Author's note: Hey everybody! this is my very first fanfic and i'm really nervous and hope you guys like it! i just really love susan and caspian as a pairing and i am fascinated by the relationship between the pevensie siblings. plz PLZ tell me what you think. Too much? too short? funny? pathetic or is it crap? plz tell me what you think

disclaimer: sadly, i dont own Narnia. c.s. lewis does


Susan stared into the soft brown eyes of the gorgeous king, struggling to force the words past the enormous lump in her throat. Caspian stared back into her beautiful blue eyes, his face twisted in pain and his dark eyes clouded with grief. Determined to be as strong as possible when his heart was breaking, he forced himself closer to the girl he had to leave forever. Angry tears burned in his chocolate brown eyes. No, Aslan would not be so cruel. He couldn't help repeating to himself although he knew it wouldn't make her stay.

"I wish we had more time together," he whispered, his voice cracking. Susan gave a weak smile, too upset to respond. She grasped his big scarred hands in hers and slowly turned back, the pain reflected in every muscle in her body. The king lowered his head, determined to hide the hot tears threatening to spill over his cheeks. Nothing could ever compare to this kind of pain. It was like his heart was on fire, writhing and breaking in his chest. He hadn't realized how much he loved her until now, when she was standing a foot away from him, looking so beautiful, with tears swimming in her gorgeous eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything to change Aslan's mind but before he knew it Susan's soft hands were against his face and her lips were pressed against his. Shocked, he wrapped his arm around her waist and his other on the small of her back. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever even imagined she would ever kiss him. Sure, he had imagined them kissing so many, many times but he had always been the one to kiss her.

He breathed in her sweet smell as he held her tight and pressed her against his heart. After what seemed just a few moments Susan pulled back and looked at him, her face wet with tears. She buried her head in his chest and threw her arms around Caspian's waist. Susan was grateful he hugged her so tightly because his strong arms were the only things keeping her from falling apart. She paused, wondering if it was possible for her heart to physically break. The Telmarine King dipped his head and softly kissed her shoulder blade. "Stay," he pleaded, his deep voice shaking…

"Su, Su wake up, Susan,'' Peter whispered urgently, shaking his sister awake. "Susan, Susan, stop, wake up!" he pleaded frantically. Startled, Susan jolted awake to see the sad worried faces of her brothers leaning over her bed. She looked questioningly at her brothers, angry at them for waking her from her dream.

"You were calling his name again," Edmund said quietly after a long pause. Susan lowered her head in shame, to embarrassed to look at her over-protective older brother. Another long pause. Peter sighed and sat down on the bed next to her, cautiously, he reached for her hand. "You have to let him go Sue. It's been a year. All you do is sit in that train station crying. No matter how long you sit there he isn't just going to walk off one of the trains. I know you liked him Su but you have to move on. You can't live like this anymore, it's not healthy. You have to stop," Peter said. It scared him to see his baby sister so upset but it was irritating living with someone who sat around moping all day.

Anger flashed through Susan as her older brother spoke. He didn't understand. He didn't understand how close she and Caspian had gotten during their short month together. He didn't understand how it took every fiber of her being to walk away from Caspian forever. He didn't understand the incredible pain and suffering she constantly felt; as if her heart was constantly on fire, burning away into didn't understand how much it hurt to think about him and see boys who looked like him every day. He didn't understand her.

Without another word Peter stood up and went back to bed, shaking his head. Susan leaned her head against the wall sobbing, the tears soaking into her brown curls. She constantly felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest every second of every day. And she had tried. She had tried so, so hard to move on, to let go of Caspian. To everyone else, Susan seemed like the average beautiful, shy, sweet, logical girl she had always been. Her parents had even been fooled by her fake smiles and forced laughter before they went to America for her father's job. But those who knew the real Susan saw the heartache and pain she tried so desperately to hide. Susan drew her knees up to her aching chest and cried out her continual sorrow into her pajama pants.

