"Where'd all the damn beer go?" My mother's obnoxious voice resounded throughout our small house.

"Are you accusing me you bitch?"

It was only ten o'clock in the morning, yet my parents were already arguing; like always. Karen; my sister, opened her door

"Would you guys quit arguing? "I could hear Karen plead.

"No daughter of mine is gonna tell me what to do." I tensed; years of living in this dump had taught me when to tell when my dad was getting riled up, so I decided to leave my room and interrupt the conversation.

"Hey dad." I said walking into my family's kitchen. "How about I take Karen out? You two will have the house all to yourselves." I pointed to my parents who simply glared at each other and then me.

"Go on then. Bring some beer on your way back." My dad said in the typical red neck accent. The poorer we got, the more noticeable his accent became; it was really noticeable.

"Since someone drank it all!" My mom's words came out slurred.

"I told you I ain't drunk nothing!" Stuart slammed his fist onto the counter.

"Then who drank it, ya idiot."

My sister began pushing me towards the door; it was obvious that she wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible.

"Okay, okay. Let me grab something real quick." I took off towards his room. Looking in my closet which was broken off of its tracks, I pulled out three suitcases that held my alter ego's costumes. Predicting when crime would strike was impossible, so by wearing my costume underneath my usual hoodie, I became prepared for any situation. "I need to learn how to sow." I put my finger through a tear in my outfits fabric.

"Kenny, would you hurry up? They found a Pabst." Karen called out; she knew it would only be a short amount of time before her parents would reignite their conflict.

"Alright let's go." I hurried out of my room and opened the front door for Karen and me to get some much needed separation from our parents.

"So, where are we going?" She asked me. Her eyes were full of anticipation and excitement from wondering where we were going. She usually only left the house to go to school or to get away from her parent's drunken fights so this was obviously a special occasion.

"We're going to the mall sis." I answered her while smiling.

"That's no fun." Karen crossed her arms. "What're we going to do? Look at the manikins?"

"If that's what you wanna do, I guess that's fine. "I pulled out a wad of cash, and flashed it at Karen. "As for me, I plan on spending this."

Karen stared wide eyed at my money; she had never seen so much in a McCormick's hand before. "Where'd ya get that?"

"I've been saving it for a while, but we're going to spend it on ourselves." Putting my hand on her back, I brought her into a hug. The sun was shining bright outside today, its futile attempts of melting away South Park's eternal snow. I honestly like the snow, the way it falls, the different patterns on the flakes. It just seems so... refreshing.

"Cool, I want shoes, nail polish, a haircut, ooh and I saw this really cute jacket last time." Karen slapped my arm, she noticed that I had zoned off. "You would like it if you were Lady McCormick." Karen giggled.

"Hang on a second, we must buy essentials first. Then you shall buy whatever your heart desires." I changed the pitch of my voice to that of Princess Kenny's.

"How much do you have anyways?" Karen brought my hand closer to her face, trying to examine the amount.

"Umm," Pulling my hand back and making a rough estimate I said "I got like $300." The money that I was carrying was the culmination of rewards from the cops within the past year. The cops had been growing stingy as of yet, hell, they were just downright selfish at this point. The crime levels began to rise when the cops began thinking that doing their job was optional. They said that it was just a coincidence, I think not.

"It looks like you got more than that." Karen grabbed the cash from my hand and flipped through it.

"Nah, it's just a lot of twenties." I never received a check, only left over bills from what the cops didn't spend on their lunches.

We made our way to my planned destination: the mall. Crowds of people were scampering across the parking lot as I led my sister to the front door. I could tell that she was excited to be here.

"Here." I handed some money to Karen. "Buy whatever you want. I'll take care of the food."

"Thanks Kenny, but there won't be a lot of money left for you." She tried to hand some of the cash back.

"Nope take it, I don't need much, just food; I'm starving." I said patting my stomach.

"Sweet, I'm gonna buy everything!" Fueled with excitement, I saw Karen run off towards whatever store was on her mind, bumping into the fellow shoppers in the process

"Meet me at the front of the mall when you're done!" I tried to yell after her, but only the fellow shoppers turned around to look.

I pulled out my phone; I had come here for two reasons. "Hey, where are you guys at?"

"We're just walking around, we're about to - knock it off Cartman! Sorry, the fat-ass came with us."

"I'm not fat you stupid Jew!" I could hear Cartman's loud voice in the background. The years had only shown us that Cartman was destined to be the same douchebag that he was when he was younger, only worse.

"It's alright; we can lose him in the food court." I stated.

"Hungry?" Kyle asked.

"I'm starving." I replied. The beast in my stomach was growling constantly; food would silence it.

"Well I don't have a lot of cash on me. Hey Stan do you have any money on you?... Sorry dude we're both nearly broke." Kyle said apologetically.

"I got myself covered dude, just meet me at the food court."

"Alright see you." Kyle ended the call.

–***–

"Where is he at?" Stan asked

"He's going to the food court." I opened my wallet to see if I had any money left, I had made the mistake of leaving my wallet out around Cartman.

"Ha! The poor boy's going to die from seeing that much food in one place," Cartman chuckled.

"And you're going to die from trying to eat all the food in one place." Stan hit back. This caused me to laugh.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

"Alright, the escalators are that way fat-ass." I remarked. "Have fun eating cheesy poofs on your couch." We continued to walk to the food court; I could see that Cartman was lagging behind us. If he was trying to stay out of sight, it would be helpful if he wasn't the width of a bus. I had originally come to the mall to talk to Kenny about his 'job' as he likes to call it, but on the way I got a text from Stan telling me that he wanted to hangout. Meeting Cartman on the way to the mall was just an unfortunate mishap.

