Big Brother, Best Friend Forever

A/N: So, I've decided to keep going with this. This is basically going to become a fic that pokes fun at all the Elsanna tropes I notice in the fandom. This one revolves around the idea of Hans as Anna's brother, yet he seems to still be an antagonist most of the time. Anyway, just silly things. Don't expect any of the chapters to go together, they're all stand-alone pieces.

~Matt

Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff sat on the couch in Anna's living room, and though the TV was on none of them could tell you what was playing. They had been talking all evening, learning about each other and laughing over little jokes here and there. They made a good trio, spending time together so that they wouldn't have to be alone. Late into the evening, the friends finally talked about their families.

"I dunno about my real parents," Kristoff said. "I was passed from foster family to foster family until I was eighteen and could make it on my own. I had a couple good families over the years, but none of 'em stuck with me. All I have now is you guys."

"My parents are alive," Elsa said, "but they might as well be dead, I never see them. Always off on some trip, be it business or pleasure. The only reason I know they're alive is because my rent's still being paid and money is deposited into my account every month."

"My parents passed when I was sixteen. Car accident, not pretty. My older brother, Hans, stayed with me until I turned eighteen, but then he had to go away for college," Anna said, sighing. "I haven't seen him in months."

"What's he like?" Elsa asked.

Kristoff grinned. "You just opened a huge can of worms, girl."

Elsa wondered what Kristoff meant, but she got her answer soon enough. She thought she heard music in the background as Anna stood up and walked to the middle of the room.

"When I was just a filly, I found it rather silly – to see how many other people I could meet," Anna sang, smiling.

Elsa looked over at Kristoff, mouthing the word "filly" at him as a question. Kristoff smiled, shrugged, and turned back to Anna.

"I had my books to read, didn't know that I would ever need other people to make my life complete," Anna continued. "But there was one guy that I cared for, I knew he would be there fo~or meeee-"

Elsa raised an eyebrow, looking between Anna and Kristoff.

"My big brother, best friend forever! Like two peas in a pod, we did everything together. He taught me how to fly a kite!"

"Best friend fo~rever," Kristoff chimed in.

"We never had a single fight."

"You did everything together!"

"We shared our hopes, we shared our dre~ams," Anna's smile faded, replaced by a slight frown. "I miss him more than I realized, it seems…"

Elsa, feeling bad for the younger girl, chimed in with Kristoff. "Your big brother, best friend forever! Like two peas in a pod, you did everything together!"

"And though he's oh so far away, I hope that he would sta~y…" Anna looked longingly out the window, wringing her hands together. "My big brother best friend… Forever… Foreve~er."

"Oh Anna," Elsa said softly. "I'm sure your brother loves you and misses you too."

"I know, he still writes me sometimes," Anna said, sitting back down on the couch between Elsa and Kristoff. "I just wish I could go see him."

"Why can't you? He can't be that far away at university," Elsa said, not noticing Kristoff shaking his head and waving his arms.

"He's not at university anymore," Anna said softly. "He's in federal prison, high security. Tried to kill some government bigwig in a crazy scheme to gain power or something. As far as I know, he'll be in there forever." She sighed, looking out the window once again. "He was my big brother best friend… Foreve~r, and now we'll never do anything… Together…" she sang softly.

"He tried to kill someone?" Elsa asked.

"He always was kind of an asshole," Kristoff said, shrugging. "Power hungry from day one. Probably best he got locked up, he'd probably be finding some way to run for political office right now."

Anna laughed. "He's a charmer, too, he would've had no problem getting elected. Kristoff's right, the world's better off with Hans locked up."

Elsa looked back and forth at Anna and Kristoff. "What the hell is with these mood swings? If you were so close, why are you laughing at him being locked up for life?"

Anna shrugged. "I miss my old brother, the one who took care of me. When he left for college, Hans started ignoring me. Didn't answer the phone, didn't text, nothing. One day he picked up the phone and told me: 'Anna, stop bothering me. You're nothing but a nuisance and I don't love you,'" Anna had dropped her voice to imitate her brother, which made Kristoff laugh. "Since then, I haven't given a single shit. Plus, I have Kristoff! And you! I don't need Hans to be happy anymore. I'm not the little girl who kept her nose buried in books and only paid attention to my brother."

"That's right," Kristoff said, ruffling Anna's hair. "I'm the new big brother, best friend forever. And you're… Well… You're… Uh…" He trailed off, looking between Elsa and Anna.

"We have plenty of time to figure that out," Elsa said, laughing. "Big brother, best friend forever doesn't really suit me."