AN: Timeline note-In Atonement, Jenny leaves about three weeks after 3.22. In three weeks, S & B jetted off to Paris, C got shot and is recovering in Prague, Dan learned about the baby and is attempting to come to terms with that, N turned into C 2.0, V's hair got worse…oh wait, that's not pertinent to the story. I don't really like to use spoilers in my stories, rest assured Eva is not going to make an appearance. Thanks to bethaboo for being an amazing beta and thank you all for your wonderful feedback. Seriously, your reviews keep me inspired and that's what fuels this fic. I promise you'll get the other characters in the next chapter (which will be up soon!) and I realize many of you don't want to read about Jenny. So I apologize in advance and promise you a very fluffy CB oneshot I know you'll love-to be posted very, very soon.


The inherent problem with Jenny Humphrey was that she had no boundaries, no voice telling her she had gone too far, and no limits to her ambition.

When she was merely a speck in the pond of Constance, her determination to become one of the girls-those fabulous, always perfect, sneering, beautiful girls-within Blair Waldorf's inner sanctum had been the birth of an ambition unrivaled in the Upper East Side. This ambition had alienated her from her family, led her to the first of her troubles with the law, and unquestionably changed the course of her future.

She could still recall the raw hurt in her mother's eyes when she had missed her mother's showing. But her mother didn't understand, and try as she might, Jenny could never make her understand. The undeniable, almost sinful, desire to be a part of the upper echelons of society could only be likened with Eve in the Garden of Eden. The Upper East Side itself was a compelling picture of beautiful people leading fabulous lives-who wouldn't want to paint themselves into such a portrait?

No, her mother would never understand. Her mother, her naïve, holier-than-thou mother would never understand because she still believed that it was them-the matrons of the Upper East Side and their inhumanely perfect spawn-who had transformed her daughter from the sweet, angelic Jenny Humphrey, into a cold, ambitious girl whose desires ran amuck in this perfectly painted picture.

But that was where Alison was wrong. There were no limits to Jenny Humphrey's ambition, and her mind didn't know to stop when she had gone too far. But it was not this world that had changed her, but the very desire born from Jenny herself. That desire, the compelling, undeniable fire that burned within her very core was what changed her, hardened her.

And this unstoppable ambition also knew no bounds, and grew bored when there was nothing to challenge. When she had amassed the crown for herself she thought it was over. Finally, she could shed her little J status and become Queen J, ruling over Constance as she was meant to.

But this monster inside her was bored. It didn't bode well with it that she was only Queen of Constance. No, she needed to be more. Nate as her escort, the drugs, the schemes, and the eventual broken friendships-were instances of proof that she fought for what she wanted and desired to become more. Until there was nothing left to desire and Jenny herself had nothing in the palms of her tiny hands.

And finally, Jenny Humphrey knew that she had gone too far, and a threat from the Queen B herself hung low over her head, throwing shadows over her life. Losing her virginity to Chuck was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not only had Blair's heart been broken once again, but Jenny had also been exiled from New York, from her home.

When Blair had stood, broken hearted in front of that hospital and threatening Jenny for all the Queen B was worth, something else changed. Finally, finally, Jenny had understood that she had gone too far, too deep into the rabbit's hole to claw her way out. Hudson, Jenny realized, was her fresh start. A place to throw the old little J out the window; to forget about the Upper East Side; to forget about Chuck and Blair, Nate and Serena; and a place to remember who Jenny Humphrey should have become.

As the train rumbled underneath her, the passing country becoming a blur, Jenny leaned her head back and smiled. She reached into her miumiu purse-one of the last vestiges of luxury she had managed to bring along-and tore a sheet from a notebook.

Pen poised in hand, blonde hair tucked under a hat, and legs daintily crossed as Blair had taught her, Jenny Humphrey wrote one last goodbye to Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald. Her former idol and her former love, she believed they both deserved this apology.

As she signed her name with a flourish, Jenny reflected on her letter, on Blair, on Chuck.

It was her fault. The crushing sense of guilt only added to the fact that she had been at fault, no matter what Rufus, Dan, or even Eric had tried to tell her otherwise.

She knew exactly what she had been doing. It was not the amber liquid that pulled her forward, but the promise of companionship. Chuck had been at his lowest point-she had known that much.

Jenny knew the extent of his feelings for Blair. He was so ridiculously in love with Blair that Jenny found it nearly frightening. The intensity of their shared glances was like watching the sun-almost blindingly painful. They loved so ferociously and passionately that it seemed they would burn everything in their path. It was raw, it was magnetic. It was Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, at their finest. It was why she had extinguished that candle at first, knowing that what had transpired between her and Chuck was never meant to happen. When she had seen the diamond, a feeling of regret (a feeling quite foreign to one as ambitious as her) had seared through her very being.

Marriage. Was it so difficult to comprehend that Chuck had loved Blair so fiercely that he had contemplated the impossible? No one doubted that Chuck and Blair would get married one day. It was inevitable. It could be their second, or third marriage, they could have dozens of fights prior, but Chuck and Blair would always end up together.

Always. But no one had even considered marriage at this age. It was simply not done. Then again, when had Chuck and Blair ever been conventional?

So why had their inevitability been threatened by someone like her? Jenny knew that Chuck had committed the ultimate betrayal upon selling out Blair to his uncle. But she had forgiven him, had she not? The embrace that had happened beyond the glass wall, the love shared between the two undistorted even through the glass, had not been meant for her eyes. But she understood that it had represented forgiveness. Blair was ready to forgive Chuck, to move past that unsightly bump in their relationship.

It pained her slightly when Jenny realized that she had ruined them. She had played the lost little girl card, crying till she gained the support she had lost. It had scared her. The fact that she had finally lost her virginity, and to someone she had once despised. She had not felt special, cherished, or even liked. She had been a placeholder. A means to forget the pain that had been inflicted. It had not been Chuck's fault; she had known the state he was in, known that he hadn't wanted to be alone as much as she had. She had wanted it for the same reasons he did. To forget, if only for a moment.

And it pained her to think that she had essentially taken advantage of him. She would have to explain to Dan one day, set the record straight.

One day.

As her destination approached, she let her thoughts linger for a moment longer on the glass windows of luxury apartments, pinkberry with the girls, the rows upon rows of shoes in Bendels, and the thrilling feeling of sitting at the helm of Constance. Jenny knew that these moments were gone, part of a past she was ashamed of, but also a foundation to build a future on.

Jenny Humphrey sighed, and with that final breath of air she let go of two things: New York and Little J. She would begin anew, crafting herself an image not based on Blair Waldorf or Serena van der Woodsen-but a Jenny Humphrey that could pride herself on what she had done to get where she was.

The new Jenny Humphrey, she decided, would shed her past misfortunes like an out of season coat, and become whoever she was meant to be. She doubted she would ever come to terms with what had happened, doubted that she would ever earn forgiveness. But that didn't mean she couldn't try.

She looked out the window once more, past the rolling landscape and to the horizon. She was looking at her future.

But it seemed destiny had a different idea for Jenny Humphrey. For it was no sooner than after she had vowed to change, disaster struck, destroying a future she would never have.

At first, there was shock as she was thrown from her seat, and next, the wetness that seeped from her head and over her eyebrow. Jenny wanted to scream, wanted to cry, but her voice was nowhere to be found. There was something wedged into her lower leg, something sharp and painful. And somewhere, far away, she could hear the wailing cry of a baby without her mother.

And then, there was nothing.

Exeunt.


tbc