To die, to sleep -

To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub,

For in this sleep of death what dreams may come…

-William Shakespeare

All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,

And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.

-Walt Whitman


Pain. It was the first thing I felt when I awoke. My cheek ached like it was no longer there. Then I felt like my chest was half gone. What is going on? Where was I? I thought I had died? If this is death, I most certainly wasn't expecting it. I would have thought I would feel nothing, see nothing, even think nothing. Wait, can I see?

Darkness. My eyes are they closed? I need to open my eyes. I willed for my eyes to open and felt as if I was pushing against water. Each time I got close, it slipped through my fingers. I finally got angry and made my eyes open. When they were finally opened I was blinded. White light surrounded me and burned my eyes. I quickly shut them, but convinced myself I had to open them. Was this what sunlight felt like? It hurt, I don't like it very much, I concluded. Slowly but surely I opened my eyes and through the pain began to see again.

White. That was what was all around me. White? This must be the outside. The valley never seemed completely white. There were always shadows and the flames always turned colors darker or creamy. Can I move my body? Wait, can I feel my body? Yes, I could feel my body. Remember it felt like I was on fire, and there was so much pain. The pain? Where did the pain go?

"It's still there, I just made you a little more unconscious of it."

Wait. Who was that? That wasn't me, I never thought that. Did someone else say that? Can I even hear? No, the voice sounded as if it was in me. Like it was me, yet it wasn't.

"You are very correct child. I am, you. But not actual you as yourself."

What? That is so confusing. Maybe I should just try to open my eyes back up. I closed them when I heard the voice. The room is still white. But it is still not yet a room itself, more like a space of white. Where am I?

"So many questions young one, so little answers given. We are in the world between worlds. The space which doesn't exist, yet does at the same time." The voice, is male and somehow, it's soothing, even when it chuckles at my questions. I can trust this voice.

"Is this what happens when people die? Am I dead?" I figure if the voice is going to answer questions, I might as well get all the information I can. The voice laughs lightly at my question.

"You are most certainly not dead. Death brings peace to the body. You are experiencing pain, therefore you are not dead. In addition to that, your mind is not at ease. No, but you did die for a small amount of time."

"What do you mean I died?"

"Before I was bonded with you, you died. I was merged with your existence to keep you alive."

"Okay, so let me make certain I am clear. I am currently in the world between worlds which doesn't exist but does at the same time."

"Yes."

"And you, pushed the pain down, so I could not feel it."

"Yes."

"In addition to all that I also died," I asked, slightly hesitant.

"Yes," the voice answered.

"But now I'm alive because you merged with my existence or I guess another word would be soul."

"Yes."

That is a lot to take in. Maybe if I just stay silent, I'll wake up from this coma. This is all just a bad dream. Everything. My birthday has not even happened yet. But why does it feel so real? The pain, that was definitely real. I even feel the slight twinge of pain now, so this has to be real. I stayed quiet for a time, just listening to my own ragged breathing.

"So, who are you exactly?" I asked breaking the eerie calm.

"I'm a demon spirit."

"Oh." There was a demon spirit inside me?

"Yes," the demon says breaking whatever train of thought was going to start.

"Can you not do that, this is really difficult and I am trying my utmost hardest not to go insane."

"Sorry, I couldn't help it." Maybe I should go insane. It would be easier to just give up and lose my sanity. But I couldn't go insane. What would my father think of his successor giving up? He would most definitely frown on the decision.

"So, what kind of demon spirit are you exactly?"

"I'm an Okamiyasha." The wolf demon replied amusement, in what I would assume was his voice. Would it count as his voice, even though he is in my head?

"Yes," the wolf spirit laughed hysterically, "for a young girl, you certainly are taking this whole experience extremely well."

"I know. I am quite surprised myself. I actually feel like I should be really denying everything that is even happening." Why am I accepting all of this as fact? I am five years old. I shouldn't have been able to get through all this without being force fed information. Why do I feel—is this how it feels to be older?

"Am I older because of this? I feel different, like I know more things."

"No, that technically isn't me," the wolf demon replied, his own voice holding some curiosity.

"What is your name?"

