Suzumiya Haruhi was not an idiot. Quite far from it. She could even find the time to go to sleep after tests, while everyone else was finishing theirs. Unfortunately, I have no other examples off of the top of my head, so this is all I will say about her. Asahina Mikuru... I don't even feel like explaining why she got into the school. You don't actually expect Nagato Yuki to not make it into the school do you? This story wouldn't be right without Kyon and Koizumi. For these reasons, every member of the SOS Brigade made it into Ouran Accademy.
"I guess we have to see who the first one to complain is." Haruhi said
"I would have thought you were gonna complain about the outfits." Kyon said
"Nope, I like the outfits." Haruhi lied "But for some reason, the girls kept telling me to go to the third music room after school. Maybe there's a ghost in there! Or some other cool mystery!" Haruhi said, as she and the Brigade made their way to the third music room. "Here it is. Let's see what's so special about it." Haruhi opened the doors and rose petals came flying her way. She already didn't like this room.
"Welcome." She heard
Everything was silent.
"What is this?" Haruhi asked.
"This" Tamaki began. "Is the Ouran Host Club. It's *where the school's handsomest boys with too much time on their hands, entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran accademy's elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.* (A/N: This * * Marks lines ripped directly from the English dub of each franchise) Now-" Tamaki was cut off.
"Haruhi," S. Haruhi asked "Why are you wearing the male uniform?"
"I broke a vase."
"Oh." S. Haruhi said "Does anybody know of a free room after school?"
"Woah, woah, woah! Back up a second! How do you know Haruhi's a girl?" Both Hitachiin Twins said
"That doesn't matter. Now about that free room?"
"Sure." Said F. Haruhi "Just go three rooms to the left, then across the hall."
"All right. That will be the SOS Brigade club room for as long as we're here! Have fun being a lesbian, Haruhi!"
"Thank you, Fujioka-San." Itsuki said as they all left the room.
"... Well that was rude." Hitachiin Kaoru said.
"My first kiss was with a girl... I charm women as a pass-time... and my dad is a bisexual cross-dresser... Nothing about my life says 'straight', does it?"
"Well, now that you mention it, no." Hitachiin Hikaru said. "And you may favor your mother over your father. You could have an Oedipus complex."
"... The evidence just piles, doesn't it?" Haruhi asked.
"Hmm..." Itsuki wondered on the way to the new club room.
"What?" Kyon asked
"Well, I was just wondering. Can closed space open in this world?"
"That's an interesting question that I hope to never find out the answer to."
"I feel the same way. But just in case, I'd like to know."
"How about another question. Does Haruhi still get whatever she wants?"
"That wouldn't be good if she didn't. We couldn't return to our world if she didn't."
"So wait. My chances of having a normal life depend on something Haruhi may or may not be able, or even want to do?" Kyon complained
"Don't let Suzumiya-San hear you complaining."
"Yeah, I know, I know. Hey, Koizumi."
"Yes?"
"Perhaps you could clear up a mystery for me. What exactly is it that we do, here in the S.O.S. Brigade?"
"We solve mysteries."
"That's fine and all, but what about when there is no mystery?"
"We do whatever Suzumiya-San wants to do."
"And you don't even remotely have a problem with this?"
"No. Not really. And you keep complaining. Kyon if you keep doing this, you might just have to start paying for restaurants."
"Well, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't give her some extra backing of her idea of moving to a new world with the rest of the brigade!"
"You're starting to get loud now and Suzumiya-San is not a deaf woman."
"Yeah, but she is annoying. How do you put up with her so much?"
"I've never heard you trash-talk Suzumiya-San so much."
"She's never transported me to a different dimension before; now answer my question."
"Hmm... I don't know. I just don't really care what she does... most of the time. Also I'm here to make her happy so that she doesn't destroy all existence I guess that's a big factor in me putting up with her."
Kyon felt like screwing with Koizumi, to release stress. (Wow, I don't know how that could have come out more homosexual sounding) "Yeah, that could be the reason, or maybe..."
"What?" Koizumi asked
"Ah, naw, it's nothing!"
"No, really, I won't take it offensively."
"I would."
"Oh? What is it?"
"It's just that maybe you're in love with her."
"...What?..."
"It was just a joke."
"Oh..."
"Or maybe you do love her."
"Umm, maybe we should leave that subject alone."
