A/N: The following is rated M for Mature.


Naruto: Eyes of Despair


"Die Nine-Tailed Demon Fox from six years ago!" The angry drunken villager mob yelled at the small boy.

The blond struggled weakly to his feet, but a thrown beer bottle smacked him on the head and knocked him down.

"That's for smiling at my daughter you bastard!" A pink-haired voice screamed. The noise sounded remarkably like how one would describe a banshee.

"Let's kick the shit out of him!"

"YEAH!"

Four hours later, the blond crawled out of the dumpster he had been dumped in. Thankfully, his ear, right testicle, tongue, uvula and coccyx had all grown back while he was unconscious.

"Welp. Better go steal some scrolls from the dumpsters, since nobody will teach me anything." Naruto said to himself glumly.

It was then, that in front of him the boy saw a shimmering form of a man. His hair was white, and his two eyes were ringed and… purple?

"Naruto. You must go to- kzz.. — ."

The boy frowned in confusion.

" zkkz..-egoba system. . tdra.."

"Um, you're cutting out a bit." He said.

The holographing figure clasped its head exasperated.

"Damn cru-kz-y reception. Look kid. You have the eyes, yatta y-z.,-tta, use them well. Adios."

Then, he shimmered away, presumably off to go do mystical things.

Naruto looked down at the muddy puddle filled entirely with his own blood.

Two ringed eyes looked back at him.

The boy grinned a feral grin. One might even call it "foxy", should they have seen it.

"Now I'll show them. I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!"

What followed was not by any means maniacal laughter.


Meanwhile, deep in the sewers of Naruto's mind, the fox was brandishing a comically large 90s flip-phone angrily.

"What do you mean they're making me a chick?" He roared at the black device.

"No John, you listen to me. I'm calling my agent, because this is BULLS**T. I did not sign up for this garbage."

A few crackling mutters were heard through the device.

"WHAT?" The fox yelled. "Teaching him jutsu? And what the fuck is up with this "kit" bullshit? I signed up to play a demon dammit, not some kid's fucking furry fantasy!"

"No I will not calm down! I've been preparing for this role for a month now! Do you have any idea how much set up work I've put into this? DO YOU?"

"Fuck this. Get Thomson on the line. Tell him it's urgent."

With that, he slammed the phone shut with a snap.


"What do you mean I can't be a ninja!" The blond yelled indignantly.

Hiruzen merely shook his head.

"Naruto, no matter what kind of "magic powers" you conveniently got after storming out of here yesterday, I'm afraid you're simply too young."

The boy's eyes were brimming with tears.

"But Jiji, I just want to be able to protect myself from them..." He trailed off suggestively.

"From who? What's been going on?"

Naruto merely shook his head in shame. "I... I know you can't do anything about the villagers, because of the council and all, but-"

The aged hokage held up his hand for silence, and leaned in closely.

"Naruto. Tell me exactly what happened."


"How in the hell did this happen?" The hokage yelled angrily, slamming his hand down on the oaken desk. Across from him, five ANBU looked sheepish.

"Well sir, it's the council you see. They told us we'd been reassigned to somewhere else, so they could... um.."

Despite the impossibility of it, the hokage's expression deepened further.

"Let me get this straight. The ANBU Black Ops, an organization which I personally control and consists of the most powerful shinobi in the village, lacks the intellectual or physical capacity necessary to protect a SIX YEAR OLD BOY FROM A MOB?"

His next smash split the wood of the desk in half.

"WHAT THE HELL DO I PAY YOU PEOPLE FOR?" He roared at them.

One of the ANBU raised his hand quiveringly.

"WHAT?"

His voice wouldn't have sounded out of place coming from a thirteen year old girl.

"But... the council.."

The following explosion would be remembered for decades as a great historical event of Konoha by most.

For five though, it would be the stuff of nightmares.


"Shinra Tensei!" Naruto yelled exuberantly.

The dreaded mob that had been approaching with various torches and stakes, went flying back in a manner that could only be described as hilarious.

Had the boy ever played Skyrim, he might have felt a primal glee at having gained the power to FUS-RO-DAH people at will.

But he had not, because the dreaded council turned off his cable.

And smashed his Xbox.

The bastards.


Sitting on his giant throne consisting entirely of girls, Sasuke set down his hand mirror as he sneezed loudly.

When the girl in front of him looked up, the boy snarled.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

"N..No Sasuke.."

"Then finish up. I must revive my clan. Also, fuck Naruto."

"Do I have to?"

"No. Get back to work."


"Bring us his head!" One of the villagers shouted angrily from his seat.

Next to him, a pink-haired woman was speaking similarly.

"He has assaulted us physically in a blatant attack against our wellbeing!" A warehouse owner yelled. His hair was blown all over the place, and the tips were muddy from where he had landed.

Hiashi nodded with obvious agreement.

Across the table from them, Hiruzen turned to regard his fellow clan heads gravely.

His words could only be described as profound.

"Just who the hell are these people, and how do they keep getting in our secret Council Meetings?"

Over in a shadowy part of the table, Danzo tugged at his collar uncomfortably.

This was not going as planned.


"I'm sorry Hinata, but the council said they have the power to banish me." Naruto said sadly.

The girl looked heartbroken. It was so unfair, how they attacked him, called him a demon, and cut off various body parts.

"I have to go, but you should stay here. It's safer."

The girl paused, before looking up resolutely.

"No Naruto. I'm staying with you. I refuse to become another one of Sasuke's girls. My father wants me to marry him."

The blond looked sympathetic.

"Ouch. Maybe you better come with me then. I bet the Rinnegan gives me the power to improve the Hyuuga clan techniques by like, ten times."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, can probably find flaws in the perfect defense too. Because I'm awesome."


Meanwhile, over in the Hyuuga Branch Compound, Neji was doing evil things.

Because he was a bastard.

And evil.

And hated Naruto.


Over near one of Konoha's many hot springs, Kakashi and Jiraiya were lounging contentedly.

The masked man turned after a while, and spoke.

"Hey. You ever feel like we forgot something?"

"Probably not important."

"Yeah. Probably."

And so, they continued to relax.