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Chapter Two
Heartbroke Confession
He finished off the letter, another one in a long line of letters written in his efforts to try and contact his long lost sister. He grew more and more agitated every time he received a new letter, forwarding him to another magister, another politician, telling him that Varania no longer served there, and blah blah blah.
Then he went to mail it, briefly bickering with a confused postal-apprentice, who couldn't understand simple orders, Fenris thought, hoping that this time would be the last. Heading back from the docks he stopped by the Hanged Man, hoping to see a few friendly faces. The sun were setting as he set foot in the beloved tavern. Blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the dim light, he skimmed the room for persons of interest.
Isabela was at the bar waiting for what seemed a rather large order, two pitchers by her side, still waiting for more, all the while trying to fend off an unwanted suitor, a wee lad controlled by his hormones. Fenris smirked as he caught her eye, a pleading look to them. He laughed lightly and ignoring her pleads for rescue, he walked up the stairs towards Varrics cozy suite.
Stopping shortly at the door, he knocked on the frame twice with his knuckle, seeing the dwarf sit with a thick, wood-backed book in the dwarven-carved stone chair on the far side of the table, that stood in the center of his living space. Varric gazed up briefly, smiling at him "Ah, elf! Come on in!". He gestured to another chair and Fenris obeyed. Settling himself comfortably into his seat, he tried to find a somewhat clean goblet among the dusins that littered the dwarfs table, most empty. "I thought you an organised persona, Varric. Who stormed your quarters?" he enquired, finally finding a relatively clean goblet.
"Oh-hoh! We're by our wits today, are we?" Varric smirked, shutting his heavy book close with a thump, setting it aside. "Well, if you must know, a wizard did it... with the help of a pirate". Varric seemed amused by the thought. "Blondie had a drinking match with Isabela last night, thinking he could magically avoid being out-drunk by a skimpy gal" he grinned, "he could not. And I'm not cleaning this mess up mind you".
Fenris nodded understandingly. He produced a bottle of finer wine from his satchel, "I see". He held up the bottle, "care to join me?"
"Ah, splendid. Fill 'er up elf", Varric flinged a clay chalice at him. He caught it barely, his hands more used to the weight and steady speed of a great sword. He poured wine into it and stretched far to his left, setting the chalice within Varrics reach. Then he poured himself a glass and took a long swig.
"Aaah, good stuff. So, what brings you here? I doubt it'll be the fine women, eh?" Varric took another sip and smirked at him, "You seem to have the finest within your reach already".
Fenris glared at him, "What is it you think you know, dwarf?". He downed the wine in one swig and poured another glass, almost dreading the answer.
Varric took a long, calculated look at him, weighing his words with careful precision. He took another swig of wine. The elf always did bring the good stuff.
"I care for Hawke, Fenris. She's possible the finest woman I've ever had the fortune of meeting", he paused, "All I'm trying to say is... Be careful. I'd rather not put a bolt through your skull for breaking her heart again".
Breaking her heart? Again? Those were the last words Fenris thought would spill over Varrics lips. She never showed any sign of heart break, or any other emotion related. After their little fling, he'd felt so rotten he tried to drink himself into oblivion for almost a week, not leaving his mansion. He remembered that Varric had stopped by, but could not remember what he wanted, probably having blacked the whole day out in his rather sloshed state. The next time he'd seen her, she seemed... fine. Cheery and upbeat as always. Though, there had been times since that he had caught her holding a eerie blank stare into nothing, but she'd been so quick to recover, he'd thought nothing of it.
"Hello, elf? I said, I can see you have no idea what I'm on about, huh?", the voice brought him out of his intense speculations.
"No... I... I never thought she cared..." he said quietly, staring at the fire blazing in the hearth in front of him.
"You know, I went to see her the day after your... you know", he leaned forward, as if the next few utterings would kill him if anybody else heard it, "she was crying the color out of her eyes you know. She's didn't cry like that when Carver was massacred by that ogre, neither when they'd taken Bethany to the Gallows". He leaned back and took a drink of wine, giving Fenris time to digest his words.
