Arigatou to those who have reviewed this so far. I'm keeping a pace of updating once or twice a week.
To the reviewers:
Salem Saori: Heh heh – well, whoever owns 'em – it certainly isn't me!
Canyon A.Lynn: The book will show plenty – don't worry.
Summary: So far, Cloud has read one passage from the diary – and chooses not to read anymore. But does he? Cloud begins to realize that not all it seems – is it the diary? Or something else?
Chapter edited for mistakes - 17 April, 2006
Zack's Diary
"What I have shown you is reality, what you remember – that is the illusion."
Cloud awoke in a cold sweat, the bed sheets in a squashed bundle at his ankles. He sat there, half of his face hidden in shadow where the dawning sun couldn't touch it. His eyes drooped a little, feeling tight with sleep. It was only dawn – no one else would be up, save for him.
Thoughts of Zack's diary lingered on his mind as he sat there, leaning on his knees, blue eyes looking out the window that was half-covered with a broken drape. He glanced down at the bin, which was nothing more then a black shape against his locker. He slipped the photo out from under the pillowcase and stared at it long, and hard. It was the photo of Sephiroth, Tifa...
And Zack.
Not him.
Zack.
Even after Sephiroth's defeat – something stirred within Cloud. Something that had been asleep for a very, very long time. And it was all because of that photo...
Why would Sephiroth tell him something like this? Why tell him the truth of who he was? Was it a part of the idea to control him? And Sephiroth...
"No! Cloud! Don't listen to
him!" Tifa cried, sinking to the ground as the illusion of Nibelheim
burned around them. For a moment, Sephiroth said nothing, watching the
flames with an unreadable expression his face. Then he looked at Cloud,
and Cloud looked back – only for the SOLDIER to realize that Sephiroth
looked... unhappy?
"Don't worry Tifa – I'm not worried. This all fake." Cloud shrugged, avoiding the Ex-General's gaze.
But, of course, it wasn't...
Was Tifa afraid to tell me? Did she think I wouldn't believe her?
Questions
buzzed in Cloud's mind, and he examined the photo again. I still don't
have answers... His eyes drifted back to the bin.
Dear Diary,
Its been a few days now since I last wrote in this about Sephiroth's
birthday... Ehh... and when I told Aeris my little secret. And NOW
she's enjoying every second of it! Every time Sephiroth is
there she gives him the biggest grin and casts a side-glance at me. She
dying to tell him, I know it! Although as much as I love the
little brat, I'm desperate to just strangle her there and now! Of
course, Sephiroth's no idea why I'm so mad right now. He's sittin'
there reading the Shin-Ra Times while I'm scrawling in this thing.
Actually – I don't even remember where I got this diary from... ANYWAY!
(hits head with book).
Getting off the point, as per
usual... About Sephiroth, and my little predicament... Aeris is
desperate to get us together – although I doubt Sephiroth swings that way, although I've never seen him with anyone. Well, not that I'd let anyone... AS I WAS SAYING –
Cloud gave a short laugh, shaking his head. But then his expression fell as he read the next sentence.
Its been pissing me off so damn much over the last two years. I can't tell him. I really... just can't. Even though Aeris and I are his friends, I know Sephiroth like the back of my hand. He rarely trusts... And the only time I've ever seen him laugh so hard or have so much fun was when he was drunk those few nights before. The morning after I could see he was embarrassed - I didn't see him for the whole day after that. He's not used to it. That's all. So I know, that if I told him what I felt – he'd probably never trust me again. Is someone like that worth this heartache? Well. I think Sephiroth is worth it. Call me crazy, but he is. His mistrust isn't his fault, it was how he was brought up – and I know that well. I'm the only person whom he confides in. (Sighs)
I do admit that its tempting sometimes. I mean – we both live in the same apartment, (a nice one, since I picked out the entertainment system much to Sephiroth's amusement – except he still won't play Silent Hill...), BOTH our rooms have king-sized beds – and... dammit! I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him. I want to make that silent hurt in his eyes go away... But, like I said... I can't...
And I won't...
No matter how much it hurts...
Cloud
shut the book, feeling something heavy on his heart. Since that day of
Meteor's destruction, since Aeris came to him one last time – hatred
was very far away from his mind. He didn't seem to hate Sephiroth
anymore – only he just didn't want to remember. Now he did. He wanted
to remember what he had forgotten. But only Sephiroth and Zack knew.
Shaking his head, Cloud made to slide the diary into his locker – until he felt the small bulge on its back. Feeling his heart skip a beat – he slid a small bundle of the photos out from a plastic pocket in the back of the diary, still leaving some in it. The last few pages of the diary itself were blank.
The photos... were actually quite funny.
The first few, Cloud guessed, were the party, as the cake made it obvious. The first one was of Sephiroth – and he never looked more surprised then he did there, standing in the doorway, Zack in the doorway grinning triumphantly, hands on either side of Sephiroth's temples – probably after covering his eyes.
The second was Sephiroth and Aeris sitting at the table, and the cake with candles burning gently. The third was when they were blown out, Sephiroth looking kind of flustered. The fourth had the three at the table, all laughing, and Zack and Aeris were smearing Icing over a helpless Sephiroth's cheeks. The fifth had him then drawing on Aeris' face with the icing, and her smile made Cloud do the same. The rest were total silliness: Sephiroth after lifting Aeris – the pink-clad girl grinning with the icing still on her face. Then Zack, looking very, very strained, holding Sephiroth – while the Ex-General gave a helpless smile.
Then the angles of the last few were all wrong – probably after the three had gotten drunk. He flipped through them until he came to the last with one of Sephiroth after passing out on the floor.
Cloud gave a small laugh, only for it to increase in volume until he was laughing like he wouldn't care if the whole of Gaia could hear him. He looked so peaceful – a sort of dozy expression on his face in the picture.
Then Cloud's laughter died in his throat.
Tifa stood there in the doorway, a horrified expression on her face. She was gripping the sides of the door as if she would collapse.
"C – Cloud!" she stammered, "C – come with me! The living room - !"
He leapt out of the bed, shoving the diary and photos under the covers. Tifa hardly noticed and ran down the hallway without waiting for Cloud. The blonde made for the door – only to slow and stop – but hesitantly started again for the door.
He was halfway through the dark hall until he stopped again. Everything was completely silent.
Dead.
Is that the word you're looking for?
Cloud spun round – positive he heard the voice. But the hallway was still silent and still shadowed.
"Yes. Dead." Cloud nodded, "That's about right..."
He stood, waiting for an answer. But the hallway remained the same.
"Cloud...?" Tifa's voice shivered. He turned slowly, and Tifa gripped his wrist lightly and led him down. She was pale, almost sickly looking – and never, ever had Cloud felt her grip so weak.
She led him into the living room. Or what was left of it.
Leave it alone...
End Chapter 2 -------------------------------------------------------------- ------------
R&R – and I will update regularly. Call it a promise