"Soubi."

"Mine is Marusame Keiko. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"I know who you are Keiko. I am one with you," Soubi chuckled at me.

"I don't like letting go of formalities," I said plainly. Well, since this has proven to be extremely helpful, I might as well get up. I attempt to get up. My body doesn't feel like my own. I might as well start with a very small movement. Fingers, move, I command you to move. I could feel my fingers move while lightly tingling. The pain in my body is getting more prominent as I feel more of my body. Arms you are next. I move my arms up and rest them next to me.

I push myself up, my vision swirling with spots from the pain. I look around me. Everything is white. I am amazed at the color. I have never seen this kind of white before. The canyon was always shadowed. The white is beautiful, but at the same time the color is discerning. It feels too clean. I turn my head to my right and see a couch. That is what that is? I have never seen one in person before. The couch like everything else in this world is white. I notice I'm laying on the floor. A frown comes onto my face.

"I'm sorry that you're on the floor. You wouldn't stop shifting and I was afraid you would roll off the couch and hurt yourself," a pleasant voice says. The voice I take realize is male, but it isn't in my head. I spin my head around a little too fast and feel nauseous all of a sudden. I clutch my hand to my mouth and wait for the wave of feeling to pass. The pain isn't as prominent but more like a nagging feeling.

When I regain my senses I turn to the voice and see a man. He is tan and older, I suppose he is around forty-five or fifty. He wears strange clothing. It's white like everything else in this place, but isn't yet a kimono or yukata. It reminds me of drapery or even a towel thrown elaborately around him. I look to his feet and see sandals which are covered by the towel which goes down to his feet. I look up again and notice the man is smiling at me.

"What are you wearing?" I ask, curiosity gaining the better of me.

"A toga," the man replied, brown eyes contrasting nicely with his graying blonde hair.

"Toga?" I repeat. The man simply nods and makes his way to me. I gather blue fire to my hands, to be safe. I don't know who this man, but might as well be safe than sorry.

"You can trust him. He saved us" Soubi said in my mind. I disable the fire and look up at the man. He continues to smile down at me. He reminds me of what a grandfather would look like. I never had family besides mom and dad.

"I am sure you have many questions," the man says. I nod my head at him. "Well, to answer the first, I am Boss. I am also what your people in your world would label as a Shinigami. Yes, I did save you. How, would probably be your next question."

"Soubi said that you bonded me with him," I said dryly. This man may have saved me, but I did not know for what purpose. Father always said that to let your guard down would be taking your own blade against you. I will continue to proceed with caution, I decided.

"Yes, well that is absolutely correct. I am glad that you and Soubi are already acquainted. I would ask you to sit on the couch, but, well, your clothes are filthy."

I look down at my clothes and must admit they are disgusting. My then dark blue kimono, looks almost a maroon from all the blood I lost. In addition it is cut in several places revealing the scars from the Okinawa heir. The Okinawa heir, that bastard, killed me. I start to grow enraged.

"How dare that pompous bastard kill me! And to what end? Power? Control of the village? If he wanted more control, I am certain father would have allowed it. And he killed my parents. How dare he lay a hand on us! I am going to kill him with my own hands." I didn't notice until I was out of breath that I said every word out loud. Soubi chuckled at the back of my mind, amused with my rage. I looked back up to see Boss staring at me with a confused look.

"I hope you are done. Because there are many things which I must discuss with you and killing that pompous bastard, as you so phrased it, is not one of them." Boss looked at me a little wary but gives me a small smile.

"He thinks this is funny! That man killed my family!" I tell Soubi angrily. He gives a hearty laugh. "I am so glad you think this is funny."

"Settle down pup. He is going to help us. I have met him once or twice before and he's a good Shinigami." Fully chastised by Soubi for my actions, I am slightly embarrassed.

"I am sorry for my outburst, Boss" I bow my head slightly, "it will not happen again."

"No harm done child. So where should we begin?" I realize that the question is indeed not rhetorical so I start with the most basic thing I could think of.

"Am I still me?" I say. I realize that is not at all basic. It is probably the most complex question ever.

