…and yet it doesn't seem to bother me as much as it should…
This chaotically infallible emotion that has taken hold of my very being, the flawless corruption of it's satisfying promise of warmth and security has rooted into my black soul and manages to give the darkness the faintest glimmer of illumination.
I could die for it, I know that for these feelings to be had by one such as myself is a crime - a traitorous atrocity against my very being. My blood boils with the wicked allure of the light and however I might burn for becoming this abomination I find that the pledges I made to my kindred mean nothing next to it's divinely immoral rapture.
And so for this amazing infatuation I delve further into villainy against my own people…for nothing more than a shocked chocolate gaze, a pair of blushing cheeks, some stumbled words, or the conflagration of fresh sensation behind a simple kiss…
The second part would be longer than the first, it had to be. There wasn't an option of rushing it. If I didn't approach with caution then I could shatter the carefully constructed framework I had already put into place. I needed to make certain that the foundation of our friendship would hold strong when further considerations did surface.
She was hesitant, it was only natural, it was some time before she returned again. By the time she did I was beginning to worry that my getting the half-breed out of the way had been in a manner too course for her to recover from. Though she still didn't appear as happy as she had been before I'd arranged for Inuyasha to resurrect the dead woman it was only natural. Her soul had been fragmented by the sudden rebirth of a a piece of it in the past, eventually it would make her stronger, standing alone and without the reliance she'd come to have on the past. In the meantime, it was something she was surviving with the endurance I would expect of her.
More distressing was when she didn't even seem to want to speak to me, at least before the incident she'd actually taken the time to seek me out and see how I was and how things with Rin were going. Her attempts at small talk were often one of the things I looked forward to, the manner in which she grows frustrated with my perfect demeanor still amuses me to this day. Though I was certain she hadn't guessed my involvement with the sudden change of heart of my worthless half-brother I was less sure as to why she would alienate me after he had ditched her.
I couldn't pursue her openly, though I did certainly entertain daydreams of doing so on more than one occasion when I visited. It is difficult to desire someone but force your hand to still until such a perfect time as to join it with theirs. Patience was a virtue I could suffer for the subject of my unexpected adoration.
It was weeks before she spoke with me again, but it may as well have taken half of my considerable lifetime for as long as it felt. Most of my days I filled with either the boring matters of the paperwork my lordship required, or enforcing the laws that lesser demons desired punishment for breaking. Though I did take some time to relax, no hobby I once possessed mattered, swinging a sword and signing my name had become much the same wearisome tasks. Hunting was more out of habit than desire, even the blood of my kills was bland.
All things I once held interest in had turned against me as surely as the obsession with this mortal girl, and the world had taken on a black and white cast except for the few hours once a week in which I visited the village to see Rin.
Even when Kagome would not speak to me, my ward always had a way of making me relax, of having me enjoy colors in a world where I'd only began to see shadow. Though the visits were also good because even if I was rarely addressed, I could catch a rare glimpse of the female that'd caught my fancy. My eyes could never dwell as long as I would prefer, and it was painful when I had to force myself to keep up the image.
It was all a matter of biding time. She would approach me once her heart had a chance to mend, even if only a little. Three months and five days before she finally took the time to actually have a discussion during one of my visits.
She'd re-bloomed marvelously for the frost that Inuyasha had shown her, though her petals had yet to completely blossom, the beauty that still shone within was obvious.
I had assumed that once we began to speak again that the urge to drop my perfect blueprints and take her as my own would diminish. It was a foolish thought, in which I was proved wrong the moment I left that lovely morning. I burned with a desire to turn around and have her as I had yet to be stricken with. Everytime we talked, I wanted to extend my visit, even if only for a few moments to watch her smile at me...it was coming easier each time.
But perseverance is the key to victory, if I did not leave at the appropriate time each week, if I allowed myself the smallest variation to my disposition, then I could crack the composure I needed to continue. Did the fear that she would reject me ever surface?
Of course not, who do you think is telling this story?
Instead I was forced to painfully endure days between our meetings, sometimes weeks if she was off in her time, her home away from this world. I had yet to figure out how the portal she used worked, only that Inuyasha seemed to be able to follow her.
It got under my skin more than I care to, or will ever openly to another, admit. How was it my good-for-nothing half-breed bastard brother could travel to see her, visit her, but I could not even sense the magic that bound our worlds together? It bound the precious priestess to me and yet for all my power I couldn't fathom how to move through it, to be able to see her from afar for even a short time without her knowledge...
As it was, I was incredibly lucky that Inuyasha rarely bothered to go, otherwise I'm not certain my temper would have held, or that he wouldn't have picked up my scent during my many visits to the well's interior.
Irregardless, this time eventually passed, a new one approached.
It was in the winter, there was little snow and the new year would be here in a few weeks time. I had to give Rin something early as the courts always required my presence for the events of the winter solstice and other holiday celebrations. It was a unplanned visit, on a day I wouldn't normally arrive, but Rin hadn't been the only one glad to see me.
Kagome had smiled at nothing more than my approach, had run off and returned with a box wrapped in a brightly colored paper. A 'Christmas gift' she had called it, though it was some sort of lamp bulb with the symbols of my house painted on. The quality was of exceptional quality and I gave myself away for the shortest moment that she would spend the effort on something so well crafted for myself. All she gave Inuyasha was a box of human food, I allowed a smile to momentarily grace my face before I wiped it away again and thanked her.
While I was disturbed with my momentarily laspe of character she seemed that much overjoyed that I liked it and wrapped her arms around me in a short hug, placing a kiss on my cheek. The contact of which was so short I cursed the gods for the cruel curse under which they'd placed me. After that I had to move quickly and leave before I lost composure again and ruined the pieces I'd so painstakingly placed.
Though it was impossible once I'd gotten away not to let my lips curl upward, refusing gravity for a split second. I'd finished the next step finally. Her affection had begun to reflect my own.
End Chapter
So yeah, step two done. I think it's pretty difficult to write first person but I'm enjoying doing something new for me. Thanks for all the lovely feedback so far. By the way: The gift was a x-mas tree ornament with the cherry blossom seal on it.
-Aura
To my reviewers: Thanks everyone! I use this to tend to answer questions/longer comments.
darkcloud - kouga probably won't be here just cause it seemed like he was giving up on the kagome thing by the end of the manga - where he just vanished after a while
Sugar0o - I thought of it as sort of a shock to the system but eventually it'd regrow, like a starfish? So starfish are like souls? Erm, yeah, I guess the explanation needs work.
Kattana - I haven't decided for sure if I'm going to have a second point of perspective but I think I want to keep it by his for now and maybe add in Kagome after.
