Here's Chapter Two, written with inspiration from my brother. I DO NOT own the Phantom of the Opera. Sorry, but there is Phantom bashing, Raoul bashing, and random other bashing.
"Ok, we're back. If you're just joining us, this is The Fan-fiction Dating Game! This week all of our players are from the Phantom of the Opera. Today's lucky player is the Phantom himself! Well, you all know the rules, let's begin. We'll start with the Phantom. Monsieur, feel free to state your name, age, profession, and favorite color, country, movie, book, animal, and food."
"What if I don't want to?"
"You have to, or else we shall automatically pair you with the Vicompte over here."
"You wouldn't."
"Oh yes, we would. Now talk."
"Fine. My name is Erik, I am 33 years old, and my profession is terrorizing people. My favorite country is France, duh, my favorite food is French fries. There, I'm done."
"Monsieur, you've neglected to state your favorite color, animal, movie, and book. And yes, you must. Or else."
"But I don't want to-"
"Shut up and stop whining. What is your favorite color. Answer, or else I'll have Raoul kiss you."
"Please no! My favorite color is…umm…pink."
"And animal?"
"Well, it's kind of a debate between poodles and ponies."
"Ok then. Movie? I probably don't want to here this."
"Barbie in the Princess and the Pauper. She's like, so hot-"
"Ok, we get the point. Book?"
"Oh, that's easy. War and Peace."
"Now that we're done with that, we'll start to question the contestants. Contestant One, where is your favorite place to go on vacation?"
"Well, it's like so awesome to go to the Girlz Foreva' Spa. I love to get my nails painted Pretty Pink while watching the Super Girly Show. They have a great selection of shampoos, from Super Sassy Strawberry to Absolutely Apple! It's like, the bomb! And the best part is, I own it, like cha!"
"Ok, then, Contestant One."
(the Narrator breaks into a coughing fit, in the midst of which the word "rainbow'' can be perceived)
"Now then, Contestant Two, what do you enjoy the most about your job?"
"Well, being like a famous American singer, I like get to go to like lots of overseas places, like Canada!"
"Thank you, stupid blond-I mean Contestant Two. Now, Contestant Three, what is your idea of a perfect day?"
"Well y'all, any day spent with his dreaminess the Phantom is total greatness. He's so masculine."
(Contestant Three swoons)
"Now it is time for the Phantom to question the contestants. Monsieur Phantom?"
"Okay, Contestant One, what would you do if I turned off the air conditioning in this place and made your hair frizz?"
"I'd be forced to take drastic measures."
"What would that be? Spraying hairspray in my eyes?"
"No, I'd…I'd…I'd make sure you were never allowed in my spa. So there!"
"Ok, whatever…Contestant Two, have you ever considered looking at a map and discovering that Canada is not, in fact, overseas from the United States? Unless you live in Hawaii."
"Hawaii's one of our 52 states? I was so sure Chicago was one…like totally."
(the Phantom cringes)
"Contestant Three, here is your question. If I, the great and wonderful Phantom, told you that I didn't like you very much, what would you do?"
"Well, ya' know, I'd probably go and jump right in a rattlesnake nest."
"Ok, that's good. I don't like you."
(Contestant Three runs off the stage sobbing. A few seconds later, screams are heard from backstage.)
"Well ladies and gentlemen, it would seem that we have lost a contestant. That leaves two contestants for you to vote for to go on a date with the Phantom. First though, we shall hear the Phantom's choice. Monsieur?"
"Kiss my butt."
"We are sorry, monsieur, but that is not a choice. But since you depress me so much, you emo jerk, I shall spare you the choice. Audience, vote now."
(30 seconds pass while Jeopardy music plays)
"Ok, time's up and the votes are in. Contestant Two with .5 of the vote, and Contestant One with 98.5. Congratulations, Contestant One. Before we reveal the identities of the contestants, we find it interesting to note that the remaining 1 of the vote went to "Kiss My Butt. But anyway, please remove the barrier so Monsieur Phantom can meet his date."
(the barrier is removed)
"Introducing Contestant One, Raoul, Vicompte de Chagny. Contestant Two, or should I say Miss Spears, we are deeply sorry that you lost, now get your blonde self off the set. Monsieur Raoul, do you have anything to say?"
"Like yeah! I'm so totally psyched out! You can come to my spa, and we can get you a manicure, and a pedicure, and a new wardrobe. You'd look so great in pink! Have you ever considered plastic surgery? You really need to dump that mask. Oh I'm sooooo excited!"
"Do you have anything to say, Monsieur Phantom?"
"Where's the nearest bridge?"
"Anyway, join us for tomorrow's show, starring Miss Christine Daae. Until then…Monsieur Phantom, kindly remove the rope from around the Vicompte's neck! Now! No, get away from me…please, that sword looks really sharp…NO! Help! "
(screen goes black)
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review, and wait for the next show!
