Chapter 2
Dear readers,
Hope I haven't blundered already, but there was a question in a review about a love trio with Haruka. This idea was one I really liked from another fanfiction and thought to use. If this is not Kosher, someone tell me and I will remove the reference. The original idea can be found in the magnificent story, Kitsune Bi, by Ookami Kasumi.
Watanuki's body felt sore and heavy, but at least he could breath and his head was no longer throbbing. It was clear that Doumeki had stripped him and dumped him into the bathtub in order to get rid of his chill and break his fever. The mere thought of the archer maneuvering into the bath with his naked body in tow was more embarrassing than he could really handle at the moment. Still, the hot water felt good and it was not the first time Doumeki had been called upon to do something weird. It happened a lot more than Watanuki would like. The seer was grateful, but felt bad considering how much of a mess the bathroom was. His vision slowly clearing, Watanuki glanced at Doumeki whose face looked even more deadpan than usual and rolled his eyes. Oh well, action spoke louder than words and he would make some kind of special lunch for his classmate tomorrow. Knowing Doumeki, the dish would be something extremely tricky that took at least three hours, but Watanuki did not really mind. He liked to cook and, much as he hated to admit it, he felt it was the least he could do for his friend.
"Have I been out long?" Watanuki asked the Doumeki shaped piece of granite sitting to his left. The boy could not be any more expressionless if he were dead.
"A bit." Was the monotone answer from the taller boy.
"A bit? What does that mean? A minute? An hour? I could have been unconscious for a whole day as far as I know and all you say is 'a bit'! Could you possibly be more specific?" Watanuki practically shouted. Doumeki plugged his left ear and continued to ignore him.
"I'm not sure." The archer answered, looking away as if bored.
With a dramatic sigh, Watanuki let the issue drop and began to look around for a sponge to finish bathing. He did not find one and so finished scrubbing off with his hands and a bar of soap. He noticed that his hair had already been soaked and thoroughly washed. A blush crept into the seer's face at the thought of Doumeki washing his hair for him. The idea was not a bad thought, quite the reverse, but Watanuki had only ever had his hair washed by his parents. The action just seemed a little too…intimate. Despite feeling awkward and a bit ashamed, Watanuki almost wished he had been awake while Doumeki was washing him. No one had ever touched him so much or so intimately and Watanuki was surprised to find that the thought was a bit arousing. Of course, it was also terrifying and uncomfortable, but not as much as he would have once thought. The seer began to timidly wonder about what it would be like to wash Doumeki's hair and whether or not that was just something friends did. Or rather, something friends did when one person was unconscious and the other was trying to revive him. Truthfully, the seer did not know. He had never had many friends and the few people he had managed to befriend over the years were usually dead. Dead people did not wash one's hair; that went without saying.
Doumeki was truly his first male friend with whom he was at all close and Watanuki was never entirely sure what, exactly, their relationship was. The other boy drove him into screaming, frothing rage as easily as other people said good morning, but he never hesitated when Watanuki was in trouble. The whole situation was…confusing. Watanuki had thought about asking Yuko for some advice, but she would probably charge him and something told the seer that Yuko would not think any of this was weird. Having your male friends wash your hair was probably something the witch considered an extremely normal occurrence, like buying dreams or drinking sake at six in the morning. Watanuki sighed under his breath. When had his life gotten so complicated? Why was hair washing causing him so much worry when the world outside was probably in the final stages of the apocalypse? The seer finished bathing and stood to step out of the tub, but as he rose a sudden rush of vertigo caused his vision to swim. Gripping the tub to keep from falling, Watanuki barely heard Doumeki move to stand beside him.
"You okay?" Doumeki asked, standing just a little bit too close. Watanuki's head was spinning too much to yell at his classmate about personal space. He nodded weakly.
"Yeah. A little dizzy. That fog is like nothing I have ever seen…I am glad that I came here." Watanuki said, still keeping his eyes on the side of the bathtub. The room seemed to hold still if he did that.
Doumeki got out of the tub, toweled off and quickly dressed while the seer caught his breath and cleared his head at the edge of the bath. Sooner than Watanuki would have liked, Doumeki was towering over him again and coaxing him out of the bath. Annoyed at being fussed over, the seer waved the other boy away with a snarl and stood without assistance. Carefully, Watanuki stepped out and dried himself, almost audibly sighing in relief at how clear the air seemed compared to the world outside. As aggravating as Doumeki was, his temple was a truly special place and Watanuki always enjoyed visiting. Tonight, he was doubly glad that both the temple and the archer were here to come to his rescue. Doumeki left briefly and returned with a few simple, traditional garments for Watanuki to wear. While the robes were a little big, the garments were dry and comfortable. Besides the loose pants and kimono could be belted to fit well enough. Apparently his own clothes had been taken away some time while he was recovering, perhaps they had gotten dirty or something along the way. The walk to the temple was still a little fuzzy for the seer and he was pretty sure he had fallen a couple to times.
