AN. Wow! Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter, the encouragement was perfect to get this chapter out! Well, let's get on with it, hope you enjoy!

Sister Julienne guides Sister Bernadette inside and along to the kitchen in silence, makes her a hot drink, watches as she drinks it and then puts her arm around her again to guide her to her room.

"I'll be quite all right Sister, you can go now." The dismissal is the first sentence she has uttered since she broke down in the car and it is so quiet Sister Julienne barely hears her.

"If you're sure, I'll leave you. But don't you worry about your duties tomorrow, have a good long sleep, you've had a long night."

"Thank you Sister."

Sister Bernadette moves, not to prepare for bed, but sinks to her knees at the side of her bed, hands clasped to pray. She stays that way till dawn.

The next day Dr. Turner returns to Nonnatus House and they go through their reports, writing everything that happened and recalling it all in vivid, bloody, detail. Neither speaks of their shared cigarettes and held hands however.

The weeks pass and they wait for the results of the inquiry. In the end it's as they thought. Nothing they could have done, the mother had been too hungry and too weak, the baby too young. They did everything they could have. This is little comfort however and Sister Bernadette almost wishes she had made some mistake, missed some symptom or other, so that she could blame someone for the hatred and sadness she is feeling.

But she can't blame herself, or Doctor Turner for the loss of the young lives. She can blame him for something else though. Well she wishes she could. She can't really blame him for anything, not when she doesn't know what it is she's feeling. She can't blame anyone for this mixed up turmoil of happiness and guilt and what she thinks might be the same as what she sees when a mother looks at their newborn child.

Over the weeks she wraps her self in sheets of guilt and watching carefully what she can't have, being happy without notice and having that ripped away when she hears her own name (Sister Bernadette. It's been more her own name than what her parents christened her. But slowly she feels it disappearing into the ether and with it all she knows about herself.) Having that happiness softly reapplied, spread like a soothing balm by a shared smile or glance, a brief touch in passing or stolen cigarette after a long birth. And having it torn away all over again.

She turns to God for guidance, spending any time she is not at work in the chapel. But this only leads her to blame him for the deaths, for her feelings, for the fact that she no longer feels him within her. This in turn leads to more guilt and she prays more, desperate to hear some thing or feel something in return.

But where she used to go to be calm she feels only confusion and disorder, if not always apparent, always below the surface. The only place she feels in control now is in the birthing chamber, where she can follow a set of rules and let her instincts rule her at the same time.

Doctor Turner also spends the weeks following the deaths of Mrs. Jacobs and her baby in a state of confusion over what he feels for Sister Bernadette. At one moment he's content to carry on their gentle friendship that has been developing, at another he is full of strong intent to tell her how he feels, (a state often quickly dismissed when he reminds himself he doesn't know what he feels, and that any action will almost certainly be followed by rejection) and at others he fully intends to fully cut off all contact with her and save them both (another state quickly dismissed, he isn't sure what he does feel, but he's not quite certain he could ever live without her.)

It after another long birth, when they're sitting outside in the dark, sharing a cigarette, that he realises that he's in love with her and has been for awhile. It's at almost that precise moment that he sees that he is still wearing his wedding ring.

The next morning, a rare day off with his son, he takes action. Of a sort. He finds his wife's wedding ring and the diamond ring that has been hidden away since her death and approaches Timothy as he plays with his toys before lunch.

"Timothy, come here I want to talk to you." He says with a quaver in his voice as he crouches down.

"Yes dad?" He looks up from his toys, face all innocent curiosity.

"Do you-" He breaks off, voice catching in his throat, " Do you remember the rings mummy used to wear?" This is harder than he thought it was going to be.

"Yes, she had a big shiny one," he says as he walks over, more interested now.

"Yes, well I gave that one to her when I asked her to marry me." Breath, he tells himself. "And I was thinking, that maybe you would like to have it, and her wedding ring." He opens up his hand that he realises he's had clamped closed, the claws on diamond digging into his palm and leaving a mark. A rush of cool air dries the sweat that has formed there.

