Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based parody. Mobile Suit Gundam belongs to Sunrise and no matter what they do to it, you will buy it.

Mobile Suit Gundam: Gran Tomino
Roast Space Crown

Toasty!

[II.]

As the White Base left Luna II in the direction of the Earth, escorted by a lone Federation space cruiser, Bright Noa was not in a good mood. The original captain of the White Base, the man who mentored him, was dead and now decomposing in a space capsule hurtling haphazardly through the void, leaving him in charge of a bunch of kids who didn't deserve to be going through this but were really good sports about it and took to their foisted upon duties rather well. Worst of all, though, he had to listen to the world's worst rendition of Amazing Grace on bagpipes ever performed for living beings.

"Mirai, never touch another set of bagpipes ever again," He warned the helmswoman of the White Base, who looked as ashamed for what she did as she was sad for their loss.

"I used to play them so well, honest!"

Bright held up his hand towards her, while refusing to even look in her direction. "Just… no… never again."

Amuro Ray wasn't having such a great day either. While he wasn't emotionally attached towards the late captain by any measure, Bright was a bro and when a bro was grieving all bros had to show solidarity. Furthermore, there was the Gundam, for all of its power, getting its ass handed to it once more by Char and that when he came back Sayla handed his ass to him after finding out what he did with Sergeant Takizawa in the interrogation room.

"She acts like we were dating!" Amuro complained to neighbor and now squadmate Hayato Kobayashi as the two worked on repairing the Gundam, following Amuro's instructions out of that handy-dandy manual.

Hayato, a youth of fourteen years who frequently went by the nickname "bitch boy" from Kai on account of a waifish appearance and a soft-spoken nature (and held a deeply seething resentment towards him as a result), looked up at Amuro. "Aren't you, though?"

"Well, we've been messing around for like the last few months, but we've never really been serious!" Amuro complained.

Hayato stared at the eccentric young man. "Um, don't you think that maybe Sayla is attached to you in more ways than at the genitals?"

Amuro groaned. "I was never good at dating, or actually keeping a girlfriend. It's part of why I had to leave Earth with my Dad."

"What was the other part?"

"I burned down half a city, but I had good reason to."

Hayato was going to pretend he didn't hear that. "Pass the wrench."

The person having the least great day had to be Char Aznavel, who was nursing a wrecked Musai towards the Earth to rendezvous with a Zeon supply fleet already on its way to drop goods to Earth. His ship, the Falmel, was a few dollars short of becoming a total write off, he'd lost five Zakus and their far more valuable pilots to a bunch of meddling kids and their stupid mobile suit.

"Here I am, Old Man Jenkins under the mask…"

"God, what was that, Char?" Dren, Char's much suffering second in command respected his superior officer for his cunning, his MS skills, and his ability to pull pop-culture references out of thin air. However, what Dren could not tolerate was Char's psychopathic episodes or his insistence at doing everything as confoundedly insane and dangerous as possible. The man could not go to the head and take a piss without killing at least one man nowadays!

"Nothing, I'm just in a poor mood after the failure of the last operation."

"If it's any consolation, Lieutenant, we didn't count on whoever was in charge over there to be completely insane." Turn a ship docking bay into a makeshift fusion cannon, whoever pulled that off had to be a wizard!

Were Char less genre savvy, he'd wonder how today could get any worse. However, he already knew it was going to, because Admiral Dozle hadn't called yet. Sure enough, there was a transmission from the communications station of the Falmel's bridge that Dren immediately reported.

"Lieutenant, it's the Admiral."

Char wished he could pinch the bridge of his nose without compromising his identity. "Main screen turn on."

The main screen did turn on, and there stood a damn near seven foot tall mountain of a battle-scarred man. He looked like the kind of guy you'd see in some Super Robot anime except with a green skin tone and an eye patch, or in some post-apocalyptic martial arts story except with a mohawk and no sense of human dignity whatsoever. But as it was, this was the admiral of the larger of Zeon's many great battle fleets, and one of its top rulers… Dozle Zabi.

"Char, what is your report?" Dozle asked.

"SNAFU, sir," Char replied.

"At least you're honest. What happened this time?"

Char sighed. "Well, when Gadem came to resupply me, the Trojan Horse and its white mobile suit attacked. We were able to offload the Zakus, but the supply ship was destroyed and Gadem was KIA."

Dozle was surprised. "Gadem was killed? He was so close to upgrading to the new Pazock-class, it was his last cruise aboard that old ship."

"Retirony is a bitch, sir."

"Continue."

"The Trojan Horse managed to make it to Luna II, and I executed a daring raid with the intention of capturing it and the entire asteroid base."

"Given that you're SNAFU, I presume you failed spectacularly."

"Oh you have no idea, Admiral. Someone on that ship was either stupid or insane enough to blow up the ship I had blocked the harbor entrance with, turning the asteroid into a makeshift beam cannon that vaporized Righty and severely damaged the Falmel."

Dozel's ogre-like face twisted in disbelief. "They did what?"

"I already uploaded the video to Youtube, Admiral, check my channel."

"Righty KIA, I can't believe it!" Dozle stopped. "Wait, how's Lefty taking it? The two of them were good friends."

"He's taking it about as well as a mostly incinerated corpse would, Admiral," Char replied.

