Life is What Happens
a/n: Thank you to my pre-readers sis, hub and NS.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight or Stephanie's characters but the rest of this story is mine.
Chapter Two: Bring in the New
BPOV
It was raining in Forks, which really isn't much of a surprise. I pulled into the small lot of the Elementary school and parked my minivan. I really should have brought my umbrella. With a sigh I unlatched my seatbelt and gathered the registration forms, tucking them inside my light coat to protect the paper from the rain. I jogged into to the entrance of the school which only served to splash the rainwater up the lower half of my jeans.
With my shoes squeaking on the freshly polished linoleum I entered the office. Behind the reception desk sat an older woman holding a phone to her ear. She held up a finger to me indicating me to wait, to wrap up her phone call I assumed.
"Uh huh, uh huh. Really! Oh okay, but Isabella Black is here, yes I know, hang on," she chuckled before pressing a red button on the phone's base. Ugh. How is it that everyone in this town knows me?
"Yes, Isabella, you have the registration forms?" she asked turning in her seat towards me.
"Hi, yes here they are," I said handing her the completed forms.
"So how is your Father doing these days? I understand that he has gone onto light duty?" she asked while looking through the forms.
"He is good. He complains that he is bored now that he can't 'be out in the action' but doctor's orders are doctor's orders. He still has a lot to offer the department," I answered with a shrug.
"Well everything here seems to be in order except that you have yourself written down here as Ms. Bella Swan?"
"Yes, that is correct, I never changed my name, but both Faith and Grace's surname is Black," I responded with an internal groan. I never had to explain this in Tacoma.
"Oh. Well I suppose that was a very convenient decision in light of everything".
Bitch.
"Well here is their class assignments and supplies list. Faith is with Mrs. Thompson for grade two and Grace will have Ms. Hale for kindergarten. Ms. Hale is setting up her room right now and left a message with me that she would like to see any of the parents who come by," She said handing me the handouts. "The kindergarten classroom is on the end of the left wing," and with that she returned the phone to her ear. I guess her partner in gossip, er, conversation was still on the line.
My shoes stilled squeaked as I walked down the hall to the kindergarten classroom. The walls were adorned at regular intervals with empty corkboards freshly painted in bright primary colours. I stopped when I came to a partially open door with the name Ms. Hale and a large green frog on it. Giving the door a quick knock I stepped into the room. The door came to an abrupt stop with a thud and a sharp "ow," from the other side.
Cringing I looked around the door. Yep, I had slammed into the body of who, I could assume, was my daughter's kindergarten teacher. She was rubbing her elbow with one hand and holding a paper frog in the other.
"I'm so sorry!"
The tall blonde woman grinned and with one final rub on her elbow said "No problem nothing is broken". Gesturing for me to follow her she walked to her desk in the corner of the room. "So I am Rosalie Hale and you are the parent of-?" she broke off fingering through a stack of papers on her desk.
"Grace Black," I completed for her. "I just dropped off the rest of the registration material at the office." Rosalie Hale was so beautiful that it was a good thing that she was an elementary school teacher. If she was a high school teacher with her long honey-blond waves and her magazine model perfect face and figure she would have the boys too distracted to learn and all the girls would gain an inferiority complex. Hell I am feeling slightly inferior myself.
"Okay," she replied. "I just wanted to double check her approved pick-up list, Mrs. Black".
"Swan".
"Sorry?"
"It is Bella Swan. My ex husband is Mr. Black."
"Ok-ay. Is he on the contact list as well as yourself?"
"Yes Jacob Black, Grace's father, Charlie Swan, her grandfather and myself. Oh, and maybe we should add Angela Chaney and Leah Clearwater just in case. Angela is my neighbour and friend and Leah is, well, Jake's girlfriend as well as old friend of the family."
She started chuckling. "Duly noted," she said. "I have been really looking forward to meeting you, Bella. The Chief talks about you all the time."
"You know my Dad?"
"Yeah, my husband works here with the Forest Rangers and they work pretty closely with the Police. They have some pretty heavy collaborative efforts you know, with the hikers, hunters and campground partiers," she said with a dramatic eye-roll.