Edmund turned to follow Peter but paused hovering* in the doorway awkwardly, not sure what he could possibly say to comfort his older sister. (Edmund wasn't much for heartfelt conversations). "S-Su? Susan?'' he stuttered nervously. Startled, Susan looked up at her little brother. Edmund cringed at her tear-stained, red face and her puffy eyes. "What. What Ed? "She said expectantly between sobs. "I'm so, so sorry sis,so sorry" he choked out lamely, taking a small step towards her. Fresh tears slid down Susan's beautiful face and new sobs renewed in her chest. Edmund forgot his awkwardness and immediately strode across the floor and perched himself on the edge of her bed; she needed him. He wiped a tear away with his thumb and brushed a tangled curl out of her red face. She looked up at him with her tear-filled eyes and threw herself into his arms. She buried her head into his chest, clenching her fists in his shirt powerfully and cried uncontrollably.

Edmund wrapped his arms around his sister and rested his cheek on the top of her head. He squeezed his big sister lovingly and stroked her hair just like he had all those years in Calormen... He could feel the hot tears soaking into his shirt as he whispered comforting words in her ears, desperately trying to calm her down. He had never seen her so … broken. Well, except after Rabadash. Edmund growled and held her tighter at the horrible memory. (Just thinking of that arrogant creep and what he tried to do to his sister made his blood boil and his vision blur with red). Without a hint of embarrassment he gently settled them on the bed and pulled the covers over them, tucking the soft quilts under Susan's chin and carefully shifting her onto his shoulder. He locked his arms around her and wiped away her tears and kissed her hair until her breathing slowed down and she eventually stopped crying ." I love you so much Susan," he whispered softly as she finally drifted off to sleep in his arms after hours of crying.


The cold wind rushed through his long dark hair as Destrier's mane slapped against his face. The moon shone on the old forgotten path, the sound of the horses' hooves clapping against the dirt ringing through the forest. The silence in the woods cleared his crowded head and soothed his sore heart. After what seemed like decades Destrier slowed to a halt as Caspian mechanically jumped off the horse and fell on his knees in front of the towering oak tree, his broken heart throbbing and writhing in his chest.

This clearing had been Caspian's escape for two long years. To him this lonely clearing was a sacred place; it was the last place he had seen her. It was also the place he had made his greatest had walked through this very tree "to leave me forever," Caspian thought bitterly. The last three years had been agonizing for him. He had tried to move on, tried to forget about them. Forget about her but forgetting about your first love is impossible, especially if you know she is the only one you will ever love.

He tried to convince himself in the beginning that it was for the best and that everything was okay. When he started seeing her in his dreams and every time he closed his eyes he finally realized that it wasn't for the best and everything was not okay.

That's why Caspian had spent every night possible here. He understood why Peter and Susan had to leave but he couldn't help praying that someday that portal would open again and the kings and queens of old would step out.

Caspian pressed his battle scarred hands to the bark of that sacred tree, willing for the portal to open. He ran his hand around the rough old bark, closed his eyes and replayed every moment of the short month the Pevensies had been in his life.

Every smile, every sideways glance, every word they had shared came back to them. Every time their hands had accidentally touched, every second sent a wave of happiness through him, when truthfully; it only carved the scars deeper into his heart.

He had been euphoric those four glorious months Edmund and Lucy had spent with him on the Dawn Treader. Being with Edmund and Lucy had made him feel almost whole; like there wasn't a giant gaping hole in the middle of his chest. When Caspian was with the Pevensies he felt like he was a part of their tight-knit family. He would have risked anything for the Pevensies in a heartbeat.

The news that the two younger Pevensies had been in Narnia for their last time had plunged him back into his depression and torn him apart seam by seam. Lucy and Edmund had been the only things that kept him going on the Dawn Treader. They were his family and he loved them to death. And now he had had to lose them too.

Caspian hastily pulled his hand off the bark of that oak tree; the pain of what could have been searing into his heart. He felt so consumed in pain all the time and so broken all the time and he just couldn't take it anymore. With a heartbroken sigh and tears prickling his eyes, the Telmarine King mounted his steed and rode back to reality.

He couldn't help wondering if Susan ever thought of him or if she even missed him at all…