So um… yeah for all those who reviewed the last chappy. Thanks a bunch.

It gave me teary eyes.

I'm not overreacting! Haha! But thanks again…!

Enjoy this chappy! I enjoyed writing this!

Wait!

I would like to say thanks for:

Roronoa Szayel

You review the last chap. Thanks!

And for my best friend who have read this.

You know who you are…

. . . . .

His knees felt wobbly and he sat down on the grassy floor. Still not believing on what happened earlier. He grabbed his chest as his breathing become uneven. He doesn't know what to do. He felt hurt. Very hurt. Gokudera felt his vision become blurry as tears gathered in his eyes. He began to cry. He knew that he must control his feelings towards Yamamoto. He's already mature now. But he can't control the tears that came out of his eyes. He stood up and ran all the way home crying.

He opens the door of their house with force that the picture frames that were hanged shook. His sister Bianchi who was sitting on the couch in the living room reading a book gave a small yelp. Gokudera pass behind her without saying a word. "H-Hayato, are you-" before she could finish her sentence Gokudera was already running upstairs. Bianchi eyed her little brother worriedly and sighed.

Gokudera opens the door of his bedroom and threw his sling bag angrily. He closes the door behind him forcefully. "Shit!" He shouted. He covers his face with his hands and began sobbing. 'I hate me. I hate myself. He thought.'

'I hate you Yamamoto.'

Bianchi knocks on the door. "Hayato!" She called. "Please open the door for me!" Gokudera didn't even bother to open the door for her sister. He curled up in a ball on his bed. Why does it have to be Yamamoto and Haruko? Why can't it be me and Yamamoto, huh? Why? Gokudera thought still crying. He grabbed the sheets tightly. He just wants to cry all night. He doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't give a damn if there's a test tomorrow. "Fuck them! Screw them!" He screamed.

"Hayato! Open up!" Bianchi shouted. Hearing his brother scream and cry without a reason confuses her and it also hurts her. "Please! Hayato!" She slams her fists on the door. But still Gokudera didn't open. She had no choice. She pushes the key on the lock and turned it. With a click, Bianchi opened the door.

Gokudera's ears perk up when he heard Bianchi opened the door. He turns his head towards the door and saw Bianchi standing in the doorway. "Get the hell out!" He shouted. Bianchi frowned and close the door behind her. She walks silently going to her brother. "Hayato," she says softly as she sits beside the teen. Gokudera buries his face on the mattress. Her fingers began to caress Gokudera's silver locks. "Hayato, what's wrong?" She says in a soothing voice. "Just leave me alone!" Gokudera's voice muffled. "No… I won't," she says.

She scooted closer to Gokudera still caressing her little brother's tresses. "I hate myself, Bianchi! I hate me!" Gokudera says as he began punching his own head. "S-Stop!" Bianchi says as she held Gokudera's wrists. Gokudera looks up at her and saw his sister smiling sympathetically at him. Without a word Gokudera hug her. Bianchi smiled and return the hug. Gokudera close his eyes and hug his sister tightly. Then, he began crying.

When Gokudera has stopped crying, Bianchi stood up and smiles. "I'll leave you alone for awhile to think. I-I'll just be downstairs if need anything," she says and headed for the door.

Gokudera lies down on his bed looking up the ceiling. He sighs as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. He calmed down a bit. But the feeling of being hurt so much is still present on his heart. I want to die. 'I really, really want to die.' He thought. He eyed the drawer where he kept some blades he uses for sewing and sighs again.

'What am I going to do now? Everything is messed up. My world is messed up and I'm already messed up.' He thought.

'I have to change.'

That's the only words that pop up on his mind. Ever since he was young he always felt weak and helpless. He always depends on Yamamoto or Bianchi in everything. But now he has to do something. Something for himself.

He opens his bedside table and grabs a small box of cigarettes. He knew he wasn't supposed to smoke. Bianchi never knows that he's smoking. But there was a time when Yamamoto caught him. Yamamoto scolded him for smoking and lectures him the whole day about what will happen to him in the future if he smokes. But now he doesn't give a slight damn about that.

He lights the cigarette and put it in his lips. 'It's so calming…' He thought as he closes his eyes. He puts down the cigarette and blows a puff of smoke.

'Just you wait Yamamoto… I'll show you.

I'll definitely show you…

That I have change.'

. . . . .

A few days has already passed since Gokudera saw the incident. He was always sulking and doesn't care about anything. He doesn't give a fucking damn about what's happening around him. Even to Yamamoto.