Laughing, we continued to visit and surprisingly exchanged phone numbers with the promise to go for drinks. Her husband, Emmitt Cullen, moved to Forks in January to take his position at the Ranger Station and Rosalie followed after finishing up the school year at a school in Seattle. She told me that she and Emmitt met at the University of Washington where she took Elementary Education and he was taking Wildlife Management and Environmental Studies.
Unsurprisingly, the two of them had already been introduced to Jasper, much to their delight. The three of them had already struck up friendship though she said that Jasper had mentioned my return to Forks in passing. It seemed that he hadn't given her any background history to which I was thankful for. Rosalie was finding that making friends in a small town as an 'import' difficult. Being a teacher didn't really help as, "The teacher's lounge has more high school angst and cliques than a high school," which I thought was pretty damn funny and could totally believe.
We then discussed the pros and cons of small town life. Rosalie and I both had at some point attended high school with higher populations than the town of Forks. Rosalie was still in the throes of culture shock and was lamenting the loss of anonymity that is the reality of a small town. While there is some comfort in the familiarity it can be intimidating to those of us who were not born and raised here with parents and grandparents that were still living here who were also born and raised here. When families have that kind of history it is easy for everyone to, at times, get a little too comfortable with knowing everyone's business. That, and in Forks, there really wasn't much else to do.
With a lighter and drier step I left the school, with school supply lists in hand, a smile on my face and shoes that no longer squeaked.
oooOOOOooo
"I swear Jasper, I had forgotten how people here have no verbal filter," I grumped with my elbows on the table hiding my face in my palms. Jasper and I were sitting across from each other in a booth at the Forks Diner. It had been some time since I had last seen my friend. We had already ordered and received our coffee while we waited for our meals.
He laughed lightly at my distress pushing his wire-rimmed glasses up from where they had slipped down his nose. "Seriously it takes me back to last time I came home. 'Really Bella why would you get a Psychology degree instead of doing something practical like teaching or nursing?'" I mimed words spoken to me from years past.
"How about 'what do you mean you're not gay? I mean, like, you are so polite and dress so well'," Jasper mimicked the surprised words of Jessica Stanley from a few years back when she found out Jasper was dating a female.
"Aw, Jasper, that is just because she couldn't understand a guy who didn't try to flirt with her. Besides you don't strike me as Gay, Forks just doesn't recognize your awesome metrosexualness," I laughed.
Jasper Whitlock was very good-looking, with chin-length blond hair, clear blue eyes and geek-chic style. Add in those southern manners and sexy accent one would think he would have a harem following him around. Unfortunately, his nerdy shyness left him fumbling with the ladies. I found him smart, charming and endearing.
We hit it off soon after he moved into town as I was a history buff and he a history teacher. Rumours abounded that I was cheating on Jake with him but Jasper and I never saw each other that way. There was never any sexual tension just easy going camaraderie. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that so many people think he is gay. It doesn't help that he only seems to meet and date women online.
"My hands down favourite was from Mrs Crawley 'I just don't understand you girls going to University after all you can't have your cake and eat it too'," I said. This last memory set a bad taste in my mouth. It seemed a bit too true in hindsight.
"I always considered myself more of a renaissance man myself, but if I must, I will be your token metrosexual friend."
Laughing we both returned to sipping our coffee. The Forks Diner was packed for the usual weekday lunch service. This allowed for a loud buzz so Jasper and I were able to talk relatively freely without worry of eavesdroppers, deliberate or not.
"Hey. I am really sorry about how things turned out with Maria, Jasper," I spoke quietly. He shrugged staring into his coffee mug. Jasper met Maria through some revolutionary war blog site. They chatted online for a few months and then started dating when she disclosed that she lived in Seattle. They started seeing each other on weekends and even took a couple holidays together. Maria was in Jaspers life for two years before she admitted that she was married and had no intention to leave her family for him.
She broke his heart.
"Well it is what it is," he responded. "Some people just don't bring out the best in each other. In a way I am glad it is over. But I don't regret that it brought me here to Washington."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it is beautiful here. The scenery is like poetry. I love teaching here, the kids are great and the small class sizes allow me to really engage them. That is a feat when you are teaching history. And besides, I have made some great friends here," he said with a smile leaning back in the booth seat. "And really, Bella if you think that I am too 'metrosexual' for Forks you can imagine how well I fit in back in Texas? Cowboy I am not!"