"I don't see him dude." Stan surveyed the area as we made our way into the food court.

"Look for someone in orange." I suggested.

"An easier way is to look for the trail of food stamps." Cartman quit pouting and began to laugh hysterically.

"I thought you were going home." I knew that he wouldn't walk away from the only people that can be bothered to put up with him.

"I was, but the escalators were out." My laugh matched Cartman when it came to hysterics. If there was a one true poster boy for obesity, his name was Eric Cartman.

"Whatever, laugh all you want Kahl, you're just jealous."

"Jealous of what, your inability to walk down stairs?" I said wiping a tear from my eye.

"Screw you guys, you guys are jerks, I'm going to talk to Kenny." Cartman made his way through the mobs of people, with Stan and me not far behind.

I could see Kenny looked up from his plate of food when he saw that we were coming. "Hey guys didn't see you there. I don't know how though, you got a walking whale next to you." Kenny glanced at Cartman's expression and sniggered.

"Shut up Kinny, Why don't you go dumpster diving or something?" Cartman responded nastily.

"No need, I got this." Kenny reached into his pocket and pulled out some money.

"Whoa dude, where'd you get that?" Stan asked, I hadn't yet told Stan what Kenny did almost every night. I had originally been surprised by Stan not knowing yet; Mysterion was on South Park's newspaper and news all the time. In fact, no one at school or in the town seemed to take note that Kenny's alter ego was still active. They must have all bought the cover up Kenny gave them; it was just some dude running around as him.

"He stole it." Cartman scoffed.

"I didn't steal it you asshole." Kenny stood up, ready to face down the tub of lard. Kenny never had much of a tolerance for poor jokes. And his tolerance levels towards those jokes specifically by Cartman; were depleting.

"Calm down Kenny, it's just Cartman being, well….Cartman." I tried to calm him down. Neither of them seemed to acknowledge what I said for a couple of moments, but then they both stopped glaring at each other and sat down.

"I got it from working, I'm lucky that those pigs pay me at all." Kenny said, more to me than anyone else.

"You got a job?" Stan asked, confused about his friend's sudden change of character. Kenny was always the most care free one out of the group so Stan's confusion was reasonable. "Where do you work?"

"Kyle will tell you."

Stan looked at me expectantly. It didn't feel right to tell Stan right here, so I focused my attention back on Kenny. "I thought you said that they didn't pay you at all."

Kenny tilted his chair back. "They don't most of the time, unless I catch someone as crazy as Cartman." Kenny turned around to see his friend's expression again, but Cartman wasn't anywhere in sight. "I told you that we'd lose him here." He added with a smirk.

–***–

"They're lucky I put up with all their crap." Cartman grumbled to himself, being completely oblivious to the amount of security guards and shoppers running around frantically. "One of these days, they're going to get on my bad side." As he searched for a bathroom he walked right into a stationary security guard.

"Watch it kid." The security guard said then began talking into his walkie- talkie again.

"Hey, do you know where there's a bathroom here?" I waited patiently for the security guard to respond, but of course this mall cop was being a butt hole." Where are the bathrooms Paul Blart?"

"Hang on I'll call you back." The security guard turned around to face the teenager. "They're over by the jewelry department, but you can't go there right now, were locking down the area."

"Why?" I asked. If I didn't find a bathroom soon, this whole mall would need a wet floor sign.

"Some pricks are trying to rob the place. If the cops would get their lazy asses up here this whole mess would be over already." The security guard took out his walkie-talkie again and began spouting orders.

"A robbery?" I thought to myself. Being at the mall was boring so far, a robbery could spice things up a bit.

"I don't have time for this." The security guard turned around again and began to run towards the jewelry department.

"Wait! I want to see!" I trailed him.

–***–

"Dude, we need to go before he comes back." Stan said, stuffing the rest of his food into his mouth.

"Right, lets-" I was cut off by a loud voice.

"Guys, guys!"

"Damnit!" The fat-ass was already closing in on us.

Seeing Cartman's attempt at running made me noticed how much effort he was making to run towards us. Even though a Cartman was running, he was still taking a while to get to the table that we were at.

"What is it?" we all asked in unison.

"Bathroom… Robbers… jewelry store." Cartman spluttered between breaths.

I sighed and looked at Kyle. "I'll be right back."

–***–

"That's the last of it." I said while picking up a necklace and stuffed it into my utility belt. The necklace was obviously worth a lot, the jewelry store owners had made the mistake of putting it on display.

"Good work boys, this beats my old business when it comes to money, nice work, even you." Luigi poked my chest." But unfortunately you still owe us."

"Ha! You're such a joker, that's why I like you, but I gotta go." I pointed towards the door.

"You could do that." Luigi motioned his gang towards him. "If you want to die tonight."

"You could do that," A gravelly voice replied, "if you wanted to be in jail for the rest of your life." Mysterion walked into the store and his eyes quickly focused on me, he had obviously noticed me." You?" He pointed at me.

"Don't just stand there you idiots, go get that bastard!" Luigi rallied his gang before heading out the store's back door. I wasn't going to jail tonight; I needed a ride out of here. I pushed past Luigi's henchmen who were trying to rush Mysterion, so that I could catch up with my 'business partner'.

I grabbed his shoulders and turned him around to face me. "Dude I don't feel like getting my ass kicked," I looked back inside the store from the back door, just in time to see Mysterion kick one of Luigi's goons in the face. "I'm going with you."

"Don't you even think about bailing, if you do, I'll know about it" I watched Luigi step inside the getaway car and drive off.

I stared back into the store to see Mysterion beating up gang members left and right. "Shit." I mumbled. This was not going to end well.


Thanks again for reading, there will be another update soon