Once dressed, Watanuki followed Doumeki down the hall to the young exorcist's bedroom and helped him pull an extra futon from a nearby closet. Thankfully, the mattress had been rolled away with blankets already folded into it and ready for use. The seer collapsed onto the bed almost before Doumeki had even finished unrolling it and was asleep just as quickly. With a breath almost expressive enough to be a sigh, Doumeki lay down on his own mattress and tried to force his heartbeat into a steady rhythm. The exercise was difficult, and the blood continued to pound in his veins. He was hard and aroused, even after feeling the fear that Watanuki would notice drain him of all passion. His body was reacting to the adrenaline screaming in his veins the same way it had reacted to the passion of that one, terrible kiss. He could still taste the other boy's flavor in his mouth and feel the smooth press of his chilly lips against his own. Doumeki wanted more, wanted everything, but even that one kiss had been a terrible mistake. Watanuki was not like he was; the other boy made it completely clear at every available opportunity that he only liked girls. Even if he could love a man, surely it would be something plutonic like the love of brothers or close friends. Once, that might have even been enough, but now the archer could not get the image of the seer out of his mind. There was nothing plutonic about his feelings for Watanuki and he could not hide from this truth any longer. Doumeki was roused from his musing by a small sound from the other cot, a faint wheezing noise almost like wind rushing through dry branches. Immediately, Doumeki hushed his breathing and listened.
Watanuki coughed softly from the other futon and then let out a raspy breath. At first, Doumeki was apprehensive that the seer might be dreaming and talking to his grandfather about certain embarrassing things. However, after a few anxious minutes, the archer knew that his friend was not dreaming. Watanuki was awake again and struggling to breath. True to form, the seer was trying to keep his effort quiet so that Doumeki wouldn't know he was suffering. Doumeki listened in silence for a few more heartbeats to the muffled coughing from the still fevered seer, before he couldn't stand it anymore. Watanuki really was impossible! No wonder Yuko was always calling him to come save her favorite servant from one thing or another. The disregard Watanuki had for his own safety and well-being was down right disturbing. Glad for the distraction from his own dark cogitations, Doumeki rose and quietly crawled over to his friend's futon.
Without warning or permission, the archer slid beneath the blankets to lie next to Watanuki's quaking back. The more slender boy froze for a moment before slowly turning to look into the archer's face.
"Is it better this way?" Doumeki asked, still tense. The silence stretched before Watanuki answered. Whether the seer was fighting with his pride or merely feeling uncomfortable, Doumeki was not sure.
"It is…better. Your presence seems to drive the poison away or neutralizes its effect of something." The seer finally said sheepishly.
"Good." Doumeki said and settled down next to Watanuki, his heart once again racing. There was a long silence and at first Doumeki thought Watanuki might have fallen back asleep, when the other boy spoke again.
"Why?" Watanuki asked, his voice a bit choked in the darkness. Doumeki felt his pulse climb another notch.
"Because…I am different…than you are." Doumeki began, all the while feeling like he was swimming in honey. Each action was heavy and forced with the weight of the terrible truth struggling to surface.
"Yeah, no kidding. You aren't weak or afraid...or a freak." The other boy hissed sardonically. The fever was making Watanuki's breath fast and shallow, but the words still came slowly, "I…wish…I was someone else."
"That is not what I meant. You are who you are." Doumeki said, not entirely sure why the seer was so upset. Part of him was just relieved that the truth of his feelings had not slipped out before Watanuki had interrupted him. Part of him also wished that he had been able to say what he was thinking, what he had been thinking for more than two years.
"Yeah. Nothing is coincidence." The other boy said bitterly.
"I care what happens to you." Doumeki said feeling hopelessly awkward, the words sudden and somewhat out of place.
"I know. That is why I am sorry…for tonight. Yuko taught me that my life is precious to those I care about and that I was only hurting them when…when I don't think about my own safety. I guess, that is why I came here tonight, but I have only caused more trouble." Watanuki said tightly.
"Its okay." Doumeki said, shrugging. What other stupid ideas had the seer gotten into his head, he wondered.
"What I don't understand, though, is why you chose me, of all people, to care about? You have lots of other friends and people admire you, well at least until they get to know how infuriating you are, but still…why me? You spend almost all your time with me." Watanuki said turning his sharp cobalt blue and brass colored eyes to stare directly into Doumeki's tawny ones.
