Disclaimer: Twilight characters and situations belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator.
I had always heard that time flies when you are having fun. What I hadn't heard was that it also hurtles you towards experiences you're not quite sure you're ready for. I was going back and forth between dreading the evening and just hoping to get it over with.
I was seeing signs everywhere but had no idea how to interpret them. Tristan was in a great mood this morning. Even with an unusually obstinate pair of socks, we made it to St. Luke's in record time. I couldn't decide if that meant luck was on my side or, if I had used up my daily allotment and it was all down hill from there.
I decided that the best way to make it through the day, with the least amount of panic,would be to fill the day with distractions. I was good at that; pushing anything I didn't want to think about off to the side. Of course the things I avoided most were in the past and the past tends to lie dormant. Tonight was different, it was a sure thing. It was coming and the more I tried to push it aside the more obvious it became. It was like my own personal game of reverse psychology.
I had planned to spend all day in the showroom keeping myself busy. Unfortunately, I spent most of the night tossing and turning while imaging how the evening would go; playing out different scenarios I had already had dinner with Edward and Tristan at least twenty times in my head when the sun finally came up. I decided to take the day off to try and catch up on the sleep I had lost. That was also a good plan, until I ended up taking calls all day. Rose wanted to check in and make sure I felt up to facing Edward again with Tristan in tow. I wasn't entirely sure but I was going to go through with it anyway. Emmett called to ask if I wanted him to take Rose to Del Posto so they would be there if anything went wrong. I politely declined and suggested that he take Rose to Per Se instead. I heard from Alice around noon. She, as usual, was trying to give me more courage than I had and spent twenty minutes explaining why I could handle anything Mr. Cullen threw my way. Her encouragement worked, until Carlisle chimed in to warn me that Edward was vicious at the office today and suggested that I reschedule. I thanked him but assured him that I was going through with dinner. I checked the clock and gave up on napping, school would be dismissed in half an hour.
I watched as Tristan giggled with a few boys his age; it seemed that he had finally managed to make a few friends. I was relieved that the scuffle he was involved in the first day had been an isolated incident, he was happy at school now. Watching them laugh and play, I thought about the charmed years of childhood when all the monsters were imaginary and mommy could make them all go away. It seemed like such a small window of time before those monsters you once feared began to look small; when you began to see the flaws in those around you and realized that all was not right with the world and that was far worse. At that point in life when you learn that life is not fair. I hoped it would be years before Tristan came to these realizations.
"Hey Mom!" He ran towards me and almost knocked me down with a hug.
I put my hand on his shoulder as we turned to walk to the condo. "Hey babe. How was school?"
"Mrs. Helms brought in hamsters and they were so cute and wiggly. I got picked to feed them all week and if I do a good job, I get a prize from the treasure box on Friday." His excitement was infectious.
"That sounds like fun. They don't bite do they?"
"No." He giggled again and my heart swelled, "She showed me how to hold them."
"How do you feel about going back to Del Posto tonight?"
"With Rosie?" His excitement did not escape me and neither did his use of Emmett's nickname for Rose.
"No, with one of Mommy's friends. Edward."
"Why is he going?" His mood sunk like a day-old balloon.
I took his hand and tried to be more enthusiastic. "I haven't seen him in a while so I thought it would be nice."
"Can't Rosie babysit me?" He stopped and squinted up at me.
"Edward wants you to come, he liked talking to you and I think he wants to be your friend." He still didn't look too happy. On to bribery. Plus, they have your favorite calamari."
"Fine."
He was silent the rest of the way home and tried not to look up from his shoes until it was time to push the button for the elevator. I knew that he was probably thinking about the night Edward had come to our home. I wanted to find out why he was so troubled, was it simply that he was reminded of Edward questioning who his father was or was there something about Edward that put him off. I decided to wait until he had put his book bag away and used the bathroom before asking him.
"Tristan, would you like a snack? It will be later before we eat." I was already reaching for the left over cookies from last night. My nerves had prevented me from eating earlier and I was starting to feel light-headed.
He shuffled into the kitchen, "Sure."