He was walking to school when he heard Yamamoto calls for him. But he didn't stop to wait for him. Why would he? He's just a friend. No more, no less. He knew that Yamamoto is hiding something from him. He doesn't wants to see Yamamoto because he knew that seeing his face would only break his own heart.

He was walking as fast as he could or almost running just to avoid Yamamoto. But the older teen was able to catch up to him. "H-Hey, Dera! Why are you-" Yamamoto says but stopped when he looks at the silver haired teen.

Yamamoto looks at Gokudera. He saw the dark circles under Gokudera's eyes. He also notices that the younger teen's eyes were puffy and tired. His used to be moist and red lips were now pale and cracked. His usual pale complexion had been paler. "G-Gokudera-san, is everything alright?" He asks worriedly. He reaches out his hand to touch Gokudera's pale cheeks but his hand was slap away by the younger teen. "D-Don't touch me," Gokudera mumbled. "What?" Yamamoto says confuse. "Just get away from me leave me alone," the younger teen says. Yamamoto was still confused on what his friend is saying to him. "Gokudera, I don't understand. What's going on?" He asks. Gokudera just sighs and lick his dry lips. "Leave me alone." He muttered and walks away from Yamamoto.

"Wait!" Yamamoto says and grabbed the silver haired teen's arm. "Fuck off!" Gokudera shouts at him. Yamamoto's eyes widened on what Gokudera had said. "Gokudera, I want to know what in the world is going on!" Yamamoto says his voice rising. Instead of answering Gokudera snatch his arm away from Yamamoto's grip and ran to Namimori High.

Gokudera's hands fell on his knees when he arrives at Namimori High. He felt like his chest was going to be ripped in to two. He ran as fast as he could just to get away from Yamamoto. He knew that if he's going to stay there any longer he could burst out crying in front of Yamamoto. And he doesn't want that to happen. He doesn't want to cry in front of Yamamoto ever again. He's tired of Yamamoto comforting him because he knows that Yamamoto only looks at him as a friend.

Yamamoto was left alone still speechless on what happened earlier. 'Was that even Dera I saw back there?' He asks himself. He began to walk slowly. Still trying to get his mind working on what happened a little while ago. His deep thoughts were cut off by a giggling voice that he heard. He turns to his right and saw Haruko grinning at him. "Neh, Yamamoto-san why are you brooding?" She asks. Yamamoto shook his head slowly and smile at the blonde weakly. "I'm just thinking of something, Haruko-chan," he says. "Oh… do you-uh… wanna walk to school together if that's okay?" Haruko says. Yamamoto nodded in agreement. "Really? Thanks," she says. Then, she slides her left arm on Yamamoto's right arm. Yamamoto didn't mind, though. He just looks at Haruko without saying anything. His mind was still on Gokudera. 'I wonder what's going on with him.'

When it was lunch time Yamamoto was still looking for Gokudera to talk about him and ask if everything's alright. But he wasn't able to find the silver haired teen. Instead, Yamamoto found himself having a lunch with Haruko.

Gokudera was having lunch in the rooftop alone. 'Maybe being alone is much better than to be with that baseball freak.' He thought as he put his bento on his lunch bag. 'I wonder if he's having fun with Haruko.'

He lies down on the cemented floor and looks up the sky. 'Is he angry about what happened this morning?' He thought. He recoils when he remembers the look on the older teen's face. 'He was hurt at the same time worried.' Gokudera thought. 'I know that look. It was the same look he always gives me after he fights with the bullies that's bullying me during grade school.'

He turns to his side and closed his eyes.

It was already dismissal and Gokudera was stuffing books to his locker. He closes his locker forcefully and gasps when he saw Yamamoto looking at him. Gokudera didn't mind him instead he avoided him by passing beside him without saying a word. "What the hell is going on with you? You've been avoiding me since morning!" Yamamoto hissed as he grabs Gokudera's arm. Gokudera just kept his mouth close. "You're not going to answer me?" Yamamoto asks as he looks at the smaller teen. He sighs. "Gokudera, what's going on tell me. Please," he begged. Gokudera just shrugs. 'Damn. He's really not saying, huh?' Yamamoto thought already annoyed. "Look, I'm sorry," he says as he release Gokudera's arm. Gokudera just looks at the floor, mouth tightly closed. "Why are you giving me a silent treatment?" Yamamoto asks. "Just leave me alone. Yamamoto," Gokudera says and with that he took his leave.

