I don't own Twilight

Chapter 2.

Again I sat with Alice in calculus. I didn't really know why, though. She just sat down next to me. I felt quite uneasy there – it was as if she was keeping an eye on me. I didn't know for sure. She never talked to me, she didn't look my way. I could have easily thought I was sitting alone if only the overly sweet scent of her perfume didn't remind me of her presence.

The next couple of days passed with me having to keep my eyes open all the time. Whenever I stopped paying attention I felt the consequences right away. They tried to do their things secretly. How childish they were! Sending innocent people to harm me was too much, though. It was clear that everybody was afraid of Alice and Rosalie so they had everybody under their spell, doing anything for them, whatever they dared tell to do.

As if Rosalie and Alice's sneaky ways weren't enough, I had Emmett bitching at me all the time. The fact that Emmett was so infuriated by a girl pissed Rosalie off. She tried to make me stop whatever she thought I was doing by blackmailing me, gossiping about me and even showing up at my house one night. I had let it seem like I wasn't home, but boy did she wait for an hour or more before she left. It took all my self-control not to go and yell at her to go away. I was glad I didn't.

I considered Jasper the blonde guy a distant threat. He'd never really talked to me but every time I saw him and Alice, they both engaged in a heated discussion. Only once he came up to me, where there was no sight of Alice.

"Hey, you!" he shouted with that deep, dull voice of his."Yes?" I answered as he was near me enough. He had an intense stare, I only now realized. Those piercing blue eyes.

"Okay, I don't know what the hell you've done to Alice, but I'll tell you one time: Leave. Her. Alone."

I had to let out a bitter laugh. "Leave her alone? You're telling me to leave her alone? Whatever crap that girlfriend of yours has fed you is all bullshit. She's the one who can't seem to get enough of me."

That last part was very true. Even though she hated me with a passion she clung herself to my side at calculus class. She hated me because of who I was and because her friends hated me. But she also hated me because I had refused her, not accepting to fill Jessica's place as her bodyguard or something. All those things and still she found it necessary to waste her time on me. But wait, that's what they did on everybody: wasting their time and wasting others time, too.

"You heard me."

With that he left.

The four of them made life in school very unnerving and unpleasant. But it wasn't them that made my head full of questions. It was Emmett's brother, Edward, who was in my group in the film adaption project that made me think a lot. He was so... different. No, not less mean, but still. He rarely showed up at recesses and lunch breaks. The Gang stuck together but he was rarely there.

The bullying was something that caused defiance in me. It was a reason to get up and go to school. I wanted to do something about it. It wasn't affecting me the way Emmett and his gang wanted to and I was glad they realized it, too. I had a goal in my school life now, but there was another thing that made me willingly get out of bed in the morning: the literature project. We hadn't started off with the best attitudes so there was more challenge to me at that part, too.

"James's late", I said, tapping the table with my fingers. The library had become the place for us to meet and write the script. We had proceeded quite well despite of Edward and James's constant fights and differences. It was a nice Thursday afternoon and Edward and I were sitting at our table in the library.

3 weeks had passed from the day we started the project. Due to Edward's "busy schedule" we had only gathered a couple of times. It didn't really bother me that much but we, as in this group, had a schedule to which we had to stick, too. Edward's selfishness clearly was a problem, but there was nothing I could do about it... for now.

The first time we had seen each other after school was in this very same spot in the library. It had been me and James waiting for Edward. I had been, for some reason, very nervous. I had only once talked to him, in class the day earlier, and I was afraid we might not get along at all. James and Edward didn't. He didn't seem to get along with anybody. I feared he'd hate me like his brother and his friends did and so I'd probably be forced end up crazy for having to do the project with him.

I didn't know where we stood now, though. He didn't seem to hate me – he didn't really pay much attention to anything else but tormenting James. I didn't like it at all. The tormenting part.

At school I often thought of him. I thought I should go talk to him about his behavior with James. I didn't think it would be nice if I talked to him in James's presence, and I tried to make him talk to me after we'd be finished for the day, but he was always the first to go out the library doors. So, no chance to talk to him on free-time. I didn't know his cell phone number or his address and there was no way in hell I was going to ask anyone to give them to me. Alice? Oh, yes. Not.

But I rarely saw him at school. There was no glimpse of him during recesses and lunch breaks. And whenever I happened to spot him I either chickened out or he was with his friends or talking on the phone.