I poured some milk as he climbed into a chair. I sat down next to him and studied his face as he became more like himself and took bigger bites of cookie than he should. I had wanted to protect him from all of this; instead I left him unprepared. For almost five years he was content with our small circle of friends and family; now all of these questions were coming to the surface at once. One question would lead to another and another. Eventually I would run out of answers.
"What's bothering you, hon?" I quit stalling.
He slowed his chewing only to shrug.
I waited a few more seconds until he swallowed and took a drink, "Are you upset about going tonight?"
"Not really." He continued with a bit of hesitation, "Will he ask me a lot more questions?"
"Maybe. I think he just wants to know more about you." I used my fingers to brush his hair from his forehead.
"Do you like him? Is he your boyfriend?" He looked at me with wide and anxious eyes.
I was caught off guard. "No, he's not my boyfriend." That was easy enough to answer; it was the first part of the question that gave me pause.
Fortunately, Tristan seemed to be satisfied with that answer. "Then I guess it'll be okay." He smiled brightly. He finished off his cookie while I began to pick at mine.
The rest of the day passed quickly. Since we were going to be out a little later, Tristan took his bath and then we read his assigned story for school. The few tasks that I needed to complete before dinner seemed to be inversely correlated with my level of anxiety. My son had always been easy to get ready; it took me all of ten minutes start to finish and he looked adorable. I put on a black business casual wrap dress and minimal amount of make-up. I didn't want Edward to think I was getting ready for him; Tristan was going to be the focus of this evening.
Our buzzer sounded at exactly 7pm. I opened the door and my heart leap in my chest. Edward was wearing charcoal gray pants and a white button up shirt with a thin black tie. He stood in the doorway with a large white box in his arms. As awkward and cold as our last few moments together had been, I felt as if I could breathe easier now that he was in front of me. He was beautiful.
I stepped out of the entryway, "Come in."
"Good evening Bella, Tristan." He nodded at us both.
He held the box out slightly but as I reached for it, he pulled it back. "This is for Tristan. You don't seem to my appreciate gifts." I cringed as I remembered the orchids he had sent and I had destroyed.
Tristan jumped up at the mention of gift and came to stand in front of Edward. "For me?"
"Yes." He handed Tristan the box and knelt down to help him remove the lid. "I remembered you said you enjoyed the zoo." he explained.
Inside the box was zoo play set with hand carved, wooden animals. I was stunned; this was not what I had expected at all. They spent a few minutes looking at the set and discussing which animals were included. I took in the surreal scene with cautious optimism. Edward seemed genuine as he interacted with Tristan but I also knew his demeanor could change quickly. As soon as that thought entered my mind, I witnessed Edward's small but warm smile grow cold as he rose and addressed me once more.
"We should go, the car is waiting." His eyes raked over me but only met my own for a fleeting second.
Tristan took my hand as we followed Edward out. In the brief moments that passed as we waited for the elevator, Tristan smiled up at me and I wondered briefly if he did know this man was his father. Edward's fists were pushed into his pockets as he simply stared at the elevator doors with a blank expression. I was overcome with the urge to touch; to soothe his shoulders with my hands; run my nails over his taut forearms and release his tense fists. The elevator finally chimed and I pushed the thought away, ashamed.
When we reached the car, the driver was waiting and opened the door for us. Tristan and I slid in; Edward took the seat across from us. Tristan was practically bouncing with excitement. This was his first time in a limo, or at least the first time he could remember. He brushed his hands over all of the buttons lightly and gazed up at the moon roof. I glanced at Edward who was observing Tristan with a measure of uneasiness. Edward crossed his arms, then brought one hand up in order to rub his forehead. He exhaled loudly before placing his hands on his knees.
"Would you like to open the moon roof?" He blurted out.
Tristan nodded with enthusiasm as Edward showed him which button to push. Wind rushed in through the window and my son squealed with delight before smiling at Edward. Edward returned the smile until he looked at me. As soon as his eyes met mine, the smile faded and his eyes became glacial before he turned to stare out the side window. It hurt me more than it should have but I pushed it away and focused on Tristan's excitement for the rest of the short drive.
