A/N: Addison's POV as promised. I really don't like this one. Could be better. I might start Meredith's from a different point, from the phone-call maybe? Just to mix it up a little. Anyway, I hope this is ok =/
Kelly. X.
I watched as Izzie Stevens sobbed her heart out to the Chief. I watched Meredith as she watched her friend break down in front of her. As Izzie left Meredith stayed put, staring as O'Malley and Karev led her out of the hospital. I watched Derek lead the Chief to his office, Bailey following close behind. Then I made my move. I walked over and leaned in close to her ear.
"Come with me" I whispered, I turned and led us down to an abandoned hallway, one we'd used so many times, I reached my hand out and caressed her shoulder.
"Talk to me honey" I said softly, she looked up at me with tear filled eyes and then broke down, sobbing hard into my chest, I held her tightly and moved us over to the gurney that sat against the wall, I climbed up onto it crossing my legs, I pulled Meredith up with me and sat her on my lap. I stroked her back softly with one hand and held her other tight in mine.
"It's ok" I whispered "It's ok"
"She, she's so broken, so so broken" she sobbed.
"I know, I know honey, it's ok, she'll get through it Mer"
She looked up into my eyes, I smiled softly at her and leaned forward to kiss her softly, as we pulled away I ran my fingers through her hair to soothe her.
"We'll be together soon" I whispered "Just you and me"
"Just you and me" Meredith said with a small smile.
"I love you"
"I love you too"
"Come on, you should go home, Izzie needs you, she needs her friend Mer"
"Your right" Meredith sighed, she climbed off my lap, I slipped off the gurney, we both straightened out our dresses "Just one more kiss" she whispered with a smile, a smile that made my heart flip. Her arms wrapped around my waist, my hands moved up into her hair, our tongues slipped against each others, moans escaping both of our mouths, we pulled away slowly and turned to walk along the corridor, we both froze when we saw the person neither of us wanted to. Derek stood on the spot staring at us pale face, I expected shouting, screaming, I expected New York all over again but he just ran, he turned on his heel and ran.
"Damn it" I whispered.
"Yeah" Meredith sighed.
"Damn it" I said again turning and placing my hands flat on the gurney, I took in a shaky breath "He, he wasn't supposed to find out like that"
"I know" Meredith said quietly "What, what are we, going to do?" she stuttered.
"I should go after him" I said standing up "Explain"
"Yeah, you're right" Meredith nodded "I'm sorry Addie"
"Hey, it's not your fault" I said caressing her cheek, I leaned in a placed a kiss on her lips "I'll call, when I know whats, I'll call you"
"Ok" Meredith nodded "Just remember that I love you"
"I love you too" I smiled, I gave her one last kiss before rushing out of the hospital, remembering that I travelled in with Derek that morning I hopped into a cab. When I reached the trailer he wasn't there, it didn't really surprise me, he liked to drive when he was angry. I changed into my sweats and an old Columbia Med shirt and took my hair out it's up-do, I wiped the make-up from my face and just sat there, on the edge of the bed, waiting. It was almost an hour later when I heard the car pull up outside, I watched him step into the trailer, he stood at the end of the small hallway, I looked up at him and our eyes locked. He walked slowly towards me and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"How did you get home?" he whispered.
"Took a cab" I whispered back "Derek I…."
He held up his hand to silence me "Don't" he said firmly, we fell into a silence, a horrible, intense, awkward silence, I just wanted to blurt it, tell him everything, but I knew I had to wait for him.
"How long?" he asked, not even moving his eyes from the wall in front of him.
"Almost 4 months" I replied quietly.
"Why? How?" he stuttered.
"I don't know it just, she was, she was upset, she found out her father has this whole other family and she was angry and, I found her in a supply closet, she was, a mess and I just, nothing happened, we just sat there, well we kissed, we kissed and that was it, that is it, we haven't, we haven't slept together" I hated that I knew every word was breaking him. I hated myself.
"You haven't slept together?" he asked with his eyebrow slightly raised, I guess that's comforting to him, maybe.
"No, we just, we talk and, we kiss and, that's it" I sighed.
"Where?"
"The hospital mostly, once or twice at her place"
"Does anyone know?"
"Izzie" I said calmly, that was an interesting day "She found us sleeping in an on-call room about 3 weeks ago"
"And you love her" he said it almost as a statement, like he knew I did.
"Yeah" I said with a shaky voice.
"Do you love me?"
"Always Derek" I knew I shouldn't have said that.
"Always?!" he exclaimed almost shooting up from the bed "Always? You always love me? You may not have slept with her but you cheated on me Addison! You are cheating on me! Again!"
"We've been married for 12 years Derek, that doesn't just disappear because I'm in love with somebody else" My voice is hoarse, my heart is racing, I hate this, I hate what I'm doing to him.
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
"I was going to get some knew papers drawn up, give them to you, then we were going to wait another month before going public" My voice trailed off, it was all spilling out of me.
"So that's it" he choked "We're done"
"We're done" I whispered "I'm so sorry Derek, so so sorry" Because I am, I'm sorry.
"I just, I don't know what to think Addie" he said sitting back on the bed beside me.
"You can think whatever you want Derek, we don't expect you to forgive us, we don't expect anything from you" We'd talked, so much, about what we would do when he would inevitably flip. We weren't stupid.
"Yeah well, that's probably wise" he said with an exasperated laugh, at least it's a laugh.
