Kati: DEPRESSING!!! WARNING!!!
Petra: Okay, I just wanted to get that over with. I mean, this is so depressing, that I found myself on the verge of tears after I finished proofreading it and I'm the author so, I'm warning you again. *stern look at TigerLily*
Kati: DON'T PROCEED IF YOU ARE IN A RARE GOOD MOOD!!!
Petra: As you can tell this is in Ron's Journal. THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!! I would never NEVER have made a sequel (a trilogy as it's turning out) if it weren't for all the readers who told me how much they liked this fic!! Thanks guys, you are SUCH confidence boosters. I hope you enjoy the rest of my works.

DEDICATED: This is for you, the readers, because if you hadn't suggested it, I'm too dumb to think of this myself... and, of course, for Harry, 'cause boy, you need help...
WARNING: Angst, teary angst. (Am I a depressing person or what?)
DISCLAIMER: Not own. Understande, no comprehende? (so, I didn't spell that right...)

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Traveling in Darkness; Losing a Friend

"Tread softly on the deck tonight, a deck once hot, now warm; past the night in silence now, for one of us is gone." -Jeff Newell

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Ron's Journal #7; Entry #13; March 9; 7th Year

Something's happening, something that I can't stop, something that, I fear, even Harry can't stop... because Harry is the person it's happening to. I don't think any of the other students besides Hermione and I have noticed it, because no one else knows Harry as well as us. So, thus, Hermione and I can only sit in silence and watch as something eats Harry from the inside, something that he wants to tell us but won't. Sometimes... I think that what's wrong with him is something like, say, bleeding from the inside. Slowly, he's dying, and no one knows. He knows it though, I can tell from his eyes...

Actually... I don't much like to think about his eyes anymore. I remember when I first met him, first looked into that vivid emerald soul, alive with curiosity and excitement... those eyes burned with a fire of life that made me feel like a star in comparision to the sun. Something else too, something that I have seen in no other person, not even a child: innocence. It drew me to him and I knew, as soon as I looked in those eyes, that I had to know him better. Sorry... I'm babbling, after all, I've written this in my other journals... but... the reason I bring it up now is that his eyes aren't like that anymore. His eyes are full of shadows and, when he doesn't think people are looking, they seem dead but, worse than all this, he has lost his innocence... And now that I think back on it I wonder: Was that innocence ever real? And, if it was, can we ever get it back?

I haven't mentioned Harry for a while, as you might have noticed, and there is a reason for that. Harry's been acting... odd, I guess is the word to describe it but... somehow... it doesn't fit. ... Odd will have to do. So, anyways, he's been acting odd lately and I probably wouldn't even have noticed it if it weren't for the fact that, since the first time I met him, I hadn't seen him over last summer break. That alone was strange, he was always ready to jump for a chance at leaving those Muggles, but this year he had politely declined at the station as we left for home, saying that he needed time to think about something.

The next time I saw him, at the station to board the train for our next year of school, an involuntary shiver ran down my spine. He was staring at Malfoy coldly who looked, to my surprise, as frightened of Harry as most people were of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. When I had touched Harry gingerly on the shoulder (he didn't know I was there) he had turned with such quickness that it startled me, but it was what I saw in his eyes that scared me. They were lifeless, soulless I would even grant, and as cold as space. As soon as they saw me though, they lightened, and I soon forgot out it... until that night, when McGonagall had come to get him...

I guess my first inkling that something bad was happening was when Snape was being his usual be-a-jerk-to-Harry-self and Harry had calmly stood up, saying slowly and deliberately, "Go to hell, Severus Snape. I'm am NOTHING like my father and it would do you fucking GOOD to realize it... I DON'T deserve the fucking crap you put me through because my father was a grade A asshole. So... Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone." Harry sent one icy glare around the classroom, nothing like I had ever seen in his eyes, before he stalked out of the room.