We both leaned back in our seats when the young girl working our section refilled our mugs with coffee. Jasper looked out the window at the rain misting down as I shook my packets of sugar. Jasper did love it here. He toured around the Olympic Peninsula eight years ago when he came up from Texas to Seattle when his brother Peter got married to a Washington girl he met in University. He said then that he fell in love with the rain and the mist and that the trees held stories of our history. Jasper truly had the soul of a poet. He went to the high school and serendipitously the current history teacher was retiring. He got the position and moved that summer.
I doctored my coffee with sugar and cream and let my eyes wander over the usual diner crowd as I stirred. The spoon clanked lazily from side to side as I took in the visages of old familiar faces. Sitting in the worn booths and Formica tables were the usual downtown business owners, truckers and a few teens hanging out with each other before school started.
Green eyes.
Looking over Jaspers shoulder my eyes were captured by the gaze of a pair of eyes of a bright enough green that there was no mistaking the colour even though they were two booths away. I didn't recognize the man who owned those eyes. He seemed young, mid twenties perhaps? He was beautiful with a mess of dark coppery brown hair, smooth even features and a strong jaw.
His eyes widened when he saw that I caught him staring. My heart leapt and, involuntarily, I smiled at him. The beautiful boy blushed! He quickly dropped his eyes and turned to respond to the dark haired girl sitting next to him who had been poking him in the arm to get his attention.
There were four people sharing the booth. I didn't recognize any of them. Travellers perhaps? End of the season tourists? My musing was interrupted with the delivery of our lunches. As we began to eat Jasper resumed our conversation.
"So small town theatrics aside how is the move and 'everything' treating you?" he asked.
"Well, you know, financially everything is okay. Selling the house in Tacoma got the few debts we had paid off and even with the division of assets I was able to buy the house here. I now own the minivan outright and had a decent amount stashed away. I'm thinking of buying one of those little hybrid SUV though for the commute to Olympia. Charlie has been giving me grief about going to school there and I am partly convinced that part of it is worry about the long drive in the winter. The house is pretty awesome too. Now that it has been stripped of its 70's glory. It was like a time warp or the set for 'That 70's Show'," I laughed, thinking about how cool a party that would make.
"Awe, you did you keep at least one room vintage all we would need is a mini bar and a disco ball?"
You read my mind Jasper but sadly no," I grinned cheekily.
"How about the girls? Have they taken to Forks?" he inquired.
"They think this is the best thing ever. They are still little so change is easy right now. They get to see Charlie more which is fantastic for all three of them. Faith had only completed kindergarten and grade one in Tacoma so she really doesn't have any established friends that she is leaving behind. As for seeing their Dad it is almost better. Before when Jake was home he would be in and out of the house, you know. Now he takes them on full time whenever he is home. They are actually getting more quality parent time with him," I explained, wiping my mouth on a paper napkin.
"I also am getting some alone time which I really haven`t had in years," I continued. "As much as I complain about Forks this is a good move for all of us. Dad is here to help out with the kids, Angela`s daughter is old enough to babysit and with Jake taking the girls to La Push when he is home I actually have some freedom that I haven`t experienced since the kids were born. Honestly the first time Jake took the girls away for the weekend after the divorce was the first time I have been away from them since they have been born."
We sat and ate quietly again for few moments. I pondered what I had just said before speaking again. "It sounds weird but in a way this is working out really well. It gives me the flexibility to go back to school and maybe get the career that I always wanted. Everyone is happy now."
Jasper furrowed his brow, leaning into the table, before asking "Are you happy?"
"Yeah...you know, you would think I would be all lonely and shit broody and bitter that my husband left me and his kids for another woman but in a way I am relieved. Does that sound awful? I think Jake and I were both lonely. Now he has Leah and that is better for him. I am actually happy for him. They are really happy together. The girls already knew her as 'Auntie Leah' through Charlie and Sue and they are sticking with that."
"So yeah, I am happy I guess. Lonely...maybe a bit...but," I tapered off shrugging and biting my lip. "So tell me about your visit home?" I ask, redirecting the conversation.
While Jasper went on to regale me with the blow by blow of family dramatics from his visit home I found my eyes drawn to the face two booths behind him. The green eyed man was talking animatedly now, gesturing and entertaining his table with some tale. His face was lively and when he laughed his whole face lit up. I started to feel lightheaded and butterflies took flight in my belly. I wanted to laugh too, so caught up in his dynamic presence.
