September 18th
My Renesmee is one week old today and her growth over the past week is incredible. She's already the size of a 1 year old. Her features are becoming more defined and her brown eyes seem to have turned a darker shade of chocolate. Sometimes it feels like a dream, that I'm just going to wake up and my little Renesmee will no longer be, however it has not yet happened…it just makes me realize how real my Nessie is.
Bella assisted me with my first diaper change yesterday, what a laugh it was. I don't think I'll be doing another one any time soon…Bella wasn't too impressed that I used a whole bottle of baby powder on one little child's bottom. But how was I supposed to know there was a limit…I'd never changed a baby's diaper in my life. Poor Renesmee looked like she had been left out in the snow; she was paler than the pale faces. I'll never hear the end of this from Edward or Blondie and I'm sure it's a story that will be spieled at my wedding or my 21st or some event that have moments to embarrass me in some way…Just as long as Nessie can see the funny side of it, then everything will be ok..I mean it even sounds awkward that I'm changing her diaper and maybe when she's grows up she may just look at me as Uncle Jake not a future boyfriend or husband..if she will even consider me being that. Maybe I should just leave the diaper changing up to Bella or Edward…unless Bella forces another change on me..for, what did she say? Oh right.. "practice". I don't plan on having children any time soon Bella! But the thought of it I must admit sounds nice.
We've all placed bets on what we think Nessie's first word will be. 'Dad' is currently in lead, but I'm convinced it will be Jake, all my money is on me so really it's a win win sort of situation. There's no way of losing. But at least I got all Emmett's money on me too. Besides I'm a lot cooler than Edward, I'm sure Ness can see that and will want to say my name first.
As I write this Ness is in a deep sleep curled up in my left arm, her rosy cheeks are flushed a light pink, her mouth dropped slightly open and her tiny hands pressing softly against my chest. I can feel my warmth radiating onto her, sometimes I worry I will smother her in it, but she loves it and cuddles in more towards me. It's quite beautiful, I can hear her little heart beating calmly and sometimes I can even feel the gentle beat against my chest. But the moment I love is when she wakes up, her chocolate eyes beam instantly as her eyes reach mine as if to say, "never let me go" she doesn't give this look to anyone else after waking up, I feel she is looking straight into my soul and seeing me for who I really am, seeing the love I feel towards her very existence, the happiness she has brought into my life, the blessing she really is to me and to everyone else who has the pleasure of being in her life even if it's only for a few seconds or a lifetime. Renesmee saved me from myself, without her I know I'd be alone, packless, stuck in limbo, lost in my own miserable thoughts. She has given me a reason to fight for something, for her, to protect, to hold, to love, to cherish. Renesmee Cullen is my soul mate, my angel, my existence and no one nor nothing can change that.
My dearest Renesmee, I'm yours forever. -Jacob