After that he had only gotten worse, skipping whatever detentions the teachers had given him until, that is, Professor McGonagall stepped in. Harry and I were sitting in the common room and, finally, I had managed to make him act like his old self, when Professor McGonagall came in, glaring daggers at Harry. It's funny... I could almost see the change in him, the way his eyes clouded over and... he became... so different...

I can't remember what went on, it all seems to blur into one second, but the first thing I remember clearly is Harry standing up, opening his mouth to say something truly horrible, (I imagine) before his hands had suddenly clamped over his lips. Professor McGonagall and I had stared at him in shock as he seemed to wage an inner war with himself. The next thing I knew Harry was on the ground, curled into a tight little ball, moaning and trembling, tears streaming silently down his cheeks. I vaguely remember, I believe I was in shock at this point, walking over and shaking him, murmuring, "Harry..."

That snapped him out of whatever had held him as he jerked upright, ungangly limbs scrambling to stand, limbs that were a little too long for his body. He turned to stare at us with confused and terrified eyes, his bottom lip trembling in both fear and pain. "Harry?" I tried again but this time he stumbled backwards, gave Professor McGonagall a look like that of a rabbit that had gone mad with fear, and dashed out of the common room.

We students didn't see Harry for two weeks, give a day or two, and when he came back he was exhausted, pale, and taken to shivering at the slightest chill... but it was worth it because, for a couple days, he was the Harry Potter I remember so well... and then it changed again... He got nastier than before, and didn't get detention, (much to the chagrin of Malfoy) instead, he was taken out of the room where students could hear whisperings and then Harry would disappear for another day or two. Pretty soon it got to where he was hardly ever around any more, for a day after he would be like his old self but, the next day, at some point, he would again disappear.

The teachers explained to the class that Harry was having a hard time coping with all the stress and that from now on, if we saw him doing anything out of character, to get a teacher, not to try to deal with him ourselves, as soon as was possible. I think that was when I first *really* realized something truly horrible was going on...

That's a lie, a cover-up story if you will, because I know it's not stress, it's something much more. ... ... I don't know if I should mention this, as it probably has little importance at all, but I'll still mention it. The day before yesterday, Harry had, yet again, disappeared, and I had been getting something, can't remember what anymore, out of my chest when I saw something poking out from under his mattress. Intrigued, I picked it up and, to my surprise, saw it was an old (as in wrinkled and dirty, obviously been around a year or two) paper, in Harry's handwriting. I only got to read the first paragraph but what I read disturbed me beyond belief. It went on about being lonely even being surrounded by people, but then it switched to talk about how everyone thought he was the Light (is that right? I can't remember... God, I don't want to remember...) and how he isn't the Light at all but the Dark. (I assume that he's talking about good and evil but I could be wrong.) Even that couldn't really scare me though; it was the sentence after that that scared me witless. I remember the sentence as if I were reading it now; it's burned forever in my mind and onto the back of my eyelids. "...I, unlike them, deny my own nature..."

I hate to think it but... it makes so much sense. I've heard tell of what happens to wizards who, born Dark, try to walk in the Light. They have a slow breakdown, until the Darkness destroys all the Light. I don't want to believe... God, I wish I had never found that paper... but it makes so much sense. Just like I said, he's slowly bleeding from the inside, the Darkness is taking over... It can't be true... it makes so much sense, though... BUT IT CAN'T BE TRUE!!!

Great... now I can't read half what I said because of my tears, just perfect... but I don't think I'll ever want to read this again... If only... if only I could have read the whole thing... But someone had to come up and, in my haste not to show that I was sneaking around the room, I shoved it (rather clumsily) back between the mattresses. That night Harry came back, no one said anything, in fact no one besides Hermione and myself talk to Harry of our own free will, so no one commented on it, and when I checked for the paper the next time he disappeared, it was gone.