"Damn it, man! How many more soldiers are you going to lose?"

"As many as necessary until final victory is achieved, sir!" Char responded forcefully.

Dozle gave pause again, and narrowed his eyes. "Good answer. Now then, I'm sending you three more Zakus, they're for my brother Garma down in North America. However, provided they aren't completely destroyed by your incredible run of bad luck, you may use them in operation against the Trojan Horse."

"Sir you're too generous, thank you. Might I ask why you haven't ripped off my head and defecated down my neck?" Char asked.

"Ah, you see…" Dozle then underwent a nightmarish transformation. He smiled brightly, his cheeks took on a rosy hue, and his eyes gleamed with stars and sparkles as he held up what looked like baby pictures to the camera. "My little girl Mineva just had her first baby pictures taken! Isn't she the most adorable thing you've ever seen? She has her mother's hair and she's got my lungs, she woke up the whole mansion last night and I rocked her to sleep. It was the most precious thing!"

Oh God. If there was anything worse than a Zeon officer chewing him out, it was one gushing over his latest sprog. They were turning into rabbits, space rabbits. "Of course, I can only imagine, sir."

Of all of them to breed successfully, how could it have possibly been Dozle? This question would haunt Char for the rest of his life.

"Now then, when you rendezvous with the resupply fleet, do try to avoid another disastrous ambush." Dozle had returned to his more orcish facade. "And tell my little brother I said hello."

Char was curious. "Not to be rude, but can't you tell him yourself, sir?"

"He hasn't been speaking to any of us since the last family dinner. I'm certain he's upset about something Gihren or Kycillia did."

Huh, must've been that scorpion thing he tweeted about, whatever that was. "Of course sir, I'll put in a good word for you."

"Thank you, Char. Now if you don't mind, I must be going. Zenna bought me a Grizzly Bear and wants to see me kill it with my bare hands." The connection broke.

Dren looked to Char. "Why on Earth would his wife want to see him kill a grizzly bear?"

"Dren, some women love a man who can provide for them, some women love a man who can sing to them, and still others love a man who can kill thousand pound hellbeasts with their bare hands and turn the pelt into evening wear."

"So, Hobbesian women then?" At his commander's blank look Dren coughed. "Uh, or Calvinist…?" Char continued to stare. Dren's shoulders slumped. "I'll take care of the suits, sir."

"Good idea, I need to assemble a team for the next operation. It's going to be a dangerous one, so I need only the best. The Trojan Horse is going to Earth, but I'm going to ensure it pulls a Colombia." Char smirked evily.

Dren stared. "That was tasteless, Lieutenant."

In the barely intact crew quarters of the Falmel, a young Zeon soldier by the name of Crown awoke in his bunk with a profound sense of dread.

He had six hours to live.

[Eye Catch]

The young men of the White Base were in the mess hall located in the ship's gravity block, trying to enjoy disgusting vacuum-packed rations. Amuro, Hayato, Ryu, and Kai were seated in the furthest corner of the mess hall, away from the refugees who were packing the other tables. Why they were stuck with shipping these civilians to Earth was anyone's guess, it's not like Wakkein didn't have any ships available to take them back to Side VII. Given whatever history he had with Bright, it was probably out of spite.

As Amuro tried to suck something he hoped was tang out of a box, Ryu spoke, "Hey, since you and Sayla are on the outs, can I-?"

Amuro looked over aghast at Ryu, who continued without missing a beat, "-Introduce you to my sister Elizabeth when we get to Earth? She'd love you, man."

"I'd pass on that, Amuro, she probably weighs twice as much as he does," Kai remarked.

Ryu swung at him, but Kai jumped out of his seat. "Watch your mouth when you're talking about family, cabrón!"

Hayato snickered. "It's funny because that's what Kai is."

"Fuck you, bitch boy!" Kai snapped at Hayato.

Amuro tossed down the packet of tang, and wished death on whoever made it. "I appreciate it, I really do Ryu, but I think Sayla would be angrier at me if I started going after other women."

Ryu shrugged his shoulders. "I honestly thought the two of you were just sex buddies, or something like that."

"I thought that too, until Sayla kneed me in the groin and called me an asshole when I climbed out of the Gundam."

"I wish I was there to see it," Kai lamented.

"Kai, you look like you haven't had your daily recommended serving of dick. Why don't you go chow down on one?" Amuro levelly asked the antagonistic youth.

"Why don't you eat my ass?"

Amuro stood up and shouted down at Kai. "Why don't I put my foot up it instead?"

Kai stood up and smirked at Amuro. "Why don't you try?"

"Both of you stop fighting!" The two young men turned to see Frau Bow glaring at them with arms akimbo. "It's bad enough that the Zeon are trying to kill us, do you have to try killing each other?"

"It's certainly one way to pass the time," Hayato pointed out.

"Simple Plan over here is being a bitch because he cheated on his fuck-hole and she responded like a normal human woman would," Kai said of Amuro.

"Swear to God, Kai, I'm going to cut you."

"You and what knife, asshole?"

Amuro looked to Ryu. "Can I borrow your knife, man?"

"Yo." Ryu drew a combat knife from the holster of his belt and drove it into the table in front of Amuro for him to take.

Amuro gestured to the knife. "This one."