Yamamoto's fists balled. He doesn't know what he did that made Gokudera avoid him. He's angry at the same time confuse on what's going on between himself and his best friend. "Argh!" He shouted as he gives an angry punch on a locker.

. . . . .

As the days passes by Yamamoto already gave up on talking to Gokudera. He was always shouted at or being avoided. If he corners Gokudera and asks him what the hell is wrong Gokudera doesn't answer. He always looks down and avoids Yamamoto's eyes.

He made up his mind that he should talk to Gokudera on his house. That way both of them could have the privacy if anything happens rather than talking to him at school.

He rang the doorbell on the silver haired teen's house. After a few seconds Bianchi opens the door. She was surprise to see the teen in their house. "Is Gokudera home, Bianchi?" Yamamoto asks. Before a word could escape in her lips, "Ummm… He's not here Yamamoto-san, I'm sorry I made him run an errand for me," she says. Yamamoto's shoulders fell down in disappointment. "I-Is that so?" He asks. Bianchi nods her head. "I'm sorry," she says. The tall teen manages to smile. "It's fine, Bianchi. Just tell him I pass by your house," he says. "Okay," Bianchi says. "I'll tell him," she says with a weak smile. Yamamoto smiles at her and walks away from their house sadly. 'Wow. I almost got caught in to that.' Bianchi thought as she let out a nervous breath.

Then, she rushes upstairs when Yamamoto was gone she found Gokudera lying down on his bed staring at nothing. "It was Yamamoto. I told him what you instructed," she says. "Good," Gokudera says carelessly. Gokudera didn't even know it but Bianchi was already sitting on the edge of his bed. "What's going between the two of you?" She asks. "Nothing," Gokudera muttered. "Don't 'nothing' me, Hayato. I know there is something wrong between you two. Tell me," she says sternly. "These past few days you don't eat normally like you usually do. Are you anorexic? And-and I notice that there's always dark circles under your eyes from lack of sleep. What the heck is going on, Hayato?" Bianchi asks. "Nothing's wrong, Bianchi. And I'm not anorexic," Gokudera answers. Bianchi sighs. "Hayato!" She hissed. "Tell me what the fuck is going on!" She's already losing her patience from Gokudera's sulking.

Gokudera sits up straight and looks at his sister.

"You really wanna know?" He gnarled.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Bianchi answers.

"I'm in love with Yamamoto."

Bianchi's mouth hangs open she blinks a few times. "Happy?" Gokudera. "H-Hayato…" Bianchi says softly. "Aren't I disgusting? I'm in love with my best friend. And he's a guy, too," Gokudera chuckles deeply. Then, he felt his cheeks began to burn again. He felt his eyes began to water. "I don't think you're disgusting or gross, Hayato," she says as she clasps her hands on Gokudera's cheeks. "I think it's normal to be in love with another guy," Gokudera just sighs and rolls his eyes. "No… Bianchi, yes it's normal. But for Yamamoto and me it isn't. We're best friends and…" he says his voice trailing off. "You don't want to break your friendship just because you're in love with him?" Bianchi finishes. This time Gokudera began to cry. "Is that why you're avoiding him all this time?" She added as she wipes Gokudera's tears with her thumb. Gokudera's eyes slide to the side and he gave a small nod.

Gokudera told Bianchi what happened a week ago. He told her how Yamamoto hugged Haruko and how Yamamoto always seems happy when he's around Haruko. Bianchi didn't say anything. She just listens to his brother until he was finished. "J-Just leave me alone for now," Gokudera says when he was done. Bianchi sighs and headed for the door. She opens the door slightly and turns to his brother. "Hayato," she says. "I think avoiding Yamamoto is not a good idea." With that she got out of Gokudera's room.

. . . . .

"Hayato," Bianchi called. "I'll be going to the bookstore. I'll be back in a few minutes," she says. When she heard there was no reply from her brother she sighs. 'Jeez, that guy…' she thought as she opens the front door.

Yamamoto saw that Bianchi got out of their house without turning off the lights inside. 'That idiot is inside there,' he thought. He was hiding on a dark alley near Gokudera's house. When he saw that Bianchi got inside her car and drove away, he jogs towards the house.

He was in the backyard of Gokudera's house as he picks up a stone and threw it at Gokudera's window. 'Now, let's see if you won't come out' Yamamoto thought as he picks up another stone.

Gokudera was reading a book. He jumps when he heard a tap on his window. He rolled his eyes. 'Maybe it's just the wind' he thought. Another tap was heard and he ignores it.