The little boy is silent for a moment while he considers the rings in his fathers out stretched palm.

Finally he asks, "Why would I want girls rings?"

"Well, I as thinking you could have mine as well." At this he twists off his wedding band and adds it to the pile in his hand.

"But why?" Timothy asks again. He shouldn't have counted on easy acceptance from his son.

"Well, when you're older, you might want to get married, and I thought it might be nice for you to use these rings. I think that's what Mummy would have liked."

"Don't you want to wear it any more? Don't you love Mummy any more?"

"I'll always love your Mummy, Timothy, but I think it's about time to start moving on, is that Okay?"

"I suppose so." Timothy stretches his hand out to pluck the rings up and examine then closely and at that moment Dr. Turner lets out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding and speaks again.

"I think we should put them somewhere safe-" He's interrupted by the sound of the door bell.

"Hold on to those" he says as he rises from his crouch, knees clicking as he does.

He walks to answer the door, hoping against hope that it won't be someone with an

emergency for him. It's almost worse. It's Sister Bernadette.

"Hello Sister."

"Hello Doctor Turner." She replies, both of them as apprehensive as each other. "Sister Julienne sent me over with the replacements for your equipment that was stolen," she explains.

It's then that he notices the box in her arms and the others at her feet.

"Of course, thank you," he says as he stoops to pick them up, "come through."

They carry the boxes through to his study and are just emerging when Timothy comes up to them, saving them from trying to make conversation.

"Sister Bernadette, look, look what Dad gave me!" He rushes towards her extending his hand so she can see the rings. "Mummy's old rings, for when I get married."

Her breath catches in her throat before she can summon up the appropriate enthusiasm "Oh, how lovely," she glances up to see Doctor Turner looking at her tenderly and quickly switches her focus back to Timothy. "And who are you going to ask to marry you, with such beautiful rings?"

He considers the question seriously for a moment before answering.

"You Sister Bernadette, then you could move here and we'd all be happy!"

The adults are both stunned for a second, before breaking out into laughter. Doctor Turner ruffles his sons hair and quashes the instinct to shout 'No, you can't have her,' and instead says, "Sorry Timmy, but Sister Bernadette is a nun, she can't get married." This is last is delivered with a small smile and a glance in the woman's direction, but she is steadfastly not looking at him.

"Oh. Okay then." He pauses for a moment, and then: "What about Nurse Noakes, when she gets back from Africa?" This again is delivered with such sincerity that the adults can't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry Timmy, but she's married already," Sister Bernadette explains as she smooths down the hair that his father messed up.

Timothy stops to consider again before coming up with "I know! Nurse Jenny Lee! She's pretty!" The adults laugh again and share a smile before Dr Turner says, "Perhaps you can ask her when you're older. For now we'll put these somewhere safe."

"Well I best be getting off, patients to see." Sister Bernadette says as she turns towards the door.

"Of course, and thank you for bringing the equipment." Doctor Turner walks her to the door, "Better not tell Nurse Lee about the rings, she might be jealous about being third choice!" They both laugh as she walks towards her bicycle, him following behind as he lights a cigarette.

"Perhaps not. Good bye Doctor Turner," She calls as she swings on to the bike. "Oh, I nearly forgot, Sister Julienne told me to invite you to luncheon tomorrow, the Vicars wife will be there and they thought it would be easiest to discuss the plans of what to do with the money from the fair if you were there as well." She says very quickly, flushing at stumbling over her words.

Doctor Turner smiles as he takes in her flushed face, "Of course, that makes sense, I'll be there at 12?"

"Perfect. We'll see you tomorrow then."

He watches her ride away until Timothy calls him back inside to play.

AN. Well that was longer than expected, but somewhat happier than the last chapter, so all's good. Hope you enjoyed it, please do let me know! Or even if you didn't, let me know and I can work on improving it! Gritting my teeth waiting for the next episode, if they pull a BallyKissAngel on us I will not be happy!