"Cas," Castiel jumped up, almost falling out of his chair. "You came."
Castiel was hurt that Dean thought for even a moment that he would not arrive. Everything that Castiel did was for Dean. He had given up everything that he had ever known for Dean. Who would do that and then disappear when someone needed them the most? Though the track record of people in Dean's life made him push away the hurt and try to be understanding. Now was not the time to feel angry toward Dean.
"Of course I came," Castiel shook his head and repositioned himself in his chair. "I told you on the phone that I would."
Castiel looked over his friend, though he was so much more than that. He did not know how to say what Dean was. He was the human that made him question his existence as an angel. He is the human that made him question God, his father that he had followed blindly for all of his eternity. He was the human that he had clipped his wings for. Was that the definition of just being a friend?
Cas wondered so much about Dean as he looked over his fragile body. He looked physically better. The bruises had faded and the cuts were almost completely gone. It was the things on the inside that held all of the damage. Typical Dean, keeping all of the pain on the inside.
"Did you find anything?" Dean asked, no hope in his voice. He had not believed that Cas was going to find an answer and if he did find an answer, Dean was sure the price for it would not be worth saving his life. If there was one person who understood the consequence of actions it was Dean. Sometimes the risks were not worth it.
"I thought I had a few leads," Castiel was very business in answering his question, something that he was still working on. "None of them showed any real promise. I will keep looking though. I will never stop looking."
"Okay," Dean nodded his head but Castiel knew what he was thinking. He did not have to be an angel to get inside of Dean's head, he knew Dean better than he knew himself. Dean knew he was going to die.
"I will find a way to fix you Dean," Castiel tried to be more assertive in trying to reassure Dean but even he did not believe the words. Did he just give up? Castiel did not figure himself to be someone who gave up that easily. It took a lot to break down his missions and this was his most important one yet.
"I know you will," Dean reached out and placed his hand on top of Castiel's. Castiel flinched to the touch, not because Dean was touching him but because it did not feel like Dean. Dean put power into the things that he did. There was nothing powerful in Dean's touch. It was weak and clammy and cold. It was not Dean, it was the shell of Dean. His Dean was no longer there.
"Do you think Sam is there?" Dean began to speak again, looking Castiel directly in the eye. Castiel could see the tears that Dean was fighting back and he suddenly had to fight tears as well.
"Dean," Castiel tilted his head to the side, trying to make sense of what Dean was sating. "Sam is gone, he is not anywhere that I will be looking."
"But do you think he will be there when I get there?" Dean asked again, making himself a little clearer but not clear enough for Castiel to fully understand.
"When you get where Dean?" Castiel wanted to understand and felt embarrassment that he didn't. He knew that he was slower than most when it came to certain things but he really needed to understand.
"Heaven?" Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Or hell. You think I am going to hell Cas?"
"No," Castiel was stern and sat up straight in his chair. "You are not dying. But if you were, you would not be going to hell. You deserve so much more than hell."
"Doesn't mean I am going to heaven," Dean stared off at the wall on the other side of the room. "I don't really deserve heaven. I've done more bad things that I would like to think about. Those things don't get people into heaven."
"Dean," Castiel began, reaching out to put his other hand on top of Deans, sandwiching it in. "You are not…"
"I thought you were dead," Dean interrupted.
"I am not dead Dean," Castiel tried to get Dean's attention but he continued to look away.
"You of all people should know that dead doesn't mean forever," Tessa stood over the edge of Dean's bed, smiling down at him. "It was like a horrible vacation."
"Rained the whole time?" Dean asked with a slight laugh.
"Pretty much," she laughed back, though she wished she was somewhere else completely. There was a time that she wanted to help Dean move on but then she grew to like him and now she wished it was anyone but him.
"Dean I don't understand," Castiel shook Dean's hand hard, pulling his attention back to him. "What are you talking about?"
"I love you man," Dean gave Castiel a weak smile before turning his head back toward the wall. "I'm ready."
"Dean," Castiel was panicked, his heart racing as the machines started to go crazy. "Dean?"
Castiel stood up and hovered over his friend, shaking him to get his attention back but there was no response. The only thing Cas got was a loud beeping in his ear that hurt all the way into the pit of his stomach. Soon he was surrounded by nurses and doctors. They pushed him out of the way until he was no longer in the room.
"Dean?" He screamed though the door. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. He knew the feeling of throwing up and hoped it would not happen, but he did not trust in anything anymore. "I'll just wait here then."
