The injustice that had unfolded itself on their group caused Asami more grief than the disappearance of her father, and as the next logical step, she took up smoking. There was nothing better to do and she could afford it. Those two reasons dressed themselves in suits and stood sweetly at her lips whenever Mako or Lin chastised her behavior as unhealthy and destructive.
With Bolin searching for "the perfect gift," and Mako drowning his own sorrow in restless exercise, Asami found herself in the company of a cigarette. And Lin. The healing lodge was the largest building in the South Pole, and Asami noticed as she stood on the back balcony that she wouldn't mind eventually living here. The air was cleaner than the air in the city – ironic to think as she wrapped her lips around the soft tobacco filter – and the view was calm no matter where she found herself looking. Truth be told, nothing here reminded her of Republic City, and this was a large blessing in itself.
"You're going to kill yourself," Lin said, lifting her head from the paper. She wagged her hand in front of her nose and made a face.
A few of the patients were allowed to relax on the back balcony, but they rarely did, detesting the frigid ceramic tile and the often harsh wind that tugged at scarves and ruined hairstyles. Lin, her outfit weighing more than the ceramic and her hair as stubborn as her spirit, found peace here. The isolation allowed her to forget how much she missed her bending and how much she regretted not being the one to kill Amon. Though interrupted with bouts of smoking, Lin truly enjoyed Asami's company, and her advice came with good intentions.
"I won't kill myself," replied the younger woman, flicking the ash expertly. She repeated the automatic response. "There is nothing better to do. I can afford it." Then she took a seat near Lin and looked over her shoulder. "What's in the news?"
"Don't sit that close if you're going to smoke."
"It's almost finished now."
Lin straightened the paper. "Equalists in all the major cities. A few sad stories from the Northern Water Tribe in the Editorials. Republic City recently named Equalist capital." Lin paused. "I didn't think this paper had a political affiliation at first," she admitted. "But it does."
"Every paper does."
Asami breathed deep, snuffing the cigarette out on the low balcony rail. Political affiliation was something her father had taught her at a young age, when he was still being reprimanded for his inventions – safety concerns, costs, classism, and the like. Back then, every paper in the city had either adored her father, calling him a modern scientist working for the betterment of the common man, or a monster whose only interest was making the rich richer. How those two contradictory ideas could exist at once never ceased amazing his daughter, but now she felt she understood, for she herself loved her father and simultaneously hated him.
Lin pulled her out of her thoughts with a flat grunt. "Your boyfriend is here," she said, and Asami squinted over the tundra. The snow and the sky were large, clear, and bright; the scene made her heart leap, and sure enough, there was Mako, barely a dot on the horizon, jogging back to the lodge.
"He isn't my boyfriend," Asami reported weakly, and though she hated herself for it, she felt her hands reach up to her forehead. She held her hair in her hands. "We're growing apart."
Lin raised an eyebrow but didn't answer. She pretended to continue reading. Mako nodded at them and went inside without speaking. His shirt was soaked, his brow furrowed, and though Asami could have blamed his ignorance on exhaustion, she knew he was going inside to ask for updates on Korra.
"It surprises me," she said breathlessly, "how much I've started to hate him." She lit another cigarette and stood up, afraid Lin would see the water in her eyes.
"Hate is a strong word," Lin answered. "You're confused and you're young." She laughed shortly – it sounded like a hum – before adding, with confidence, "In truth, those words are synonyms."
"You don't understand." When Lin looked up, she saw that Asami's hand, resting in a limp fashion over the rail, cradling her cigarette between forefinger and middle finger, was trembling.
"What is there to understand?" Lin asked. She was careful not to raise her voice, careful not to be too cynical. She had seen these romantics damage Asami, change her from the inside out. It was almost as though Asami had also lost a form of bending since the rise of the Equalists.
"I slept with him." It was sudden, and Asami realized that the matter wasn't any of Lin's business – but who else was there to tell? Her protective father had extinguished the possibility of childhood friends, and her own mother wasn't here to comfort or console her. Lin, quite literally the next best thing, was – by default – the only witness to Asami's troubles. The possibility of reaching out to Korra would occur to Asami later, after the avatar would wake up, her amnesia deeming her a simpleton and no longer a threat, but for now, everything was Lin. And Asami was crying. "I slept with him," she repeated quietly, and for a while it was all she could say, unable to believe it and devastated at the truth.
Lin stood up, the paper falling to the tiles below, and took Asami in her arms. It was awkward at first, as Lin was not a master in these matters, but Lin found that Asami easily twisted herself to fit the older woman's arms. She wept there for a while, Lin stroking the ends of her hair.
"Am I stupid?" Asami asked at last. "I feel so stupid."
"No," Lin answered sharply. "You must never think that."
She cried, "I can't help it! I can't help it!" But when Asami turned to hug Lin again, the woman stopped her, taking her by both shoulders and holding her at arm's length.
"Look at me," Lin demanded.
She was surprised to find Asami obeying. Her eyes were reddened and wet and her lower lip trembled, but she held fast, and though tears continued to sting her eyes, she didn't break the stare.
"Good," Lin said. "Do you think you're stupid?"
"Yes—"
"Why?" Lin asked before Asami could continue. "Because you fell in love? Because you're young? Or because you can't read and write? Can't do math? Think about the definition of stupid." Lin caught her voice rising and she paused to collect herself. "Asami, you are not stupid. These are the years of your life. You may consider it a mistake, but Fate doesn't close a door without opening others."
