Sorry for the delay but anyone who's ever been to university will know what a bastard it is trying to do the work and things that you enjoy (like this) but I would like to do this and any comments would be greatly received.

After a long and arduous two and a half hours along side with Selphie giving him every conceivable order there could be for the festival Irvine finally managed to escape to the quad to grab what he considered a well deserved thirty minutes of rest before Zell came up and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ahh, my eager young apprentice" Irvine said "you ready to start with your first lesson?"

"I thought the slap was my first lesson,"

"OK lesson one man every lesson is lesson one, nothing is unimportant, learn it all!" Zell nodded as Irvine got up and put his arm over Zell's shoulder, "OK so what is it that you don't like about talking to women?"

Zell paused and thought "The embarrassment" was his response

"What embarrassment?" Irvine asked

"If she says no, in front of everyone, that'd be humiliating."

"Yeah it is." Irvine chuckled, but after a while you get over it

"I don't want to get over it after a while though man, I need help now" They were walking in the direction of Irvine and Selphie's apartment

"I was hoping you'd say that," Irvine said, "So I've set something up for you."

Zell looked dubious but nevertheless accepted "I asked for your help so I guess I should take it." He said resignedly

"Ata boy," Irvine said slapping Zell on the shoulder, "OK what you've got to do for this task is think up five really embarrassing sex questions or statements and you're going to say them or ask them."

"To you?" Zell looked around "Here?"

"No not here and not me, in my apartment with a girl, I'll wait outside."

"I'm not so sure about that man."

"Don't worry the girl is sworn to secrecy and it'll help with the embarrassment, trust me."

Zell took a deep breath as they finally arrived at Irvine's door "Tell me before I go in though," he started "Is she a hottie?"

"Totally," was Irvine's response.

Irvine unlocked the door and Zell closed his eyes as he entered. Once he was in he felt safe enough to open them again and he was standing face to face with Ma Dincht.

Zell turned to run "Nu-uh buddy" Irvine said, "You're staying here"

"It's OK Zell," Ma Dincht said "Irvine called and told me what was going on I'm just glad I can help."

The blood rushed from Zell's face as Irvine said "You're gonna be in here for a few hours and Ma Dincht is on orders to talk about nothing else," Ma Dincht nodded "she also has questions to ask you." He smiled and waved as he left, Zell grabbed him by the collar and pulled him so he was within whispering reach.

"You said she was a hottie." He whispered to Irvine through gritted teeth

"Have you tasted her Chocolate Fudge Cake? That alone makes her attractive to me." He laughed as he closed the door behind himself

"Bastard" Zell muttered and turned to his mother, "So Ma…" he trailed off, fortunately Ma Dincht had topics ready.

"So have you been having sex?" she asked

"Ma!!!" Zell said shocked

"Listen Zell we're stuck in here for several hours so we might as well get it over with."

Zell shook his head and sighed "Yeah I've been having sex."

Two hours later Irvine returned, he had planned on getting a nap on the bench in the quad but on his way he bumped into Selphie.

"You're meant to be helping Zell!" She screamed

"I am, this is more of a independent section, and I'll go back in two hours and see how he's doing."

Selphie nodded in understanding "Well until then you can help me" Irvine sighed but relented

"What are we doing now?"

"Well you're going to be constructing the staging area whilst you tell me what Zell's doing."

Irvine put his arm around Selphie and hugged her close in a loving friendly way while they walked to the Quad "So what do you want the stage to look like?"

"Better than last time, like a giant T that comes out into the crowd so the band can come into the crowd more."

"Ah yeah I've got ya, that's easy enough for me to piece together."

"So what's Zell doing?" Selphie asked as Irvine unfurled pieces of paper and started drawing away.

"His problem's embarrassment so I'm ridding him of it." He said

"How're you doing that?"

"Making him as embarrassed as possible. Do you want it above ground or on ground level?"

"Above ground at least 5ft up, and what you're getting him embarrassed …how?"

"I stuck him in a room with a woman and they have to talk about sex." He said very blasé about it

Selphie chuckled "Who's the woman?"

"His mother" he said with the same attitude

Selphie began to laugh and then it suddenly dawned on her and she shouted shocked "What!!! His mother?"

Irvine started chuckling "yeah, should be uncomfortable as hell!"

"He's not gona forgive you, you know that."

"He will when he picks up a girl thanks to me."

Selphie smiled, "So that's your trick? Pretty much an extreme of embarrassment then?"

Irvine nodded "That's how I managed it, except it wasn't my mum it was almost every girl in Galbadia turning me down before I got my confidence."

"There's was a point in your life when you didn't have confidence? Irvine Kinneas I'm outraged." Selphie said chuckling

Irvine smiled "There's a lot you don't know about me hun," he said winking at her "hopefully we've got enough time for you to find out all about me."

"Irvine Kinneas you're terrible." Selphie said and told him to get back to work. Once the two hours were up Irvine headed back to the apartment to see how things were going. Once he'd arrived he greeted the two prisoners and let Mrs Dincht out offering to take her home but she politely declined waving goodbye to Zell as she left.

"How was it?" Irvine asked

"That was the most uncomfortable two hours of my entire life." Irvine attempted to hold in a chuckle as Zell continued, "There are positions that you never want to hear about at all let alone from your mum." Irvine still found it hard to hold in his laugh "I'll never look at Alphabetti Spaghetti the same way again." Irvine couldn't help it he burst out in laughter. "It's not funny Irvine I've never been more embarrassed in my life!"

"So that was more embarrassing than going up to any girl and getting shot down?" Zell paused and Irvine watched as the light suddenly turned on behind Zell's eyes "you understand now?"

"You dirty bastard!!" He shouted

"Didn't it help?" Irvine enquired

Zell thought and eventually resignedly said, "Yeah I guess so."

Irvine smiled "But don't go off looking for women yet that's only one lesson of many." He said putting his arm around Zell and walking him back to the cafeteria "Now let's get you a drink and burn that two hours from your memory."

Zell smiled "You're paying for the drinks, I've already paid my dues today!"

Irvine chuckled and pulled out his phone sending a message to the others seeing if they wanted a drink too.