I didn't realize how unabashedly I was staring until he suddenly caught my gaze. He smiled, no smirked, and I realized that this was no boy. I ripped my eyes away, my face flaming and my heart pounding. Gnawing on my lip I refocused on Jaspers face and I thought I heard a very masculine chuckle from two booths away.
Jasper had stopped talking his eyes narrowing taking in my flushed state. He looked over his shoulder then chuckled. "See something you like Bella?" he drawled with a smirk.
Then green eyes stood up from the booth and started to walk towards us. Oh god, oh god. I hunched down in my seat mortified but unable to take my eyes off of him. He was tall and his dark green fleece accentuated the width of his shoulders. His step was strong, quick and confident as he came towards us and then suddenly veered away towards the cash register. I flushed again even more mortified and slightly disappointed when I realized that he wasn't coming over to our booth but was on his way to pay for their meal.
Ignoring Jasper and really the entire diner I took in the sight of the backside of this beautiful stranger. I could make out his shoulder blades through the fleece and his jeans hugged the perfection that was his ass and thighs. I don't think I have ever seen a more gorgeous back view on a man.
I was interrupted from my reverie on male perfection by Jasper trying to get my attention. Apparently while I was gaping the rest of green eyes table had stopped to chat with Jasper. "Bella," he said eyeing at me knowingly, "have you had a chance yet to meet the Cullens?"
"Um, no," I said, pulling my head out of its strangely blissed out fog. I put out my hand to the couple standing before me, "Hi I'm Bella Swan," I said, introducing myself. The pair standing before us was maybe ten or fifteen years older than me.
"Pleased to meet you Bella I'm Carlisle," he said shaking my hand and then gesturing to the women next to him, "and this is my wife Esme," who in turn also shook my hand.
The couple before me would have been intimidating in there attractive sophistication with the exception that both had such friendly smiles and easy demeanour. Carlisle was tall and fit with handsome laugh lines sprouting from his bright blue eyes. I imagine that the nurses in Forks were all a flutter over this debonair man. Esme was equally beautiful as her husband with dark caramel hair and deep green eyes. She smiled lovingly at the man beside her. They held hands and laughed with Jasper over something I failed to hear as my eyes were drawn to the girl who skipped up to their side.
"Hi!" she said brightly waving at Jasper and I. There was no doubting that this girl must be the daughter of Carlisle and Esme as she was every bit as pretty and dainty as Esme and had Carlisle's blue eyes. Her hair was dark, however, with fun flirty purple streaks cut into a short flippy cut. "Bella, Jasper this is our daughter Alice," Carlisle introduced, "she and her brother just got back from Italy where Alice was an au pair for Esme's cousin's family."
Alice seemed to almost vibrate with energy taking Jasper and I in with inquisitive eyes. "So what are your plans now that you are back home Alice?" Jasper inquired politely after shaking her small hand.
"Oh, Edward and I are set up in Olympia to finish school at Evergreen State," Alice answered.
Edward? Is he the Adonis sitting with them? Her boyfriend perhaps? My heart did a weird kind of lurch at that thought.
"Edward?" I blurted out involuntarily.
"Yeah, Edward!" she called out waving the bronze-haired God over who had finished at the Diner till. He sauntered over a small smile playing about his lips as he took in the growing group at our booth. My heart picked up again looking at those lips. "Hey," he said as he arrived at Alice's side.
"Edward, this is Jasper and Bella. This lug here is my brother Edward," Alice said with a giggle knocking him in the stomach playfully. He gave her a quick stern look before smiling at Jasper and me rubbing his stomach lightly. My fingers twitched at the sight of his hands touching himself. My face grew hot.
"So," I said then needing to clear my suddenly dry throat. "Alice says that you both are going to be attending Evergreen?"
He nodded, capturing me in his gaze. The green of his eyes reminded me of tropical waters seen in travel magazines and home too. The way the sun reflects all the greenness of Forks in the early morning mists. I swear they sparkled. There was a hint of brown stubble on his square jaw and as he licked his lips I involuntarily licked my own.
