Thirteen: the Prequel

I wonder when I started liking black guys. I mean, I have always liked both girls and guys, but they were always white. I think it was in college when I moved out that I just liked a whole bunch of people. It didn't matter what they were – male, female, white, black, Indian, Asian… I just really fall in love with the person, and not the gender or color of the skin.

Today both sucked and kicked ass. It was the worst day of surgery rotation, and yet the best day. I guess I can choose to dwell on the bad, but what fun is that? Forget the bad, keep the good. You'll get less stressed out, less wrinkles.

Today was a Saturday, which means I was the only student there for Blue Team Surgery. I had to do the work of what usually was a 5-person effort. Examine the 30 patients assigned to Blue Team, listen to heart/lungs/abdomen, update meds and I&Os (input and output = ate and pooped).

After I did all that pre-rounding stuff, the residents rounded, and I was essentially their errand girl – I got the patient's charts, got emotionally kicked around, etcetc. Not glamorous at all, the life of a med student. It was Dr Shah (lady resident), Dr Benny, and Dr Hermes who rounded. I like Benny. But Shah and Hermes are just so uncalled for.

After they essentially beat me up, I asked Hermes where can I find out the Operating Room schedule. He says it's just in the OR. So I went down there, thinking I'm fine, he doesn't need me.

According to the schedule, Blue Team had a case in an hour. So I went and relaxed for a while, got a strawberry shake, looked up some info on the patient being operated.

When I was putting on the surgeon's cap and stuff, I bumped into the Attending who was doing the surgery. I nearly had a heart attack. You see, for the past week, I sorta been having this tiny crush on him… And when I say "tiny" I mean "HUGE." As in OMG you are so HOT!!

Dr Masters. Or as I like to secretly call him, "Master." Hahahahahaha!

Wow, he is soooo HOT, I am like going crazy over him.

Ok, I'll tell you how I met him. I met him 5 days ago on Tuesday morning. Dr Benny was my resident for the day, so since he was doing a surgery, I had to be there as well. At the time I was really pissed, because the procedure was just a plain old portacath removal – boooooring. And I wanted to see something cool, like an open Roux-en-Y bypass or something. Removal of a portacath is something a med student can do. (Btw, a portacath is a little circular device that's placed under the skin. Portacaths have medicine that fight all sorts of cancer. So instead of going to see the doctor everyday for cancer meds, you can just have 1 portacath for the next 5 years.)

Anyway, removal of a portacath – boring.

The thing with Master was that he was so laid back. Of course he struts around like the other surgeons, but he is also so down to earth… Or maybe just with me… cuz he likes me! Hahahahaa, I freaking WISH.

When Master walked in the operating room, I didn't even realize that an Attending was there. Everyone was so calm. Benny just kept prepping the patient. Weird, cuz usually the Resident straightens up, pays attention, as soon as the Attending. At first I actually thought that Master was just some tech. Just cuz he was so laid back!

I realized eventually that he was the Attending, so I went and introduced myself.

"Hi, Dr. Masters, my name is Remy Hadley, MS-III. Is it ok for me to watch?"

Beneath his surgeon's mask, he kinda looked me up and down. "Student, huh? I won't hold it against you."

Oh great, I thought. Typical Attending Surgeon with "Master of the Universe" complex.

The surgery was boring. Benny was so slow. For a simple procedure, it took way too long. Which is fine with me, cuz it gave me time to kinda analyze Dr Masters. He was a tall black guy, maybe like 45ish years old. I couldn't see his face, except his eyes, because he had the surgical mask. The whole time it was kinda a mystery what he looked like. Usually, I can tell how a man is in bed by how good he is with his hands – whether it be driving a stick, or surgery. Nowadays, I KNOW that a man who has excellent skills with laparoscopic surgery has excellent skills in the bedroom. Lol.

Anyway, the first time I saw Master, I couldn't even assess what kind of person he was because stupid Benny was doing the surgery.

