ii. heart.
Kallen doesn't remember much of the journey. Her mind and her heart go into hibernation for most of it, and only wake up when Suzaku settles her into an elegantly furnished room on the third floor of some ostentatious mansion, decorated in true Britannian fashion.
'Get some rest,' he tells her, his voice gentle. 'Later-'
He breaks off abruptly and bids her goodbye. She doesn't bother returning it, waiting until he leaves the room and shuts the door before she makes any movement. Her eyes rapidly scan the place. There's a window, but she's three floors from the ground and there are several guards pacing back and forth below. Her best chance at escape had been back in China, and even then it hadn't been much of a chance.
She lies down on the bed and stares at the soft drapings hanging over it. She idly wonders what Suzaku couldn't tell her and then her mind occupies itself by replaying Lelouch's promise to her. Don't give up! I'll save you...
She prays that he doesn't blame himself for where she is now.
. .
He can't sleep.
His Zero costume lies on the chair beside him, thrown carelessly over its back. He reaches out and plays with the edge of the cape.
He is Zero because of the dream he'd awoken in the Japanese people. He is Zero because of Nunnally, because of his friends, because of the future he'd envisioned of all of them together again. He doesn't know how long he can be Zero if he keeps losing the people he wears his alter ego for.
'I won't give up,' she'd told him.
It hurts him to think that she is waiting for him. Had it been cruel to promise her something he couldn't ensure?
He instantly berates himself for the thought. He will save her, even if he has to change his plans and delay all his other goals. He won't lose her.
'Lelouch!'
He sits up as C.C appears, looking genuinely afraid. It's something he has rarely seen.
'They've taken her to Britannia,' she informs him rapidly and fear twists his heart. 'Lelouch-'
'The Emperor,' he finishes for her. 'They're going to rewrite her memories.'
. .
She is waiting for Suzaku when he finally arrives, her gaze fixed unseeingly at the view the window offers.
'Did you sleep well?'
She almost laughs, because she is a prisoner and Suzaku is making small talk with her. It's ridiculously, terribly, fucked up.
'I managed a couple of hours,' she says, to humour him. 'Not knowing one's fate is a good substitute for caffeine, you know.'
He ignores her sarcasm and glances at the tray of food she'd been brought. It is mostly untouched, except for a shift in the position of the plastic utensils.
'We could have brought you a proper knife,' he tells her, 'but there's really no point in giving you the idea that you have a chance to escape.'
'Are you going to kill me, Suzaku?' she asks, oddly detached.
'No, of course not.' She thinks he wants to say more; instead, he closes his mouth and passes her the bag he is holding. 'Change into these clothes.'
'What?' She peers into the bag and sees a formal Britannian gown, all loose and flowing fabric and everything that is wrong with Britannia. 'You're insane.'
'Just do it, Kallen, unless you'd rather sit around without an idea of why you're here.'
He exits and she looks at the dress, resenting the fact that he knows just the right buttons to push to make her even consider doing as he tells her. She hesitates for a moment and then changes quickly, laying down her discarded flight suit with a strange tenderness.
'Come out when you're done,' Suzaku calls through the door.
She does so, giving her flight suit one last glance before he closes the door behind her.
. .
'You won't be able to restore her memories, will you?' he asks softly, his head in his hands.
'No,' C.C says and he looks up to see her hold her cheese plushie in a death grip. 'With you, I essentially saved your memories prior to the rewrite. Without that, I can't do anything.'
'So in the end, I can't save her after all,' he says bitterly.
I'm so sorry, Kallen.
. .
Her recognition of the man before her is a swift process, followed just as quickly by a burning hatred that she realises is partly because of his role in the Japanese people's current condition, and because of what he did to Lelouch.
The Emperor surveys her with some curiosity. She stares at him with unveiled hostility, seeing in his eyes only malignance and cruelty.
'Kallen Stadtfeld,' he says. 'Or is it Kouzuki now?' He smiles mockingly. 'Quite interesting to meet someone who belongs to such a respectable Britannian family, and yet feels the need to join forces with a terrorist. Is it just teenage rebellion, I wonder?'
She doesn't answer. Suzaku's hold on her tightens.
'Do you know why you're here?' The Emperor makes a beckoning gesture and Suzaku edges her forward. 'You're going to betray Zero,' he continues. 'You're going to fight for Britannia.'
'I'd rather die first!' she snaps defiantly, speaking for the first time. He laughs at her response.
'You won't have a choice in the matter!'
Geass, she automatically thinks, and panic sparks inside her. I'm going to be forced into fighting Lelouch and the Black Knights!
'Suzaku!' she screams suddenly, twisting frantically. The skirt of her dress swings around her with a kind of elegance of its own and she thinks it belongs in a ballroom, not here, where her life is being thrown upside down and sideways. 'How can you do this? You're a traitor to the Japanese people!'
Suzaku's face contorts, but then it smooths over, so that he's devoid of any emotion at all. It frightens her.
'This is for your own good, Kallen,' he says, and she wonders if he really believes everything he says.
'You belong to Britannia,' the Emperor says calmly and he leans forward. Suzaku forces her right eye open and she can't break his hold despite all her struggling and she knows that this is the end of Kouzuki Kallen.
Forgive me, Lelouch. I'm so, so sorry for everything I do after this.