"Haruhi..." Tamaki said
"Yes, Senpai?"
"Who was that girl?
"That was Suzumiya Haruhi, she's in the same class as me."
"I need more information, Haruhi!"
"Well, what are you looking for, here.?"
"I want to know why she wasn't interested in the advances of the Host club!"
"Well, from the way she introduced herself, I'd say it's because we're all just normal humans."
"Hmm?"
"Yeah, if I remember correctly, she said '*I'm Suzumiya Haruhi, from* North High. *First off, I'm not interested in ordinary *people, but if any of you are Aliens, Time Travelers or, ESPers, please come see me. That is all.* (A/N: In the English dub they said Haruhi Suzumiya, not Suzumiya Haruhi)"
"..." Tamaki was speachless. He was not able to believe that some one would say that. Then it occurred to him. "Haruhi, I never knew that that was you're sense of humor."
"It's not. Afterwards, Kaoru asked if she was serious."
"She said 'absolutely." Kaoru said
"Then" Hikaru said "I asked if she was insane and she said 'absolutely not', but after class, that guy with the brown hair and the expression like he hates all life told me that she was absolutely insane and that the last thing I wanted to do was get involved with that maniac." Since Hikaru forgot the rest of what Kyon said, here is the rest of his rant, for your consideration. "You will be helplessly dragged into things that you don't want to do. You will hate every bit of your high school life. You'll end up doing things like getting heaters and bringing them up hills! You'll probably end up in some awful, low budget movie, with a terrible and inconsistent plot and a script that she came up with in one night! And supernatural things WILL happen to you! (A/N: For those of you who haven't seen 'The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya', please skip to the bottom of the italics, or go and watch that two hour and forty minute adventure, which, by the time you're finished with it, you'll have forgotten all about this fanfic. By the way, no, you will not find it in high quality, you will just get a bootleg with fansubs, in which the movie screen is diagonal and the camera has trouble adjusting from dark to light... Plus, I don't even know if it's on DVD in Japan. Have fun!) Then you'll find out that all this crap is somehow fun! And in your twisted mind, you wouldn't have it any other way! So now you live for the torment, like some sort of psychological masochist! But all of this can be avoided if you just don't become involved with her!" Back to the story!
"So, she doesn't have any doubt in her mind that these things exist?" Tamaki asked
"Not one bit of doubt." Haruhi answered
"Huh... Okay, well, everyone remember that the school play is coming up, so you should all try out!"
"What?" Hikaru asked "You never ask us to be in the plays!" Translation: This play is retarded and I want no part of it!
"So" Kaoru started "what's so special about this play?" Translation: So what's so special about this play?
"This is just another one of Tamaki-Senpai's impulsive decisions." Haruhi said
"No it isn't!"
"Then what is it?"
"Well, I was thinking about how in the host club, we never have contact with eachother, so I decided, that if we were to act in this play, we could grow closer as a family!"
Hitachiin twins' and Haruhi's thoughts 'That makes no sense.'
"I'll try out!" Hunny-Senpai said "You'll try out, too, right, Takashi?"
"Yes."
"Uhh, M'lord, it's true that we could try out, but Kyouya might be a bit of a problem."
"What? Mama, you'll audition, won't you?"
"While, I'd love to make a fool of myself in Ouran's production of To the One I Love, I have other obligations."
"What! Mama!"
"I have nothing I can tell you, the business of the Ootori family is very important and can't be put off for something like this."
'Hmm...' Haruhi thought 'Have I heard Kyouya-Senpai say that before?'
"But, but, but... fine!"
'As a matter of fact he's said that at every time that something comes up that he wouldn't like!'
"Oh, I just realized, Senpai, we weren't told about this in my class. Should I go tell Haruhi?"
"That depends. Kyouya, how much time do we have left before the club opens?"
"Three minutes."
"Go, tell them."
"The first meeting of the SOS Brigade at Ouran has begun! Somebody toss out an idea!"
"Do you ever have an idea?" Kyon asked
There was a knock
"Come in." S. Haruhi said
"Excuse me," F. Haruhi said "but I just thought you should know that the school is doing a presentation of 'To the One I Love'. I just thought you should know, just in case you'd be interested in trying out for it." Haruhi then left to get back to the Host Club.
"I know what we'll do!" S. Haruhi said