I think Master got pissed at Benny, because at the end, he left early. Benny was still there, still sweating like crazy, trying to subcuticular suture up the incisions.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Benny said. "Just… Dr Masters is… he wants us to round in a few."

Poor Benny. He was clearly afraid of Master. Attendings don't usually round with residents unless either he likes them or he feels they're incompetent. I have a feeling Master doesn't like Benny too much.

So after the patient was all nice and clean, we headed to the recovery room where a tall black guy dressed in nice pants and nice shirt was waiting. It had to be Dr Masters. Wow, he was actually kinda…hot.

"Let's go," he said quietly. Even though he didn't yell it, I could feel the power emanating from him. That cool confidence only a surgeon has. The intelligence and prestige.

I was drooling.

We went and saw his patients. One lady needed an appendectomy.

Master turned to me. "What is the pathophysiology of acute appendicitis?"

I blinked. Honestly, I did NOT expect him to ask Internal Med-type questions. Pathophys is pure Internal Med! I searched my mind desperately. "Um…acute appendicitis is due to obstruction due to a fecalith, which obstructs the lumen and the veins, leading to bacterial overgrowth and inflammation of appendix."

"Hm…good," he said. "What is the most common cause of childhood appendicitis?"

I blinked again. Damn it! I didn't take my pediatrics rotation yet. I know the most common cause of adult appendicitis is a fecalith, so what would it be for a child??? "Um…I guess something like Hirschprung's Disease? Like if there's autonomic dysregulation?"

He looked at me. "Yes. The lack of peristalsis is the most common cause in children."

Did I actually see a tiny smile on him?

I breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently too soon!

"And what is Valentino's appendicitis?"

Ok, I have NEVER heard of that term. Throughout Internal Med, I have never once heard any of the Attendings even say that!

"I'll give you a hint," he said. "Valentino was a famous person."

"Oh, you mean the designer!" I blurted out.

"No, no," he said, like an adult teaching a stupid teenager. "Valentino was a silent movie star. Very big in his time. Like the modern day…"

"Johnny Depp?" I interjected.

"Yes okay, like Johnny Depp. Very big with the ladies. And then one day he became sick due to appendicitis. The surgeon removed his appendix, but he deteriorated anyway, and eventually died. On his autopsy, they found fluid in the paracolic gutter. Why?"

Ok dude. What's with all the questions. I don't know! "Maybe…because something was leaky… from… um…"

At this point, there is really nothing for me to do except to look cute. I tucked my chin in, bashed my lashes, kinda looked up at him and flirtingly replied, "I'm not sure, but I can look it up." *Bashes lashes*

He chuckled. "It was from a perforated duodenal ulcer, trickling down through the paracolic gutter, which caused the initial appendicitis."

I think it worked! He seriously was all like "awww what a cute girl." Even Benny looked surprised that he told me the answer and not have me "look it up." I swear to god! Wow, I am really 150% sure that a guy will be nice to a girl, just as long as he thinks she's cute!

I mean, here is this powerful attending surgeon. Residents cower in front of him. Benny was nearly peeing in his pants! And here he is, this Master of the Universe, just casually shooting the breeze with a lowly 3rd year med student!

I decided then and there that Dr Masters is my new "project." I will do ANYTHING to have this moment again. To be near him, to just even talk to him is one step closer.

Thank god I am cute! Ahahahahahaha. So egotistical.

The next day was nothing special. The day after that I figured that Dr Masters is just a fluke. I probably will never see him again outside the OR anyway…

I didn't see Dr Masters till Friday (yesterday). A visiting surgeon from Penn State University was there, so all the residents and students were to show up at this lecture and dress up. Which means no surgical scrubs. So everyone was dressed up. I even did my hair all wavy. Which is a good thing, because that afternoon, we rounded with Master.

Imagine my surprise. I got it through my head that I would never see Master again. And there he was, at the end of the hallway, tall and handsome in a black suit. Wow, he was hot. The residents were there, too. Drs Shah, Hermes, and Benny. Shah kept talking back at Master. She just really doesn't know her place. What a bitch.