"Amuro!" Frau shouted as she walked up and snatched the knife from the table. She pointed it at Kai. "Stop being a dickbag, Kai!" Kai recoiled from the knife, and Frau then pointed it at Amuro. "And you, why don't you try apologizing to Sayla for what you did and be sincere about it? Just because you're good at everything you do doesn't give you a free pass to be a jackass!"

Hayato agreed with that. "She's right you know, just apologize to her."

Amuro sighed. "I'd apologize if she were willing to talk."

"Well barring either of you dying in the immediate future, you have all the time in the world long as we're stuck on this ship to work it out." Frau tossed the knife back to Ryu, who smartly holstered it. Disarmed of a deadly weapon, she softened. "I really think you should."

Before Amuro could agree and an "Aww" track could play, the PA crackled to life and Sayla spoke, "All hands to general quarters, we're about to begin our descent to the Earth's atmosphere. All crew are instructed to put on normal suits, and prepare for descent. Amuro and Ryu, get ready to sortie in the Gundam and the Core Fighter."

Kai looked up and then laughed at Amuro. "Man, I thought she'd have something spiteful to say about you."

Sayla then explained herself. "I don't bring my baggage to work like you do, prick. You and Hayato get to the CIC station, we're undermanned there."

Kai let out a grumble, as the others quickly headed for their posts.


Aboard the Falmel, as a small support ship towed three more Zakus along side the damaged cruiser, Char was briefing his three pilots on their next mission. Among them was Crown, who looked rather uneasy when Char announced that the name of the operation was "Fall to Hell".

"Alright men, here's the plan. The Trojan Horse is going to be descending to the atmosphere on a reentry course that'll take it straight to Jaburo." He pointed at map of the globe digitally spread out across the center of the Falmel's bridge. A red line represented the projected course of the white ship that was their bane. "What we're going to do is attack it and hopefully damage it enough that it breaks up on reentry, aborts it, or falls off course."

Crown then spoke up. "Uh, sir, won't attacking it like this be a little dangerous? What if we fall into the atmosphere as well?"

"The only one who has to worry about that is me," Char answered. "I'll be pursuing the White Base down to Earth, Ensign Dren will follow with the Falmel's Komusai and pick me up before I burn up in the atmosphere."

"I see, thank you Lieutenant." Crown's sense of dread wasn't going away though. In fact, with every passing second it incrementally intensified.

"Provided myself or Dren aren't killed in the operation, we'll be landing in North America to rendezvous with Prince Garma's forces, and provided none of you die, you'll join us with the regular supply drop later."

Dren was impressed. Aside from the obvious danger of attacking the Federation's new battleship near the point of reentry, Char's plan seemed entirely reasonable, and even counted on someone surviving this other than himself! Sure, someone was going to die horribly, probably Crown, but they might actually achieve something for it.

"Uh, sir?" One of the other two pilots who stood at Crown's side raised his hand. "Since the old Lefty and Righty are dead, can we take their callsigns?"

Char hummed. "Alright then. You, you're Lefty-II." He pointed to the man at Crown's right, and then to the man at Crown's left. "And you're Righty-II. They were good men, don't let their names down."

Lefty-II and Righty-II saluted Char. "We won't let you down, Lieutenant!"

Over on the White Base, Bright had his elbows on the arm rest of the Captain's Seat with hand folded in front of his lips as he listened to Lieutenant Reed, the man who was responsible for guiding the White Base through reentry, bitch to him. Mostly, it was about Bright taking the unnecessary and risky option of launching the Gundam and the Core Fighter to escort his shuttle when the Zeon would be too gun-shy about launching another attack after what happened at Luna II.

Why were people insisting on being so thick-headed? Char was stupid-crazy enough to attack Luna II and almost pull off capturing it. The White Base was about to perform a very delicate maneuver with a margin of error narrower than a razor's edge, there was so many things that could possibly go wrong that Char would be crazy-stupid to not want to try to fuck it up for them.

Here was this jackass, trying to tell him to not sortie the Gundam and Core Fighter, saying that Char was too afraid after his last endeavor, too hurt. That just meant he was fucking desperate! God were these people stupid or insane, didn't any of them know the definition of… bollocks, what was it called again?

"Murphy's Law," Mirai said without warning and to no one in particular.

Bright stared at her. "Excuse me?"

She looked as confused as he did. "Just something that came to mind, sir."

Eh, whatever. "Mirai, are you ready to begin reentry?"

"Not really, I've never done this kind of thing before outside of simulators, but in for a penny, in for a pound."

She was courageous, that was reassuring. He looked over to the screen at his console showing the face of Lieutenant Reed. "Lieutenant, we're ready to begin our descent, but again I'm sending out the Gundam or the Core Fighter until we reach the point of no return."

"Damn it Bright, the Salamis is screening our descent, there won't be a need to send out either. Now button up, this discussion is over," Reed replied, his voice sounding chipped and static-laced thanks to his normal suit speaker and radio interference.

Bright sighed. "Alright, but if Char attacks, you owe me… a hundred dollars."

"I'm not making any bets against you. Be professional and focus on the reentry." The communications cut out.

Sayla looked over. "Do you want me to tell Amuro and Ryu to stand down?"

