A/N: Here it is, as promised! New chapters ftw! (only Rainbow Fruit Loop's gonna get that...)
This is another fairly angsty chapter. Also, it has quite a lot of references to Catholic Christianity. Just so you lot know, I am in fact a Catholic (not the most devout, I'll admit) and I study this stuff at school. Therefore, I know what I'm on about. The quote and everything. In case you'reinterested, it's from Jesus' Parable of the Sheep and the Goats. I dunno what book or number thingy. I'm not that religious. XP
Okay, I'm gonna be frank. There wasn't a brilliant response to the last chapter, but hey. I'm not going to moan. Just please review. I have exams on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, so I'm under a lot of stress and your comments really help! XD
People who did review, thanks so much!
Reviewers, favouriters and alerters:
Rainbow Fruit Loop
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and ilicsm! Thanks again, you guys! X3
Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note. End of.
Chapter Two: Pride Before the Fall
Mello hesitated, uncharacteristically for him. His hand had paused a few inches away from connecting with the dark wood of Near's door.
It had only been a day since the ghastly beach trip, but the constant guilt and shame of his previous actions were hanging over his head like a metaphorical hurricane.
But not for much longer.
…Hopefully.
Hey, Jesus said you'd be forgiven by God if only you repented and asked for reconciliation, right? Why shouldn't it work with other people, too?
Coming to a decision, Mello pulled back his hovering fist, and knocked smartly and confidently on the door. Normally, he wouldn't have bothered with the whole courtesy shit, but he was looking for Near's forgiveness; not for ways to piss him off even more.
Knock knock, Mello tried again. If the little brat wasn't even fucking home after all that—
"Come in," came the calm voice of his rival, startling the blond for a micro-second.
Mello carefully wiped his face of any emotion, and stepped inside the room.
Though not to an outsider, it was obvious to anyone who knew him well enough that Near had definitely not expected Mello – of all people – to visit him willingly.
"What does Mello want here?" Near asked, pulling his right knee to his chest. He looked up at the blond from his position on the floor.
Mello decided to ignore the question for now. "Why didn't you answer the first time I knocked?" he demanded, trying to keep his profanity to a minimum. He figured Near would probably prefer it that way.
"I am unaccustomed to answering the requests for entry to my room. My visitors normally knock before entering immediately," he revealed, his voice sounding slightly bored.
Mello raised an eyebrow slightly, not quite breaking his meticulously formed poker face.
Near had guests?
"However, as I am sure Mello is aware, he is not among the few that occasionally enter my room. Under invitation, that is," the white-haired boy amended, vaguely remembering the numbers of pranks the elder had played on him over the years, most involving a pillow filled with custard.
"…Yeah," Mello's cheeks flushed slightly at the barely-concealed accusation. "Actually, that brings us rather nicely to the reason why I'm here."
Near blinked at him, silently prompting Mello to continue.
Mello inhaled deeply. He was not used to this; he didn't really do the whole 'I'm sorry, please forgive me' thing. He should've brought Matt. "I came to apologise," he admitted.
Near's entire body froze for a nanosecond; a sure sign of his shock. "Mello wants to apologise?" he asked slowly, evidently trying to formulate an explanation as to why the blond would want to do such a thing.
Mello wrinkled his nose slightly in annoyance. "That's what I said, isn't it?"
Near ignored the statement. "I never categorised Mello as one to apologise unnecessarily to another person. Especially not one that he has declared he hates on numerous occasions." the small boy stated, twisting a lock of snowy hair around and around his pale finger.
Mello's eyes bugged. So much for his half-assed attempt at a poker face. "Unnecessarily? Please tell me I heard you wrong!"
Near blinked again, this time in confusion.
Mello took that as an encouragement to continue. "I beat you up; I gave you scars, bruises, cuts - you name it. I've pranked you nearly every day for as long as I can remember, and I verbally abuse you almost constantly. How does an apology for that count as unnecessary?" he asked incredulously.
Near raised his eyes, black meeting blue for a long moment.
"I was under the impression that apologies were only given when an individual feels truly sorry for his actions." he stated calmly.