I drifted out of my thoughts when Edward sighed deeply. He was clearly very bored. Maybe he wasn't used to a not action-filled afternoon. This was the first time I was alone with him. I laughed at his boredom.

"What?" he snapped, tapping the table with his pen like I did with my fingers.

"I assume you aren't used to this quietness and peace?" I said. I took a glance around us. There were almost no other people here.

"Why would you assume that of me?" he asked, annoyed. "Everybody's always assuming things. Maybe you should just shut the hell up since you don't know anything about me."

I stared at him with blank expression. I don't know whether I had intended to be rude or not but now I regretted it. It was, after all, an illogical conclusion – I didn't know anything about him.

"That's what you seem like to me", I defended myself, not letting him know I ever regretted anything. "If you're anything like your friends, you aren't enjoying yourself right now."

He didn't respond. Silence settled down between us. He glanced at his watch, clearly annoyed his time was being wasted.

"He's very rude", he said. "For being so late."

"Hmm. You were once late, too." I didn't care to start badmouthing James with Edward. I didn't want to be like that, especially when Edward would enjoy it too much. I knew now was a good time to talk about his behavior, but I chickened out – again! I started thinking that maybe it wasn't my place, after all. But for the sake of our group work...

"But it is rude", he continued insistently when he noticed I wouldn't jump in with him. "I had real reasons which I don't need to explain to anybody. That idiot doesn't seem to care that we other people have other things to do than just some lame school projects."

I didn't know if he referred "we other people" to him and his friends or us: me and him. The latter made it seem like he either thought I was cool or that he really hated James. I didn't know what to think, though. It seemed nice that maybe someone here didn't hate being in my presence. Or maybe he was just bored.

I really liked this project. I was actually very excited. But the lack of Edward's interest made it feel like he wouldn't be willing to even try. I had the determined defiance of a little girl when I spoke up.

"We'll do our best with this project, no matter how busy a person you are!"

I started searching through some papers in front of me where I had listed some song suggestions for the background. Edward immediately took interest in what I was doing, though he tried to appear nonchalant.

"Any music suggestions?" I asked him without looking at him. From the corners of my eyes I saw him running his hand through his velvety hair. That hair was the most beautiful hair I had ever seen. It was light brown with a reddish shade. It wasn't just his hair that was so beautiful about him. It was sort of unfair how some got both such beautiful hair and beautiful facial features and some was lacking both. I didn't actually consider myself ugly but there was nothing amazing about my features if compared to those of his... His sharp nose, his smooth, almost white skin, his long lashes and emerald green eyes, his perfectly thick eyebrows, his sharp jawline...

"Hello? Are you even listening to me?" he asked suddenly. I drifted out of my dreams and saw him. It was sort of embarrassing: I couldn't remember if I had turned to stare at him or not. He didn't seem bothered, though, so I guessed I hadn't.

"Yeah, sorry, um, what did you say?" I said in a slightly apologetic tone. He smiled and I noticed small smile wrinkles forming on the corners of his mouth. I was dying inside.

"I said", he started slowly, as if talking to a mentally challenged person, "that I really like Debussy which you have listed there."

He pointed the list with his index finger. He had such big hands, such long fingers.

Ogling at his looks had been a problem to me from the beginning. The first time we had stepped into the library and sat down to a quiet corner I had time to take a good look at him. Of course he hadn't gone unnoticed by me before: he practically shone that beautiful shine of his. Everybody noticed him. His black shirt made his skin look even whiter. He was like a ghost, or more like an angel from a movie. "Somebody made up, like a kid in a play with a beautiful mother and a handsome father." I have read A Poetics For Bullies too many times, I tought sarcastically.

Outside he was something like a beautiful doll, or a fashion model but inside, well, not so much. His actions brought me back to earth every time I laid my eyes on him for too long. He wasn't that different from his brother when it came to anger issues and impatience, too. Last time we had been here in library, about week ago, he had stormed off over something ridiculous I happened to say aloud about him.

I knew teenage crush. I had had crushes before. The blush, the fastening heartbeat, the trembling arms. This was nothing like it. I didn't recognize I had any of those kind of feelings for him. But when I looked at him my mind was filled with dirty thoughts, which surprised me at first. I had never actually felt physical attraction like this before. He made me want to say I want you instead of I like you.

