Chapter 2 of 3 – Sarah's POV
Disclaimers and summary in Ch. 1, and thanks to Jason Mraz again. This one is called "A Beautiful Mess," off the same album as the first.
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
He thought she didn't see him. Sarah watched Chuck out of the corner of her eye, face hidden behind her hair as she strapped on her throwing knives. She indulged herself, testing the points on each before straightening back up just to look at him a little longer. He thought she didn't look at him anymore when that's all she could do.
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is
What he didn't understand was that he didn't need to be in front of her. She saw him everywhere, all the time, smiling at her, loving her – she had finally admitted that to herself – and it made her…melt. And a CIA handler couldn't afford to melt. She was steely, cold. She was a honed blade. She was a weapon. No connections, just the missions, and use whatever means necessary to complete it.
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses
And he made her weak.
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
She caught his gaze briefly and sighed inside. He thought she didn't know what he was doing, how he had knowingly signed his life back over to the government by taking the Intersect again. How he'd done it for himself, and for her. "How many times do you have to be a hero to realize that you are that guy?" Her words to him as they danced in the courtyard haunted her. She says she thinks he's a hero – and Chuck, knowing that…what else would he have done?
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
But deep down, she was proud of him, and it did make him even more attractive to her. He had it all in the palm of his hand. He could have just destroyed it, ended it, and he didn't. He knowingly downloaded the Intersect again. He voluntarily put himself in harm's way.
He was a hero.
He was her hero. A hero who had never asked to be one, but who volunteered to be one, for the greater good. And that made him all the more extraordinary.
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
He had trained harder than any recruit she'd ever seen in the past month. He was determined to master the Intersect, and brought his full talent of snark and sarcasm to bear on himself, and even her, to do so, to push himself that little bit harder. The demands he'd placed on himself were far beyond any she would've suggested. It was like he was struggling to prove himself to her, that he could be just as good a human Intersect as Bryce. It tugged at her, knowing she had the power to pull him back to something resembling reasonable expectations.
There's no shame in being crazy
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
"I love you." Three words. Unspoken, they drove Chuck harder than any orders ever could. And it killed her knowing that, it killed her knowing that she had the ability to keep him from driving himself into the ground, but she couldn't.
She'd been ordered not to.
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
So she looked at him with distance in her eyes, because if she ever really let herself meet his gaze head-on in moments like this, moments when she knew he was risking his life to prove himself to her…
She'd crack. She'd tell him she loved him. She'd admit that it was a struggle every time not to kiss him back immediately, not to finish what they'd started that one almost imaginary morning.
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
Distance physically, emotionally, distance in her voice. It was the only way to bear these missions. She shut down, shut off, did what she had to. Chuck wasn't Chuck, not the endearingly sweet man she'd fallen so hard for.
He was just the Asset, and she would do her job.
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt, oh, dear
'Cause here we are, Here we are
She picked the lock quickly, sneaking sidelong glances at Chuck, intent upon the security keypad. "You look like a real spy," she'd said, but that was nothing compared to the drive and confidence radiating from the figure in black standing next to her. He'd proven himself over and over to be invaluable, to be heroic, and to have that streak of unorthodox genius that saved the day. A real spy.
Here we are…
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
As they entered the storefront she couldn't help but feel a bittersweet pang for the innocent boy that he'd been. Yet, she knew without a doubt that she'd be eternally, and oh so selfishly, grateful to Bryce for sending Chuck the Intersect.
Casey and Chuck flipped the pallet smoothly, and as they hoisted the door leading down to the bunker, she looked at the determination in Chuck's eyes and silently sighed again.
She was selfishly grateful because she had never realized how close she'd been to losing any trace of herself until Chuck reminded her of what it was to be normal, human, and real. Grateful, because she knew that, although she always considered Chuck downloading the Intersect again to be a choice, to him there'd been no other alternative. His instincts were always so pure.
So she should have known it would end like this.
Chuck leaped at her, and she turned around as she fell, watching the muzzle flash.
"Chuck!!"
She caught him as he hit the ground, Casey's return fire sounding far off as she watched Chuck gagging reflexively.
"No. No, no…Chuck, no…Oh Chuck…" she was babbling, crying, tearing both their masks off to use as she struggled to hold pressure on the wound through his neck. "Chuck, please, why did you do that, it was okay, I was okay…" His brown eyes just pleaded with her to understand.
"Because I love you," he choked out hoarsely.
"Don't you leave me, Chuck, don't you dare," she cried. She leaned in close, kissing him softly, "I love you too, don't leave me…"
She could swear she saw him smile as he went unnaturally limp in her arms.
And through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it...