'What the… he's not opening it?' Yamamoto thought as he threw another stone. Then, he threw another one. After that he looks for a way to climb Gokudera's window. He smiles when he saw a ladder resting on the right side of the house.

Gokudera was already annoyed about what in the world is tapping on his window. He stood up and opens the curtain angrily. He pushes his window up and looks around. When he saw nothing, he was about to close his window when,

"Boo." Yamamoto says as he faces Gokudera.

'"FUCK!"

Gokudera shouted at the top of his voice. He was shock to see Yamamoto. He touches his chest. His heart was beating rapidly from the shock of seeing Yamamoto.

"What the fuck! Are you trying to kill me?! Get the hell outta here!" He shouted. He was about to close the window when Yamamoto stopped him. Yamamoto held both of his arms and got inside his room. "Get out!" He shouted as he pushes Yamamoto away. "No! We need to talk!" Yamamoto says. Gokudera stops shouting when he heard Yamamoto's loud voice. He had never seen the male raise his voice before.

Yamamoto grips his shoulders and slams his back against the wall. "Get off me!" Gokudera shouts trying to escape from Yamamoto. He knew that Yamamoto is stronger than him but that didn't stop him from trying to escape. "Gokudera!" Yamamoto says. Gokudera stops moving and looks at Yamamoto nervously. He gulps when his eyes look straight at Yamamoto.

"Gokudera," Yamamoto says this time a bit softer. "Why… why are you avoiding me?" Gokudera's eyes began to water. He slides his eyes to the side. He can't stop shaking. His whole body was quivering. "T-That's none of your damn business." He muttered.

"It is! Don't you know that I'm already going crazy thinking what I did to make you avoid me?! Huh!" He shouted. Gokudera wince at Yamamoto's loud voice. He's already getting frightened at Yamamoto. He licks his lips refusing to answer the question of the older teen.

Yamamoto saw that Gokudera's already getting scared and anxious of him. He releases his grip but slam his palms on the wall beside Gokudera's head.

"Why are you doing this to me, Gokudera?" He asks.

Gokudera looks at him. He gathered all the strength that he has to speak to Yamamoto. "It's because I hate you." He says silently.

Yamamoto furrowed his eyebrows. Curious on what the silver haired teen has stated. "What?" He says, confuse. "I hate you, Yamamoto," Gokudera replies a little louder.

"But why?"

"You won't understand. "

"Did I do something to… to disappoint you or-or to embarrassed you? Gokudera, please tell me," Yamamoto says as his hands fell down.

"You didn't I just hate you."

"I don't wanna see your face ever again, Yamamoto and I want you to stop talking to me," Gokudera says. He felt like he was being stab with each word that came out of his mouth. He doesn't want to be away from Yamamoto but when Haruko is around he always get himself hurt. So, it's better to distance himself away from the older teen.

Yamamoto was speechless. He can't believe what Gokudera had said. 'He had change' he thought.

Gokudera sighs deeply. "And I don't want to be your friend anymore."

Yamamoto almost felt his heart cracked. "No!" He says. "Well, yes! I don't want to be your friend any longer. Now, will you please get out of my house?" Gokudera gnarled. "I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me what the hell is wrong with you and what the hell is going on!" Yamamoto shouted. He was annoyed and confuse at the same time.

"You'll know the reasons someday, Yamamoto. I want to stop being your friend. Now, get out!" Gokudera says pointing at the door. "S-Shut up! Tell me what's going on!" Yamamoto says as he grips Gokudera's shoulders again. "OUT! NOW!" Gokudera screamed. He pushes Yamamoto away and fell down on his knees. He was already crying and he hates himself for that.

Yamamoto's heart broke when he saw Gokudera crying. It was already a long time since he saw the silver haired teen cried. And he can't forgive himself for letting Gokudera cry again. He looks at the smaller teen cry miserably. He wants to help Gokudera up but he knew if he does Gokudera would only push him away.

He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know why Gokudera is being like this. He ran his hand on his black silky hair and let out a shaky sigh. "If that will make you feel at ease…" he says. "Then, I'll leave."

Before he could go out of the window he looks at Gokudera for the last time. "Goodbye… Hayato," he says and got out of the window.

Gokudera's eyes widened.

'He called me… By my name…'

. . . . .

So yeah that's it!

Review! Review! Review!

I'm sorry for the typos. I wrote it during exam week.

+_+cHiZuMi19