Bright shook his head. "No, tell them to get ready to launch. Char's only running a little late."

"Yes sir." Sayla looked to the monitors at her station and saw Amuro and Ryu peering back at her. "Bright still thinks Char is going to attack, so get ready to launch. Ryu, the Core Fighter can handle reentry but since you've never done it before stay closer to the ship and come back when we've crossed the point of no return. Amuro, stay close to the Salamis's shuttle. Because we're going to need it to guide us in, it's going to be Char's priority."

"Heard, Understood, and Acknowledged," Amuro replied.

"HUA!" Ryu shouted.

"Alright, opening catapult doors," Sayla said as the two long arms of the ship that helped give the White Base its oddly sphinx-like appearance opened at the ends.

As the Gundam stepped onto the catapult, Amuro chose the worst possible time to talk. "Hey, Sayla…"

She already knew what he was going to say. "Dude, I don't bring my baggage to work, you shouldn't bring yours."

"Come on, this is probably the only time we're really going to get a chance to talk. I might die out there, you might die in here." He replied.

"Oh God, here we go…" Ryu muttered.

Above and behind the White Base was the Salamis-class space cruiser Salamis. The lead ship of her class she, like the Magellan-turned-Fusion Cannon Round, was a big gun ship but slightly less armed and a little more aesthetically pleasing with her gunship gray paint and her red keel evocative of sea ships of yore. Also like the ex-Magellan, she was a veteran of many battles, including the disastrous Operation British and the horrific Battle of Loum. It was worth noting that, again like the ex-Magellan, the ships of her class were considered the tally marker with which Zeon Mobile Suit pilots becoming aces… with a good number of them downing at the very least two during those aforementioned battles.

"Look, I'm sorry for hooking up with Miyu back on Luna II." The die was cast.

"Miyu, that was her name?" Sayla asked.

"Well I'm going to at least ask for a name from a girl I get intimate with, but that's not the point."

As the White Base and its escorting shuttle descended away from the Salamis, its crew detected five heat sources rapidly approaching the ship from behind and slightly below, exploiting a well known blind spot of the ships. Before the ship could try to get a warning out to either ship, a CCLXXX millimeter round plowed into the bridge of the ship and exploded, killing everyone who could possibly warn the descending ships.

"I'm not having this conversation." Sayla wanted to cut Amuro's frequency, but they were on a mission and needed it open.

"I wanted to apologize, all right? I'm sorry I hurt your feelings," Amuro said.

Ryu smiled. Well, that wasn't so bad.

"But you should've really conveyed that you were interested in more than just hooking up!"

Sayla recoiled. "What."

Ryu would bury his face in his palm, but he was wearing his helmet. Amuro continued to bury himself, "Furthermore, you didn't seemed concerned about Frau or what we were all about when you first met her. Hell, you just asked if you were just something 'on the side' for me."

"I was joking!" Sayla shouted back.

"Hey you two, focus." Bright said.

Catching up to the stricken Salamis, Char and his cronies wasted no time pumping the ship full of recoilless rifle rounds, causing it to explode into a great big ball of fire. This was noticed by those two guys seated above Bright.

"Uh, Ensign, it looks like you were right," One of them reported.

"Salmon Pink Zaku sighted, it's Char," The other added.

Bright was shown the image of the Salamis exploding brilliantly and rolled his eyes. "Oh no, you guys! It's the Red Comet and he's coming to attack us, who could've possibly seen this coming?"

He looked at Lieutenant Reed pointedly, and the higher ranked officer conceded with an embarrassed flush. "I'll just give you the hundo when we get to Jaburo, okay? Launch the Gundam."

"Joking or not, I would've liked some clearer signals!" Amuro shot back.

"Was me kneeing you in the nuts not clear enough?" Sayla appeared to be getting upset.

"What about the signals that would've warned me to not bend that chick over the table and ride her like a dimestore pony?" Amuro shouted back.

"How about the clearly logical one of 'I already have a girl riding my baloney pony, I don't need another'?"

"I'm going to take all you horses to the glue factory if you don't shut the hell up and do your jobs!" Bright shouted. "Amuro, Ryu, get out there and kill every enemy you see, and don't give me any excuses about Red Comets or relationship drama if either of you die!"

"Yes sir!" Amuro and Ryu responded, before their machines went hurtling out into the void.

"Sayla, coordinate those idiots, and don't give me any excuses about how Amuro banged that chick stupid if you let him die!"

"Yes sir…" Sayla said begrudgingly.

The three MS-VIF Zaku IIs and their MS-VIS Zaku II Commander Type quickly left the exploding Salamis and raced downward towards the White Base, pursued by the Falmel's Komusai atmosphere reentry shuttle. At the lead, Char looked to the increasingly nervous Crown.

"Crown, you're with me, we're taking out the shuttle. Lefty-II, Righty-II, go after the Trojan Horse!" When he received a hesitant affirmative from Crown, as the other two raced off to their target, he grew concerned. "Crown, buddy, you alright?"

"I can't help but think I'm going to die, Lieutenant," Crown admitted. "I mean, everyone who's sortied with you against the white mobile suit has died so far, and pretty horribly."

"That's a reasonable concern, Crown, but let me reassure you that this is not the case. The fact that you're aware of your impending mortality means you're better prepared to avoid it," Char reassured him.