For a moment, passion filled Doumeki's blood once more and he thought about how firm those questioning lips could be. Should he tell the truth? Could he tell Watanuki that there was more than friendship between them, at least for him? He leaned against the seer until their bodies were so close that the heat from Watanuki's fever seemed burn him. Those eyes were so strange, so interesting… The archer discovered, much to his chagrin, that he was burning inside as well. The other boy's mismatched eyes narrowed with uncertainty, still waiting for an answer. Doumeki had to fight the urge to crush the seer against him, to kiss him and touch him and forget about whether or not the other boy loved him. He could make Watanuki love him and then the dreadful ache within him would be vanquished. Doumeki's posture became more aggressive, but the darkness hid the feral light in his eyes. The seer leaned away, looking a bit angry and even more startled by the change in his friend's body language. Like a lion bunching its muscles before a spring, Doumeki had begun to look almost predatory. Watanuki tensed and was instantly on guard. Even weak with fever, his observant mind missed very little.
They sat, crouched and tense for another breathless moment. Doumeki would have moved to follow the more slender boy, but some part of his mind that could still reason stopped him. No, it screamed, he could not do this! Forcing Watanuki was worse than wrong, it was…evil. Suddenly, Doumeki backed away and felt his brain wash with self-loathing. The feeling was so powerful that it startled him. He jerked away from the seer with a jolt, feeling the blush draining from his face as realization of what had almost happened settled into his mind. If he had been a more expressive person, Doumeki would have cried out in agony. As it was, silence once again filled the shadowed room.
"I…you…go to sleep." Doumeki said, a bit more coldly than he intended.
Watanuki rolled his fever glazed eyes, slowly relaxing from the strange interaction. Whatever had happened between the boys had passed and Watanuki felt the tension flow out of his body. Doumeki was stoic, infuriating, annoying old Doumeki again and the seer told himself that the racing in his veins was merely a trick of the fever. The feeling that was a small part fear, another part anger and the rest unnamed heat was much slower to dissipate. He felt almost…aroused, but the seer did not know why. Nothing tonight was making much sense. With one more dramatic glare, Watanuki turned away with a huff and tried to fall asleep. Softly, so that Watanuki wouldn't hear, Doumeki struck his fist into his pillow again and again. The heat from the seer's body was stifling beneath the blankets, but Doumeki did not dare to move.
* * *
Watanuki walked the moonlit paths of the temple garden listlessly. He had the vague feeling that he was waiting for something, but he could not say for what or where he was supposed to find it. The blossoms around him bloomed and faded only to bud and bloom again as he walked. The world seemed to race around him and yet the seer was beyond it, out of time entirely. Suddenly, someone tapped his shoulder, but Watanuki was not alarmed.
"Hello." The seer said cheerfully, "How are you Haruka-san?"
The friendly ghost smiled his strange, almost sardonic, and yet gentle smile. Before speaking, the elder Doumeki took a puff on his cigarette and set his face in an unusual expression of concern. He was dressed, as always, in traditional robes that looked slightly rumpled and yet still graceful. Watanuki had spoken with the man many times in his dreams, but he had never known him to look so worried.
"I have been better, Watanuki-kun. How about you?" The ghost said looking up at the moon as he smoked.
"Almost died a couple times this week. The usual. Nothing to worry about." Watanuki said flippantly.
"Ah." The ghost replied. Watanuki was suddenly aware of how much Doumeki Shizuka actually resembled his grandfather. It was just the kind of thing, or lack of thing, his classmate might say.
"You seem…disturbed. Is there anything I can do to help you Haruka-san?" Watanuki asked politely. As always, he was happy to speak with the ghost.
"Perhaps. My grandson is having some problems lately, maybe you can help." The ghost said, looking Watanuki in the eyes.
"Problems? Which ones?" Watanuki said a bit more sarcastically than he meant to.
"Oh the usual problems young men have…and some not so usual ones too." Haruka said enigmatically.
"Like what?" Watanuki asked, feeling slightly apprehensive. Doumeki did not seem sick, but maybe some spirit had finally found a way to harm the powerful exorcist. Such things were not impossible.
"Well, if I tell you, this must remain a secret between us, at least for now. Despite how difficult Shizuka can be, I do love him very much." The ghost said with a wistful smile. Watanuki crossed his arms and huffed. Secrets meant something embarrassing about Doumeki and he could use a bit of ammunition now more than ever. Doumeki Shizuka had more than enough on him. Still, Haruka seemed truly upset and the young seer did want to help. With a sigh and a great roll of his eyes the boy nodded.
"Okay, I promise. Now what is the matter with him, besides the fact that he is a jerk." Watanuki asked crossly. Doumeki Haruka smiled and stood.