Mello gaped in disbelief. "You think I don't mean it? You think I'm glad you're hurt like this? That I'm glad I hurt you like this? What are you, Near, fucking stupid?" There went his abstinence from profanity. "I can't believe I gave you those scars; I feel physically sick when I look at them! Jesus said, 'whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me'. What does that mean for me? I'm going to go to fucking Hell, Near! I realise that now, when I should have done years ago. I was so…blinded by my ambition to be the best, to become L, that I just…lost control." He took a deep breath, and tried to calm down. He hadn't gone to visit Near to rant at him. "I still hate you, and I doubt that anything could change that, but I guess it's an eye for an eye – there's no possible way you couldn't hate me back for what I've done to you." Mello finished bitterly, his head turned towards the wall rather than the recipient of his apology.
Hopefully Near hadn't seen the ashamed tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He was supposed to be a badass, dammit, not a fucking wimp!
Near was silent for a second, before speaking up, his voice quiet.
"On the contrary. I do not despise Mello in the least."
Mello's head snapped round to face him. "You're kidding, right?"
At a shake of the head from his apparently-not-so-much-anymore nemesis, he ran a hand through his hair and groaned. "Jesus, Near. How can you not hate me? I hate me!"
"That is Mello's own folly. If I can find it in myself to not hate Mello, then he should be perfectly capable of doing so himself." Near replied bluntly.
"…You're abnormal, you know that? Fucking freakish." Mello shook his head disbelievingly.
"That may be the case, but the fact still remains that I do not hold any grudge against Mello for his actions, so there is no need for him to apologise." the small boy stated blankly.
Mello threw his hands up in exasperation. "But why? Why don't you hold a grudge? Why don't you hate me? You're making absolutely no fucking sense!"
Near was silent. After a few moments of apparent contemplation, he said slowly, "I do not exactly know why myself, only that I do not."
Mello gaped at him for the second time that morning. "Fuck, Near, if I didn't know better, I'd compare you to a saint! No human can forgive that easily!"
"I am not forgiving Mello. I am just choosing to disregard his previous actions," Near disagreed.
"But you have scars!" Mello exploded.
Near shrugged. "They are not permanent."
Mello opened his mouth as if to argue, before shutting it and shaking his head as if to fling the confusion out of his mind.
This was screwing with his head.
"Right," he started when he'd gathered his bearings, "So you believe my apology was pointless, yet you don't forgive me. For some reason, you're deciding not to hold a grudge, but still think what I did was wrong. Which it was."
"That is correct." Near calmly affirmed everything.
Mello blinked, before frowning slightly. "Well," he said. "That's alright then, I guess. But I'll promise you this, Near: I'm never going to hurt you again. Ever. I promise. I am not screwing up my chances of achieving eternal salvation more than I already have."
Near eyed him with his dark orbs. His stare had no emotion, but it was still an incredibly powerful gaze. "I do not concern myself with what Mello will do in the future, or his reasons for doing it." he told the blond coldly.
Mello was flabbergasted. Was the kid bipolar or something? First he 'didn't forgive' him so easily, and then he blew him off with a gale icier than the Antarctic! Well, he couldn't be bothered with this. He'd said what he needed to say, and had heard way lot more than he had either wanted or needed.
"Whatever," he said coolly, stalking out the room.
Once he'd 'casually' sauntered halfway down the corridor, he broke out into an almost-sprint to grab the chocolate bar hidden under his mattress, and Matt. He needed to listen to some pointless drivel about Call of Duty.
…Whatever the hell that was.
"So, like I was saying, I was only on the fifth level, and then the— Mello, are you even listening to me?" Matt said, waving a hand in front of his best friend's face.
"Hm?" Mello snapped back to reality. "Uh…no," he admitted. "Got a lot on my mind, you know?"
Matt eyes narrowed in suspicion behind his orange goggles. "Actually, no, I don't know. What kind of 'a lot'?" he interrogated.
Mello shrugged, feeling exceedingly awkward. "Not much, just the usual. Exams and shit." he offered with a sheepish grin.
Unsurprisingly, Matt didn't buy it. "Sure. 'Exams and shit'. Now, tell me the truth, Mels. What's bugging you? You're never normally this quiet. I haven't even heard you swear properly in two hours!"
"Fuck. That good enough for you, douchebag?"
"Perfect," Matt said cheerily. "But seriously, what's up? It has something to do with you disappearing for nearly the whole morning today, doesn't it?" he stated rather than questioned.