That, actually relaxed Crown. "Huh, you're right. When I look at it like that, I think I might make it!"

"Precisely! Even more, you're nowhere near retirement, you're not due for any promotions, and you haven't mentioned your plans for the future or talked about any loved ones you have back home. You're a shoe-in not to die!"

Crown blinked in confusion. "Uh, what sir?"

A bazooka round definitely not either of theirs narrowly passed between the two. "Don't worry about it, the white mobile suit is here!"

"You picked the wrong time to fuck with me today, Char!" Amuro yelled as he attacked the two Zakus head-on.

Char dodged Amuro's next shot and returned fire, the bazooka round punching through the Gundam's arm-carried shield easily, but exploding harmlessly before it could reach its chest. "Look who's left their radio on now!"

"I know, I was talking to you!" Amuro yelled before he kicked Char for once.

"Ah, God damn it!" Char yelped as he was sent flying for once.

Amuro then turned to face Crown. "And now it's your turn."

"I'd like to see you try!" Crown retorted as he fired his own bazooka at Amuro, only to miss wide.

Bright was impressed, everyone was when they saw Amuro kick the shit out of Char's Zaku. "The kid got a good hit in, for once."

"It's because he's pissed off, sir," Mirai noted.

"That he is Mirai, that he is." The White Base then shook from a hit. Bright was unhappy. "Sayla, what the hell?"

"I'm trying to coordinate Ryu, but he's one guy fighting two Zakus, and for some reasonour anti-aircraft fire isn't doing its job to support him properly!"

Kai then called over from the CIC station, manning one of the remotely operated Close-In Weapon System turrets. "Bitch, if you think you can hit a moving target better than I can, come right on over and try!"

"You're not supposed to be trying to hit them, you're supposed to discourage them from hitting us!" There was another hit, and the ship shook. "You know, like that!"

"How am I supposed to discourage them, shooting in their general direction?"

"YES!" Everyone else on the bridge shouted down at Kai.

Kai blinked. "Huh, well that just makes my job easier."


"Space combat is weird, most people think maneuvering combat is going to be like in science fiction, with banking and sweeping and turning, when it's not like that at all. Because there's no stall to be concerned about, it gives plenty of opportunity to perform maneuvers that would be impossible in the atmosphere for an aircraft like the Core Fighter," Ryu explained. "For example."

Using the red, white, and blue fighter jet's maneuvering thrusters, Ryu performed a slide perpendicular to the direction the plane's nose was pointing, avoiding a bazooka shot, before turning its nose up at a XC degree angle and firing his engines to avoid another.

"Ryu, who the hell are you talking to?" Sayla asked.

Ryu performed another near right angle turn and strafed one of the Zakus, drawing it away from the White Base. "No one in particular, just reciting something my instructor taught me so you have something to take your mind off that whole Amuro thing. Look, he's not a bad guy, he's never been in a serious relationship and he's really impulsive, you know?"

Sayla had to begrudgingly agree with that. "Yeah, he is pretty much id-driven."

"He feels bad about what he did though, he's just not really sure about how to patch things up–oh hang on one second." With the nimbleness of a bird on the wing, Ryu avoided a barrage of fire and pelted his opponent with the Core Fighter's XX-millimeter cannons.

Righty-II was not pleased. "You son of a bitch, hold still!"

Ryu avoided all return fire. "Just don't sweat it too much, get back together with him and work this out, you'll be better off for it."

Sayla sighed. "Wow, Ryu, you're a great guy. You know, if we don't work it out, I'm coming to you for a revenge lay."

"You know this is an open channel, right!" Amuro yelled as he missed Crown again. "Damn it!" Char's kicked him in the back. "DAMN IT!"

Ryu ignored Amuro. "No can do, I got a mamacita waiting for me back home. I promised her."

Sayla gasped in horror. "Ryu, don't say that in the middle of a battle!"

It was at that moment that Righty-II's Zaku popped up directly in front of the Core Fighter. "Got you now, you little gnat!"

Ryu snap-fired two missiles loaded under the Core Fighter's wings, hitting the Zaku dead on in the cockpit as he banked away. The lifeless Zaku drifted a bit, before the White Base's anti-aircraft fire converged upon and tore it apart.

"Mami, that shit is for bad anime," Ryu said to Sayla as he turned to engage the other Zaku.

"Righty-II, no!" Lefty-II said in horror before he engaged the Core Fighter. "You won't get away with this, Federation bastards!"

Amuro wished he was having Ryu's good fortune, getting double teamed front and back by Char and whoever this other asshole was wasn't cool. "Why didn't I take the beam rifle again? This sucks!"

Char fired at Amuro, his bazooka round likewise missing the Gundam for the fourth time. "Maybe the kid's onto something about these bazookas, damn."

"I got him, sir!" Crown said cheerfully as he fired at the Gundam, putting another hole in its shield. "Ha!"

Well that rightly tore it. "Sayla, I hope to God there's another weapon aboard the ship I can use!"

"The beam rifle's still out of order, but we have a Gundam Hammer," Sayla replied.

"That sounds entirely like something I don't need right now." Amuro fired his last rocket at Crown, missing him, before turning to the White Base. "But whatever, I'll take it."