"I'm gonna, pack a bag, go and stay at a hotel" I said standing up and walking to the small closet, pulling out a bag and filling it with all of the essentials for the next day, I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my cell and keys from the night stand. As I turned to leave I felt Derek grab my wrist, he stood up and pulled me into a kiss, I couldn't help but kiss him back, it felt like goodbye, it's what we needed to do, say goodbye, we pulled away breathlessly, tears falling from both of our faces, I brought a hand up to his face and wiped a stray tear from his cheek.
"We tried" I whispered, I kissed his cheek softly before slowly making my way to my car. I dropped my bag onto the back seat before pulling away, the tears still falling. I made my way to the hotel I'd originally planned on staying in after I handed him the divorce papers, I checked in and made my way up to the room. I stripped down to nothing and took a shower, and I cried, it wasn't that I wasn't happy that I could finally be with Meredith because god, I loved her, so much, but it was still the end of what amounted to a third of my prospective life, and no matter what I would always love Derek, you can't just throw away all the time we shared together. Once I changed back into my sweats I climbed onto the bed and dialed Meredith's number.
"I thought you were never going to call" Meredith said instantly as she answered the phone.
"Sorry I uh, I just needed some time" I stuttered lying back onto the soft sheets.
"I know" she said softly.
"I'm at a hotel, for now" I said quietly "We, we talked and, it's over, obviously it's over and, he knows everything, from start to finish, he knows how we feel and, it's over"
"Where are you? I'll come over"
"No, no Meredith, stay, Izzie needs you"
"You need me"
"I'll come over tomorrow" I said softly "After I've picked the rest of my stuff up, I'll come over, ok?"
"They'll find out, I thought we were going to wait"
"Is there any point now he knows?"
"He won't say anything" she said calmly, I knew she was right, I knew Derek would stay quiet about it, it's not exactly something you shout from the rooftops.
"We won't, we won't rub it in his face but, we should at least tell your friends Meredith"
"Ok, ok, we'll tell them, just, no matter what Addison, I love you"
"I know, I love you too, no matter what" I said with a small smile "Goodnight Meredith"
"Goodnight Addison"
The next morning I woke slowly, the events of last night rushing back to me quickly. I knew he would go to the hospital and spend the day in surgery. I luckily had the day off. I drove back to the trailer and spent a couple of hours cramming my stuff into my car, I could've sworn the thing was going to burst at the seams. I went back to the hospital and was helped by several bell boys to get all my stuff up to my room. They must have thought I was mad. Maybe I am. I ate lunch before making my way over to Meredith's house, not before picking up ice cream, lots of ice cream, Izzie would need ice cream eventually. And god so did I. As I walked up to her porch Cristina almost ran straight into me.
"Oh uh, hi" she stuttered.
"Hi" I said quietly.
"I'm only going to say this once" she said firmly, this would be interesting "She was broken, for a long time she was broken, and that was down to you and McDouchey, it's taken her a long time to get back on her feet so if this is just some game to you, if you're going to run back to your husband, tell her now, because I already have one friend lying on the bathroom floor, I don't need another, and especially not Meredith"
"This isn't a game, I love her, she won't be, on the bathroom floor anytime soon, whatever that means"
"Izzie" Cristina said sadly "She's been there all night, in the dress, she won't get up, but we're sitting Shiva so go in, eat, we have enough food to feed the whole hospital, I have to uh, go now, check on Burke"
"Ok" I nodded "Send him my love"
Cristina nodded back at me and made her way over to her scooter, I stepped into the house and walked into the kitchen, Meredith was sat eating her way through a huge pile of sandwiches.
"Y'know, I brought ice cream, I'd stop eating those if I were you" I smirked leaning against the door frame, Meredith almost shot up from her seat "Sorry" I said with a laugh "Didn't mean to scare you"
"You came" she said quietly.
"Of course I did, did you, did you really think I wouldn't?"
"I uh, I don't know what I thought" she stuttered, I smiled at her, I slipped my coat off and dropped my bags onto the floor, I slowly walked over to where she stood leaning up against the kitchen counter, I waisted no time in crashing my lips onto hers, holding her so tightly I swear I could've have broken her, but it felt so perfect, to have her in my arms again, as a free woman.
"I love you" I whispered as I pulled away "I love you Meredith, so much"
"I love you too" she smiled "This is really happening, we're, we're us, we're you and me, we're, we're together, properly"
"Properly" I grinned.
"Your, your ok right? I know last night must have been hard" she said pushing her hands up into my hair.
"It was, awful, I've, really hurt him, again and, we cried, both of us and, he kissed me" I said hesitantly hoping it wouldn't upset her "I, I didn't stop it but, I think it was just, like goodbye, I didn't mean anything more than that"
"Addison" she said softly "It's ok, I understand"
"Good" I smiled.
We didn't have sex that night, or the night after, or even the one after that. It took us another month before we took that step. It was probably nerves. We'd never done anything more than kissing. And I felt better after the divorce finally went through. That was the night we crossed that line. And it was worth the wait. Without a doubt. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing, if it was going to work out but I was happy knowing she was there for me and I was there for her. It was hard seeing Derek at work. It was harder when me and Meredith went public. I was Satan again. And she was the dirty mistress. It was hard but we got through it. Because we had to. Because through it all, I really did love her. And I knew that she loved me.