"She.. what?", he couldn't quite comprehend the audacity of Varrics confession. His heart ached at the thought of her crying, sitting alone on her bed, her whimpers twisting knots in his gut. He'd been there once, more than enough to last him a lifetime, when her mother was taken from her. He'd held her when she cried, putting aside his feelings for her to be a good friend and comfort her, kissing her forehead when she finally found rest.
"It's true. She locked herself in her mansion for 4 days straight, barely eating anything", Isabelas voice came from the doorway. She was leaning on the frame with 3 pitchers in each hand, a peculiar somber look on her dark face Fenris hadn't ever thought she could administer, "she only cried like that when Leandra died".
She walked forward and sat the pitchers down, only spilling slightly, before pouring herself a mug of ale and settling into a chair next to Varric, "you must have been a real good shag, handsome". The usual smirk returned to her face and she sipped the ale.
Fenris growled lowly, but she continued anyway, "good thing Anders was there to keep her warm and safe, with those master hands of his... Mmh, holding her lithe body close and brushing away her hair from her big doe eyes, looking up at him with a profound tenderness", she spoke in a low, seducing voice, and licked her lips. She always was the tease.
His brows furrowed, "I'm sorry, what? That.. thing was with her for 4 days?". Gods know he never held anything similar to fondness when it came to that mage, but this intense hatred he felt, it was an all time high for him. Isabelas acute imagery was putting unwanted pictures in his head.
Varric let out a frustrated sigh, "Good work Rivaini. Yes, Fenris, Anders was also there to comfort her, but, the truth is much less... exciting from what blabbermouth here paints it to be".
The comment quenched some of his flaring anger. At least they didn't... she'd told him the truth. He should have been the one to be there, to wipe away her tears and hold her close to him when she had needed someone there. But instead, he had been the one to cause the heartbreak, the pain, the hurt. He felt rotten again.
"Not to pounce all over your imaginary world, I'm sure its lovely and all, but the rest of the gang is coming over in a wee bit", Isabela stated, taking a good swig of ale.
"Not that you're not welcome to stay elf!", Varric continued with a small smile, "I know you have some serious thinking to do, but.. It seems to brighten her day whenever you around. She told me so herself... or, the letter to Bethany did", he grinned and held his chalice up in a cheer before drinking the last of its contents.
He hadn't really had a chance to just be with her since she pulled that little trick on him almost a fortnight ago. And he wasn't even done thinking yet. But maybe seeing her would jock his inner thought process enough to finally make something congruent to a decision. So he stayed, pouring yet another glass of wine, emptying the bottle he'd brought. He was feeling a little lightheaded, having downed the satisfyingly strong wine within a short amount of time.
"Come on Aveline! You have to tell me, I'm your best friend, am I not?", she pouted her lips and gave the red head the best puppy-eyes she could muster.
"I am not giving you the details of our honeymoon! And forget trying to run to Donnic and get him to talk, I already made him swear on our marriage. Don't give me that face!"
Sebastian laughed loudly as a ridiculous scene took place before him. Hawke tried to get Aveline to look at her puppy eyes, convinced that if she just looked long enough, she'd give in and spill the beans. Aveline, kind of thinking the same thing, avoided Hawkes face-advances by turning the other way, finally planting her hand in Hawkes face, pushing her away, smushing it all together.
"Puh-lease Aveline! I'll... I'll buy you a new sword!", Aveline raised her eyebrow at her, "Okay, flowers then! Come onnnnn". She stomped her foot to the ground and Aveline couldn't hold a smile back as her friend looked a complete child.
"Oh grow up Temps, you'll just have to imagine the juicy details yourself". The little group rounded a corner and the Hanged Man came into view.
"Oh bugger..." Hawke pouted and crossed her arms over her chest as they walked towards the tavern.
"Don't look so down Hawke, I bet Isabela is ready to spin all sorts of saucy and risque tales when we reach Varrics" Sebastian tried to console her, padding her gently on her shoulder. She looked at him, fake sadness glazing over her eyes.