When we arrived at the restaurant we were seated almost immediately. I was proud of Tristan's table manners; he wasn't the typical crying or fidgeting child everyone hates to sit near and he was in a particularly good mood tonight. It also didn't hurt that Edward ordered two portions of calamari which completed his coup, Tristan seemed to have forgiven him for the late night disturbance. In fact, they were getting along better than I could have hoped. For some reason my stomach was still tied in knots.
Thirty minutes later I was pushing striped bass around on my plate when Tristan asked, "How are you and my mom friends if you live so far away?"
Edward clenched his jaw almost imperceptibly before answering. "I was here, in the city. We were both lost and...your mother helped me find my way. She didn't seem to need me so much though." He smiled with a hint of sadness at our son. Tristan looked satisfied with the answer.
"So I hear your having a birthday party?" Edward effectively changed the subject.
"I am! It's...when Mom?" Tristan asked impatiently.
"Next weekend."
He barely let me finish, "Next weekend. We were going to the cabin but it was full. Mom's giving me a dinosaur party at home. Wanna come?" I froze.
Edward removed the napkin from his lap and placed it loosely folded to the left of his plate. "I want us to be friends too, Tristan, of course I'll come to your party." He seemed so sincere but I was still skeptical, this change was all too sudden.
The rest of the meal went just as smoothly. Edward ordered dessert for Tristan but I declined. I wanted to excuse myself to visit the restroom but was hesitant to leave the table. As it was, I already felt like an observer. Edward had yet to directly address me, Tristan asked me a few questions but was mostly interested in impressing his new "friend". I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I couldn't understand Edward's demeanor; he was reasonable on the phone yesterday. Why was he suddenly so cold to me and open and warm to Tristan. I spent so much time trying to convince him to meet Tristan like this and had made no progress. What had changed? My emotions were all over the place. If Edward backed away again, Tristan would be crushed. Then again, what if Edward decided that he wanted to be a father after all, but I wasn't fit to be the mother of his son? And why wasn't he paying any attention to me, was he already bored? Why did I care so much? I knew with absolute conviction that Tristan had to be our first consideration, our only concern. Still, I felt as if I was being denied. Like something I wanted desperately was being held just out of reach.
It was well past Tristan's bedtime when we returned to the car; he was asleep within minutes with his head resting on my arm. As beautiful as he was to me all the time, there was just something about his face while he was sleeping. He was innocent and pure, an angel completely vulnerable to all the evils in the world with only me to protect him. Sometimes it made me want to weep. I traced his cheek with my finger and he smiled.
"That went well." I addressed Edward when I noticed him watching us.
He quickly faced the window again. "What did you expect?" His jaw was tight again.
"I'm not sure what I expected. You just seemed like you weren't interested..."
"Carlisle has done well," he interrupted me. Then under his breath, "Maybe that's why you keep him around."
My anger flared, "Carlisle has helped me in so many ways since well before Tristan was born. He has been a wonderful role model. Carlisle has been a good friend to me. "
"Well, you have so many friends now don't you?" He smirked with contempt.
It was clear what he was insinuating. His comment stung and I could tell by the satisfied look on his face that he had meant for it to do just that. I was so angry that my eyes became blurry as I willed myself not to cry in front of this man. How dare he continue to suggest that I was some sort of slut, he knew nothing about me! I resolved to deal with his insults when my son was sleeping within earshot. It was my turn to find escape through the side window as I held Tristan a little tighter. The car was silent except for Tristan's even breathing.
"Do you ever think about our time together?" He asked as we neared Charles Street. I was shocked by his question, even more so by how his smug expression had changed to remorse.
I wasn't sure how to answer, "Not... until recently." At least it was honest.
It was not the answer he was looking for. The tension was back in full force when we pulled up to my building. I leaned over slightly to try and rouse Tristan but Edward stopped me.
"I've got it, just get out." He waved me off.
I watched as he knelt in front of Tristan and hesitated briefly before picking him up. When he backed out of the car his arms were securely around my son. If his face hadn't revealed his discomfort I would have sworn he had done this before. The doorman quickly opened the door for us and I led the way back up to our condo. After unlocking the door, I followed them and watched Edward place Tristan gently on his bed. He stood back, observing the sleeping boy for a brief moment.