He reached out and shook Jaspers hand, giving it a shake, then turned to take mine. His large hand engulfed my small one. His skin felt cool and slightly rough on the pads of his fingers. I froze at his touch, the hair on my arms rising, as a buzz flew through my body concentrated within the touch of his skin on mine. He quickly pulled his hand away from mine and I let out a small, hopefully, inaudible gasp at the loss of contact. I was so distracted by the residue of that electrical current that I almost missed what Jasper said next.
"Well, Bella will have some company then, eh darlin'?" he said motioning towards me pulling out of my trance, "She is attending Evergreen this fall as well."
"Oh yay!" Alice clapped and I think she may have even bounced a bit, "What are you taking? Maybe we will have some classes together. That would be so awesome. It sucks not knowing any one and this is our first time in Forks and we don't know anybody in Olympia."
We chatted a bit longer about classes and I exchanged pleasantries with Esme and Carlisle about Forks and my Father. Of course EVERYONE knows Chief Swan. I am sure by this time they also knew all the good tidbits on his daughters latest fall from grace. Edward didn't offer anything to the conversation. He simply smiled and nodded at the appropriate times standing with his hands in his pockets rocking slightly back and forth as if bored and eager to get the heck out of here. I guess I couldn't blame him. I well remember being bored out of my gourd sitting in this same Diner with Charlie as he gossiped and visited with the friendly folks of Forks Washington.
Finally, we all said our goodbyes and promises to see each other soon and the Cullen family departed. A French fry struck me in the forehead. Shocked I looked at Jasper, "What the heck?"
"Bella, were you perving on the son of the hot doc and his wife?" he asked grinning widely.
"Okay, you lost man points for saying Carlisle is a 'hot doc' for one and two you can just shut your trap you noodle head!" I rebutted, blushing, I'm sure, down to my toes.
"Noodle head? You need to up your game in the potty mouth department. You just lost MILF points and are officially demoted to soccer mom."
"Shut up," I responded wittily, throwing his French fry back at him.
What the hell just happened?
oooOOOOooo
After lunch with Jasper I drove out to Port Angeles to do a grocery run and pick up school supplies for Faith and Grace. I rushed around and hurried there and back wanting to make sure I was home before Jake got there bringing our daughters home. The back to school rush was crazy and I promised myself that next year I will get organized sooner. Of course, I say the same thing about Christmas every single year.
There was a knock on the door just as I was sitting down with a Sharpie to put names on the girls' backpacks. Jake, Faith and Grace were already in the house as I came around the corner. Jake leaned around the girls to drop their bags on the floor.
"Hey Bells," he greeted me with his deep husky voice as the girls jumped and squealed their hellos. Grace jumped into my arms demanding hugs while Faith stood back.
Laughing, I hugged Grace and put her down and moved in and hugged Faith. "So I am guessing that you all had a good time? Camping was a success?"
"We had hot chocolate and Daddy told us stories around the fire and…," started Faith "…and we cooked moshmelloows and Daddy stayed with us allll night so there would be noooo monsters!" Grace finished.
"Okay, okay! Well you two can tell me all about it but first I need you to take your bags over to the laundry room all right? Then you can go check out your new rooms. Mommy got them all done while you were with Daddy." With that my girls clapped and ran. Faith picked her bag up then helped Grace who was dragging her load down the hall.
"So it went okay then?" I asked Jake who still stood by the front door. Rubbing my left elbow I half turned towards him but kept my eyes on the retreating figures of our children.
"Oh yeah, we had a blast. We only spent the one night in the tent though. We all had a great time fishing with your Dad. Faith is mean fisherman Bells. I have her catch here," he said nudging a blue cooler with his foot that was on the floor beside him. Oh goody – fish! I rolled my eyes internally. "Grace fell in the water so we ended the day swimming."
"Well I guess she has inherited my grace," laughing at the irony of her name versus the reality of her clumsy growing body.
"Well I am glad everyone had fun," I said then turning to look at him fully, "Have the girls had dinner already?"
"Leah made dinner before we left, so yeah," he answered starting to shuffle his feet. "Well, you said that you got their rooms all done? Been busy while they were with me, eh?"
"I guess. Did you want to see the rooms?" I asked.
"Actually, I should probably get going." Jake scratched at his head, his face forming into a small grimace "Leah is waiting for me. We really haven't had much time together this rotation home and I fly out again in a couple days."
"Oh. Well then you should get going. Give me a call when you know when you will be home again so we can make arrangements for the girls."