" 'Bastian, I need a pick-me-up" she bit her lower lip and brought her arms around her back so her chest pertruded forward.
He sighed in defeat and turned his back on her, bending his knees slightly. She squeeled with glee and jumped on him, wrapping her slender legs around his waist and held him by the shoulders. "Forward mighty steed!" she exclaimed, pointing at the door to the tavern.
Aveline walked in advance and opened the door, easing any extra labour on Sebastians part. He nodded to her thankfully, carrying the overjoyed and giggling Hawke over the threshold. When he went to set her down, letting go of her legs, thinking he'd done the deed, he felt her legs and arms tighten even more around his body to a point where she was holding up her own weight.
"You're not done, oh great stallion", she whispered in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. He let out a frustrated breath, but did not take another hold on her legs. If she wanted more, she'd have to hold herself.
And so she did. With a little effort, mostly on Sebastians part, they made it up the stairs. When they came upon the door, which was a skew, the prince turned half a circle and took a few steps backwards, using Hawkes own back to push open the door. She umpfed and cringed, not entirely ready for that particular use of her body. Aveline laughed at her and pushed the door to a near close when they'd entered the room.
"Greetings my fellow crackpots!" Hawke grinned, finally hopping off Sebastians back. She glanced around the room and found that all her friends were indeed gathered around the table.
"Hawke! Glad you could join us!" Varric exclaimed, opening his arm in greeting. She walked over and kissed him on the cheek, "Always my friend, never miss it". Her eye wandered to Fenris, sitting across the hearth and he looked up at her, giving her a sweet smile that tugged at her heart's strings. She smiled back and went to sit beside him.
"Merrill, could you pour me a mug'a ale sweetie?" she asked her elven friend, seeing as she was both close to Hawke and a pitcher of ale. Merrill smiled, poured her a mug full and handed it to her, "Here you go Hawke". Giving her thanks, she took a gulp and let out an "aah!".
"How do you drink the piss they serve here with such pleasure?" Fenris said and took a sip of wine, now being down to drinking the Hanged Mans bitter stuff.
She thought for a moment, tilting her eyes towards the ceiling, before replying "Its an acquired taste", taking another swig. "How goes the search for your sister?"
"Annoyingly slow I'm afraid. I keep getting bounced back and forth, and I've already encountered several dead ends. Hopefully I mailed the last missive today" he sighed, frowning slightly.
"Hm, that sucks nug ass", she concured, making him smile again.
"Indeed it does" he gave her a fond gaze, making her smile in return, and a little butterfly fluttered its wings in his stomach.
"Dance with me Fenris!" she laughed, prancing elvishly around him as he walked. Her loose, amethyst dress flowed around her long legs and her hair was no longer in a ponytail and would have reach her lower back, if it wasn't being carried by the soft night air. The delicate silver patterns on her black corset shimmered in the moonlight. Her feet were bare, Fenris being a gentleman carried the slippers that she'd chosen to wear this evening. A nice change of pace he thought, now entirely enjoying the pale, smooth skin of her slender walking limbs. She looked a demon in the lunar light, every inch of her designed to bring dirty desires down upon his body, twisting his mind around her pinky-finger.
"Never in a million years" he teased, continuing to walk towards her estate, setting a leisurely pace.
"Oh you're no fun". She continued to dance around him, humming a dwarven drinking tune to herself.
"And you're drunk" he said, stating the obvious. She laughed and stopped dancing, instead she slid her arm into the crook of his elbow and leaned against him.
"Perhaps" she slurred, smiling and eyes half closed.
They reached her front door, knocked and waited a few moments, before the door was opened by Bodahn. "Ah, messere! Thank you, master Fenris, for bringing her home safely" the dwarf greeted them, bowing his head in respect.
"I need a word with Fenris, Bodahn, I'll be in in a moment" Hawke smiled at her dwarven friend, who nodded and dissappeared from the doorway. She stepped inside, turning to face him and leaned on the frame.