Mello froze. Busted. Sometimes he forgot that, although he was ahead of Matt in the exam scores, it wasn't by much. "Ah…" he stalled.
"Bingo. Where did you go, anyway?" Matt asked, curious.
"A walk in the fucking park. I'm not gonna tell you, Matt! Nothing personal, I just don't want anyone to know about it yet." Mello told his friend hotly.
"You went to go and see Near, didn't you?"
Mello's jaw dropped. "What? How in the name of fuck did you figu—uh, come to that incredibly unbelievable conclusion?" he asked incredulously.
"You always tell me everything, except for when it's got something to do with Sheepy Boy." Matt told him matter-of-factly, shrugging nonchalantly.
Mello frowned. "I tell you when it's about Near too," he retorted, slightly injured.
Matt waved his forefinger in the air. "Nuh-uh, Mels, you used to tell me, but ever since yesterday, when I oh-so-foolishly left you two in the changing rooms together and something happened, and something did happen, Mello, I'm not blind," he interrupted himself at Mello's attempt to protest. "And you never told me what happened. So there. Now tell me what happened." he demanded, standing up and looming over the blond for some sort of intimidation factor. It would have been more effective had the person he had been trying to intimidate hadn't been Mello, though.
"Nothing fucking happened, Matt! You're deluded!" Mello yelled at the redhead, genuinely exasperated.
Matt donned his 'OMG' face. "Oh Christ. You didn't shag him, did you? 'Cause I'm pretty laidback and all, but mate, that's just creepy." To emphasize his statement, he backed away dramatically.
Mello had to physically claw at a nearby cushion so as not to start banging his head against the wall. "No, Matt. I did not shag the fucking sheep! Where the hell did you even get that ridiculous idea, anyway? What the fuck have you been watching on that fucking laptop of yours?"
Matt expertly avoided the question. "So, if you didn't rape him, what happened?"
"Matt, seriously, stop asking about what happened. I'll tell you when I'm ready, okay?" Mello promised.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Really really?"
"Yes, Matt."
"Really really really with chocolate chips on top?"
"Gah! Fucking, yes, Matt! Do you get it? Yes! Really really really, but fuck it if I'm going to give you chocolate chips; you can get your own fucking chocolate!"
"That's the Mello I know and love."
"…Fuck you."
A few days later, Mello and Matt were walking to the dining room to have breakfast, when something caught Mello's eye from the landing above them.
He stopped suddenly, craning his neck to get a better look.
"Mello?" Matt asked, confused. "What're you looking for?"
Mello frowned at no one in particular. "Matt, you go to breakfast without me. I'm not feeling too hungry right now." he said lied grimly.
Matt stared as Mello rushed off, taking the stairs two at a time. God knew what he was in such a hurry for.
Anyway, the Apocalypse was officially here.
Mello had opted against chocolate pancakes.
"Near!" Mello hissed furiously, storming across the landing towards the white-haired boy.
Said boy only looked at him with mild curiosity.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing? It's breakfast time; you should be downstairs, not sneaking up to your fucking room on the sly!"
"I am not hungry." Near told him, his voice monotonous.
Mello scoffed. "Don't give me that shit. Everyone loves pancakes. Especially me, so get the fuck downstairs so I can eat them!"
"My being here does not hinder Mello from enjoying his own breakfast." Near reminded him coolly, turning around as if to leave.
"The fuck it doesn't—" Mello grabbed Near's wrist and yanked him backwards, getting a nasty shock when the younger boy suddenly stumbled and fell into his chest, knocking the breath out of him and sending them both tumbling to the ground.
Mello looked up at Near through his now messy fringe. "The fuck? What's wrong with you?" he demanded, flipping them over so Near was the one lying sprawled on his back.
Mello sat up, not seeming to care when Near did the same, but when the latter attempted to stand, Mello pushed him down again, refusing to release his wrists.
"There's something wrong with your ankle. You never fall over without reason, and I didn't pull you that hard." Mello diagnosed, pushing up the white-haired boy's pyjama leg and ignoring his rebellious squirms.
He felt along Near's ankle, stopping when he noticed the smaller boy flinch.
"There, huh?" he asked, helping Near to his feet and guiding him to the bathroom.
When they reached it and Mello had seated Near on the toilet seat, the blond boy rummaged in the First Aid cabinet until he found a tube bandage. He cut it to the right size, and slipped it over Near's pale foot, making sure it fit snugly, but not too tightly.