Anyway, nothing really happened yesterday, except Master gave me homework for today. I am suppose to look up the different kinds of amputation for him. And explain the differential diagnosis of appendicitis. And the different types of hernias. All due today! Which is why I was already stressed out today at the Lap Chole.

I followed Master into the OR. Armand, a med student from the Gold Team, was already there. I don't know why he's there, he's not even in Master's team! But Master said that both me and Armand can scrub in because none of the residents are there, so.

Wow, here comes the best moment of my surgery rotation thus far. Heck, even the best moment of al of med school thus far. Since the residents didn't show up, Master assumed they were busy, and went right ahead with the surgery.

I was just kinda in the back, holding my hands together so as to keep them sterile, when Master said, "Remy, you are my assistant today. Stand up here."

Oh my freaking god. He had me stand at the assistant's spot. Like a real surgeon!

"Okay!" I chirped. I stood right in front of the patient's abdomen. Armand stood next to me, near the patient's feet.

Now a cholecystectomy is the removal of the gallbladder. Laparoscopically is when the surgeon makes tiny incisions and inserts the laparoscope and does his thing. "Lap chole" for short. Pretty routine stuff.

But when Master performed it today, it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. He was so elegant, so graceful, so in control. And I had the best seats in the house! I loved how he'd kinda guide my hand, placing his hand over mine, and kinda showed me how the laparoscope works. How when you insert your trocar here you can see a certain angle, how when you clamp and lift there you can see the liver. Wow. It was magical. So corny, right?

It wasn't the first lap chole I saw, but being the assistant surgeon to Master's surgeon was pure ZOMG fangirl!

Yah, I wish I could stay in that spot forever…

Maybe like half an hour into the surgery, Dr Shah barges in. Starts yelling at me and Armand for not telling her that the surgery was ongoing. Mocking me right in front of Dr Masters.

"Hahahaha, Remy, Remy," Shah said. "I never thought I'd see the day that I would get kicked out of my own surgery by med students. Med students!" She cackled.

"Enough," Dr Masters said quietly, but with obvious authority. "You, Shah, are the resident. You should've been here on time. Regardless."

I was really, really pissed. What the fuck is up with Shah! So a med student's role is to apparently be a babysitter as well? Make sure that the residents show up on time to their operations?? What the FUCK!! It was so ridiculous, and I was so powerless. I couldn't even defend myself because it kinda made sense that I should've paged her when I found out there were no residents in that room. But Master's hotness just distracted me that I was just not thinking.

Anyway, Master is right. Dr Shah is the resident! She should know what her own freaking schedule is like and stop blaming ME – cute, innocent ME – of her own faults. She really is a bitch.

The rest of the lap chole was a mixture of awkwardness. Partly because Shah was making underhanded comments about "stupid med students playing doctor." And partly because when Shah took my spot, Master moved me to the spot next to him. He made me hold the laparoscopic camera. I was sooooo close to him. He kept moving my hand to where he wanted to see. Too bad I had gloves on! It was hard to enjoy the proximity I had to Master because I know that Shah will definitely bite me in the ass when Master leaves.

Finally, it was over. Master thanked everyone for their help, just like a gracious captain of the ship would. Then he left.

It was only me, Shah, and Armand, plus the nurses.

I cleared my throat. "Dr Shah, I am so sorry, but Hermes never told me to page you guys."

"Hermes said he told a student to page him as soon as Dr Masters has a room," she said coldly. "This makes me look really bad to the Attending, you know. I am really mad right now."

I was racking my brains. Did Hermes really tell me that? To go find out if Master is there and to page him and Shah? No, he didn't! Such lies!!

"We shouldn't have had to tell you to page us anyway," Shah continued.

I can NOT see her point. Why should I have to babysit the residents? It's ridiculous! They should know BY THEMSELVES what their schedules are! Why would they rely on med students! I am not their personal assistant! Wow, it's so ridiculous. There was a whole hour between the end of rounds and the surgery. They couldn't go figure out their OWN FREAKING SCHEDULES themselves?? It's asinine! Insane.

