmett…he still does…and Demetri had the appearance of a nervous cat. It was only Jane that got under my skin the first time. I didn't understand what she was then, what she was capable of. Now she doesn't bother me so much. I've seen how weak she can be…how weak we all are.
Do you remember our trip through the sewers? I'm still not fond of it. Every night, when I go out to hunt, I dread climbing up out of that old grate. It's even worse crawling back into it again…crawling into the dark. I always feel like I'm falling through the earth and that no one will catch me.
I've learned to catch myself though. And land on my feet.
Did I ever think that when I went with you and Alice through the tunnel that I wouldn't emerge alive?
A part of me says I knew. Maybe I have a bit of Alice's foresight after all.
The tunnel, the reception desk, the receiving hall. It's amazing how familiar these places are to me now. Almost as familiar as my old bedroom back in Forks, where you used to climb in through the window to watch me sleep.
But my home is in Volterra now and not with you…
Aro didn't impress me much either when I met him. I could laugh at myself then. I even thought he was a bit strange looking. Alien.
Of course, I feel differently now.
But I remember being enthralled by his voice. It's deadly, really. Seductive. And his skin is so much harder than shale. In fact, I think it is harder than any vampire's, unscarred by tears, by pleas for mercy, by remorse.
I've learned that there is almost nothing that moves him.
He was happy to see me that first time, that I know. So very happy. He even clapped his hands.
"Wonderful!" I can recall that one word. Much of the rest of is a blur, but I know he said it was wonderful to see me.
You were frightened of him, Edward, and so was Alice. I was more in awe. Dizzy with relief for having found you, but enchanted by the ancients.
Marcus. Caius. The wives. Yes, the wives.
Did I see Sulpicia in the tower? I must have. I know she saw me. She knew then, she said, she knew then what I would try to do to her.
I've tried to trace the events of that day in my mind. The intricate patterns. The distorted waltz of words and actions. I think the Volturi would have let us go. Aro was more fascinated by our relationship than distressed. And I would have left with you, Edward. I would have gone home to Forks and maybe, someday, you would have changed me.
On our wedding night, as I had long fantasized.
But then Aro touched me.
"I mean her no harm," he told you. "But I am so curious about one thing in particular. May I?"
You should have told him no. And I would have left with you that day and maybe we would have had our happily ever after.
You gave me the choice, however. "Ask her," you said.
Aro did.
And, well, you know how I responded. I gave him my hand, slipped my palm into his papery grasp and closed my eyes. Aro said he could not read my thoughts. He said he felt nothing.
I wish I could say the same.
How can I explain it to you, Edward? I've tried to liken to it every emotion I've ever experienced, but I haven't yet found its equal. The closest I've come to is remembering my old dreams. Not quite a nightmare, not fully a reverie, but something, something.
And that something changed my life.
I remember thinking I couldn't go back. I didn't want to. I was being promised something and it was mine, mine for the taking. It confuses me even now. Infuriates me. Was my need primal? A gut reaction to something I had always desired? Or was it written in the stars?
Ugh, that sounds so melodramatic. Written in the stars. I doubt it. Let's just say that it was written in my blood.
When Aro tried to let my hand go, I wouldn't let him.
"Please," I said, "please."
His eyes widened slightly, making him look charmed. He has not gazed at me like that since. No. I've only seen him stare at Sulpicia that way.
"Please." I wasn't sure what I was begging for until it left my lips. "Change me."
You screamed then. But Alice stood mute, her fingertips to her mouth.
Maybe she knew what was coming after all. Like Cassandra. She foresaw the fall of Troy all for Helen's love.
Am I like Helen? Running after Paris, forsaking her true mate for lust. You probably think so…if you don't think worse for me.
My choice was unfair to you. I know that now. My blood sang for you and you alone. I should have gifted it to you at last. But Edward, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was ending your suffering and giving myself to you as you deserved.
And yet, I think there was a touch of cruelty to my actions as well. You had left me. I survived your absence…just barely. Perhaps I wanted you to feel the acute pain for once. Experience the helplessness. The weakness.
Do you understand now how I felt?
I think so. I can still hear your screams when Aro took me from you.
"Bella, no!" Your arm was on mine, pulling me away from him. As if you could stop them.
That's when Felix stepped in.
What happened then, Edward? I saw the look of hurt in your face even as you struggled against the guards. I drove you mad that day, especially, when as a last resort, you offered to change me yourself.
"No," I replied. "Not you."
I'm sorry.
They wouldn't let you come with me into the antechamber, that tight, smothering room where blood is spilt only to be restored with venom. Only the three of them were allowed. Marcus. Caius. Aro…
I'm glad you missed it, Edward. I wasn't easy to change. Aro often jokes about it. Sure, I submitted easily enough. I even unbuttoned my shirt so he wouldn't spill blood on it.
