Title: Mom was Right
Chapter 2: Love
Rating: T
Status: In progress
Disclaimer: I claim the plot. Nothing more.
Summary: She realized with her mother's advice that the love she deserved could only be found in a man who wasn't ashamed to say "I love you". KagomexKouga
Inspiration: Recently realizing there's a growing trend in the fanfic world to accept and promote that it's ok for significant others to not say "I love you". I find that to be a boatload of malarkey.
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When she watched Rin running around the field collecting wild flowers for her Sesshomaru-sama, Kagome confirmed to herself with a self depreciating smile that… she was right.
And that Inuyasha was wrong.
Wrong for her.
She had been struggling day in and day out for years to understand him. She had desperately sought his approval by forgoing her needs and placing his ahead of everything else. Hoping, praying, and wishing that he would recognize her contributions, her self-improvements.
Honest acknowledgement was all she wanted, for him to accept her without his biting sarcasm. And she had worked so hard that she had forgotten what it was like to be at ease and happy with him.
And it stung.
Knowing this didn't make her feel any better.
If anything it made her heart ache even more.
Because how stupid had she been to not realize this before?
Breathing in the crisp and fragrant air was agonizing. Because as she watched Rin joyously collecting those ridiculously bright flowers, she saw how that little girl knew without a doubt that Sesshomaru would accept her small gift.
Kami!
Sesshomaru, Sesshomaru of all the stoic, terrifying, and imposing demons, could accept a bouquet of flowers from a gap toothed giggling little human girl and yet his supposedly over emotional and too foolish of a half- brother would vehemently avoid her and her earnest labors of love?
What kind of new screwed up world did she live in now?
Somberly she stared at her hands remembering the few times they were in Inuyasha's own. She had truly treasured those moments even if they only happened because of a particularly scarring near death experience. Because when they did hold hands, it was like they were making sure they were still alive and there right beside the each other.
And those moments were exceptionally beautiful because that was like a declaration of their attachment to each other.
However as she watched the Taiyoukai pat the girl on the head before taking hold of that dreadfully put together bunch of flowers she cringed. That was the type of muted, comforting, and continuously evolving show of love that she had never experienced.
Yet that little girl had expected his gesture of fondness as if it were commonplace.
And he, that terrifying demon, knew what she wanted automatically. And he complied with her simple wish of affection with little preamble in a practiced ease.
They had a routine.
Together, just like her mother had always said, they could depend on each other to act a certain way. They could act comfortably with each other because of this perpetual habit. And they had absolute trust in it. Enough so they knew they wouldn't be let down.
As she stared back down at her hands Kagome realized that the only time she had complete trust in Inuyasha was in knowing that he would keep her alive.
Of course that was significant in itself. He wouldn't just leave her for dead.
But still…there were no small bouts of affection she could count on happening without fail.
She couldn't rely on him to put her mind at ease. More often than not he would avoid her at all costs when she was upset.
And he rarely sought her out himself. Even after they fought and he was clearly in the wrong she was never sure if he'd apologize or not. Did that mean he always expected her to go crawling back to him? Or did he just seek her out when it was convenient to him? Either way, it was upsetting.
There was nothing but uncertainty.
His constant uncertainty.
He never made it a habit to indicate through small gestures to show some reassurances of his own. And when he did, he never did it with ease. He would make a big awkward and horribly upsetting predicament of it.
Being with him was uncomfortable.
Constantly tip toeing around him was nerve wracking. And stupidly, so stupidly, she had written it off as him just being socially inept and unused to kind gestures.
But they had known each other for years. And he should know better. And yet he didn't.
He didn't accept her when he didn't accept her actions.
Her care.
Her words.
Or her love.
How pathetic was it that she had just realized this now? Had she been forcing her feelings on him this whole time?
Was it stupid of her to be comparing Inuyasha to his supposedly emotionally stunted brother? Was it worse that she still found him to be lacking?
And how wretched was it to realize that everything she had once absolutely known to be true about love was completely wrong?
Bitterly she could see it now.
The small tilt of Sesshomaru's lips in regards to his ward as she beamed back at him.
That.
That was love. Trusting body and soul to another.
Kami.
That little girl was bursting with exuberance. She couldn't even recall the last time she felt something like that...
Her hands shook as her heart plummeted into the pit of her stomach.
Love.
It sounded like a dirty word.
… … … …
A/N: Decided that I'm going with the short chapter format. No fear. That means there will just be a lot more chapters! Also, I know, I promised Kouga this chapter. But I don't want this to be let's rush to the mush! So to put him for the sake of it would have been negligent on my part.Next chapter will be up in a day. I'm not cruel enough to promise Kouga then just not deliver. Much love for all my readers!