"Sure, sure," he said softly turning back to the door. His head almost brushed the doorframe. I had forgotten just how large he is. Jake opened the door but as he stepped out he stopped his hand still on the knob. "Bells – are we good? I mean are you good?"
Jake looked at me for the first time since walking in the door. "Yeah Jake, I'm good," I said softly.
He nodded then walked out of my house shutting the door behind him.
I stood, looking at the door, listening to the sound of Jake's truck starting up and then pulling out of the drive. Am I good? I turned then and headed for the steps upon hearing the squeak of bedsprings. Apparently my Faith and Grace had made their way to their bedrooms.
"Bathtime munchkins! Get your patooties into the bathroom!" I yelled making my way up the stairs.
After getting the girl's bathed, their hair washed, teeth brushed and Jammies on I sat with them on the floor in Faith's room and read to the two of them. We were currently working our way through "Charlotte's Web" and I tried to read at least one chapter a night. Grace was sitting in my lap as she is the designated 'page turner'.
Finishing the chapter I put the book on the nightstand and tucked Faith in under her purple striped comforter kissing her forehead and smoothing her hair back from her face. "Night night Baby," I said. "Night Mommy," Faith responded turning over and snuggling into her pillow. I led Grace into her room where she promptly jumped up onto her bed. I pulled her comforter up as she asked, "Mommy when will Daddy be back?" "I'm not sure Beautiful, but he will come for good-bye hugs before he goes back to work. Now its night night time. I love you. Go to sleep." I kissed her on the top of her head and left her room with a sigh.
As I headed towards the laundry room I stopped in the kitchen and put a CD in the under-cabinet player. Blue October fit my mood just fine. I turned down the volume then went to work sorting the laundry out. I put in the first load, added my detergent and fabric softener and hit the start button.
I walked back into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I hadn't eaten anything for dinner yet hating to cook for just myself. Cooking doesn't really rate up there with my favourite activities, I think it may even fall behind laundry and cleaning the bathroom. Actually I rather enjoy cleaning the bathroom. Yeah. Okay, whatever. I am a good cook but never really became a foodie. I cook because if I didn't nobody would eat. Renee was a terrible cook and was more than happy to pass off that responsibility to me when I was barely out of elementary school. If Mom was bad Charlie was hopeless. He allowed me to take on all the domestic duties when I lived with him without any question. Questions like "Hey kid do you even want to do all that?" By the time I married Jake it was just the way it was. I cook to live I can't say I live to cook.
With a sneer at my options I decided to pull out a bottle of wine instead. It was nothing fancy just one of those cheap fruit wines with a screw off cap. My favourite. Pouring myself a glass I set back to work getting the school supplies labelled and organized for Faith and Grace.
A half a bottle of wine later I was sitting drumming my fingers on the kitchen table. Jake's last words stuck on repeat in my mind. Am I good? Everyone keeps asking me that. Am I supposed to not be good? I pushed myself up from the table with a sigh and put the wine back in the fridge. I threw the wash into the dryer and left the rest for later.
I stripped and put on my pyjamas before stretching out on my queen size bed. As I pulled the duvet up over myself I pondered over how I was feeling. Was I good? Well, yes, in that the move went well, the kids seem okay and happy with everything. I am registered to take some classes which I was definitely excited about if not a little nervous it has been a long time since I last went to school. Hell it has been a long time since I last left the house to go anywhere other than Faith's school or the grocery store.
I realized that in my head everything is just fine but inside deep deep down I just felt numb. I didn't feel sad or sorry for myself or even mad. Shouldn't I be feeling some of that?
Even the night Jake told me he wanted to end things I wasn't mad or sad or upset. If anything, I just felt like a failure.
Whenever Jake was home he always spent tried to spend some time in La Push to see his Dad down there. When news reached us that he had passed away we were all in shock. Billy Black passed away from an aneurism in his sleep eight months ago. The doctors figured that a blood clot had formed as a complication from his years in a wheelchair and made its way to his brain. He did not suffer.
Jake was away at work at the time but managed to switch shifts and went straight to La Push to join his sisters in making funeral arrangements and to deal with his estate. I was home in Tacoma with the girls who were both sick and feverish with some bug that was going around at the time and didn't join him until the day of the funeral.
