Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit.


Kili stood across the road and stared up at the tall skyscraper, appearing to be made of entirely dark glass. Of course at night, the glass was always dark. Faint muted light came from inside, from the uppermost floors. But you could hardly see it. It was blotted out by the greater source of light: the sign that said Erebor Corps, splayed on the top of the building. Kili stood a few more minutes in the street looking at the building, with the wind whipping up his long black hair around his face, trying to work up the nerve to go inside and face his mother and uncle, while simultaneously wondering if there was a way he could sneak up without them knowing it, and get to his room. The rational part of his mind told him that that was impossible. Erebor Corps was a security business. If they couldn't catch someone sneaking into their own building, then how were they going to be able to protect the business that relied on them? And Kili knew Erebor Corps was the best in the business. Besides he already had all his failures from his attempts to sneak away while grounded to remind him, in case he forgot. He sighed and tilted his face into the wind, enjoying its cool touch on his severely bruised cheekbones and his busted mouth. Then he sighed again and turned back to face the building and jammed his hands into his jacket pockets. There was nothing for it; he had to go in sometime. He crossed the street and entered the building.


Kili being Kili, of course still tried to sneak in. He made it all the away to the penthouse on the top floor without any encounters and had just stealthily entered the apartment and was in the act of turning down the corridor towards his room when a voice spoke out.

"Where have you been boy?"

Kili suppressed the urge to hunch his shoulders and turned slowly to face his uncle. Behind him was his mother, Dis. When she saw his face she gave a little gasp.

"Oh Kili!" she said, "Not again!" Kili fought not to flinch. He hated it when his mother saw him this way. He hated the look that she got on her face. This half angry, half sorrowful look. He hated the fear and anxiety he saw in her eyes. The anger he could take, not the rest. He switched his gaze back to his uncle quickly.

His Uncle Thorin's face was like stone. He turned slightly and gestured Dis away. She started to protest but he gave her a single look. She stared back at him just as fiercely. They glared at each other for a moment and then something seemed to pass between them and Dis turned and left without another word.

Kili stood awkwardly to the side and waited for his Uncle's wrath to fall on him. He flinched when Thorin's intense, blue eyes locked with his own dark ones.

Slowly he repeated his question, in his deep rumbling voice, that seemed to shake the very ground from under him, "Where. Have. You. Been. Boy?" Kili remembered a time when that rumbling voice would put him to sleep after nightmares, when it would soothe him as he lay on his uncle's chest, while Thorin read him bedtime stories. It was a long time ago.

As was his custom, Kili refrained from answering. Thorin waited, Kili kept silent. The tension in the room was increasing with every breath they both took. After a while, Thorin shifted tactics in the usual way.

"What were you doing boy?"

As was his custom, Kili still refrained from answering. Thorin waited, Kili kept silent. His Uncle's anger was palpable. Kili always wondered why he thought that he would ever get another answer.

"Why are you so ungrateful?"

Kili's head which had been bent for most of the conversation, shot up at the unfamiliar question.

"And do you care nothing for your mother? Must you give her more grief and pain to live with?"

At that Kili flinched sharply, the words cutting deep. He fought to keep his face in control.

"Do you think that we spend our time training you, for you to go out and fight like a vagabond in the streets?" Thorin continued.

"Have you no sense of responsibility towards your duty? You are to be head of this company. Do you plan to run off fighting then? Do you plan to let it run to the ground and deprive hardworking people of their jobs?"

Kili opened his mouth to argue, rage kindled by Thorin's earlier statements, but Thorin went on relentlessly.

"And if you have no sense of duty toward the company, then do you have none toward your family? Are you going to cost your mother another son for the sake of your cheap thrills?"

"Shut up!" Kili snarled, at the last jab. Then just as quickly shut his mouth, not quite believing that he had just snapped at his Uncle. Oh they had quarreled before, but he had never told his Uncle to shut up. Even he didn't quite dare yet. Or hadn't quite dared yet. That cat was now out of the bag.

Thorin looked as surprised as Kili felt. Then his brow creased with anger. But before he could say anything Kili continued with his moment of advantage.

"You don't know anything about me!" he said, "And don't talk about duty to family to me. All you care about is the company. You only care about me because I'm your heir. But you don't really care. About me or anything I do. All you worry is how it will look on the company's reputation. I could disappear just like he did, and all you would mourn is the loss of another heir for your company! You don't know me at all Uncle. You never have!" His voice shook for the last part.

When he saw his Uncle's face darken further, he knew he had gone too far. Without waiting for Thorin to say anything, Kili turned around and stalked to his room and slammed the door.


Once inside, away from his Uncle's wrath, and his pain, Kili allowed himself to show emotion. He let out a shaky sigh, hating the way he could hear the tears within it, and slide down to door to sit on the floor. He spent a long time with his head resting on his arm which was propped up on a knee, just breathing in and out as deeply as possible as he fought to overcome rage or tears. He wasn't sure which one. Maybe both. He was so angry and hurt at Thorin but at the same time he felt guilty about what he said.

He knew it wasn't true. Thorin had been like a father to him. His only father. Albeit a gruff one, but he had always cared for him. He still cared for him. It was the only reason why he hadn't given up on him yet. And he also felt guilty about his mother. He knew she would be worried. She was always worried. She tried to keep him safe. She couldn't afford to lose her only son left. He knew that. And it hurt him, every time, to see her face, when he came back hurt.

Kili took a couple more breaths to steady himself. He really hated himself sometimes. But he knew that if they ever found out what he was doing, they'd ban him from it. Of course, they actually had, but they didn't know what it was really that they had banned him from. If they knew, they'd really ban him. And he couldn't afford to let them know. Couldn't let them hope. Not when there was every chance for their hopes to be dashed. Besides, they'd tell him to stop, to deal with it. Like they did.

Kili gave a little half choked laugh at that thought. Anyone could see that they were not dealing with it. Had never truly dealt with it. Nineteen years later, and it still dictated a large part of their actions. The most they had done was force themselves to go through the actions of living. Kili hated it. Hated the fact that he knew they weren't the people they should be. Hated the fact that he had never in his life, seen those people. That all he had grown up with were shells of people. Oh he knew they loved him, but it was with all the love that hollowed out people could give. He couldn't hate them for it. Oh it rankled sometimes but he understood. There were days when he felt hollow himself. When he felt like something that should have been there was gone, hadn't never been there for him. And it was something that should never be gone. Like air or sunlight.

He took a deep breath again. Then he levered himself off the floor and promptly blanked his mind, allowing his anger to slide away. Thinking was going to do him no help tonight and neither was anger. He could think and be angry another time. There were things he had to do.

He headed to his little bathroom and peeled off his clothes and inspected his bruises. He had some spectacular ones all over his abdomen from when the last guy had grabbed him by the hair and punched him several times in the stomach. The skin over his knuckles was split and his cheekbones were bruised and his lips were busted. He sighed again and stepped into the shower.

Big brother, you really are a lot of trouble.

When he done took out his own first aid kit and treated his injuries with the practiced ease of one who had done so many times. When that was done, he got his little book out of his secret hiding place and scratched a name off of it. His brother wasn't there. He looked at the next name on the list and rested the pencil he was using thoughtfully on his lips. He would have to figure out how to get there. From what he had heard, this place was notoriously difficult to find. He sighed and closed his book and stowed it away again. He'd have to get outside help and he knew just who to go to. He only hoped they would help him. His mind made up he dropped into his bed and fell asleep.

Outside, in the living room, oblivious to Kili, his mother sat in one of the couches weeping softly, while his Uncle sat facing the city, wreathed with smoke from the pipe he held in one hand.