"Well, for starters, Shizuka does not just like girls…he has other interests as well. Quite normal really, but rather poorly understood by today's world. Some of his extracurricular activities with you have caused my grandson…some stress." Haruka said, smoking thoughtfully.
"Our extracurricular activities cause me plenty of stress too…what do you mean other interests?" Watanuki asked suspiciously.
"He likes men." Haruka said. Watanuki chuckled and then laughed out loud.
"So, he's gay? I mean that is a little shocking, I guess, but he does turn down every single girl who has ever spoken to him. Actually it makes perfect sense! Even I was beginning to wonder what, exactly, was wrong with him when he can't even say something nice to a girl, but…" Haruka waved his hands to stop Watanuki.
"No, no, he isn't gay…exactly. He does find girls appealing. It is just that he has broader tastes and he doesn't just like men…he likes you." Haruka said with a resigned sigh.
"WHAT!!!!!!!!!" Watanuki shrieked. Even the flowers stopped their ceaseless blooming and withering, as if in surprise. Haruka shut one of his eyes and plugged the ear closest to the seer in a way very much reminiscent of his grandson.
"He has liked you for years, but lately the feeling seems to be getting a little bit out of his control. Shizuka seems very unhappy." Haruka said with an almost apologetic smile.
"So tonight, when he started getting all weird it was because he wanted to ki..ki..ki…kiss me?" Watanuki stuttered.
"No. Well partly, but I think he acted that way mostly because he wanted to fuck you." Haruka said nonchalantly, plugging his ears in advance.
"WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This time the flowers stayed as they were. It was like the entire dream world was afraid he would have another outburst. Haruka waited until he was certain Watanuki was done screaming and then unplugged his ears with a smile.
"But…but…I like girls! I know I do! I have liked Himawari-chan since grade school and…and…" Watanuki could feel himself blushing even in the dream.
"Well, perhaps you have broader tastes as well. Surely you have noticed how much his attention arouses you. Did you think that was merely coincidence?" Haruka asked, cocking his head.
"No, I actually thought it was probably insanity! Which it is! I am sitting here talking to a dead person about his grandson's sexual problems! How much crazier does it get?" Watanuki exploded.
"Do you really want to know?" The ghost asked mockingly.
"No! I want to go home, take a shower…"
"A cold one?" The spirit asked.
"No!" Watanuki shouted, suddenly feeling very awkward.
"Listen. Despite what you may think, sometimes men who are very close love each other in a way that is not really like anything else. You and Shizuka fight together, study together, eat together. Why…at the moment you two are even sleeping together. Doesn't it make sense that a stronger bond than merely friendship might arise between you? Why is it so shocking that such closeness might become intimate? Love is not always one way or another." The ghost of Shizuka's grandfather said, a might irately.
"I have never heard of such a thing and all those things we do out of necessity." Watanuki said defensively.
"The ancient Spartans, the greatest warriors on Earth at the time, loved that way. On their way to battle, the Spartans would forge relationships through sex. The connections they had with each other were deeper than friendship and each man would fight all the harder to protect his partner. Then, battle fought, they would return to their wives…whom they also loved." Haruka explained as Watanuki fought to find his breath again.
"That's cheating." The seer said at last. Haruka sighed deeply.
"Cheating implies someone getting hurt or betrayed." Haruka pointed out.
"Whatever. This is just too weird and the fact that I am saying that should give you some indication of just how weird this really is." Watanuki said throwing his hands in the air. Haruka rubbed his temples.
"Well. Before you go, I would like to show you something." Doumeki Haruka said.
Suddenly, the air shimmered and became a solid window into Doumeki's bedroom where he and Watanuki slept. Apprehensively, the seer peered into the image of his own body and his best friend sleeping back to back. At first, he could not understand what was so important about watching himself sleep, but he noticed something different about Shizuka's face. The archer was sleeping with he face tucked tightly into his arms, as if hiding from something. Haruka looked in on his grandson and the ghost's face was full of worry. The seer did not know what he was seeing, but as they watched, Doumeki turned in his sleep and revealed his face. There, hidden by the darkness and visible only through a dream, Watanuki could see the wet trails sliding down Doumeki Shizuka's cheeks. Doumeki was crying!
"I…I have never seen him cry." The seer said quietly.
"Hmmm. No one has. Shizuka is a very secretive person." Haruka said with an affectionate smile.
"Why? Why is he crying?" Watanuki asked, suddenly very upset.
"It is hard to really explain, but always remember: Love can be joyous, but it can also be painful. Very painful. Love is a beautiful, powerful, wonderful…and terrible thing." The ghost whispered sadly just ask Watanuki opened his eyes.