Char had decided that the best way to make up for the Bazooka's inaccuracy was to get in really close and use it like a shotgun. "Don't hesitate in the middle of the battlefield!"

Amuro turned around and swung the Gundam's bazooka like a baseball bat, clubbing Char's Zaku and sending it flipping away. "You're outta here!"

On the White Base's bridge, Bright threw up a little in his mouth. That was the worst pun.

"Ryu, that guy's on you like white on rice, lure him out towards the Gundam so Amuro can funeralize him, too." Sayla instructed.

Ryu followed the orders, avoiding the wild rocket fire from Lefty-II's Zaku. "Man, you just reminded me of my girl's gandules and rice, when we get to Earth I should make some."

"Why do you keep saying that kind of stuff!" Sayla all but shrieked.

The Core Fighter continued on, narrowly passing by the Gundam as he avoided one more rocket from Crown. "Damn it, how many rockets do their bazooka's carry–huh, Ryu?"

"Bandit dead six, jefe!" Ryu called out.

Amuro heeded the warning and turned around to knock off the head of the other Zaku, shattering the barrel of the bazooka in the process. "Christ, this thing's better as a blunt object than a projectile weapon!"

A Zaku kicked the Gundam, but it was definitely not salmon pink. "Ha! The white mobile suit is my bitch!" Crown declared.

Amuro recovered and let out a scream of frustration. "This fucking guy, I'm gonna–!"

"Amuro, stop!" Sayla suddenly called out.

Amuro looked turned towards the White Base to see the G-Hammer hurtling towards him. Sayla then declared it was–

"Hammer time!"

The G-Hammer hurtled past the Gundam, but Amuro caught it by the very end of the ball and chain weapon. He was going to relish what he was about to do.

Behind him, Lefty-II managed to get his Zaku's backup cameras going and drew his heat hawk. "That won't stop me, white devil; you only took out the main camera! I will avenge Righty-II!"

Amuro looked back, and then swung the hammer towards the Zaku. "You… can't…!" The hammer slammed into the Zaku's chest, crushing Lefty-II in his cockpit. "TOUCH THIS!"

"Please!" Char said before he and Crown's Zakus flying kicked the Gundam simultaneously. "We're too legit to quit!"

"Hoisted by my own petard!" Amuro yelled as he fell closer to the Earth.

"I'm not going to lie, he had that one coming," Bright said.

"Everyone and their mother make those easy jokes," Mirai muttered.

Lieutenant Reed radioed in, leaving Bright wondering why he wasn't dead yet."Damn it Bright, open the damn door, we're coming in! All this willy-nilly flying around damaged the shuttle, we can't guide you in with the combat zone this hot!"

"Guess we'll have to do it on our own. Mirai, don't fuck this up."

Mirai looked back at Bright. "I'll take a page from Kai's book and say if you want to do this yourself, you're more than welcome."

Sayla finished ordering the guys in the hangar let the shuttle in, and called to Amuro and Ryu. "Alright, show's over guys we're approaching the point of no return!"

"I'm out of ammo anyway," Ryu said before he called out to the Gundam, "Yo, jefe, we bouncin'!"

"No, fuck that! I'm not coming back until I kill one of these pricks, preferably the pink one!" Amuro yelled back.

"It's red you jackass!" Char yelled as he dodged a hammer swing.

"Sure, next you'll be telling me that Johnny Ridden's Zaku isn't!" Amuro yelled back.

"It isn't red at all, it's crimson!" Char deflected the hammer strike with a heathawk, which shattered on impact. "Oh crap…"

His response made Amuro see scarlet. "They're the same fucking color!" His next swing took off the right arm of Char's Zaku. "In fact, he should be called the Red Lightning, because his Zaku's red! Not PINK!"

"Damn, he's a monster!" Char cried out.

Before he could take another piece of the Zaku, Crown's Zaku suddenly kicked the hammer out of the Gundam's hand from behind. "Hang on Lieutenant, I've got this guy!"

"My hammer!" Amuro was shoulder barged by Crown's Zaku, both MS falling towards the Earth even faster.

Char was impressed. "Good going, Crown, kick his ass!" He then noticed that he was slowly accelerating downward. "Wait, I stopped, why do I still have forward momentum–oh crap we're past the point of no return."

"I'm already bringing the Komusai around to pick you up, Lieutenant," Dren radioed.

Aboard the White Base, Bright called to Amuro directly. "Amuro, man, stop screwing around out there and get back here. We're entering the atmosphere!"

"Kind of busy here!" Amuro shouted back over loud clangs. "Damn it, stop punching me!"

"Well, he's fucked," Kai declared.

Lieutenant Reed entered the bridge and walked over to Bright. "Ensign, know that you're going to take full responsibility for everything that happened during this disaster."

Bright froze, his eyes fixed dead ahead at the image of the Gundam and Zaku tumbling towards oblivion. Taking a deep breath, he sat back in his chair, still fixated on the two struggling robots outside, and spoke in a surprisingly calm and level tone to Lieutenant Reed. "My good man, before we left Luna II, I told Wakkein that we'd need at least two ships and a handful of fighters to escort us in if we were going to do this without being ambushed by Char. Wakkein gave me only one, because he still had sand in his various sphincters about me being right before."

