AN: Thank you reviewers, here's to you. Cheers!

I looked in her eyes and she looked in mine. Whatever she saw in them caught her off guard, I realized. She knew I lust for her. She released my hand which clung to the doorknob. She moved past me allowing me to leave.

As she sat on the bed, I saw her expression. I knew she was trying to understand a reality that she didn't believe possible before. The reality that her little stepbrother wants her.

I was having to adjust my entire schema as well. The first year the MacDonald's moved in with us, Lizzie and I spent most of our days watching Casey and Derek argue. We had suspicions that they had a thing for each other. When Casey was with Sam, we had been most sure of our theory.

Sometimes I would lie awake at night and hear sounds and think that they were together secretly in Casey's bed. But after watching for a time it became apparent that it wasn't like that at all. The beliefs ended once Kendra stepped into the picture. I would watch Casey's mannerisms when Kendra was beside Derek. I saw no signs of jealousy. We continued watching but Lizzie and I came to the conclusion that our elder siblings were not secretly in love, sneaking around together. Lizzie and I had overactive imaginations I guess.

Lizzie and I reasoned they behaved the way they did because Derek was Derek and Casey was Casey. Of course their personalities would clash. Besides Casey could never find herself in love with a guy who she despised for all that he represented. Yes Derek could surprise us sometimes and do something nice for Casey but that's because he was a good brother. It made more sense, their behavior was nothing more than that of siblings with uncompatable traits.

I hadn't thought of the theory in such a long time. I guess because those days of spying and debating with Lizzie were days of my childhood. The love affair of Casey and Derek was like a twisted version of a childhood fariytale, which like all fairytales are simply not true. My childhood ended when I realized it was like other fairytales, not real. My childhood ended with the epiphany that an outrageous love affair like that was not considered right in the real world.

And soon, after not so much time, ones childhood thoughts become quickly forgotten. What happened during childhood becomes repressed as new information, that is important for an adolescent to know, is stored in the brain.

It was hard to believe I had forgotten such a significant period in my life. It was sad to think Lizzie and I disregarded what we had been right about all along. It must have been true. Casey seemed to recognize the sexual hunger in my eyes. The only way she could recognize it is if she had seen it before. She would have only been familiar with the look if she had seen it in my brother. That would mean maybe Casey and Derek had been together.

I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to love what Derek already had. Looking at her on her bed, I couldn't help but be angry at her because though she could have been intimate with my brother, I was still very much enamored with her. How could she? I knew it was ridiculous to blame her, but like I said I couldn't help it.

"What's wrong?" I asked refering to the fact that she hadn't wanted me to leave, but now she seemed to perfer the idea.

"Oh well, I-I shouldn't pressure you to tell me." she replied.

If I hadn't spent so much time studying her and Derek, I wouldn't have been able to detect how she was a bit nervous.

I smiled at the thought. I began to wonder if I hadn't spent all that time spying on her would I not have fallen in love with my stepsister. And if that's the case I spent a lot time watching Derek if I didn't fall for her would my admiration for my brother become love in the incest sense. I was disgusted at the whole thought. My hand flew up to my forehead. I was so fucked up. My vision blurred through tears.

Casey stood and placed her hand comfortingly on my other arm. "Hey. What is it?"

I took a breath. "Nothing Im fine. Its been a long day. Thanks Casey, really."

Entering my room, I was completely overwhelmed. I thought, God whats the matter with me? I was really sick. Since my childhood imagination of Derek and Casey as a couple didn't happen, did that progress into me wanting her? Was that all this was? A psychological problem? Seemed logical. But it wasn't an imagination. They had been together, hadn't they?

It didn't matter anyway. I was already sucked in. No I wasn't; because I was going to stop this. I needed to stop loving her. Casey and I wouldn't happen. I didn't want it to. I didn't want her.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I had dreamt of Casey. I didn't remember it, but I knew I had. I rolled over and felt wetness on my legs. Shit. I got up to clean myself and my sheets. So much for "I didn't want her".

After going to the bathroom and then starting my laundry, I headed back up to bed. I had just laid out new sheets when Derek opened my window from the outside and climbed into my room. It was a little after two.

If Derek stayed late past curfew he'd climb up to my window to get in the house without dad knowing. He wasn't able to climb outside his window. So he used mine. It cost him a fee, but he knew I wouldn't tell so he didn't mind. Now that he was with Kendra he didn't go out late much, but old habits die hard I guess. Sometimes I wondered when he did stay out late if he had even been out with Kendra. Because whenever she asked Derek if he wanted to do something with her late, he would make excuses like "I would, but Im a tied down with a curfew. Parents yeh know?" It was like she didn't know him at all.

Derek seemed in good spirits. He smiled at me. "What the hell are you still doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. Good thing its a Saturday." I replied getting into bed.

Derek shut the window. Sometimes I would ask him my curiousities and he wouldn't really answer. I just hoped tonight he would.

"You weren't with Kendra tonight. Were you?" I asked.

Derek sat at the edge of my bed. He looked tired now. "No, no I wasn't."

He scatched the back of his head vigoriously before looking over at me. "I was with Sam, Brad, and a few of the other guys."

He saw that was all I wanted so he stood.

"Have you ever cheated on Kendra?" I asked quickly. My voice a little too loud.

He looked over at me stunned. I knew he was gonna say no. And I knew he would be lieing when he did.

"Yeah...I did." he answered with guilt. "I cant help it though. I like her a lot. I do, but she can be too much sometimes. Then a girl will catch my eye and yeah..."

Its sad when your surprised by honesty. I didn't show it though. I played it cool. I wasn't judging him, and I had to let him know I wasn't if I wanted him to confide in me.

"Yeah she's definately better in small doses. Derry." I joked.

Derek gave a small smile. "Exactly."

He didn't say it. He would never admit it, but I could tell as he looked down at me that he was proud that I was his brother. He left going to his room. The look he had given me reminded me of days when I wanted to learn all I could from him. I wanted to be like him.

I still did, but not in the way that I did before. I wanted to be a charmer. I wanted to be the most confidant guy in the room. I wanted to be sly. I wanted to win at everything. But somehow I missed the "girls want to love me, and the guys want to be me" trait and picked up "be attracted to my stepsister" instead.

AN: Why read Chapter 3? Edwin asks Derek or Casey if Dasey ever existed!!!!

In honor of "Breakdown" by obliviously hopeful- which is like the best Dasey story. Derek's friend Brad was invented and I refered to him.

I think my writing is much better in this chapter. Agree/Disagree?