Someone sat beside me, someone who was breathing heavily as if he had been running. James.

"Hi, Bella... Edward. Sorry for being late, there was-"

"No excuses", Edward said with venom in his voice, though I could hear some amusement there, too. "You just interrupted us discussing the project that we both are very interested in, unlike some people." He was staring at James. James sat down next to me a little warily. He put his bag on the table.

"Of course I am interested. So what is it that you have been discussing?" James said with small voice. He started searching for his paper works from his bag. I could tell he was not appreciating Edward's snarky comments.

"The music", I answered before Edward could. "We were thinking of this", I pointed at the list, "So what do you think?"

James glanced at the list. His eyes were unsure when he spoke. "I don't know? I've never heard of them."

Edward snorted that famous snort of his. His whole appearance screamed sarcasm when he smiled at James. "Ah, of course you haven't! Bet you listen to some teenage emo heavy metal with lyrics full of suicide."

He was being too mean. I couldn't possibly understand why he acted this way, did he have some needs to act this way? Did he gain his energy from bullying?

"What's your problem?" I finally snapped. Finally. "Why would you assume things like that?"

Edward stared back at me with cold eyes. "Because it's so obvious. He's just some angsty boy who has no good taste in music."

James was sitting quietly in the background as if he wasn't even there. I hated Edward's comments. It made me want to smack him. I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do. James still didn't say anything.

"Next issue", I said, deciding it would be best to just drop it. And discuss it with him in private. "Let's talk about this script, okay? You see, Edward, that this line here that you wrote isn't very convincing."

"What's wrong with it?" He snapped. "I was born a writer. Don't insult me."

"Well", I said, giving in to his joke because I wanted to ease the tension, "Take it as critique, you son of Jane Austen and Stephen King."

For thirty minutes we were writing the script. I told Edward to read the short story a couple more times because he was being a jerk. We talked about Push the bully's personality. He was a lonely boy who bullied everyone and who everyone was afraid of. Time was flying even though I was feeling quite awkward for the whole time. James was very quiet even though Edward would occasionally make a comment or two about him. He just didn't defend himself. Maybe he would some day snap, and badly. Eventually, I had to speak up. I couldn't control myself. Edward had just told James what the hell his problem was for being such a pansy.

"Maybe you should act Push's part", I said coldly. "Oh, wait, you wouldn't have to act at all since you are a bully yourself."

He seemed offended and angry when he jumped up. "Fuck you. I'm done. You fuckers stay and have fun with each other."

He stormed off, leaving me sitting there completely dumbfounded. I couldn't possibly understand how he could think he had the right to feel so offended. He was being a jerk all the time, he was the jerk.

"So, Bella", James spoke for the first time in ages. I looked up at him, honestly not really caring what he wanted to say, because suddenly I felt really bad for what I had said. I hadn't intended making things difficult between us. For the sake of this project. Yeah.

"Yes?" I said, trying to sound polite. I didn't want him to think I didn't care, so I smiled a little. It encouraged him to continue.

"Why won't you ever sit next to me in calculus?" he blushed and continued. "Since, you know, we're in this project together and all. Thought if you don't want to sit next to Alice Brandon all the time..."

Next to James? In calculus? He was in my calculus class? Since when?

He seemed to take my confused silence the wrong way because suddenly he looked disappointed. I was again dumbfounded, I couldn't answer right away because I really hadn't seen him in the class. My brain was working super slowly suddenly, but I forced myself to utter out something. "Yeah, I'd like to sit next to you."

Suddenly he seemed a lot happier.

I walked home from my bus stop. Even though it was evening it was too hot. Too hot for my liking. Sweat formed on my forehead under my messy bangs. I had tied my hair up to a bun but nothing was good enough. I should seriously consider cutting all my hair off.

I found my key from the bottom of my massive bag. I had too much stuff in my bag but I was just too lazy to empty it. After a little battle with the door I got it open. I really hated doors and locks and keys and the fact that I was such a loser with those. When the door says Push, I pull and vice versa. Sometimes I stand for minutes in front of a sliding door, too confused to do anything. Note to self: avoid being alone in public places in order to prevent embarrassing yourself. And let's not talk about automatically opening doors.

I threw my bag on the sofa and walked to the kitchen. I was tired and starving. The little I had had at school today wasn't enough. I got my juice spilled and somebody made sure to accidentally pour some milk on my plate, ruining the food.