I decided to give him some space so I went to the kitchen to put on some water for tea. Edward found me there a few minutes later. He stood at the far side of the counter. He watched me as I turned to remove a few cups and sweetener packets from the cabinet. I was uneasy because it was just the two of us again.
"Thank you for dinner, Edward. Tristan had a really good time." My anger had faded and I was trying to end the evening on a positive note. He looked a little dazed. Probably overwhelmed, children had a way of doing that sometimes.
"You will be coming to the party right? I mean, he expects you now." I turned to find him standing between me and the counter. I tried not to let his closeness phase me. I barely brushed up against him when I put the cups down but dropped a few of the white packets on the floor.
"I told him I would be there and I intend to keep my word." Though his voice was harsh, his eyes were inviting as he leaned even closer.
This was the closest I had been to him all evening and a part of me rejoiced that I finally had his attention. I felt his hands move just above my shoulders though they failed to make contact. His hands ghosted down my arms and passed my hips. The anticipation of his touch was like the crackle of lightening in the air. My pulse was pounding in my ears as I braced my hands against the counter behind me to avoid pulling him to me. He moved down to kneel in front of me, both hands hovering above my thighs, then calves. The pull only stopped once he reached my ankles. He reached to pick up the sugar packets and then, just as slowly, made his back up using one hand to make me shiver instead of two. He paused and moved closer when he reached the hem of my dress, his fingers gathered the fabric and raised it to reveal my thighs. I felt his warm breathe everywhere and I struggled not to gasp. I looked down to find him studying my face; he let the material go and resumed his path back to my shoulders.
Edward placed his hands on either side of my body, caging me in. There was still a sliver of space between us and I began to wonder if it was his incredible control or some other mysterious force that kept it there, the area itself felt alive. That line of thought was broken when he leaned in and I felt his breathe start on my collar bone. The warmth of his lips drifted above my throat. With his face inches from mine, I could smell the sweetness of wine on his breath and I was desperate to taste. His eyes were dark but vivid as he came even closer; his lips parting. I closed my eyes and waited to receive him but was met with his voice instead.
"I always keep my promises Ms. Swan." It was a whisper that sent a shiver down my spine.
I opened my eyes and he was already at my door. I was at loss for words. How could I, again, be so ready to give myself to him? My son was sleeping in the next room; I still needed to remove his shoes and help him into his pajamas. My eyes fell to the floor; I felt guilt, shame, rejection. I looked back at Edward who was wearing a satisfied smile.
He opened the door but turned briefly, "And Ms. Swan, I prefer honey with my tea." Then he was gone.
It felt as if all the air in the room had left with him. I straightened my dress and went to my phone, desperate to end the heavy silence.
"Hello?" Alice picked up on the second ring.
"He's gone." I turned to gather the crumpled sugar packets from the counter and threw them in the trash.
"How did it go?"
"Could you and Rose just come over?" I knew Rose would be staying with Alice tonight. They both anticipated that I would need them and they were right though I had no idea how I was going to explain my current state.
"Sure, we're on the way." Her voice was thick with concern.
"The door's unlocked, come on in."
I went to Tristan's room to make him more comfortable. He looked so peaceful. Tonight had gone wonderfully where he was concerned. If Edward's interaction with him was all that I knew, I would be proud to tell my son that Edward was his father. It was his behavior with me that gave me pause. He was basing our relationship on a history I knew nothing about. However, it was clear now that he was at least going to respect my wishes to refrain from our more physical interactions. We could build a new relationship as Tristan's parents with no need to revisit the past. He was a grown man, he would get over whatever grudge he was holding and we could be civil.
We would all be fine.
A/N: I would like to thank my amazing betas: nise7465 and GracieHartford; and my wonderful pre-reader: fit2bme. They put up with my silly and sometimes repetitive mistakes, all for you. This chapter has been greatly improved due to their input; any mistakes are my own. I would like to thank everyone who has made it this far for reading. I have really enjoyed reading all of the reviews and I would love to hear your comments on this chapter as well.