That was obvious, or so Reed wanted to say. Bright continued, "In response, I made the tactical decision to deploy my units to deal with the attack that most certainly would've been avoided if we had that extra ship and fighter screen. You protested this decision up until the very moment the attack began, believing my sound judgment could be overlooked as a result of my rank, precisely like Wakkein did." He rested his elbows on the armrests of his chair, and folded his hands in front of his mouth. "Lieutenant Reed, I will accept responsibility for this, if only you and Commodore Wakkein admit that you're fucking morons. Signed and submitted in writing, in triplicate."

Sayla looked from the bickering COs to the monitors. "Amuro, you really have to stop, soon it's going to get too hot for us to pick you back up!"

All she got was a garbled response. "…It's… late… n't… wor… m… dam …won… urn… up any… y…"

After that there was static, and Sayla grew worried. "Amuro? Amuro! Respond!" There was nothing but static. "Amuro!"

Bright closed his eyes and sighed. "Raise the heat shields; make sure the ship is buttoned up. We're going in."

Outside, Amuro was seated back in his seat with his arms folded, as Crown's Zaku continued pounding away at him, the now quite hot blooded pilot trying his damnedest to tear the white devil limb from limb.

"No more fight in you, huh?" Crown asked between punches. "I thought so, without your weapons you're just a big target dummy, good for nothing but taking damage! Take this! And this! And this!"

Amuro rolled his eyes in annoyance, and kept observing the temperature gauge.

"Crown," Char radioed.

"When I finally pulverize the cockpit, I'm going to drag you back to the Komusai, and offer you to the Lieutenant as a war prize! Let's see the Federation win the war without their precious little mobile suit!"

"Crown!" Char shouted.

Amuro tapped his fingers on the armrest. Any day now, Christ.

"I'm going to get a promotion for this, maybe a cushy job training recruits too, away from the front line, and when I get back home I'm gonna propose to my girl!"

"God damn it, Crown! Will you listen to me!"

"I hear you loud and clear Lieutenant, bring the Komusai around, I've almost got this guy!" Crown declared proudly.

"I can't," Char replied. "You're too far deep into the atmosphere. We'd burn up with you."

Crown stopped punching the Gundam, and looked over towards the Komusai. "W-what?"

"Crown, you're going to die," Char said bluntly, "But, your sacrifice will not be in vain. The Trojan Horse is descending right into Zeon territory, and the white mobile suit is going to burn up with you. So, at the very least, you're going to get that promotion."

Horror descended upon Crown, as the Gundam lifted a leg and kicked the Zaku back from it. "What? No, no, no! I don't want to die! Lieutenant, come get me, you can still do it, hurry!"

Char turned his head away from the radio, and clenched his teeth briefly. "I'll be sure to tell your girl that you died like a hero."

"Hey, is she hot?" Amuro asked. "Ballpark estimate, an eight, a nine? A ten?" He grinned maliciously. "Hot as your Zaku is right now?"

That kind of pissed Char off. "That man's about to die, at least let him have some dignity!"

"The same dignity your men gave all those civilians at Side VII or…?"

Char was thrown for a loop. "You're the ones who put a bunch of top secret weapons in a civilian colony–."

"Yeah, and thanks to you, I'm stuck piloting this particular top secret weapon, fighting for my life! Thank you, fuck you and I'm not sorry for killing your men!"

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE! LIEUTENANT HELP!" Crown yelled as bits and pieces of his Zaku began to start coming off.

Amuro had it to here and emptied the Gundam's head mounted vulcans into the Zaku, shredding it. "DIE QUIETLY!"

Spewing flames and various fluids quickly vaporizing in the heat, the Zaku fell further back from the Gundam, and exploded brilliantly. Amuro then hit a few keys on the console next to the right hand control stick, and had the Gundam raise a middle finger towards the Komusai. "Hey Pink Comet, see you when I get to Earth."

Char's hidden eyes widened. "What the shit."

From the backpack and chest plate of the Gundam, a large transparent shroud emerged, covering the entire suit as it turned over and held its arms out. Rather than begin coming apart, the Gundam looked more like a soaring Dragon Ball Z character engulfed in his battle aura. Char could only watch this in disbelief, as the Komusai fell out of sight of the mobile suit.

"Lieutenant, that mobile suit…" Dren began.

Char shook his head. "It's a monster, I know. Damn, more sad letters to write. At least I'll be working with Garma now instead of Dozle."

"What about the Zakus, Lieutenant?"

Char groaned. "I hate that white mobile suit. I hate that kid."


"The White Base has successfully entered the atmosphere." Mirai said quietly.

One could drop a pin aboard the bridge of the White Base, and someone would go deaf from the racket, it was that silent now. Bright sat back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head, as he let out a sigh that indicated it was taking everything he had to not flip out. Over in the CIC station, Hayato cringed when looked over towards Sayla's seat, she just had her head bowed down and wasn't moving.

As if it could not get any worse, Frau Bow emerged onto the bridge. "What happened? The Gundam didn't come back in, is Amuro alright?"

Before anyone could respond, Kai did. "Nope, he burned up in the atmosphere."

Frau recoiled in disbelief. "What?"

"Kai, no," Hayato warned him to no avail as Sayla's shoulders hitched up.