Shah turned to Armand. "And you! Who are you, you're not even in my team, why are you here?"

Armand gulped. "Um… Dr Hermes told me to wait here till Dr Masters arrived… and then to page him and some other resident…"

Shah rounded on him. "And did you page them?"

"Yes…"

Pah!! Armand is such a liar!! It was because of that loserass jerk that I got in trouble! Hermes didn't tell me to do anything! It was that bastard Armand who didn't do his job!! And all throughout the surgery, Shah was berating ME because I am a part of Blue Team. But actually it was all Armand's fault! What a jerk. I can't believe he is such a big loser PUSSY that he was so scared to tell her the truth. Hah, why shouldn't he remain silent? It's just so much easier to let REMY take the blame! Just let REMY get in trouble! Let REMY be humiliated in front of the resident, surgeon, anesthesiologist, and nurses.

"So, you paged him, but he still didn't show up?" Shah peered at him. Of course she doesn't believe him. But at least hopefully now she knows that it was NOT my responsibility.

Shah stormed out after she finished with the sutures. I really hope that Shah understood that it was all ARMAND'S fault.

I walked out of there, furious that Armand just kept quiet till the very last second. Furious that how dare Shah do that to me – belittle me in front of "my" Master. And kinda sad that Shah immediately placed the blame on ME and not that stupid, idiotic, ridiculously ball-less ARMAND!!

I HATE ARMAND!!!

Hate, hate, hate!

Him and Steve – I hate them both!!

I changed out of scrubs. Wtf, I am SO outta here. I was just about to head out the OR floor when I ran into Hermes.

"Why didn't you page me?"

I rolled my eyes (without actually rolling my eyes). "You never told me to page you guys."

"It's common sense!!" He stomped out.

I rolled my eyes for real. Yah ok, it's "common sense" to babysit your own superiors? "Common sense" that a lowly med student makes sure her residents make it on time to their own surgeries? "Common sense" my ass!! I can't believe they expect me to take care of them. And who takes care of me? NOBODY! I take care of myself! Which is why I never trust anybody. If I wanna know something, I figure it out myself! If I wanna know when the Attending shows up, I find out myself, and not leave it up to hope that a med student has "common sense." My God!

I was just about to leave the hospital, almost in tears, when look who I see – freaking Dr Masters. Omg, at that time, I just wanted to go home. Just wanted to get the heck away. And just not talk to anybody!

"Remy, what floor are they on?"

"Your pre-op patients? 8th floor," I answered.

He indicated that I follow him. Nooooooooooooooo! Even though he's hot, I just really wanted to go home.

We went inside the elevator.

Silence…

"Um," I started. "I kinda feel bad for Dr Shah. But Hermes never told me to page her or anything…"

"You have been here for 2 weeks now," he said silently.

"I know, and I'm really sorry, but – "

"While they have been here for years. They should've known better."

Ok, can I just cry? It felt so good to know that he is on my side. Soooo freaking good.

This guy… his power felt so reassuring. I wish he could just protect me forever.

We rounded on his patients. I was so impressed. His knowledge and bedside manner was like an Internist or a Family Practitioner. The other surgeons don't really give a crap just as long as they can cut the patient open. But Dr Masters was very… empathetic.

He was like the ideal doctor. Intelligent, skillful, yet down-to-earth enough to care (or at least pretend to care) about his patients. Grounded enough to notice me, talk to me, remember my name, heck, even make me his assistant for that surgery.

It can't be just my looks! I mean, I hope he finds me attractive. I hope he finds me the cutest of all the med students! I HAVE to be! In any case, my rival is probably Jenny. She's a cute girl, too. But my secret weapon is how smart I am. I scored higher than her in Internal Med's final exam, I'll score higher than her in Surgery as well!

Plus, Master and I have some history already (I deludedly say to myself).

Wow, to get a chance to do that again, to be the First Assistant to Master's head surgeon, or just about any other hot surgeon/doctor – that is definitely my dream job. To work under a hot guy.