I opened the cabinet where I kept my tuna cans. I cooked myself the fabulous dinner of a poor student. I ate in the living room while watching some dumb TV show, not really concentrating on anything else but swallowing the dull food. What a fine evening.

I was lucky for owning a house. It was furnished and decorated. It looked exactly like it had looked 15 years ago when I had lived here with my parents. The TV, the couch... The hideous yellow colored kitchen cabinets, the brown curtains, the old mattress. Photos on the wall, the old-fashioned telephone. Everything was there. Untouched for 15 years. I remembered being held by my mom. She was fondling me as I lay on her lap watching cartoons. I remembered exploring the yard of our house with my dad. I was always fascinated by the berry bushes that were now dead. They died because there was no one to take care of them for 15 years.

Suddenly, like a jolt, I snapped out of a dream. I had dozed off, I realized. It was 9 PM. The TV was still on but the cartoon of my dream was replaced by some lame soap opera. The emptiness and the shallowness of the show caused a stinging feeling go through my heart. My life was empty and shallow. I didn't have a family. I didn't really have any friends, either. All I had was this house; the house from my childhood, happy childhood, until everything fell apart when I was about three years old. It's not like I remembered much about those times, but I guess memories grow sweeter with time.

I needed to find a meaning for my life. Anything. I didn't believe there was any kind of God out there unlike a friend of mine from the past believed. He often asked me what it was like not to believe. I asked him, what it was like to believe.

I needed to find the meaning from something else... From anything else.

~ The next Day ~

"Bella! Hi!"

Someone, whose breathless gasps I knew very well from yesterday, came running to me and stopped me with a hand gesture.

"James", I acknowledged with a nod. I wasn't very thrilled at seeing him, though I did my best to hide it. I didn't want him to think he was annoying me since he clearly got bullied a lot by The Gang. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Good morning", he said, smiling at me that somewhat creepy smile of his. I smirked at him, repeating his words. I noticed James was wearing a blue button-up shirt. I had never seen him wear blue before. Yesterday I had mentioned I liked the color blue – we had discussed the clothes the characters would wear in the play. I was sure it was just a coincidence that he was suddenly wearing blue. I was just being paranoid, because to be honest, James kind of had that effect on me: paranoia. He watched a group of students pass us by. He shifted nervously as his hand found its way to the short dark hair. His blue eyes were staring at me.

"So... How are you?" he asked. I wasn't in the mood for chitchat at all. Actually, I wasn't in the mood for chitchat with James. The conversations we ever had had all been very awkward. Things just didn't run smoothly with us. There weren't any sparks there. And I don't mean the romantic spark – god no – but not even that friendly spark. We had absolutely nothing in common, nothing but the dislike towards the bullies in this school – and it was the topic we never discussed anyway.

I had reached an impasse. I didn't really want him near me, but how could I turn him down? I didn't want to hurt him. Besides, I didn't really know him. Maybe he would turn out to be a great guy? But why did I feel so paranoid around him? I hated myself for that. For assuming things about him, like he was a creep or something. I didn't know him. He was just trying to be nice.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go-" He didn't get to finish for the interrupter who showed up.

"Is he harassing you?" the voice so familiar came from behind us. I didn't need to turn around to know that he was not smiling.

"I-" was my pathetic answer since I didn't really know what James was actually doing. Edward stepped very close to me but kept his cold eyes on James.

"Is there something wrong with you or why don't you seem to understand the social clues at all?" he said to James, his voice arrogant. He put a hand on my shoulder – what the hell was he doing? and I stepped away from his grasp a little confused. James took it the wrong way, or the right way, I didn't know, and smirked at Edward.

"You don't seem to understand them either."

I hadn't meant to encourage James.

"Hey, stop talking like I'm not here, okay?" I said. Neither of them listened to me.

"Look, punk. Why don't you just get the hell out of my way and go do things you pathetic little fuckers do", Edward said as he took a step forward. James shifted and backed away. Edward was, after all, bigger than him. Everything about him was intimidating. He shone intimidation just like he shone that weird beauty, mystery.

"I... I'll see you later, Bella. At calculus. I'll see you there. Bye." With that he turned around and stalked off. (He couldn't say see you at literature: We had assigned seats in literature: Lauren, the blonde girl had managed to piss the teacher off big time, so he made everyone sit where he wanted. I was sitting next to Edward much to my dislike. The teacher had noticed Edward and I didn't really talk that much so he thought it was a good thing.)

