And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...
I woke up early the next morning, feeling tired after having woke up in the middle of the night because of another nightmare. The same nightmare I've had on multiple occasions, of what happened – the three guys, popular jocks, overpowering me and the laughter of one of them. Choosing not to think about it, I picked out my clothes for today and hopped in my shower, letting the hot water pour over me. After getting out of the shower and putting on a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top, I did my hair and went downstairs. Mom already had most of our stuff unpacked and put in place, making it look nice and homey. I ate a piece of toast for breakfast, for once not really in the mood to eat, and slipped on my flip flops, going outside to take in my new surroundings.
It was nice and peaceful outside. No busy California traffic or swarms of people, just grass and trees and a breeze that brought with it a scent that I couldn't quiet place yet. I contemplated the thought that maybe we were meant to move here in order for me to get better. Just as that thought appeared in my mind, my eyes settled on a familiar brunette beauty. Today she had on ripped jeans, rolled up almost to her knees, a gray tank top, and of course, cowboy boots. Her hair was pulled back with a clip, allowing a few strands to hang freely around her face. She looked absolutely stunning once again. And I have to admit, I was somewhat happy to discover that she lived almost directly across from me. I was even more shocked when I noticed that her house was more of a log cabin, beautifully built, with a two car garage built on to the side. Damn she must be loaded.
I sat on my porch and watched her. She was next to the barn on the other side of her house, brushing the horse she was riding yesterday. I watched as she brushed the horses mane and rubbed it gently on the nose. She had a sweet way of doing things, it was hard to explain. She accidentally dropped the brush on the ground and I watched her bend over to pick it up. As she did so, her tank top slid up some, exposing the tan skin covering her stomach. I admired the toned muscles there and when my eyes looked up, I noticed she was looking at me. Shit she caught me checking her out! Her lips tugged into a smile as she looked back at the horse and continued brushing it. It seemed almost as if she was glad she caught me checking her out. Did she drop the brush on purpose? No. There's no way this innocent little country girl would be gay. It's like a redneck thing to hate gays, right? Maybe I shouldn't stereotype her, I know nothing about her. As if hearing that last thought, the girl tied the horse's reins to the fence post and made her way across the road and over to my porch.
"Hi, I'm Miley Stewart," she said, her voice dripping with a husky southern accent that almost made my heart stop beating.
Miley. That has to be the most beautiful name I've ever heard.
"Lilly Truscott," I said, surprising myself by holding my hand out to her. She shook it immediately.
"Welcome to Crowley Corner's Lilly. Let me know if you need a tour guide," she said, winking.
She smiled upon noticing the blush creeping across my cheeks and turned around to walk back to her house. I watched her hips sway as she walked. There's just something about this girl that intrigues me, despite not wanting to get close to anyone, for some reason I want to know her. She looked back one last time, giving me a smile and catching me checking her out again, although it didn't seem to bother her, she just smiled more and turned around. Nice move Lilly, let the new neighbor you just met catch you checking her out for the second time within ten minutes, that's not the least bit creepy. I mentally scolded myself as I felt the heat leave my cheeks and I got up and went back inside.
I spent most of the next day inside. Standing in my kitchen, I could see Miley helping her dad with chores. Every so often, her eyes would wonder across the street to my house, as if waiting to see me appear outside. My mom silently stood behind me, startling me as she put her hand on my shoulder.
"She's cute Lil, you should get to know her," Mom said, giving me a knowing smile.
"Drop it mom, she'd never be interested," I replied.
"Don't be so sure. People can surprise you," She said, walking back into the living room.
I sighed as I climbed the stairs to my room. I sat down on my bed, feeling a wave of sadness overcome me. I don't even know what has me so down today. I looked over at the picture on my dresser. It was of me and Oliver, the last one we took together before what happened. We had been to the mall that day, checking out all the cute girls. When we had gotten back to my house, we had spent several hours in my room talking and Oliver suggested we take a picture. Who woulda knew that everything would change so much in just a week's time? I smiled sadly at the memory, bringing my legs up to my chest, and burying my face in my knees, crying.
I cried for what felt like hours. When I finally looked up from my knees, I noticed it was slowly getting darker outside. I stood up and went into my bathroom, looking in the mirror. My eyeliner had smudged a bit, and my eyes were puffy and red. I quickly wiped at my eyeliner, fixing the mess that had spread down my cheeks. After my make-up was once again normal, it was still pretty obvious that I had been crying.
I continued to look at myself in the mirror. I felt empty, hollow, like I had a void inside of me that couldn't be filled no matter how hard I tried. After therapy, I no longer felt the need to harm myself, but I am always afraid of a relapse. I never want to go back to the hospital, to be watched 24/7, and treated like some sort of nutcase. On the way out of my bedroom, I stopped at my dresser and picked up my pill bottle. Knowing that my mom was keeping track of whether I was taking them or not, I slipped one out of the bottle and swallowed it, heading downstairs, sliding on my flip flops, and stepping out the back door, so mom wouldn't see that I had been crying.
Once outside, I breathed in the Tennessee air. It was so much cleaner and crisper than the California air, and I quickly let it fill my lungs, exhaling slowly. I ran my fingers through my hair, and made my way across the backyard, towards the creek that bordered the woods. I walked along the edge of the creek for awhile until I found a good spot to sit down. The sun hadn't quiet set in the horizon as I sat on the creek bank and allowed my legs to dangle off the edge. Looking around, I could just barely make out my house in the distance and I hadn't realized I had wondered so far off. I sat in silence, feeling as though I might cry again. Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn't heard footsteps approaching until a shadow cast over me. Looking up, I saw that Miley was standing beside me, looking down at me. My eyes met hers and she smiled, showing off some of her perfect teeth.
"You have a beautiful smile," I blurted out, my handing flying up to cover my mouth. I inwardly cursed myself for saying that out loud, my cheeks tinging with pink.
Her smile only grew. "Thanks, mind if I sit?" She asked in her southern drawl, nodding towards the spot on the ground beside me.
I shook my head, not really trusting myself to speak. She sat down next to me, bringing her legs up to her chest and putting her arms around them, resting her chin on her knees. She let out a long sigh and I looked over at her. She looked absolutely gorgeous, her figure illuminated by the distant setting sun. Her hair was down today, falling down her back and around her shoulders in wavy curls. She looked over at me and I was once again caught staring. She didn't seem to be appalled or even surprised that I had been staring at her. She just smiled once again, her eyes raking over my face. Her smile faltered a bit as she finally looked back into my eyes. She suddenly seemed a lot less confident than the girl that had strolled over to my porch yesterday. Her eyes looked darker too, almost sad. Then I realized that she had noticed that I had been crying. I quickly looked away and stood up, her eyes following me.
"Sorry I have to go," I said before turning around.
I felt her eyes on me as she watched me run back to my house and dart inside. I sighed as I walked into my bedroom. I kicked the wall, feeling angry at myself for leaving her. Walking out onto my balcony, I seen that she was still sitting there in the same position she had before I ran off. As the sun finally set, I watched her stand up and turn to gaze at me, as if she had known I'd be here watching her. I looked down and stepped back inside my bedroom as I watched her figure walk down along side the creek towards her house. I changed into pajamas and laid down in my bed, crying into my pillow until I fell asleep.
AN: So I know Lilly is acting kinda stupid right now, but it happens lol And its not hard to push away the one you love:( especially with emotional scars. You'll find out what happened to Lilly in one of the next chapters. The lyrics are "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls. Reviews are greatly appreciated!