Cutting off the circulation to his little tootsies probably wouldn't solve the problem.
"Why is Mello taking such pains to make sure that my own injury - which I could easily take care of myself - is correctly treated and supported? I was under the impression he detested me." Near asked curiously.
Mello considered for a second, and then shrugged his shoulders. "I don't even know. I guess it's possible that I don't hate you as much as I thought I did. I don't exactly like you, but…yeah." he voiced his train of thought aloud. "I dunno. I guess I feel slightly overprotective of you because of the injuries I caused you myself. I'm trying to make up for it, I suppose." he concluded easily.
Near was surprised, although he didn't show it. Mello, up to now, had constantly been trying to make his life as difficult as humanly possible. It was a huge contrast to how he was behaving at the moment.
He must still be trying to gain forgiveness from that God of his, Near thought pensively. It's amazing what some people will do for their faith.
"Anyway," Mello's voice brought Near back to the matter at hand. "How did your ankle get hurt?"
It was a poorly disguised interrogation starter, that was for sure.
"…I fell," Near told him, averting his eyes.
"Bullshit." Mello said without hesitation. "You only use your legs when you absolutely need to. Don't tell me the one time you actually decided to tackle the floor you were careless enough to stack it."
"The floors have been recently polished, and I did not get sufficient friction with my socks." Near insisted stubbornly, still refusing to look Mello in the eye.
Exasperated, Mello grabbed Near's chin and forced the boy to look at him. "You were pushed, weren't you?" he growled, eyes narrow slits of sky blue in the furious storm cloud of his face.
Near only blinked. So Mello was angry again. Evidently his own presence around the elder made it difficult for him to control his hatred for the boy.
Because Mello did hate him, no matter what the boy said to contradict that fact.
Everyone knew it.
"Tell me, Near! Is someone bullying you?" Mello fisted his hand in the front of the smaller boy's white shirt and forced their faces even closer, bringing a hand to his neck to stop him getting away. The blond felt a stab of hypocrisy somewhere deep within his chest, but chose to ignore it.
Near could see the white-hot rage in Mello's icy eyes. He stayed silent.
Mello looked at him for a long second, appearing to search his face for signs of affirmation or denial.
He found nothing, of course.
Gradually, the anger rolling off the blond's body with each suppressing tremor ebbed away, leaving an uncomfortable Near in the loose chokehold of his self-proclaimed rival.
Funny. Like this, it almost seemed as though they were embracing.
"Fuck. I'm scaring you, aren't I?" Mello breathed, letting his shoulders droop and closing his eyes apologetically.
Near frowned slightly. "I was not the least bit scared of Mello. I have no idea what he is talking about."
"That's the problem, Near. You're so fucking proud; you never reveal your moments of weakness to anyone. Not even yourself." Mello opened his eyes again, and stared at the white haired boy in front of him.
Near blinked. The seed of doubt was planted, and was already mutating into something awful that he'd rather not think about.
Was he really that proud?
"Who's bullying you?" Mello asked, backing Near up against the wall. He put his hands on either side of the younger's head, as if to remind him that there was no way out of telling the truth now.
"I am not being harassed in any way, shape or form." Near stubbornly hung on to his well- trusted mask of indifference.
"You see, Near? You're so proud you can't even let anyone close enough to help you. You are being bullied; even a blind man could see it. And I'm not just going to stand by and watch it happen. I may not like you, but I hate those who pick on others because they're motherfucking cunts with no lives of their own even more." The vicious stab of hypocrisy was back. "So, you know what? I'm gonna follow you, Near. I'll be with you every hour of the day possible, until you finally decide to take down that fucking barrier you've built up around yourself and let people in. And Matt'll probably be there most of the day too, seeing as he spends the majority of his waking hours around me."
Near stared at him. And stared. And stared.
Finally, he said, "Why is Mello going to such lengths just to force me to show my weaknesses?"
"Meh," Mello said, shrugging. "I'm bored, you're a challenge, and it'll piss you off eventually. Why the hell not?"
And he grinned his ever-so-slightly manic grin.
A/N: And now we come to the main part of the story! Woo! I think this is the longest chapter I've ever written; I hope I wasn't waffling! Thanks to Rainbow Fruit Loop for betaing this! XD
Please review!