I was fuming.

"What the hell was that all about?" I yelled, causing his mouth to curve up in a smile, causing those smile-wrinkles form in the corners of his mouth again. Shit.

"I was telling James exactly what you would have told him if you weren't such a coward."

"Coward?" I asked, appalled. Along with his meanness his looks suddenly became unpleasant in my eyes. "Why are you calling me a coward?"

"He was going to ask you out, don't you understand? And you looked very uncomfortable. I knew you wouldn't turn him down because of that good nature of yours towards the pathetic people."

"So, you think I'm a coward because I didn't want him to feel bad? Gee. What's wrong with you, Cullen, seriously!"

I started walking away but he was right there by my side in an instant.

"But it is kind of cowardish. You are a weird one. You sure don't hesitate to say what you think with my friends but with pansies like James, you say nothing. Is it a hobby of yours to hurt my friends' feelings?"

My eyes enlargened. He was not being fair. "Look who's talking", I spat. "I only hurt the people who hurt others. Though, I'm pretty sure your friends are not hurt at all. Sometimes I wonder if they have hearts or not. Or you have a heart or not."

He didn't say anything. Of course he had just only defended his friends but it wasn't right. If Edward didn't see anything bad in his friends and this situation, then he must really be a crazy person. I felt nauseated just looking at him. I didn't know for sure, but maybe I was the crazy person. He was so beautiful it was becoming unpleasant just to be with him. The handsome features transformed into something scary because of his personality.

We walked there, side by side, though I had no idea why he was still following me. We were near the main doors. I hoped he'd soon spot a friend and leave. Of course we'd have literature together so it was only logical that he was there but I had no desire to walk with him.

Before I could pull open the door, someone came out of the door in a rush. In an angry rush, I'd say, the kind that made me take two steps backwards. It was Emmett with bruised knuckles – it was impossible not to notice those bloody fists.

"What the fuck," Edward whispered when Emmett flew past us without paying any attention to us. He seemed really furious, he was walking really fast. Edward's eyes followed him, precisely he was looking at those bloody fists.

"Shit", I managed to squeak out. I had a bad feeling about this.

"...It's okay", I heard someone said. I turned my head and saw two boys walking out the doors, holding a third person who had his arms on the other boys' shoulders. "We'll take you to the nurse. It's okay."

"That's Tyler", Edward said. His voice sounded distant in my ears. We just stood there, unable to move, like statues. Or rather, I stood there. To Edward, this was no news. He didn't seem to care to go after Emmett, though, and it was starting to bother me because I had no idea why he wouldn't go after his brother in a situation like this. I mean, Emmett sure was angry and maybe didn't want to speak to anyone, but showing a little concern wouldn't hurt anyone.

I didn't say anything. Edward looked almost emotionless. All the ugly his personality caused vanished away in my eyes in a second. I wondered what his and Emmett's relationship was like. They were brothers who hang out in the same group, they have the same friends, so the most obvious conclusion to which I came was that they were close to each other. But now that Edward stared in space with empty eyes instead of doing something, I started having doubts about my conclusion. They seemed nothing like brothers that are best friends.

"Um..." I started awkwardly, not quite sure what I should say to him. The whole argument between him and me seemed meaningless now. "Shall we... go? To class?"

He turned his head to me and our eyes met. There was something in his eyes, something so painful, a story he refused to tell anyone. I gasped internally, or maybe aloud, I couldn't really tell for my world was spinning under that sad stare. He cleared his throat and suddenly his eyes turned hard, and when he spoke, every inch of sadness was replaced with hatred.

"I'm not in the mood."

He turned around and walked away.


Chapter 3 coming soon!

Omg. What's the matter with Edward! o_o And everybody! It's really a funny feeling, I don't know if you've experienced it, but when someone seems to be ugly inside, their good looks mean nothing. Of course Bella doesn't know Edward to have the right to judge him... Will Edward eventually turn out to be beautiful inside? And what about the bullies? I mean, everybody has a story to tell. We don't know anything about those bullies – why do they act like that? Are they beautiful inside, will they ever be?

If you haven't read A Poetics For Bullies by Stanley Elkin, I would very much like to recommend it to you. It's an amazing short story.