The funeral was sad and touching. Billy was well known and loved in La Push. It broke my heart how sad my Dad was to lose a friend of well over thirty years. The Clearwaters were the Blacks' rock through it all, organizing the food and the flowers, standing beside Jake and his sisters.
Jake didn't want to stay that night and we made the long drive home in the dark. He was quiet the whole way and I, at some point, joined the girls in sleep not waking until will pulled into the driveway of our home. That night, after putting the girls into their beds, I lay with Jake and held him while he cried himself, softly, to sleep.
The next day he dropped the bombshell that changed everything.
Jake was still in bed lying on his back. The girls were still sleeping and I had gotten up to brush my teeth. When I came out of our bathroom Jake asked me to sit beside him on the bed. "Bells there is something I need to talk to you about," he said rubbing his large hands over his face. "Its going to seem like its coming out of the blue but I have been thinking about it for a long time and this last week has just made me realize that this is something I, or we, need to do."
"Okay," I replied, wondering if he wanted us to move or if he planning a change in jobs or something.
"I want us to get a divorce."
"W-what?" I stuttered gaping at him stunned.
"I'm sorry Bells. I have been thinking about this for a while and with dad going like he did, well. I just think it would be the best thing for both of us." He explained. Which, really, explained nothing.
"Is there – is there someone else?" I asked not really wanting the answer. The ghost of James tittered at me in the dark recess of my memory.
"Yes, but –"
"Are you sleeping with her?"
"Hell NO Bells. I wouldn't do that to you. I love you. You are my best friend. Look," he said turning to me in the bed and taking my hand in his, "I have feelings for someone else. Feelings that I don't think you and I have for each other, which I don't think we ever had for each other."
"What the hell does that mean Jake? We are married. We made children together. They are sleeping right now down the hall!" I was starting to feel slightly hysterical. How could I have screwed things all up again?
Pulling me into his chest Jake enfolded me in his big arms and started rubbing my back. "I know baby, shh, I'm so sorry but we will figure this all out. But, Bells, we have only been existing with each other for the last few years. Don't you think we deserve more than that. Shouldn't we be living rather than just existing?"
Shit
Disgusted with myself and my melancholy trip down memory lane I threw back my covers and stalked to my shower. Throwing my hair up in a messy bun I turned on the water and stepped in without bothering to wait for it to warm up.
I scrubbed my body viciously as if I could somehow wash away the sting of rejection. I thought I had done everything right for once. We dated, he proposed, he said he would always love me, everybody thought we were so great together, we got married, had babies, I did his laundry, cooked his meals, supported his decisions for school and work, never turned him away when he wanted sex, paid the bills and in the end I still wasn't enough. We didn't have enough. God! What was wrong with me? Jake was supposed to be safe. He wasn't supposed to ever hurt me. I thought we had a good life. I thought it was good enough.
Good enough? Maybe that is what he meant. He wanted more than just good enough. Damnshitfuck! I slammed my hand against the wall frustrated with the inability to understand my own feelings.
The reality is that I didn't miss him. Yes, I care for Jake, but I didn't miss him. It just hurt to be rejected. Alone didn't bother me so much. Besides, I wasn't alone, not when I had my two angels sleeping upstairs. The two reasons why I would never regret any of the years with Jake.
Giving up on my own thoughts I turned of the water, dried myself and put my pyjamas back on. As I slid into bed I turned my thoughts to the good parts of my day.
Rosalie had phoned while I was shopping leaving a message stating that she heard I had met her mother-in-law and that both she and Esme were hoping we three could meet for coffee sometime. That made me smile. It has been a long time since I made new friends.
And then there was the vision of manhood with green-eyes at the Diner. My stomach flip-flopped as I remembered how he looked when he was smiling at his family, his laugh so deep and smooth and his eyes glittering. He was so beautiful and that flustered me beyond reason.
Dear Lord I am going straight to hell. Is he even legal? How long did they say he and Alice were in Italy? God why can't I remember anything we talked about? Okay, say he is at least twenty. Okay no, that doesn't make it any better. Yep. There is probably a special cougar hell just for people like me.
Shaking my head I rolled over and hugged my pillows. No point thinking about Edward Cullen. Someone that young and good-looking isn't going to be interested in some stupid frumpy middle-aged mom anyways. But I still thought about him.
Just before I drifted off I made a mental note to Google MILF in the morning. I never know what anyone is talking about anymore.