"So, home to the huge, cold, lonely mansion then?" she asked, holding her arms and Fenris noticed they were littered in goosebumps.
"Yes, that was the plan. Why, having something better in mind?" he smirked, not catching the underlying question in her enquiry.
She smiled and reached out a hand, grabbing hold of the metal plate of his armor, pulling him closer. He smelled like winter, she thought, crisp and fresh with a hint of pine tree. She reached up with her other hand and brushed away a stray piece of his snowy hair, "Maybe".
Finally catching on, a nervous look crossed his features, "Hawke, I-I don't think that's a good idea" he started, trying to let her down easy. Gods know he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with her and explore her lithe body all over again, but in truth he was a coward, not wanting to relive his lost life and then not remember it.
"I miss you Fenris". She looked him straight in the eyes, her expression vulnerable and almost pleading, quiet desperation lurking behind her honey irises.
He watched her for a moment, then lowered his gaze to the ground. "I can't..."
"Please Fenris, I promise, I won't try anything, I'll.. I'll sleep in a chair, or on the floor, please... Just don't leave me alone", she was on the verge of tears now, but fought a valiant battle to keep them at bay.
His heart broke a little when he saw her lamentable expression, remembering what Varric had told him, never wanting to inflict such pain on her again, and his gaze softened, "You're not sleeping on the floor, you mad fool".
She looked at him at him questionably, cocking her head slightly to the side. He smiled, cupped her face with his hand, careful not to scratch her with the sharp gauntlet, and leaned in, kissing her jaw lightly. He then proceeded to turn her by the shoulders and push her gently inside, steering her with his hands, and kicked the door closed after them, letting her shoes fall to the mat on the left.
"Messere?" Bodahn looked confused at them, sitting in a chair, smoking a pipe while Sandal was playing with Moha on the floor by the fireplace. The mabari arfed happily at them, overjoyed from receiving a belly-scratch.
"It's okay Bodahn" she smiled at him and let her body be guided to the stairs by Fenris, "See you in the morning".
He lead her up the stairs and into her chambers, shutting the door softly behind him. A crackling fire illuminated the room in a soft glow and he went to shut the curtains. Hawke, not sure what to do, a rare occurrence, stood by the bed-poster, biting her lower lip nervously. Fenris pulled the covers on her bed back and rummaged through her drawers, finally conjuring a light, white nightgown. He laid it on her bed and turned towards her.
"Come here" he said, and she shuffled to stand in front of him. He untied the laces of her corset, folded it and laid in on the floor. He then did the same with her dress and when she was in nothing but her small clothes, he turned her by the shoulders again, and unclasped her breastcloth. He flushed slightly, but proceeded with his task. He fetched the nightgown and pulled it over her head.
"Fenris.." she gasped at his hands caressed her hips briefly. He motioned for her to get in bed and she obeyed. Undressing, he folded his armor neatly and laid it beside hers. He felt her eyes on him, lapping every curve and tuned muscle of his lean fighters body. He smirked to himself.
He shooed her further towards the middle of the bed, got in himself and pulled the covers up to their hips. Acting on a natural instinct she scooted closer to him, clinging almost, draped her arm around his waist and rested her head in the crook of his shoulder.
"Thank you", she whispered.
He lifted her chin and kissed her soft lips, cupping her face, "don't mention it".
Even as his body ached for her, he felt completely satisfied this way, just breathing in her scent and feeling her warm body against his.
Sighing happily, she closed her eyes, relishing the feel his body had, and draped her leg over his. How she'd missed him. Just lying like this was enough, to be with him enough.
"I missed you" she smiled, tracing a lyrium swirl on his stomach with a finger.
He could feel her smile against his skin. He idlely ran a hand through her long hair, earned a series of delightful moans. He smiled, "go to sleep".
She sighed again and rested her hand on his chest, closing her eyes and gently felt her body relax completely as the Fade embraced her.
He kissed the top of her head, "I missed you too".