"What do you mean?" Boss begins to lower himself and sits across from me. I am glad that he lowered himself, my neck was getting tired of looking up.

"I died and now I have a wolf demon soul bonded with mine. In addition to that I am in a strange world which I have no clue to how I arrived. Lastly I feel older, like I know more things. But am I still me?" I realize that the idea of me not being me anymore frightens me. To be someone for five years and then cease but still feel like yourself is absurd and unthinkable.

"You will always be you child. No one can take that away from you. Yes you did die and to save your life I bonded your soul with the soul of a wolf demon who was also dying. It was the most moral thing to do considering that neither of you were ready to leave the living. You are in this world because you are no longer just a mere person. You aren't even a mere person with a demon inside of you. You were resurrected by me, and therefore are something that I don't even know about." Boss looks expectantly to see if I have any questions.

"Why did you save me? I suppose it would be us, because you just said that you save Soubi as well."

"I saved you because I couldn't allow you to die. You had not lived a full life, or even half a life for that matter. You deserved a chance to live. In addition you are an old soul, if not you could have never been saved."

"An old soul? What is an old soul?" I was starting to get a little confused at this point. It was a lot to take in.

"Did you know that Shinigami were once human?" Boss asked. I shook my head, while Boss sighed. "Shinigami were once human because the ruling gods didn't want to create new gods to take care of the passing of each soul or do it themselves. Old souls are humans who were destined to go on to be Shinigami. Old souls, therefore, were reincarnated several times so they wouldn't grow to hate being not of the living but immortal. You are-"

"Wait, so I'm immortal?" I almost screamed. To never die, that is surely something to think about. No end to yourself. No relief to the pain called life.

"Technically yes, but you are also strangely alive and not a Shinigami," he said with a confused look.

"Wait, so I'm not a Shinigami, I'm not an immortal human, and I'm not even a regular human? What the hell am I then?" I screamed this time.

"Well, I don't know. You still hold onto your humanity which doesn't make you a Shinigami, but at the same time you are part Shinigami since you were changed by me and therefore are immortal. But you died, so you aren't technically an immortal which makes you closer to a human. I really can't put a name on you now, but you are an old soul."

"What does being an old soul have to do with me right at this moment?" I was quickly becoming depressed. It is hard knowing that you are some form of new age monster.

"Because you held onto your soul when you changed. This is also why you feel older or like you know other things. Because you lived past lives, some knowledge is flowing through you. You are quite special. I want you to know that I will take care of you and see to it that you continue your existence as best as you can." Boss smiled after all this while I just frowned. I stayed quiet and retreated to my thoughts.

I am an anomaly. An anomaly. I am no longer normal. I'm not even close to being a weird normal. So what do I do now? I can't go back home, I'm a Shinigami. Can I stay here? But I'm still alive in a sense so I don't think my body could handle it. Wait does this mean I have to become a Shinigami and watch dead people. I don't like dead people. Well I was a dead person now that I think about it. So dead people must not be too bad. I am still surprisingly taking this well. Maybe it was because my soul was prepared for this to happen. I was actually prepped for this kind of thing.

I looked at Boss once again. He had gotten up sometime during my breakdown and had his back turned to me. When he turned to me, he held a glass of water, a rice ball and two little white pills on a tray for me. He set the tray next to me and returned to his place on the floor across from me.

"Eat, you must be famished. The pills will help with the healing, pain and fatigue," he said gently as if trying to coax a scared animal from a hiding place. I grabbed the pills and water and gulped it all down. I then took the rice ball, but not without cleaning my hands of blood with the wet towel on the tray. Biting down on the rice ball, I began chewing while staring at Boss.

"So," I started, swallowing my food, "what exactly am I supposed to do now?"

"Well you could choose to help me as a Shinigami, though I imagine you could not stay here all the time. This space is made for those without humanity and it could damage you. I could send you back to your world and you could continue a life there, though you do have the essence of a Shinigami and must have that removed. But I suspect when it is removed, you would die along with Soubi." Boss sighed once again. I really was causing trouble for this poor man.

