I'm back, with chapter two! I plan to switch back and forth POVs from Mikoto to Akira with each chapter, so don't be confused. Meaning all odd numbers should be Mikoto, and even numbers should be Akira. I'll try and make them different enough in perspective that you can tell right away, though. Hope you enjoy this chapter! (It's Akira's POV!)
I can't do it.
I just can't tell him.
If he knew then he wouldn't be my friend.
He's already made it perfectly clear how he feels about people like me. It's not like he's told me any gut-wrenching stories about how he pounded the hell out of some guy that gave him a provocative glance. He's told me a lot before that he's fine with gay people… but he wants nothing to do with what they do. In other words, if he knew that I'm gay, he'd leave me. I'll be alone again.
Of course, I'm talking about Mikoto Yutaka.
I don't have a lot of close friends. The only ones, really, are the ex-princess. Mikoto is one of them. The other two are Tooru and Yuujirou, who're dating… quite openly now, I think. They tried to hide it as best they could, last year… They didn't really know that it didn't go so well, and that everybody knew anyway, but they tried for the sake of the princesses. They seem pretty out there now, though. They hold hands in the halls and everything. It makes me smile a little every time I see them. It almost makes me wish…
There's no denying what I really am, but there's hiding it for sure.
Lucky for me, Mikoto's never asked me right out about my sexuality. He probably just assumes I'm straight… but I don't care. I'm always completely honest with him; it's sort of a curse. I know I couldn't lie to him if he asked me. That's why I'm so lucky.
It's not only that, but… as if it could get any worse, I've been "thinking" about Mikoto a lot lately. Not that I don't already think of him, but a specific kind of thinking, really… I don't want to go into it. It makes me feel like a bad friend.
That's the last thing I want.
I try to always be a really good friend, especially to Mikoto. He doesn't seem to open up to anyone. Besides, his other friends are gay, and they don't hide it. They might invite him to hang out sometimes, but he doesn't want to stand around and watch them cuddle all the time, so he doesn't go. It makes me feel so bad.
Regardless of the fact that I'm practically his only friend, I don't think I mean that much to him. I didn't hang out with him as much as I did with Tooru and Yuujirou last year because he was always so busy with his girlfriend. They broke up a while ago, though. I remember that clearly. That was the first and only time I ever saw Mikoto cry.
(That secretly tore me apart. I hated it. I loathe seeing people cry.)
He was pretty broken at first, but me and Tooru and Yuujirou taped him up again. He wouldn't admit it, but we all knew that he was the one that got dumped. To this day, I still don't know the reason that girl broke up with him. Yuujirou claims the whole girlfriend thing was a hoax to get us to think he's not gay, but I don't really believe that. Mikoto is definitely straight…
He wouldn't tell any of us about the breakup, though, which leads me to assume that it was ugly. But Megumi seemed so nice, and what kind of idiot would she have to be to break up with Mikoto? He seemed to be such a gentleman to her, and on top of that he's so cute and polite…
Well, there I go again. So I guess I'll just change the subject, now. I'm not going to let myself go down that path.
Oh, I forgot to mention… For being so respected and honored throughout my school (me being the President), I'm really humble, almost to a fault. I guess it could even be called an inferiority complex, maybe. (It's a pretty big part of who I am as a person, I guess…) I think it's because of my family.
I have a pretty big one. Err… family, that is. Any they're all movie-star beautiful… stunning, really. When you see them all together, it's like a secret treasury of beauty. People stare and they wonder if they're being filmed for TV… and then they see me. I'm like the ugly duckling, if I had to assign myself a fairy tale. I'm… kind of weird-looking. Definitely the odd one out, and people notice. They whisper their questions of, "Is he adopted?" or "A family friend, perhaps?" But no, I'm just the ugly one… well, the average one. The normal one. But compare me to my family and I'm hard to look at.
I tried not to let it get to me as a kid, but it kind of depresses me sometimes, you know? It's not good for a person to be ostracized so much…
Not to say my family rejects me or anything like that. They're nice to me. They love me. They pay attention to me. (In fact, upon first glance, my older brother Harumi appears to have a weird infatuation with me…) I'm just so different from them. They don't separate themselves from me, everyone else does. It's like, in public, I can't be a part of their family. I've learned to deal with it, but it still makes me feel bad, sometimes.
Oops, I guess I spent too long complaining… I try not to play the victim too much. I don't have a bad life or anything. Loving family, great friends… and well, that's about it. I have my presidency too, I guess, but that doesn't really mean much to me.
Maybe I'd do better if I tried to date someone… I mean, I've never gone out with anyone before, not even a date. No girlfriends, no boyfriends. Just friends.
But… would I ever even want a relationship? And, more importantly, would another person really want a relationship with me? I'm not amazingly gorgeous like the rest of my family, and my inferiority complex (though well-hidden when I'm playing the President) gets in the way of a lot of things…
I definitely know one thing, though. If someone were to love me, and to give me their loyalty and their affection as a lover, I'd commit myself to them however possible. Whatever that included, I'd do. I'd jump at the chance to make someone happy, because I can't stand to see anyone unhappy.
Especially…
Especially if that person was…
him.
But it never would be, never could be.
I sound like a school girl in a TV drama. I might as well be sitting in a field of Forget-Me-Not's picking the petals one by one. "He loves me, he loves me not."
I think I might, possibly, be in love with my best friend.
But he doesn't know.
So, most of this fanfiction was written in my fifth period Biology class because the teacher goes REALLY REALLY slow and I have about a million years between the steps of whatever we're doing to do whatever I want to do. It's pretty darn convenient. Sometimes we don't even do anything at all. So naturally, I'm in class writing yaoi fanfiction most of the time. Fortunately, both the teacher and my peers have yet to catch me in the act. Let's hope I'm this lucky all year round! In other news, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to review! (NO ONE HAS YET?) Have a yaoi-tastic day~