Somebody... anybody... help... Something terrible is happening to my best friend and there's nothing I can do... nothing at all. Please... Help me... I don't know why I'm asking... since I've never heard of a wizard or witch denying his or her own Dark nature and still living... Harry... Every day I have to watch you slowly becoming less and less like the friend I knew, and more and more like my enemy... Tell me, Harry, what should I do? Where should I go? I have no one to turn to anymore... Please, somebody, anybody, help my friend... I'll do anything... I beg of you... just save him...

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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.

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Petra: Okay, I had to admit that as I read this over my throat got kinda tight and my eyes kinda watery. *shiver* I don't know what it's like to watch a friend slowly die but I think I captured it pretty well. Half of me wants to write a happy ending...
Kati: ...But the other half thinks it would be more realistic to write a sad one... I guess you'll just have to see what we come up with...
Petra: I'm really proud as, when I started writing this, I had absouloutely NOTHING planned.
Kati: As for the #s for Ron's journal it's simple: 7 - One step up from six (Devil's numbers are 666) and it's one of those weird numbers, 13 - First off the number associated with bad luck (also MY lucky number, weird, ne?), March - 3rd month in the year and three is the number that good (and bad) things always come in, and 9 is 3x3. Thanks to:

HERMIONE CHANG: Yeah! My fic is only half-bad! (I take compliments where I can!) As to what you think about the angst stuff... I hope you like it... as almost all my fics ARE angst... (That is so sad...)
COQUI: Heehee!!! *jumps up and down* *in sing-song voice* My fic is cool! My fic is cool! Someone actually liked it!! My fic is cool! ###^_^;### hehe... got a little... excited there... sorry...
GSKRISSY: "Very good, very dark, very real..." ^_________^
TIGERLILY: I warned you... I don't know why it's sad... I'm just a depressing person...
HERMIONE26: Heehee... the FIRST one to suggest it... didn't think much of a sequel until later on... ^_- Thanks!
C.P: Heehee, second person and when I actually started thinking this might be a good idea... ^___^ You guys are THE best!!!!!!!!
VILLA: ... YEAH!!! I'm so good I stunned her into silence!! #^_^# I didn't think I was that good...
MIKASA: I'm not the only one who thought Harry was a psycho maniac deep inside!!! Just kidding... What can I say, that's how I'd be thinking... sadly enough...
SARAH BLACK: *hands tissue box* I DID warn you...
CHRISTI TALMER: I like depressing stuff too.. sadly enough, it seems more realistic than those 'and they lived happily ever after fic' fics, currently of which I'm writing one... ^_^;
KESSIE ANNE: Um... I didn't think of that... but, yeah, let's go with that, I like that idea...
LENYA: I MADE A SATISFYING FIC!!! YEAH!!! *jumps up and says to stranger walk pass* GUESS WHAT??? I MADE A SATISFYING FIC!!! *person back away, staring wide-eyed* I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!!
CLAMCHOWDER: Thanks for the advice, I'll go and change it, but I won't put the changed version on until I've finished the trilogy! Peeps, another thing, I'm ALWAYS open for advice!!! ALWAYS!!! Even if it's just to "go to hell". (By the way, I live there so don't use that one!)
ANGELASHLEY12: Yep, I was right. Didn't believe me, ne? You want to know what? Whenever someone doesn't believe me, I'm right, when they do, I'm wrong... I'm cursed...
WINDANGEL: Yeah, I like the night too, except that I have school now... so I can't... *weep* Yeah, I wanted to put examples in the book so you peeps wouldn't think I was just sprouting crap left and right. ^_-
RACHEL: heehee... more worshippers... soon... soon I will have all the energy I need to realease the great power of the... *sees peeps staring at her* Oops... I mean... um... -_-;
SOPY: Well, here is more... and if my muse *glares at offending creature which is nicely tied up* get me off of my writers block, I'll write the trilogy soon...

Petra: I just want to say thanks again, because if it weren't for you guys... well... this story wouldn't be here, and I'm really proud of this one. Interesting tidbit: I put Darker Than Lonliness; Hating the Night "on the air" thinking no one was going to like it and now... *waves hands feebly*

"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam

~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*