Thinking to what he just said, I tried to find a solution. I most certainly didn't want to die. I mean, I was accepting when the Okinawa heir killed me but now I'm reluctant. That and I didn't want Soubi to die. It would be really inconsiderate of me to allow him to die because things became hard for me. I took another bite of my rice ball chewing slowly, noticing the pain from my body no longer a thought in my mind. I guess I'll have to become a Shinigami, but I can't stay here. I swallowed when I got an idea. Boss looked to be deep in thought when I cleared my throat to get his attention. His brown eyes turned to me.

"I could work as a Shinigami, while living in the world," I said quietly. I didn't know if that is even a suitable idea. Boss's face then lit up and he grinned largely at me.

"Yes, that could work. The first Shinigami to work as a balancer." Boss continued to grin madly.

"A balancer?" I sighed. There were just too many terms for me to put together.

"Yes, a balancer is an immortal human who keeps the balance between good and evil. You could work as one, and it would be easier because you could send the souls to their respective places. Perfect. Just perfect, child."

"So I work taking care of the balance between good and evil," I laughed. That was ridiculous. What is this some kind of child's fairy-tale. Good and evil don't need to be taken care of, because the kami….. Wait I am a kami—technically speaking—so it's my job now. I stuff the rest of my rice ball in my face. I can't take this anymore. All this is so crazy it hurts.

"Well I guess, you don't have to work as a balancer in your world. Maybe World C would suit you for a while. You are indeed still a child and I don't want you getting hurt so soon. A couple of years in World C until your, what ten or eleven, and then you could go back to World N. Of course I would still have to prepare you to become a shinobi. Soubi could train you in World C. Chakra is still in that world and hasn't faded away like other ones." Boss said as he looked into a book he pulled out. The book appeared to be a regular black notebook. I raised my hand trying to get his attention.

"I'm sorry Boss, but what is World C? Also, why is my world called World N?" I was once again teetering on edge called confusion.

"Yes sorry. Well you must know that there are other worlds than your own in different dimensions and planes of existence," Boss looked hopefully to me. Planes of existence? Different dimensions? I don't care how old my soul is, that is confusing. I shook my head. Again Boss sighed. I felt bad for him for a moment, but then I remembered that he saved me. He did this to himself.

"Very well. There are other worlds than your own. When the gods created different worlds they created them all a little differently or they created them the same except for some small details. This created drastically different life-filled forms. Your world is technically one of the younger worlds, while mine, Earth or World C, is one of the older ones. Earth is like yours because it is filled with humans, but other than that it is different in the lives humans live. I am going to make you a balancer on my world because it would be easier for your development. You still will be trained to be a shinobi for when you return to your world, but I want you to be happy and a child for a little longer." When he finished he had this sad look in his eyes. He felt bad that I was an orphan. He wanted the best for me. I felt a tear run down my scarred cheek. It was the first tear I cried this whole time. Boss looked alarmed but I waved him off.

"Thank you. Your kindness makes me so happy." Tears continued to fall down my face. Boss got up and closed the small length between us. He then hugged me. I rested my tear soaked face in his toga and felt the warmth of another person. Meanwhile I felt him lean his head down and he kissed the top of my head in a parent-like manner. I began to cry harder.

I would be alright. With Boss and even Soubi, I would be fine. I would make it through. I would learn to be happy again.


Okay guys! Hope you like the chappie. I most certainly had fun writing this one. I am waiting for someone to review or fav or follow. I am not going to stop the story if nobody reads it, because I do. I want to write this and sadness will not get in the way of that. Again totally open to any suggestions you guys might have. Next chapter, Keiko will finally get to be Shinigami/Balancer. I know this is some deep frickin material and probably confusing as heck so feel free to ask questions. P.S. As Keiko gets older I'm totally going to change her name to something ironic that will still kinda fit in the Narutoverse. So have a happy summer and remember fish are friends, not food. P.P.S. (or P.S.S.) If you're wondering why I chose Keiko, I chose it because it means blessing in Japanese and that is what she as to her family.

So yah, ummmm I don't own Naruto (sigh) but I do kinda own the valley of shadows, village of death, the Okinawa clan, the Marusame clan, the Shinigami world between worlds, boss, Soubi the Okamiyasha and my fav Keiko.