"Yep, couldn't shake off one Zaku and got dragged down, he's probably raining all over the ground below in little pieces right now," He elaborated nonchalantly.

"Kai, no!" Hayato whispered, as Sayla looked back towards Kai with a look of utter hatred and murder.

Kai just didn't care. "Good riddance, that unstable primadonna was going to get us killed anyway."

It was then that Sayla jumped from her chair, all but flew across the room (an impressive feat given they were now under the effects of gravity), and tackled Kai out of his seat and proceeded to lay an unholy beating onto him the likes of which could not be described for sake of author sanity.

Lieutenant Reed stood up. "For God's sake, stop that!"

"Stop her and I'll shove you out the airlock." Bright wanted to question how Mirai knew exactly what he wanted to say, but was content with the fact that she said it.

It was after Sayla's seventh or eighth punch to Kai's face that Amuro's voice finally called over from the radio. "Uh, guys? The Gundam's great and all, but it's not meant to fly, can you come catch me?"

Everyone stopped, and looked towards Sayla's empty station in disbelief. Bright was the first to speak after the momentary pause. "You're fucking kidding me."

He quickly looked to Mirai. "Lower the blast shields, hurry!"

They soon came down, and the first sight to greet the crew of the White Base was the wide open sky above the North American continent, and the unmistakable sight of the Gundam… desperately flapping its arms in a comically vain attempt to stay airborne.

"I mean seriously, I'm dropping like a rock here!"

Sayla dropped Kai like a bad habit and scrambled back over to her station, not even bothering to get back in her chair as she hit several buttons and greeted with the sight of Amuro's smiling face. "Amuro, oh my God you're alive…"

"Of course I am, this is something my Father made. It's not going to be destroyed by a few thousand degrees Celsius." Amuro let out a sigh of relief as the White Base maneuvered into position, and opened its doors to welcome him home. "White Base, thanks for the catch."

"Thanks for the save," Bright said in turn, "That's three beers I owe you."

"Look man, I think by the time we're done here, you're going to owe me like… three twenty-four packs or something." Amuro said as the Gundam set its feet down on the hangar deck.

"The Gundam's safely on deck, I… I'm gonna go now." Sayla turned and bolted off the bridge.

"Hey, wait! Sayla!" Frau cried as she rushed after her.

Hayato leaned over and looked down at Kai. "Sure you don't like him, but did you really have to talk shit like that?"

"Fuck you, bitch boy." Kai honestly hadn't expected Sayla to flip out like that… or to hit as hard as she did.

Lieutenant Reed looked over to Bright, who was already checking their location. "Well, where the hell are we, Ensign?"

"GPS says we're right over the United States, Zeon territory. This was probably Char's plan all along," Bright wanted to be grim, but he was too relieved to know that the kid was safe.

Lieutenant Reed rubbed his right arm with his left. "There's nothing we can do, but fight our way out now. It's not your fault Ensign Noa."

He turned and headed for the door. "I'm going to sickbay, I dinged up my arm when the shuttle took a hit," He called back. "I'll trust you to take care of our next course of action."

Sure, they were now deep in enemy territory, and given the intensity of Minovsky Particle Interference they'd be lucky if they could contact Jaburo at all, but Bright felt good, he felt great even! He felt–.

"Sweet vindication," Mirai randomly blurted.

"Yes, that," Bright said.

Mirai looked back, confused. "What?"

In the opening cockpit of the Gundam, Amuro removed his helmet and unzipped the top half of his space suit. Even with the protective shielding it felt like a sauna inside the cockpit. He made a mental note to tell his Dad about improving the climate control in this thing next time he saw him, when the sound of footsteps racing down the catwalk towards the Gundam.

"Sayla, wait the gantry isn't even closed all the way yet, wait!" That was definitely Frau shouting over Sayla's footsteps, as she ran up to the Gundam's cockpit and jumped inside without hesitation, narrowly avoiding tripping over the controls and landing on Amuro with a loud thud.

"Damn it, Sayla!" Frau was stopped when Ryu held out his arm in front of her.

"Too late now, Mami," Ryu said as the hatch quickly slid closed. "Leave them alone for a few minutes. They need to work some things out."

Frau sighed, and then smiled. "You're right and I'm glad they are."

Slipping his hands into his pockets, the large and in charge Puerto Rican turned and gestured for Frau to follow him. "Come on, we can all congratulate him later over the gandules and rice I'm gonna show you how to make."

Frau tilted her head as she followed. "Han-doo-lees and rice?"

Inside the cockpit, Sayla was hugging Amuro tightly, while Amuro was convinced that she had broken a rib tackling him into his seat. She then sat up and properly straddled him, smiling down at him and reaching up to toy with his curly hair. After a few moments, she fanned her face as she became aware of the heat. "God damn, it's hot in here."

"Yeah, I need to look at the climate control." Amuro sat back and stared up at her. "I'm sorry, for messing with that girl."

"I forgive you." She flicked his nose. "And I'm sorry for not being clear about what we are."

Amuro nodded. "So… what are we?"

Sayla leaned close, her smile broadening. "We are… continuing where we left off, before Wakkein interrupted us."

Amuro smiled just as broadly, as they got to doing just that.


A/N: In case it's not obvious, this story ships Amuro/Sayla. Feed me your delicious rage.