Aro was very gentle about it, but he never gave me time to change my mind. Quickly, oh so quickly he pressed his lips to my breast.
It didn't hurt at first, even when he drained some of my blood to make way for his venom. I remember enjoying it. Yes, Edward, I enjoyed it. And a little wicked voice inside me said that you would have never made me feel so wonderful.
The pain started soon afterwards. I seized up. I screamed. I flailed around on the slick stone floor. Aro says I nearly took Caius's eyes out. I wanted to tear my skin off if only to get to my veins, to stop the flow of the venom.
It was worse than when James bit me. I've often wondered since then if the venom of an ancient is more potent than any other vampire's.
I guess I'll never know.
Aro had sent his venom straight to my heart, but still, it took time. I don't know when they moved me from the antechamber and put me in the bedroom.
I was only delirious once in my human life. I was eight and had the flu. My fever went up to 105 and Renee took me to the hospital where they packed my body with ice. She says I rambled incoherently about a school bus and a cemetery. I don't remember what I said, just as I don't remember what raved about in that bedroom.
The silk sheets rubbed my skin raw until I threw them off. Modesty was abandoned. I tore my clothes. I bit and scratched myself.
It took fifteen hours for my heart stop.
You weren't there when I awoke, but Heidi was.
She smiled at me when I stirred, her perfect lips opening slightly to reveal a row of perfect teeth.
Butcher's teeth.
"Hungry?" she asked.
Heidi brought me something to eat. It was blood. In a chalice. Compliments of Master Aro and Mistress Sulpicia.
"But why can't I hunt?" I asked her.
Heidi continued to smile at me as I snatched the goblet from her, frenzy dominating reason. "We have strict rules regarding newborns," she said. "Usually, they tend to make a mess out of their first meal and the Masters won't permit such a display within the city walls. Once you have been well-fed the Guard will take you out."
I didn't trouble myself then with irksome details such as where the blood came from. It was human blood, of course and I didn't have the strength to refuse it. I don't think I ever will.
Poor Carlisle must be so disappointed in me.
My hunger, which was new and sharp, abated quickly, leaving me surprisingly clear-headed. Only then did I realize I was nude. Heidi brought me a long, loose dress to wear.
There were no mirrors in the room and for that I was glad. I didn't want to see my reflection just yet.
After I finished dressing I asked to see you. Heidi seemed to hesitate, a delicate pout making her look impish.
"Is Edward all right?" I asked breathlessly. "Can I see him?"
"He's fine," she replied rather flippantly. "I'll have to ask the Masters for permission, though. Your Cullen friends have been detained."
It was then that I felt the first stirrings of remorse. Aro must have been feeling lenient that night. Or perhaps he was too was celebrating my decision to join the Volturi. Either way, he allowed you to come to me.
I'm glad you did.
It was painful, yes, very, very painful. I don't have to tell you that, Edward. You wouldn't look at me for the longest time. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed, studying the tapestries on the wall just to avoid your face.
We didn't speak for a long time.
Then finally, you asked the most obvious question.
"Why, Bella?"
I wanted to laugh then, for some insane reason. There I sat, changed, yours for the taking and you wouldn't even look at me.
"I don't know," I replied, feeling suddenly self-conscious when I noticed how pale my skin was. "I think I had to."
"You think?"
"Edward, please." I wasn't sure how to respond to you. "I..I felt something in him."
"Aro."
"No…well, yes. I wanted him to change me for you."
"For me?" I had never seen you so angry before. "This wasn't for me, Bella and you know it."
You were telling the truth. I was lying. I wasn't used to lying to you, but now it seemed necessary.
"This had to happen," I said. "Do you know what Alice said when we were flying to Italy? She said she thought of changing me herself, but she didn't know if she had the control. Would you have hated her for that?"
I noticed you staring at the goblet Heidi had left behind. You were hungry too. I could sense that now, sense it more easily than I ever had before.
And yet it wasn't your venom in my veins. It was his.
"Alice is different," you said.
"But would you have been mad at her?"
"Bella." Your frustration came out as a growl. "I don't think you understand…what you've done."
"What I've done?" I stood then, testing my newborn legs. As far as I could tell, they were the same as my old ones.
You knew what I was thinking. "Just wait," you said. "Wait until the hunger starts. They won't always be feeding you from golden chalices." And in saying so, you picked up the goblet and dashed it against the wall.
"Edward." I wanted to touch you, just, as I suppose, you wanted to touch me. "Please, don't hate me for this. I need you now. We…we can be together."
You caught the blush rising to my cheeks. The lust. What we wanted, what we had always wanted was within our grasp…in that very moment, Edward.
Now we'll never have it.
For the first time, you looked disgusted. Disgusted with me. I'll never forget your expression. The slight curling of your lips, the grimace. And your eyes…black.
"No, Bella," you said, passing within an inch of me, but not reaching out to caress my granite flesh. "I can't."
